Okay, so I posted this on another forum, but have had no replies and want as many opinions as possible.
On to the question.
I consider myself to be a virgin. I'm a lesbian, and I'm nineteen. I would like to lose my virginity. Now, I don't want it to be with some stranger that I'll never see again. But I'm not in a relationship, nor do I expect to be. There is one girl, well, I say girl, she's 21, that I would really like to lose my virginity to. She has a boyfriend, but I know she's had experiences with girls in the context of threesomes. She's definitely bisexual. I love this girl to bits, and I've known her since we were tiny (our mums are best friends, but they lived in a different country from us so we didn't see each other that often). She now lives around half an hour away from me. We see each other quite often, and she knows I'm a lesbian. I have a bit of a past history of abuse, and she knows about it. I would trust her with my life. My question is, if in the hypothetical scenario that her boyfriend would be fine with it, would asking her to take my virginity be a bad idea?
... I'll forever be the one who asked a bizarre question, won't I? :-P
I would say that you need to be as comfortable with him, as you are with her, if he is to be involved in anyway... otherwise; speak with your friend, and arrange a private sleep-over between just the girls!!.. and enjoy :-).
My gut reaction to be honest is that the relationship you have with her could well be changed - and not necessarily for the better. You have to be prepared for the possibility it could be very awkward and difficult afterwards. Whatever you decide to do - good luck and enjoy it!
It's really something you need to think a lot about (Not saying that you havn't done that) Firstly her BF would have to be OK with it, and if he isn't OK with it, it could potentially ruin your friendship as he may have problems with you two continuing to talk.
On the off chance her BF is OK with it (This actually happens my BF is more than happy for me to sleep with females if I so desired to do so) then your friend needs to be OK with it, in the sense that if you do it there's no going back from it, things may get uncomfortable and again you could lose a friend.
Unless OFC you want to do a threeway with her and her BF, in that case you would need to feel comfortable around him
There are cases where these scenarios actually work out; it is just a bit of a coin toss really for which side the coin falls. It's more a case IMO of how much you actually want this and do you want it more than the friendship as it could potentially be lost.
And don't worry..... I've been asked a lot worse, as I'm sure most on here have.
GL.
You could talk to her about wanting to lose your virginity without saying that you would like her to be the one, and see if she broaches the subject herself. You know better than us how she will react. If you don't ask her outright, she can choose whether or not to offer without having to refuse a request that may make her uncomfortable. xx
I don't think it's a bad idea If her BF is ok, etc...
IF you want her to be the one because you're close and you think it'd be kind of cool, and NOT if deep down you wish that she wasn't with her BF but was with you instead...
Hi Emma welcome to the forums. You are in the right place we are all caring and considerate here. There are other virgins who post here as well. I think it's amazing
I am sorry but I can't help but feel a little paternal. It's your body and your life. It does worry me a little that your affections are directed towards some one who is taken. Are you sure it's not just a massive crush? Losing your virginity is a very emotional time how would you feel if she then goes back to her boyfriend and you are left high and dry. Sorry sweetly no very positive. Good luck
Hi Emma . Welcome to the forum. I agee with Gentle Giant on this one. There should be no rush for you to loose your virginity as it is not right of passage but rather someting extremely personal that really should not be lost willy nilly if it is something very special to you, as seems to be the case. Are you putting undue pressure on yourself to loose your virginity? There is no harm in waiting for the right person whith whom you can have a fulfilling relationship rather than a one time deal. Your friend is already in a relationship with a guy so we could assume that is what she wants, so unlikely that she will leave him for you after sleeping with you even if she was to agree. The advice given by Sinner is very sensible as you will be sharing your thoughts with your friend without asking her outright and putting her on the spot. Good luck and let us know the outcome .
Thanks for all your advice, I didn't expect so many answers! You all seem really lovely and helpful, so thank you for taking the time to give me your opinions.
You raised some ideas that I hadn't thought of or considered. I think I'm going to take Sinner's advice and raise the idea without actually mentioning to her that it's her that I would like to lose my virginity to. I'm sleeping over at hers on Monday night - we're going to my very first lesbian bar XD - so will have plenty of time to talk to her.
If it were to happen, I wouldn't involve her boyfriend in any context other than getting his consent. I really, really am not attracted to guys. :-P I'm not so keen to lose my virginity that I would get a guy involved, lol!
Thank you all, and please, keep advising me! You're all very wise.
I have to agree with Gentle Giant again, I think you're doing the right thing by not asking outright straight away though. See what she suggests and if she's the good friend you think her to be I'm sure she'll come up with comforting words. There is no rush to lose your virginity, I for one wish I'd have waited a little longer!!
Hope it all goes well for you. I've found Lovehoney is not a judgemental place at all so any advice you need it'll appear up here :) And best of all, it'll be completely impartial.