My FBF has just asked as I’m Bi when I lost my virginities!? I first had straight sex at the legal age of consent and gay sex at 18 so she says I effectively lost it twice. EDITED BY MOD. She understands that but says if she had lesbian sex then that would be a first time for her so she would have lost gay virginity. She’s not being offensive or dismissing my opinion it’s just the way she’s see it and one of our open chats.
So what’s your opinions? 
@Yes_man - I agree with you. Sex is sex. The first time you have sex, that’s your “virginity” gone. Not that I hold any store by virginity!
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I hate to be forum police, but you’ll need to edit out your youngest age. LH is 18+
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Virginity is a social construct so define it how ever you wish, it’s just a word. If your definition of a virgin is someone who has not been penetrated by another person or someone who hasn’t penetrated another person then that would mean a high percentage of lesbians are virgins and people with medical conditions that prevent penetration also are virgins. The dictionary definition is
a. a person who has not had sexual intercourse
b. a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity
So a. depends on your personal definition of sex, some people would say a blow job is sex, some would say only penetration is sex (i.e an intact hymen seen as proof of virginity)
b means you could absolutely say you lost your ‘gay virginity’ in the same way you could say you are a sky diving virgin until the first time you jump out of a plane 
It’s a pretty pointless, meaningless and in some cases harmfull term so basically if you want to say you lost your virginity twice then no reason why not.
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Thanks, X
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No worries, just don’t want anyone in trouble x
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It’s a difficult one because by law its legal and no one is doing anything wrong so it’s a bit strange that saying you lost your virginity at the legal age of consent is breaking house rules. X
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The rules have had a little polish recently and now say (among other things):
Other Restricted Content
- Do not post, link to or reference nonconsensual, illegal or underage content (life at Lovehoney begins at 18)
This used to be:
Please remember that at Lovehoney, life starts at 18 years-old. Any posts referring to sex acts before this age will be deleted.
Maybe @Lovehoney_Brenna can clarify if the language change is significant? It still reads to me like it’s a no-no, though I admit the previous one was more direct.
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I believe they mean basically the same thing because I’m sure that posts stating sexual activities before the age of 18 are edited or removed.
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Virginity is a social construct, not a measurable physiological thing. How someone chooses to define it is really up to them. Does oral sex count? Does fingering/hand jobs? Only penitrative sex? Only heterosexual sex? If someone is sexually abused does that mean they are no longer a virgin?
Trying to define virginity often gets dangerously close to defining conventional heterosexual sex, so I don’t hold much stock in it. You can do all sorts of sex acts for the first time so in my view you can lose your “virginity” as many times as you wish! 
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I look at it two ways, first time you have penetrative sex is losing your virginity.
First time my wife pegs me (hopefully soon) she’ll take my anal virginity.
Also if she gets kinky with it she could even take my oral virginity.
But to go further, should I visit a parallel universe where I’d get to be with a trans girl and my wife wouldn’t kill me, she’d also again take my anal & oral virginity.
So I guess I look at each sexual experience as having its own ‘virginity’ if you will.
Edit: but once someone loses their overall virginity, I don’t think it would be right to try to tell someone they’re still a virgin because “they haven’t had anal yet”
Thinking from a point of view where someone may try to use the loophole to try to make false claims
Lol I guess I could have just liked this post
I’ve edited the rules to make this clearer.
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Ummm I think I have an entire (trigger warning) thread that almost entirely violates those rules. Though contextually I guess it’s ok because it’s still there?
Just didn’t want anything coming back at me and thinking I’m out there just breaking the rules 
I’m pretty sure the “don’t post/references non consensual content” rule is meant more as in don’t link to upskirts, revenge porn etc. I’m sure the rule is not meant to suppress honest discussion.
Thanks. I figured as much but I wanted to put it out there and be proactive rather than just assume
I agree, because of the context I’m sure it’s OK.
It would have been checked over by now anyway.
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My bum is a virgin when it comes to penetrative sex!
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See, as a lesbian, I would say you at very least need to include stap on and other types of toy related sex and fingering. Lesbians who don’t do anal or oral can certainly still have sex
No doubt there are many, many other forms of sex that don’t seem as obvious but are nonetheless definitely sex. The line of “does this count as sex” is a wibbly wobbly one!
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