by @Mint-Monster , 25/1/2023
Fantasy Veiny Silicone Alien Dildo 6.5 Inch
From outer space to in your face
As an avid monster lover, I was very excited to receive this welcome invader to experiment on for the good of humanity.
I admire the box’s sense of humour which is complete with all the “explore Uranus” puns before you can even think of them yourself. There’s no secret to what’s inside at all - a big alien dick. Very proudly in your face and without shame. Might be a bit of a funny one if you decide to throw out or recycle the box, though. Even if you shredded it up, I bet there would still be some telltale sign of the naughty creature comfort that once lurked inside. Bin folk beware, you might be in for a scare! But if you don’t care what others think, then all the better. I know I don’t.
The metallic purple shaft has a stripey marble effect when you look closely. The base is pretty boring by comparison, but at least it has some texture carved into it to resemble skin or hair. I’m just thankful it doesn’t have any balls as I find them pretty unappealing in general. I usually can’t stand veins on dildos, but they aren’t that off-putting here since the alien-ness takes away any realism that I don’t like. Kinda looks like an aggressive aubergine to me.
The material is more of the shiny, sticky silicone type which makes it feel a bit cheap. This caused discomfort around my lips if I wasn’t amply lubed up. It seemed my own natural lubrication was just barely enough, so I still needed some of the bottled variety to top it off. The extra moisture from shower play was welcome and made things surprisingly fun ‘n’ slick. Any wetness is good wetness when it comes to this. The surface is pretty smooth so even a little can go a long way. It also encouraged me to perform fellatio on it which I don’t normally do, but actually quite enjoyed. Its glossy finish was pleasant in my mouth with the firm ridges and veins reminding me that it’s always at peak pleasure.
The large teardrop shaped base makes it hard to grip during use from this side. A slightly odd design choice since the bottom of the shaft isn’t really this shape to begin with. It doesn’t seem to impact the suction power, though - just holding it by the pointy end as it gets pretty thin there. However, the angles I like are held by the opposite side so this isn’t much of a hindrance to me.
It’s on the firmer side of the shaft spectrum which some people may not like. I prefer my toys with a tad more squish, but this is still fine. On the plus side, this makes it a good thruster and G-spotter. The ridges and general shape add some nice stimulation here and there. They aren’t as apparent since the silicone skin is very slippery when wet, but the further you go down on it, the more they stand out. This even created a “popping” sensation. I only liked using it one way which was to have the flipped tip facing my belly button. Having it the other way just didn’t feel quite right - like using the wrong key in a lock. That paired with the teardrop base makes me think this may have been intentional or something to urge you use it the “right” way.
Now, I like to consider myself an experienced monster lover from my toy collection. A connoisseur of cryptid cocks, if you will. While this one may not be the biggest of beasties, I was still pleasantly satisfied with the length and girth. Starting out thinner at the tip and bulking out near the bottom to gradually take it at your own pace (or slam down on) makes it more suitable for beginners, too. It was able to hit all those sweet spots at the front and back when fully inserted. This also allowed my clit to be stimulated by the base alone which is good if you need to masturbate with limited noise. The base didn’t really get in the way of other vibes either. I particularly liked it with my big wand and clit sucker. Riding it was also super fun and I enjoyed my shower test session with it. It stuck well on my wet room tiles and bottom of my bath. It was only when I leaned too far in one direction that it would eventually give way. Other than the awkwardness of holding it at the pointy edge or banging it “backwards”, I didn’t have any issues using it.
It’s pretty straightforward to clean with soap and water. Some gunk may get in the shaft’s grooves which you can easily get your fingertips inside to be more thorough. You may need to use a brush for the hair-like texture on the base, too. It feels a little less sticky over time, but it’s still a lint magnet. You’re doomed if you drop it on the carpet, put it that way.
Overall, I think it’s a good all-rounder for monster hunters everywhere. While it has some issues, they are easily fixed with some lube or simply twisting the toy to its best position. It’s a good size and shape for any newcumers looking to get into something a bit more “out there” as it’s not overly intimidating. Above all else, I’m stoked that I’m starting to see more fantasy phalluses around here on Lovehoney!
Overall Rating: 
Pros: Fantasy appeal. Rideable. Decent size and shape. Fun in the shower.
Cons: Sticky type of silicone. Needs lube. Teardrop base hard to hold by pointy side. Quite firm.
Bottom Line: Has a few small issues that can be easily worked around. A good all-round monster peen.
