No
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speaking from personal or believe you need all aspects?
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Both
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Been in your situation with over a decade of no sexual intimacy at allā¦not even hugs.
Itās hardā¦very hard. Especially when you know you have tried so hard to talk it throughā¦ bought sexy underwearā¦offered to try new thingsā¦etc etcā¦to be rejected time and time again knocks any confidence out of you. You blame yourself and those doubts you have you begin to believeā¦then itās a massive downward spiral.
Only you can decide if love is enoughā¦youāre the one walking in your shoes day in day outā¦someone else can only try them on for a short period of time or look at them brieflyā¦they have no idea how much hurt they may be causingā¦if they rubā¦or on the opposite side how comfortable they are.
Think it throughā¦deep breaths.
I know itās not easy.
Always people here on the forum to support and offer advise and virtual hugs.
Youāre not aloneā¦
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Been with my hubby for 12 years and he has recently been diagnosed with a mental illness and medication has killed the libido and sometimes i ask myself this too. Just here to say you are not alone 
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Iāve been in a similar place myself and it was so hard. I didnāt fully realise how much it took out of me until he eventually left. Things are very different now and Iām coming alive again with a new partner.
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Im hoping tonight is the night as today was the last day of shift.
I counted on my tracking app for cycle we had sex 8 time since nov 19
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Hereās hoping for you !
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We havenāt had sex or foreplay for nearly 12 years now, I just try and focus on making her happy in other ways.
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Itās hard to gauge, if youāre unhappy in some areas itās best to discuss it with your partner. Communication is the best tool for opening up. If it simply doesnāt seem like itās working after what you feel has been enough communication then maybe itās time to do what is best for you.
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We didnāt end up doing anything other than talking for hours on end, it was nice change from normal, he was knackered from so many days in a row and i think when i told him how little we have had sex in last 3 years he finally got what i meant by feeling neglected and somethings wrong. He was in utter shock just 8 times is mad!
He says it will defo change but i did mention maybe i have a really high and he has a low sex drive. We are definetly working on the relationship now
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Opening up & talking was the hardest step for me. Once I got over that hurdle things started moving in the right direction. Hopefully itāll be the same for you! 
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I do hope so i feel so much better in myself too we making changes so we can be closer in bed etc, we got in such a bad pattern that we are now trying to get out of as we both said we dont see or want top be with anyone else.
I feel for you @Offyournickers it must be a very difficult time for you. I am sure with lots of communication you and hubby can find a solution. Hopefully you can support each other.
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Must be hard as the partner i have aswell struggled with mental illness, i have always wondered how it affected my partner as thats who i would go to.
I got the help but i never was on tablets for it, when i was on my low periods i didnāt want sex was the last thing on my mind but now im back to myself i want sex and im wanting my relationship with my partner back.
I was afraid my partner would leave while was struggling with my mental health and said i didnāt blame him if he did but i think that would of broke me.
I hope you can resolve it and talk it out, the talking in last few days and me being very open has helped.
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I know you shared this in relation to talking about someone elses circumstance however I would suggest that this is a huge factor when thinking about how things are with your partner currently.
You say in your first post that in a way you feel neglected, unwanted and unloved. Itās possible that he also felt like this when you were going through your difficult time and so built up walls to prevent him feeling like this. Just because you are now ready, itās possible he still feels a bit reserved. I would suggest you almost need to take sex off the table completely as it sounds like you are focusing a lot on this aspect. I would suggest working on the foundations again - general intimacy and communication. It sounds like you perhaps started this last night but maybe try without having more sex as the end goal as this puts a lot of pressure on it. If you work on the building blocks the rest will likely come.
On the other hand, I am not one to advocate for staying in something you are unhappy in and so if youāre not happy and youāre not on the same page anymore then itās absolutely okay to just recognise that relationship is no longer for you 
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How things was is how my downward spiral started, it was a very low time, i definetly agree on communication and building that back up which we are focussing on but he also is saying on one hand he wants to have sex and builds me up for the nigh time then it goes out the window which is hell of a frustrating. I know sex isnt everything but im getting mixed signals now.
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Fair enough. I was just offering a different perspective Iām absolutely not saying that sex isnāt everything, I think itās so important and can be a deal breaker, but it almost feels like a sticky plaster in this situation (from what Iāve read). Completely get itās disappointing when that happens, but it almost sounds like heās saying yes because he feels the pressure and need, and then when it comes to it itās probably too much pressure again. Hence my suggestion to take sex off the table (for now) and focus on the other things. But you know your situation best
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