hi, im new to this page but am excited to here your thoughts and any suggestions you may have. I’m 20 and have only had one sexual partner my whole life but i just feel like somethings missing in the sex aspect. The foreplay and everything is amazing but i’ve never actually come from penetration with him. Now i know some woman aren’t able to come from penetration alone and i wouldn’t even bring this up if it wasn’t for the case of i can come penentrationally from toys. Am i the problem, Is this something we need to talk about.
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Hello and welcome 
You definitely should talk about it, and everything else that’s good/not so good. You might find that’s enough to get you relaxed enough to come, but it’s possible the difference with using a toy is the way you hold it, the angle of penetration, size, pressure, speed, amount of lubrication, any other stimulation you use, maybe even just the kinkiness of using the toy.
Neither of you is to blame or “the problem.” You just need to talk, enjoy what you do and have fun experimenting. One thing you could try is to let him watch you using your favourite toy and tell him what you like, and let him use it on you. That might help you both understand what’s different.
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@PBanks hi and welcome sorry to hear of your story. I see you can orgasam from toy penetration can i ask do you orgasam from clit stimulation either with toys or fingers. Just try to relax and dont put to much pressure on yourselves
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Hi and welcome!
I don’t think there is necessarily a “problem”, just there are often differences in how someone masturbates and how they have sex and they can be the difference between orgasming and not.
With partnered sex there is someone else involved (obviously) so our attention is divided between our own pleasure and theirs. This can means things can take a bit longer and/or we aren’t getting constant stimulation, unlike solo play.
Timing is also a thing. Unless you orgasm easily vaginally, generally it will take women longer to orgasm through penetration than most men last (no shade at men on that). During foreplay, do you stick to external zones or is there some g spot/a spot stimulation? The more turned on and closer to orgasm you are, the easier it will be. Even if you are close to a clitoral orgasm, that will help.
Toys are designed with pleasure in mind, whereas penis design is more about function. Size and shape will play a factor here on whether they are hitting the right spots. Also, unless you are only using a dildo, toys can have added features that penises don’t and can’t replicate like perfect movement, vibration etc.
What positions have you tried during sex? Positions where you can grind and get some clitoral stimulation will help your ability to orgasm. Positions like doggy may help him get deeper if that’s what you need, but it does lack the external clitoral stimulation. I’d suggest experimenting to work out what’s more important for you.
Is this something you are thinking about during sex or after? If you are thinking about it at all during sex, that won’t help your chances of orgasm.
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A toy and a penis aren’t really comparable. They do different things, look and feel different too. My dildo does not do the things that his penis does for me, most of the time my dildo sits unused. Also you’re operating the toy and you’re not operating the penis. Add in some clit stimulation to help you orgasm.
Sex should be fun, as long as you’re enjoying everything that’s happening, then it’s a good time and you can orgasm in whatever way you want but talk it out with him. Tell him how you like it. Many times after I’ve had penetrative sex, I make myself orgasm bc I wanted one more, he either watches me or does it for me. That does tend to get things going again too.
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Perhaps introduce toys into the mix with you both then switch with the BF when it’s time.
Be relaxed.
Wish I’d had the introduction with a partner with toys a lot earlier / younger as it’s a great enhancement to the enjoyment + I love the sight.
If you have the toys and confidence to bring them out, go for it, or enjoy your solo time for different orgasms.
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Welcome to the forum.
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Welcome to the forum 
do you find your mind wonders and loses focus when having sex?
This often is a common thing for some people who have an overactive mind
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You are most definitely not the problem, and there isn’t even a problem as such because its so common what you’re experiencing. I’m 42, and I don’t orgasm during sex. That’s why I love toys so much.
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My wife doesn’t often have an orgasm when we have PIV sex but she always does when I go down on her. I suspect this is the case for a lot of women.
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