Please help me orgasm for the first time!

Am new to his site, so firstly apologies for this thread, I am guessing it comes up a lot?

So, am happily married to my husband - 10 year anniversary this month. We have had a major sexual awakening in the last few weeks and have been having a great time with other couples, me with another woman and just really good sex with my husband. All happy, happy.

However, in spite of all this fun, I still never come. Even when i had three people working on me at once! I was in a total state of pleasure and relaxed, but still, nothing. It's very hard for the people who are trying to get me there and actuall,y it's making me feel sad. I'm not lying there worrying about it though, so thats not whats stopping me either.

Over the years and before the added recent naughtiness I came to just accept that there is something wrong with me. However, my hsuabnd suggested that mgiht not be the case and should seek GP advice. Since then, I have been reading up on the female orgasm, and it seems really unlikely there is anything physically wrong. I should be able to do this.

So folks, I need advice please. I am doing my self-love homework. I am purchasing kegel balls to make sure my pelvic floor is tight enough, but I also need some new toys. Suggestions please. In fact, any advice you can offer would be great. I'm not sure what to do. Thanks xx

Am 

It may sound like a dumb question but because you mentioned kegels it had me wondering. Do you try to stimulate your clit of are only trying to come through penetration?

Hi. Like you I had never been able to climax for years. This has recently changed. From what I have read online and on books very few women climax through penetrative sex alone. The cliterous is the place to be either alone in self play or during sex itself. I joined this forum after frustrating times with my own sex life and my oh of 10 years not understanding. I was suffering with vaginal dryness but mainly down to just not letting go enough and knowing what felt right for me. I invested in a clit vibe only a very cheap one in the 3 for 10 offer that love honey run and started to spend a lot of time exploring myself. It took a while but I can safely say that I am enjoying orgasam every time I use said toy now and it feels great. It takes time and patience but it's been worth the effort and time.

Bagpuss and mamz - thank you. Mamz - I have a dildo and a separate bullet clitoral vibrator. The clit vibrator is quite good and pleasurable and gives me pleasure. On my own i tend to just use that.

Bagpuss - thank you for you help and openness. I think I need to much more play on my own. I used to think it was my hsubands fault, but then after reading lots, discovered that i should be able to make myself come. It was soo good being able to say this to my husband and him not having to carry the guilt nad blame. Poor guy. :-)

Morning. No worries with the advice. It's what we are all here for. Without this forum my pleasure and sex life is far worse! I can't recommend the clit vibe highly enough. I love mine and now use it daily, most times I climax within a few minutes. I can also recommend audio erotica. A site called literotica. Totally amazing and does the job. I can recommend stories if you are interested.

Hi well-done for posting it can't of been easy

You have worked it out mostly . physically all women are capable of the pleasure of orgasm and deserve to experience iit.

Its not an easy subject to discuss on an open forum but you've posted on just about the most caring an helpful one you are posting on.

Forgive me if I touch a nerve or even upset you but its almost undoubtedly mental. Its usually upbringing or embarrassment. A strict upbringing or even deeply religious can have a hugely detrimental effect on a down sexual happiness.

I do not wish to elaborate for fear of upsetting anyone.

However it can all be overcome in time relaxation and trust.

Try setting up a weekend of pampering and relaxation. The key is not to make or gaming the goal just enjoy the attention and try to relax do not worry about letting yourself go, how you look or what might hpen physically.

Good luck

Totally understand where you are at. I myself have not been able to orgasm on my own or with my partner.

I have been going to counselling for it which hasn't helped! Also my partner is really understanding and patient with me but it's only been since I got with him that I have faced up to the "issue". I have purchased a few items to try and help.

I have been through a few tough reaction ships which may have changed my feelings towards sex and made me not face them.

I really hope you can experience a orgasm soon. I Know how frustrating it can be X

I think it's 90% a mental hurdle, and 10% finding what you like the feel of. I have a huge mental issue with recieving oral sex and there is just no way I'm ever going to like it let alone orgasm that way.

Im a fiercely practical king of girl so I have a few suggestions.

1. Get a set of Kegal balks and wear then when your alone, I started wearing mine at home doing the housework. They get me very hot under the collar and I just have to go play with myself. Even if they don't do this for you they will be toning up your muscles.

2. Maybe try a remote control vibrating love egg. These can be inexpensive. You can give the remote to your OH so he is I charge of your pleasure. Why not go shopping to a supermarket while wearing the egg and you OH in control. The risk of people knowing could be a real turn on too.

3. Sensory play, blindfolded, either you or your OH, and tease with ice cubes, popping candy, feathers a leather belt, pretty much anything. Being blindfolded enhances your other senses. It might also open your mind to weather your naturally a dominant or submissive person. If you find you love the control and power over your OH by blindfolding or restraining them, you could be a Dom, but if you prefer to be recieving the treatment, more of a sub.

It's definatly worth having a bath and a glass of wine or two and exploring your own pleasure. I. Sure it will happen, it's just about finding the right thing for you.

Have you never orgasmed in any circumstance in your life?

If so, have you ever had any experience of anything that could resemble an orgasm, a relase of tension in a sexual setting for example?

The reason I ask is when I was younger I thought I had never orgasmed, although I often masturbated, because it had been described as this incrediable explosion and intense pleasure. Turns out there are many kinds of orgasm, and some of them are much more intense than others. When I relised that release of tension and feeling of calm afterwards, was an orgasm, of sorts, it really took the pressure off. Reconising the feeling as an orgasm meant I could build on it, and explore my body and what leads to the most intense feeling. I found a powerful bullet vibe on my clit is the quickest way for me to have a great orgasm.

The second thing I would say, is try to put all thought of the time its taking and how other people may be feeling when you're in a group sex situation. This only will make it more unlikely to happen. Try instead to focus on how your body feels and tell your lovers to adjust waht they're doing if its not working for you.

I agree with the above advise about exploring, partularly clit stimulation, and blind folds.

I would also say it is near impossible for me to come when I've had any alcohol, so avoid that (I think it's depressent effect on the brain makes orgasm much less likely).

I hope this is somewhat helpful. Good luck :)

bagpuss356 wrote:

Morning. No worries with the advice. It's what we are all here for. Without this forum my pleasure and sex life is far worse! I can't recommend the clit vibe highly enough. I love mine and now use it daily, most times I climax within a few minutes. I can also recommend audio erotica. A site called literotica. Totally amazing and does the job. I can recommend stories if you are interested.

Hi Bagpuss356. I'd be interested in the audio erotica you mentioned please? Sounds like the perfect solution for those nights when OH is on shifts.

Welcome to the forums! I noticed that you said you've tried toys before, but were they good quality ones? I saw a woman on a documentary who had similar difficulties and she tried a toy, it didn't work and she was gutted. I was practically screaming at the TV NOOOO! DON'T GIVE UP BECAUSE A CHEAP BATTERY OPERATED JELLY TOY DIDN'T DO IT FOR YOU!

Anyway, here's a little shopping list of things that may help you - I've tried all except the book, so you can click on my name and scroll through my profile if you want to read my reviews.

Try starting with this book about how to DIY: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34290

Strengthening your pelvice floor muscles could really help. I personally love this toner: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32417 but try the 3 step system if that one seems to heavy: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20747

These toys are amazing for locating the elusive g-spot and the rosa is also an amazing clit vibrator, so it's like 2 in 1. It's expensive, but well worth it - google a discount code:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30909

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32877

These are brilliant clit stimulators:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35579

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21149

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33367

Remember to get some good quality lube as well - I highly recommend the Sliquid ones. Good luck, and let us know how you get on!

not sure if this is helpful or not, but my wife seemed to be in a similar situation until two things changed:

1) sex became much better for her after - yes after - our first child... and then again and again after children 2 and 3. It seems that something changed her sensitivity, naturally, each time.

2) she tried being on top. she only orgasms when on top and nowadays can get there in 5 minutes...

14 years ago I though she would never enjoy an orgasm, but time and children have certainly helped. Hope this helps?

SambaGirl , the site is called Literotica and has written and audio stories . There is a thread on here called Erotic reading ( sorry I can't post links ) where we've been recommending different stories to each other .
It should certainly keep you busy while your OH is on shifts ;)

Jezebella wrote:


The reason I ask is when I was younger I thought I had never orgasmed, although I often masturbated, because it had been described as this incrediable explosion and intense pleasure. Turns out there are many kinds of orgasm, and some of them are much more intense than others.

This is so true. The first time I had an orgasm I wasn't sure it was one! I definitely had a "is that it?" moment.