My Reviews

[Peitho]

by @Peitho , 21st July 2021
Lovehoney Swell Yeah Auto Suction Nipple Pumps

A Bite, a Suck and a Unique Sensation

I have a lot of nipple clamps of varying strengths and a fair few nipple suckers/pumps but these are my first powered, pattern, pumping ones.

The packaging is a simple box with all the getting started instructions printed on the outside in a simple list (…though I think one of them is wrong, more about that later.) All the essentials are easy to understand and follow though. Inside you get your new toy and a magnetic charging cable in a separate resealable bag which is a nice touch. You also get a leaflet which is 95% totally irrelevent entitled “External Penile Rigidity Devices” which is a bit bizarre.

Charging is easy, it is not the most secure magnetic charger I have but positioned carefully and not knocked it works fine. All the three button lights flash while the pump charges and light solidly once fully charged.

Now in use… It says to apply a little lube, I found I didn’t need any and in fact the seal was better and more secure without and it is a very good seal. Yes, you can knock them off but for general moving about they’re not going anywhere so good marks there. It is easiest to turn the pump on before attaching them so you get a firm seal straight away. Size wise my nipples didn’t fill the cups but I do only have very petite nipples and if you have large nipples you might not find the cups quite big enough. Once removed my nipples were well pumped though and the areola much darker which is a look I liked.

There are a good range of patterns, short fiercer pumps or slower sucks and they feel surprisingly great like nibbling bites and sucks rather than a constant pumped sensation or the vibrations you can get from vibrating clamps. These feel so much better and are a great turn on. Personally I like the varying rhythms of sharper pumps. I do wish that there was a way to up the strength though as I would like them to be a bit stronger with more of a bite but that is just personal preference.

And before you ask… Of course I have tried one of these on my clit too! It creates a good seal and the sensation is sublime. It doesn’t feel as intense as a suction toy like a womanizer but it’s a different sensation, more of a throbbing and sucking and the strength here is good for me. Easily stays in place in combination with a dildo or vibrator too so it’s very versatile though you do have to connect the 2nd cup somewhere nearby as you can’t get a vacuum seal without both cups attached. Once removed both my nipples and my clit are well pumped and sensitive for whatever comes next.

My favourite thing with these was when I teamed them on my nipples with my Womanizer X Lovehoney InsideOut downstairs… yes, it sounded like a building site had set up work in the bedroom as neither are quiet toys but the sensory sensation was sublime. A superb combination I can’t recommend highly enough if volume is not a concern for you.

The only oddity I found was that the box states you can take the silicone tube out of the pump unit and the pumps should maintain the pressure until you press the release valve. I don’t think this is true or at least I certainly couldn’t work out how to do it. You can take the tube out but immediately all pressure is lost, there is no release valve. Still a useful feature for effective cleaning as the silicone tube and cups can then be thoroughly washed but not useful for the purpose described.

Overall, these are a great addition to playtime both solo and with a partner, they provide a wonderful sensation, teasing and turn on they are the most fun nipple pumps I own because of the unique sensation. If you could keep the patterns exactly as they are but be able to turn up the strength of the vacuum pump these would be perfect for me.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Not showing for some reason and I can’t remember what I wrote

Cons:

Bottom Line:

[Green_Eyed_Girl]

lovehoney plus size hourglass smoothing cup less crotchless body

Forget turtle doves, this is what The 12 days of Christmas should be about.

Apart from two AAA batteries and some lube, everything you could want to have many fun times is in this box and it certainly gives you a taste of all sorts of fun things.
Cant recommend the majority of the toys in here enough and even the ones that weren’t my favourites i had a great time with. Everything works well together and the items are ordered to build on each other, presenting new surprises and additions, which i really enjoyed. It was all high quality and nicely finished as well as fun to use, and I think this set would be alot of fun both solo or with a partner.

Beautifully presented in a purple and gold box, that matches the colour theme for the items, This is without doubt the best advent calendar I’ve ever had and certainly beats chocolate any day of the week. I loved all the different surprises behind the doors and think this would make a great present in its own right.

*****Spoilers past this point. *****

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Rechargeable bullet vibe
This bullet really endeared itself to me. Its a gorgeous shiny purple, pretty Strong and though not incredibly rumbly, is not buzzy either so worked well for me. Its size makes it a perfect travel companion though people with big fingers may struggle to hold it without one of the sleeves. It did mean you could feel the strongest steady speeds in your fingers, but i am actually quite impressed it wasn’t worse due to it being about the length of my thumb and it wasn’t bad enough for me to find it overly distracting.

The patterns where on the whole, nothing to write home about. The usual selection of on/off and morse code types, though i did find several i liked including a very fast revving one that hit the spot nicely.

Volume wise, despite its strength its pretty quiet while in the hand, and cant be heard through my door at all.

The one down side was the fact you have to hold the on button down till it flashes then press it again to turn the vibe on. This is probably some sort of travel lock, but it can be a slight nuisance if you cant see you hand or want to turn the bullet on and off to reduce the speed.

On the whole though, Its definitely a bullet i really enjoyed and would use again.

blindfold
A very pretty shade of purple to match the rest of the set and very soft fabric, especially the velvety lining. It Blocks out the light reasonably well with just a hint leaking in round my nose and fit snugly and securely. Alot of fun to play with and definitely heightens the sensations.

crystal butt plug
This plug is a good size for a beginner and though it doesn’t have the weight of some metal plugs felt great when in. It looked so pretty when in place, with a nice shine to the gem and I can see this looking fantastic with some lingerie. The Tapered Shape also made it easy to insert and it stayed in well once inserted.
I did find the edge of the base rubbed slightly after a while, so not one for extended wear but a pretty bit of bling that definitely felt nice in use.

pleasure cards
I liked these, they where fun and though some where reasonably strait forward suggestions i think the majority of people will find something they want to try. Especially good if your stuck in a rut and i can see myself blind picking one of these to mix things up. You could also probably come up with some interesting games with these.
Quite a few also involved the toys in the calendar (like mixing certain toys together) so if you need inspiration they can be good. I Did wish there where a few more inventive ones though, as i liked the toy suggestions least, but otherwise a fun added extra.

kegel balls
Though you can remove one of the balls to reduce the weight, they fit snugly into the silicone outer and do stay in place well. They’re a good beginner weight, but i personally found them a little on the small side and did struggle to keep them in. If you’ve got decent kegel muscles though they would probably not be an issue. They felt nice and solid though and are definitely a nice added extra to use as a warm up.

vibrating anal beads
I loved these things. They where easy to insert, easy to clean and felt great when in with or without the vibration. The bullet stayed in the loop very firmly (i actually struggled slightly to remove it) so they felt very secure. I wouldn’t recommend using them without the bullet in unless your going to keep your finger through the loop constantly, as it was quite soft without something in it. They felt amazing though popping in and out and where nice and firm. Turning on the vibrations was the highlight though. Wow, so good. All the great qualities of the bullet over a larger area and some of the patterns where just brilliant with this toy.

nipple clamps
Found these a bit hard to tighten first time, but they feel great when adjusted and are good for everything from a gentle squeeze to a firm pinch. the rubber is nice and grippy so they stayed on well when tugged, even when not done up really tightly. the colour and heart charms are also very pretty when on.
Nice for a bit of a twist, fun for all experience levels, especially for beginners and a good addition to my bedside cupboard.

finger vibe sleeve
Nice fun addition to the bullet. The loop in a bit snug and if you have big fingers you may have to really wriggle it on. But i did get it over my thumb, so it is reasonably stretchy with some persuasion. I personally found the vibrations in my finger tip a little distracting, but they still felt good and its a nice toy, especially with a partner.

g-spot dildo
This wasn’t a bad dildo. The silicone is soft and it feels nice when in, but i personally found it a bit small, short and it didn’t really hit my g spot. But if your new to toys, or like something slimmer, i can see this being fun. The bullets vibrations travel really well up the dildo, though getting it out again can be a bit of a struggle (so definitely lube the bullet up a little as it makes retrieving it alot easier).

If you like you dildos anally though, this is a nice choice as its smooth and has a flared base. Its a bit big for a first anal dildo, but the inclusion on the vibrations is nice.

I also found The Suction cup a little iffy and it definitely prefers shiny surfaces. but the dildos short length means its not the best choice for riding anyway and works best when thrust with a hand. Theres also no way to use the suction cup when the bullet is in, as it sticks out slightly.

Personally this one wasn’t for me, but it doesn’t detract from the rest of the set.

mint orgasm balm
Not particularly strong as orgasm balms go, but it gave a nice tingle and definitely made me more sensitive. When applied to my nipples it made them hard almost strait away and had a very pleasing smell. Most importantly, it didn’t set my sensitive skin off. Theres not a massive amount in the pot, but you really don’t need a lot of it, so it should go along way. A nice added extra.

mini wand
Strong but not as strong as he bullet and a bit buzzier especially the highest setting. Not uncomfortably so though and i found it very nice to use (especially on the nipples) though i personally struggled to come with it due to the frequency. A little fiddly to clean but Good as a tease or warm up toy.

womanizer starlette 2
I love this thing. The settings are excellent and go all the way from a good tease to one that made me come quickly with no say in the matter. Some of the intensities had quite big jumps in between then, especially the first and second, but i enjoyed them all. The toy fits well in the hand and I even managed to use it hands free, as the shape is perfect for clamping your thighs around (just try not to grind too much as it did knock the nozzle out of place).

Suction toys aren’t the quietist toys out there, but under the covers or when against the skin this was definitely quiet enough for a shared house.

Control wise, you do have to hold the on button for a while before it turns on, but once its on you can flick up and down the intensities easily, and it switches off nice and fast. Both the buttons are also different sizes so easy enough to identify.

There aren’t any patterns, but what it does have is excellent and definitely enough for me to use it again and again. The only downside is the finickity charging cable, which is quite easy to knock off. But for the intense orgasms this gives me, i’ll happily put up with it any day of the week.

[Peitho]

by @Peitho , 9th October 2020
Aqua Pleasure Rechargeable Water Clitoral Stimulator

Supreme Surging Stream

Well now… this is certainly a new experience and one I will be repeating again and again and again!

The Aqua Pleasure comes in a very attractive and sophisticated box that would make it a beautiful present. It has a brief but complete manual with everything you need to know from charging and operating instructions through a description of the different intensities and patterns and onto full care and maintenance. A pretty gold storage bag is supplied (though I will be keeping it in the box) along with a charger with a magnetic charging mechanism.

The charger supplied comes with a type I Australian plug but Lovehoney also supplied a free UK Universal adaptor block which works brilliantly and it charges easily through this though did in fact arrive fairly fully charged anyway, which was a bonus. Connect the magnetic connector to charge and it’s light starts flashing red, when fully charged this changed to a constant green. The magnetic connector to the toy was a bit sensitive and I had to position the Aqua Pleasure on it’s side to achieve a good constant connection and still see the light. It is possible in future the plug may be changed to a USB or UK plug if given the go ahead?

The Aqua Pleasure does not look like your typical sex toy. You could leave it out and I don’t think anyone just glancing around your bathroom would know what it was. It certainly doesn’t scream sex toy. The darker handle is rubber for a good grip, the main body is hard plastic but since it’s the water you’re in contact with and obtaining all the pleasure from and not inserting any part of it then this works perfectly. Out of the water there is also a fair weight to it but obviously submerged you don’t notice this. There is a single button that you press and hold to turn on and off or press and release to cycle through the intensities and patterns once on. When on there is a green light displayed below the button.

When I first switched it on I think I was expecting something like when you’re a teenager and first experiment with the shower head attached to the bath taps. This is not like that, it is so much more intense, the pressure it builds up to is high and beautifully focused.

Used on it’s own, the Aqua Pleasure is a very effective and very pleasurable. The patterns don’t do a lot for me personally but medium constant intensity then ramped up to high intensity to finish is a win. Used in combination with a waterproof G-spot vibrator this left me a very happy, sweaty mess! Devine.

If you start the motor out of the water, once you submerge it, it will take 5 seconds or so to build up the pressure enough to jettison water however if you switch it off submerged then as soon as you turn it back on it is fully powered.

The only negative with this toy is the noise, it is loud. For me, fortunately, this is not a problem as it is only myself and the OH in the house and I’m free to make as much noise as I want but if you have kids, parents or housemates living with you you may like to get them used to the fact you like loud music playing when you have your baths before the need arises to drown out the noise of the Aqua Pleasure.

Honestly, I can’t recommend this enough. I have always been a fan of a long, hot bath and now they’re even better.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: A lot, new and really great sensation

Cons: Rather loud, magnetic charger connection could be more secure

Bottom Line: Love this, novel and very effective, I definitely recommend it

[Blonde_Bunny]

Free Tester Toy


by @Blonde_Bunny, 6th September 2021

The Realm Lycan Werewolf Silicone Dildo 8 Inch

The Big Bad Wolf

Fear suffused passion, the thrill inside danger, the desire to be hunted, to be caught, to be taken. It’s a secret salacious thirst I know many of us have - me so more than most. With my insidious sexual fantasies of masculine monsters, bulging beasts, demons and dragons - the savager the better - and my love of extremely filling dildos, I’m forever looking for a formidable new sex toy for hair-raising personal pleasure, a combination of neither man nor beast, and finally for us fantasy freaks, Lovehoney now sell something that begins to satiate that need.

My eyes truly fell from my face when I saw this lurking from the shadows of the Lovehoney website, leaving me filled to my core with insatiable lust and fear to experience this man-wolf humanoid hybrid inside of me. All dogs will chase a pussy, and it seemed this wolf might have a bone to pick with me.

The packaging of this toy is breathtaking. A chilling crossbreed of medieval masochism with dark cartoonish characteristics, it really does awaken and arouse the role playing cosplay girl inside me. The tease and taunt of the clear front window, combined with the clever design to pull the small tab on the side to open it like a drawer, is brilliant. Although this boxing really does gift you the feelings of quality craftsmanship, luxury and excitement, I honestly challenge you to not just simply shred and ravage this packaging like a raging beastly animal to eagerly grab the rewards that are within.

Unleash the beast.

I will never forget my first impressions of this toy, Woah… This cock, is HUGE. Sometimes, a devilishly daunting and intimidating toy with a promise of splitting me in two is exactly what I need.

Never have I stared, slack jawed and dribbling, upon a dildo as exquisitely stunning, staggeringly endearing, and in equal measure, as bone-quiveringly terrifying. I think I’m in love. I could honestly feel myself salivating - from more than just the lips upon my face - just looking at the fiendish appearance of this beast. Then when I felt its weight in my tiny trembling hands taking it from the packet, I honestly couldn’t wait for it to mount me.

Unlike Little Red Riding Hood, I knew this wasn’t Granny in my bed, but I jumped in anyway…

By my quite educated judgment I’d say the Lycan has a medium-firm density. It has a satisfying amount of squish, but still plenty firm enough to not flop over, even in heavy, hard use. The surface of this dildoic masterpiece is utterly irresistible. The webbing of sinuous veins like osseous tendons truly gives the sensation of real skin covering resiliently strong muscle. It’s a little softer than most of my other silicone toys, and really delightful to hold, smother in lube, and run your hands all over – which you’ll do a lot, I expect, and just sit there drooling at the prospect of taking it all.

How big is this monstrosity exactly? Well, by my own measurements it’s actually just over 10.5”s in overall length, with a maximum insertable length of slightly under 8”s. IF you make it that far. The maximum circumference of the insertable area is an eye-popping - and quite challenging - 6.25”s of girth and this is around the extremely pronounced coronal ridge collar of the head. This terrifying girth stays pretty much the same down the entire shaft to the beginning of the base.

The bottom of the dildo is flat. It’s not a suction base, it’s just clean cut flat. This of course helps it stand upright to store, or for putting on a surface and lowering yourself on to. Normally I’d only choose a dildo with a suction cup, but the size and weight alone of this dick (it’s almost 1 kilo!) means there’s really no need for a suction cup at all, even when bouncing on it. It does however have a Vac-U-Lock cavity to add one or to use the dildo as an attachment on a fucking machine.

I knew I’d need to be extremely relaxed and excessively aroused in order to allow this monster to mate me - and have an ample amount of lube and possibly a telephone available nearby - so I started the session by reading a tale of fantasy filth erotica, popping in my fur foxtail butt plug and began some heavy clitoral petting, but held off from an orgasm deliberately. Once I’d edged myself to a point where I just desperately needed to shove it inside me, I knew it was time. I applied plenty of lube all over the dildo – I honestly didn’t need any between my legs - and began screwing myself with the Lycan.

It, Is, Enormous. With each inch I could feel every single veiny sinew and bulge stretch further my already strained self. My poor taught skin screaming and crying wolf with paralysing pleasure entwined by sensations of mildest pain. This monster is everything I could want in terms of a fantasy beast filling of both theatre and thickness. That combined with the extreme taboo element of being forcefully fucked by a furiously furry freak only adds to the intense eroticism.

I could just about insert it up to the base, but that was really pushing it hard with it absolutely rammed right in and up against my cervix at that point - eye rolling , pass-out pleasure. Then with the addition of intense vibrations of my wand against my clit, it didn’t take me long to tip over the knife-edge and free-fall into a glorious succession of multiple climax’s while dreaming of heavy paws and a savage toothed maw.

After orgasming all over this Wolf, the dildo had become incredibly messy, what with the combination of my own cum juices and the amount of lube I tend to use. Thankfully, the toy is extremely easy to clean up. Made solely of silicone and devoid of any electronics or batteries, the dildo can be easily rejuvenated with a little soap and warm water, sanitising sex toy wipes, and actually even in the dishwasher - we’ve all done it.

Being the greedy girl that I am - and an obsessive of anal play and double penetration - I’ve also tried this dick for anal. I must say though, this really is a big beast and no way in hell could I go straight in to this. The head is quite a blunt shape, so even after wearing a butt plug for most of the day and then playing with smaller dildos first, it does require a bucket of lube and a lot of time for initial penetration, but my god, as soon as that defined, almost barbed style demonic head pops in, this wolf almost feels tied inside of you, sensationally and relentlessly knotted within you like a butt plug. The shaft has no real taper or graduating thickness meaning once past the head, I can satisfyingly take the entire length of this dick to its furry balls base.

In summery, If you’re anything like me and into alternative scenes, fantasy phallic monster fucking or just love things that are a little bit (ok a lot) different, the Lycan will slide right up your street. Although I do enjoy dildos on the large side regularly, this huge wolf cock certainly isn’t for quickies and it won’t be the dick I reach for every day - even my holes wouldn’t take that kind of regular abuse. But for a once-a-week special bit of fun? A Sunday roast, as it were? Hell yes. It’s such a shame it doesn’t have an oversized, overwhelming swollen knot on the lower shaft towards the base like some other fantasy style dildos - if it did I think I’d die - but it’s still utterly phenomenal.

This dildo may be the Wolf and perhaps I the Little Piggy, but it will be me who will huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow my load now.

I can only hope, pray and dream that Lovehoney begin to stock and sell more dildos and toys of these frighteningly filling fantasy styles and designs for this surprisingly not so niche kink that many of us have.

Overall Rating: 5/5 ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Pros: This girthy beast of a creature with it’s dense, matte texture, will have you screaming and crying wolf.

Cons: I’m being a little picky, but I’d love this doggy style demon to have a bulging knotted shaft.

Bottom Line: This fiendish phallus is the perfect combination of thrill and terror for a fearful and filling fuck.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster, 19/06/21
Le Wand Hoop G-spot Double Ended Stainless Steel Dildo

The Steel Appeal

What a steal of steel! Thanks Lovehoney for sending me this to review.

The Le Wand brand continues to impress me with its product presentations. This is probably the nicest toy package I’ve ever received. I thought Lovehoney sent me some sort of royal family heirloom at first in error. The marbled pattern box will definitely be kept or re-used as it’s simply too nice to throw away. I had to rub my eyes in disbelief because it comes with a padded bag to avoid clanging while being stored and a branded cloth to buff it back to beautiful. Ooooh - I feel spoilt. There’s an informative booklet instead of your run of the mill instructions. It includes things like how get the best out of it, care tips and basically a catalogue of their other products. I thought this was clever like the company is saying, “Hey, you impressed? This is just a taster. Here’s the rest of our tempting wares”. I’m already eyeing up their pretty rechargeable wands…

This is super heavy! It honestly feels like a weapon I could go hunting mammoths with. Gravity is your friend here during use. It’s like it’s always pulling down and making it feel bigger than it actually is. An illusion of girth, some might say. This makes experimenting with angles fun to get it to put pressure on different areas. It feels like you’re not 100% in charge of the thrusts as the weight adds extra momentum to them. More of a general thud sensation than anything.

Get your towels ready because the shape and weight make it the perfect squirting tool with some basic rocking motion. Barely took any time or effort to get there, too. It almost feels too good if there’s such a thing? I also enjoyed popping the thick end in and out of my opening as it felt extra thuddy there. Blended orgasms came aplenty with a clit vibe, too. The ball on the smaller tail end helps with grip and can hook onto your hand like a sloth’s claw. This comes in handy when it’s wet as you definitely don’t want to drop this thing! I’ve accidentally tapped it against my ceramic sink once or twice with a scary clang. I have no doubt it could crack it with a bad hit so be very careful! No one wants broken sinks, floors or toes.

It’s probably just my preference for girth, but I hardly ever used the smaller end. While I could still hit my G-spot, it felt more unbalanced in comparison to the thick end. Like I was holding it upside down. Meh. I’m happy just to keep that side as the handle. The thick head feels like the perfect size and shape for the job. It’s not too big or angular to be intimating and hits the G-spot/opening just right. As the thing you’re going to feel the most, I think Le Wand nailed the design.

The steely smoothness feels so nice and you hardly need any lube. I just prefer to use my own. It also makes it a quick job to clean. Some positions or moving around during use can feel a bit uncomfortable due to the curve and rigidness. Or even like it’s “hooking” me at times? The easiest position was laying flat on my back or leaning back as it gave more control over the thrusting and ensured focus to the right areas. It’s a toy that you have to be cautious with since it can easily throw its weight around with little effort. The shaft can also rub against your clit if you angle it right. However, I don’t like rigid stuff on my clit so the further away the better for me. You can basically use any clit vibe you want since the shape allows it duck under them without clashing together.

While I’m not generally a fan of chilled toys, I found the cooler room temperature dildo a welcome relief with all this warm weather we’re having. Still not internally for me as the cold makes my clam clamp shut. Felt great resting on my thighs and stomach while I waited for it warm up enough to gain an entry permit. When I want to speed up the process, I can just leave it in a sink of warm water. It was ready by the time I set up my bed and towel. I love the way it quickly warms to match my body heat during use. Great fun if you enjoy temperature play.

Overall, it’s hard to fault something with this level of standards. It may be quite expensive, but at least it shows unlike some brands. And on top of all this, it’s very fun to use. A champ in G-spot stimulation, temperature play and all round steeliness. Just please be cautious with all that weight and rigidness to avoid damage to yourself or your fixtures and fittings.

Overall Rating: 5/5

Pros: Presentation. Temperature play. Great G-spotter. Easy to clean. Padded storage bag. Cloth.

Cons: Have to be cautious with all that weight.

Bottom Line: Would make a quality gift for yourself or others. A great example to show off the appeal of steel.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster, 28/07/21
Lovehoney Sensual Glass Curved Beaded Dildo

Seahorse

Thank you Lovehoney for sending me this sensual sea critter to review.

Can’t say I have many toys that can stare back at me. What beady little eyes you have, Mr Seahorse! I wonder if the face was intentional? The small bumps aren’t exactly centered, but you can barely tell during use. Green and orange for them is an interesting choice of colours - pretty Halloweeny if you ask me. It also comes with its own storage bag which is always convenient.

The loop handle helps with grip - especially when wet. It’s not really big enough to get my fingers through all the way without worrying about getting them back, though. Still irresistible to try a gunslinger style spin. I don’t think the handle is the best during use. Kind of awkward when passed to my left while holding a clit vibe in my right as I usually do. Like I had to stretch enough to be able to grab it and even then it didn’t feel quite right. I couldn’t get a confident thruster hold on the thing, put it that way.

The horned face clashed easily with vibes. Anything rigid usually meant a pinchin’ was expected. Like the seahorse was trying to head butt them away. The most comfortable thing to use was my TC squishy wand (but that tends to go with anything, anyway). Funnily enough, my favourite way to use it was with no clit vibe while laying on my front. I would lay my palm flat on my mound with the seahorse’s head facing up between my fingers. This allowed my hand to stimulate the clit while my fingers kicked in the horsepower to thrust the dildo. I could mirror this laying on my back too, but still preferred my front.

The shape of the dildo may certainly be interesting, but I found the pleasurable positions to be limited. I didn’t enjoy the sensation when it was facing my back - like putting a key in the wrong hole. There was some pleasure in it facing the inner thighs as you could play around with angles. However, having it facing forward seemed to fit just right. When it was inserted past the last bead, it definitely hit the all the right spots. The sweetest of sweet spots! Felt great on my opening and inside which made up for the lack of girth somewhat. As already mentioned, this horsey doesn’t play too well with clit vibes when facing them. Must want me all to itself! But I don’t like it the other ways as much, so that’s why I said my ways of use are limited.

The beads offer some stimulation and make fun sounds when thrusting. There isn’t much girth to get here, which is a shame. The glass material barely needs any lube as it glides effortlessly with so little. Sadly, once it gets wet ‘n’ wild enough, I started to notice the beads a lot less. It’s more the rigidity and shape doing most of the work. Maybe it’s more suited for those who like slim rigid toys? Or maybe it’s a better anal toy than a vaginal one? I didn’t find that the handle bumps added much to the experience as I was at my length limit by the time my clit got anywhere near them.

Glass toys have the added ability of temperature play if that’s your thing. It warmed up nicely just placing it on/around myself while getting comfortable in bed. It also means it can be used with any lube and be sterilised for a thorough clean. Mine was fine with toy spray and water. Pretty straight forward to clean except for the strange neck creases at the back. I’m not sure what the purpose of these are. I just know they add an extra step of bringing the cleaning brush out. Maybe they’re gills or something?

While I enjoy glass toys, this one isn’t my favourite. It’s great in one particular position, but everything else is pretty “meh”. Like a novelty toy with style over usability. I guess less is more with this one? Can’t deny its cute charm and aquatic allure, though.

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Own bag. Cute. Great when in right spot. Don’t need much lube. Temperature play.

Cons: Limited positions. Head butts vibes. Lack of girth. Can be awkward to hold.

Bottom Line: Not the best glass dildo, but still has some fun quirks. Around a 3.5 in total, I’d say.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 05/06/2021
G World Embroidered Bra Set with Suspender Belt and Stockings

Not As Sweet As A Chocolate Orange

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this interesting set to review.

I absolutely love the colouring. Reminds me of Terry’s chocolate orange packaging… Mmm. I like the way it complements my pale skin, too. You’ll probably have to spend a few minutes cutting all the white tags off first as they’re easy to see against the dark material.

The bra is more of a bikini top with a front tie and halter neck - so technically 2 pieces. You can avoid some fiddling if you tie one of them together before putting it on and doing the second after. The front ribbon is the biggest pain to get right! I always had to get my partner’s help. Neither of us can tie a pretty bow to save our lives, so it didn’t end up like the one in the photo. I trimmed off the excess since it was hanging down to my belly button. It also tends to go off-centred sometimes making the hold slightly asymmetrical. Even with my small handfuls of boobage, this bra just about covers them with no real support. Still pretty cute! Not too small or baggy and I can adjust it in 3 ways if I’m not content. However, I’m not sure how larger breasts would fair with the limited fabric.

The bottom half looks quite daunting as it’s all one piece. When you look down it’s just a cluster of straps, lace and belts. Thank goodness for the reference on the box. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith. I’m happy that it comes with hip strap adjusters as I can get self conscious about that area. The belly band part arrived on the tightest setting which fitted me fine and meant I didn’t have to mess around with it like that damn bra. Some of the decorative “V” straps between that and the skirt hang loose. This can be improved slightly by attaching and tightening the suspender straps. I’m half tempted to chop 'em off as they’re quite small and probably wouldn’t take away from the piece. The thong can’t be removed it, but you can easily shift it to the side if you want to keep it on during sex. With all this going on, it brings a lot of attention to your hip and waist area. I like the way the skirt flirts around my hips and how the belly belt cinches in.

I’m not a fan of the seams at the top of the stockings as they’re unforgiving on any chub you have there - mainly around my inner thigh. It made me want to hike them up to hide it which doesn’t look quite right as the front suspenders bunch up badly (the back ones were still fine, though). But having them any lower doesn’t fill me with confidence either. They would also roll down often despite being attached to the belt. As the tights are just plain sheer blue, you can see right through them. I thought I should mention this if you preferred to cover things like spots or cellulite since this won’t help. You can always switch them out with your own fave stockings. It still looked ok with a pair of black ones I had. I liked the old fashioned stocking seam that runs up the back of them, at least.

I gotta say, this isn’t the easiest of pieces to get on without assistance. The bra is the main offender here! There’s just so many ties, straps, clips and adjusters. I’m glad I’m not getting timed on it otherwise my score would be embarrassing. You can get the set off without much hassle, though. It helps to keep everything together in a bag for storage and cleaning. I put it in one of those netted bra bags and it all survived the washing machine. Some of the ties came undone or there were little stringy bits, but no major concerns.

I’m 5’1 and a UK size 8 with minimal boobs. Most of it fits comfortably after a few adjustments and help from my partner. The overall quality isn’t bad and you can’t beat that flamboyant colouring which is great as a set. Even though it can be a pain to get right, the outcome is still a nice sight. My partner likes it and doesn’t see the issues I do, but can still understand them. It’s not all a perfect fit and I want to swap or chop half of it out. Maybe different choices of seams and sizing would make it better? I felt confident enough in it, but still had some awkwardness here and there - like I had to keep my eye on it. The fiddliness also doesn’t make me want to grab for it as much as I’d like.

(My photos here)

Overall Rating: 3/5

Pros: Colouring. Adjustable. Eye-catching design around the hips/waist area.

Cons: Stockings. Straps bunch up in places. White tags. Bra is fiddly without help. Needs trimming.

Bottom Line: Lovely colouring, but misses the most marks on harsh stockings and the bra puzzle.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 26/07/2021
Escante Ruffle Tartan Crotchless Knickers

Shortbreaded

Talk about cute, flirty and playful in one package. Oh, and who doesn’t love shortbread? Even though the tartan pattern is only on one side of the skirt, it still shows through underneath somewhat. It has a nice stretchiness to it for added comfort during wear. I’m a UK size 8 and they felt fine on. The material isn’t really something you have to worry about cleaning. Just bang it in the washing with the rest of your smalls.

The crotchless front and black trim makes a full on art display of my vulva which I love! The back end isn’t as alluring since it covers a fair portion on my bum. It looks like I split one of my everyday knickers by squatting too quickly. I suppose this is intended to fit more with the naughty schoolgirl theme, though? Cute from the back and pure X-rated at the front. What an intriguing contrast.

It has more of V shape drop at the front than most of my usual underwear. I preferred lifting the skirt over my hips to avoid any dips where I didn’t want them. It was difficult to get the bum parts even as one side would always gravitate towards my crack. It was like some kind of balancing act. Lifting it up would pull them both in which offered a better view of my backside without hinting that it was crotchless. A nice surprise for the viewer if you turn around and show off that fab full frontal flange.

You can keep it on during sex which is a big win. I enjoyed rolling my hips even more as I rode my partner. The sides didn’t really interfere with the access to the front, but I did notice him tugging the back parts apart during sex. I don’t think you can wear much over them due to the frilly skirt if you wanted to conceal then reveal. Maybe a bigger skirt or dress? I had medium success using my pyjama shorts.

Overall, I find these knickers more cute than hot. I definitely prefer my lace versions, that’s for sure. They didn’t get a huge reaction from my partner (probably because he’s not much into the naughty schoolgirl thing…or shortbread). There’s some bite to them, but not enough to take the whole bawdy biscuit. Still fun to play around with, though.

(My photos here and here)

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Comfortable. Cute. Easy to clean. Front display. Balance of naughty and nice.

Cons: Bum part covers a lot unless pulled up. Gravitates towards crack. Pattern may not be for everyone.

Bottom Line: Nice and fun in their own right. However, we still prefer the lace versions over these.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 16/07/2021
Lovehoney Barely There Blush Pink Babydoll Set

Plain Pretty

Many thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this set to review.

The blush pink colour is just darling and I like the bold contrast with the black bands on the upper half. The silver Lovehoney heart decoration is also a quality touch. The inner parts of the straps at the chest are pretty sharp and itchy. Probably where they have been heat cut? I couldn’t wait to gouge them out with clippers - annoying, but easily fixed. All the black straps are adjustable so you can get the fit just right. I needed some help with the halterneck from my partner to do it properly since I don’t want the boob parts too loose and a cute bow is a must to match the front design. Very comfortable to wear overall.

The material is super light and floaty and the transparency adds to the tease appeal big time - especially my butt! You can make things out but not quite. Like a mirage of nipple or bum. Good for those who feel more comfortable when showing less skin. It’s got you sorted in the boob, belly and bum department. Ideal to tackle the summer heat, too. At 5’1, I felt the length was just right to sheer off my upper thighs. I’m a UK size 8 and the bottom half adds mass to my waist and hips. My partner said it reminds him of those maternity dresses that’s intended to cover the belly. It cinches in right under the bust, not the waist. Kind of like wearing an upside-down cupcake from there. It hides my smaller figure underneath which he thinks is a bit of a shame as he’s into more fitting garments. I can still make out my silhouette which fits the tease theme, though.

The ruffled bra part flatters my small chest with a cheeky peak of the nipples. There seems to be enough room here for larger boobs if you have them. The black band naturally draws the eye up them ways, too. The creases in the bra match the skirty bit which brings the whole piece together.

I understand the space in the back is needed to have the adjuster, but my brain keeps thinking that the design should have stuck to the band all the way around. Not really an issue. That extra bit of skin doesn’t add or take away from the appeal either way. The upper part of the back is displayed exquisitely, though.

The thong is… well, just a thong. While the colour matches the babydoll, there’s not much else to it. Very plain. Something you could mix in with the rest of your everyday underwear collection. It’s still nice and comfortable to wear, regardless. It looks cute under the mesh skirt, but wearing nothing at all is so much hotter! I suppose it just depends what mood you’re in. I think this is one of those sets that can still be enjoyed separately as well as all together.

The mesh material allows it to dry quickly after being in the wash, so you can jump back into it in the evening. I put everything in one of those protective bra bags and it came out fine. The only thing that happened was that the halterneck unknotted. Looks like I’ll need help from my partner to get it right again each time I wear it.

No real big negatives about it, but I think it all comes down to personal taste for us. Yes, it’s cute and flirty. Yes, it’s comfortable to wear. Yes, it’s tease-tacular. However, it probably won’t be our first choice to pull out from the dirty drawer. Like it’s “too nice” for that? Still sexy in its own way, but is more on the plain or good girl side. While it added some extra poof here and there, it wasn’t enough to knock my confidence.

(My photos here)

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Upper half fit. Dries quickly. Sheerness for teasing. Comfortable. Looks great with no thong, too.

Cons: Adds mass from the underbust down. Plain thong. Doesn’t quite have the sex appeal we enjoy.

Bottom Line: Great for teasing and looking pretty, but may not flatter all shapes.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 21/03/2021
Lovehoney Curved Silicone Suction Cup Dildo 9 Inch

Big Blue Upgrade

Big thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this biggun to test.

Admittedly, when I first saw the box I thought “Aw, I already have this one”. My 7 inch version is ok, but nothing to shout about. Opened it up and Moby Dick came out. What a whopper! This is much more my size. It also fits nicely in one of those long satin storage bags. Great to see LH stocking bigger dildos that aren’t realistic. The clean marine colour is cool, too.

It’s the firm type of silicone, but there’s a little give in it for extra comfort while still delivering a good rogering. I love the curve in it. Great for G-spot fun or just experimenting with angles. My favourite position was laying on my front with the curve facing upwards (like doggy style). Some lube is definitely needed as it tends to rub or stick to the skin when dry.

The 9 inches gives it plenty of length to work with. I can’t take the whole thing as it starts to knock on my cervix. However, I kind of liked this (especially when it’s vibrating). Usually I can’t stand being prodded there, but some controlled pressure added to the tantalising feeling of tackling a titan. Extra caution is still needed to avoid discomfort so always know your limits before ramming it home. The shaft gets girthier as it goes down to about 6 inches at its fullest. This is great and all, but I can’t reach all the way due to the length. I’m still wholly satisfied by what I can manage, though.

There’s limited texture apart from the head. While this makes it super easy to clean, it doesn’t exactly make the shaft all that exciting. However, it makes up for it with the overall length and girth. That pronounced head is really something when it comes to shallow thrusting - slightly tapered for better insertion, too. My 7 inch version was my period dildo due to it being hassle free, but it felt like I had to “make-do” with it. I’m glad I got this upgrade so I can still enjoy myself like I usually would when it isn’t shark week.

There’s a hole in the base to insert a vibrating bullet. My Tango slides in nicely and the Desire Bullet will fit with a squeeze. The added grips and deepness make it an improvement on the 7 incher. The bullets didn’t budge or fall out during use. They stuck out enough to get at the controls and retrieve them after you’re done. The vibes from them transferred pretty well through the dildo - especially the tip. Made it a great teaser. Once inserted they dulled slightly, but it still felt like a fun vibrator.

The flared base is quite narrow by comparison to the shaft and doesn’t get in the way of other toys. It’s easy to forget it’s a suction cup because it’s barely concaved. I never really use suckers or masturbate in the shower, but I gave it a go for the sake on this review. It held out pretty well on the tiles until I got a tad more vigorous and it popped right off. Only seems to like straight thrusts? To be honest, I actually enjoyed a shower ride for once. Each time it fell off, I just used my hand instead to thrust it which is what I prefer anyway. Couldn’t wait to get out and finish off in the bedroom after that.

Overall, this is a BIG improvement on my earlier version. Length for days and curvaceous with the ability to also become a decent vibrator. If you have any of them already, then I can recommend this if you’re looking for an upgrade (or just a lengthy lover in general).

Overall Rating: 5/5

Pros: For length lovers. Holds vibes pretty well. Firmness and curve. Easy to clean. Not realistic.

Cons: Plain shaft. Suction cup is so-so. Sticks to skin when dry.

Bottom Line: A sizable and worthy upgrade.

[Green_Eyed_Girl]

by @Green_Eyed_Girl , 20/7/21
Lovehoney star power silicone butt plug

Seeing Stars

This excellent little butt plug is one of my favourite shapes. I’ve always found longer plugs have more impact than the bulb shaped ones. Its design is very pretty and quirky and the silicone is silky and a good density (squishy without being too soft).

Due to its flexibility, it was a tad tricky to insert but went in well after a little trial end error. I was a little cautious of the base initially due to its flexibility. but when in it rolls up on itself, becoming much firmer and it stayed in place well.
The shape feels lovely when in and would be excellent for anyone new to a plug as its soft texture makes it less intense. You definitely know its there though as besides other things, the neck is quite wide and presses very pleasurably once inserted.

The suction cup on the base is very strong and once wet, it happily stuck to my wooden headboard and textured bathroom tiles with no problem. On anything smooth it is a tad tricky to remove, but it definitely wont be shifting if you decide to use it like this.

Im quite curvy, so found it too short and bendy to really use successfully when stuck to the shower wall. What i did mange to get in felt good though, and i can see it being alot of fun to use like this.

Overall i liked this and think it would be alot of fun if your newer to plugs. The size isn’t massive, but the shape makes up for it and the wider neck makes it a nice one to have in for solo fun too.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Great shape and soft silicone with a fun design and good suction cup

Cons: Flexibility make it a tad tricky to insert

Bottom Line: Nice little plug thats fun and has a shape that feels great when in.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 12/05/2021
Le Wand Grand Bullet Rechargeable Luxury Textured Silicone Bullet Vibrator

Mini Mace

A big thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this to review.

The quality is apparent even before you open the box. What you see on the outside is exactly what you get inside as the photo is the same size as the bullet. I don’t usually write about the packaging for toys, but I think the swish presentation deserved a special mention. A stylish storage bag is always a plus, too.

Like the name suggests this is a pretty big bullet. It’s also very grand in weight with that metal body. Luckily the silicone sheath prevents it from becoming a slip ‘n’ slide nightmare when lubed up unlike other smooth bullets. It stays on securely and can be removed with a good ol’ twist and pull. The main thing I don’t like about the metal body is how cold it is. I have to warm it up before it gets anywhere near my bits; at least the sheath acts like a protective little coat. Some may enjoy the chill, though. Still nice to have a choice of heads either way.

Despite its size and weight, the vibrations are really quiet. It’s not that distracting even on the highest setting. The only time it tends to make a jarring sound is when pressing hard against something else like my pubic bone or another toy (mainly without the sheath on). There’s only one button to worry about which is responsive and quick to turn on/off. It also comes with a handy travel lock. Although the base button prevents it from standing upright, you can always use the silicone attachment to do so if you didn’t want it touching a surface.

There’s 4 constants and the rest are those long pause or 2-in-1 patterns that I’m not keen on. I didn’t find any of the constants too weak or too strong. There’s a light but rumbly deepness to them which tended to give me more of a slow build to climax. It’s almost like the metal body absorbs the impact so there’s no hard thwack to them - not like the Desire or VeDo LUV bullets, for example. I managed to climax comfortably on all 4 of them and even got great ride-outs since the vibes didn’t aggravate my clit after which I could prolong effortlessly. Laying on my front, back and side were all doable. However, I noticed if I used the vibe for a while (like carrying on after the first orgasm) it tended to numb the area. So for me, it was better the quicker I could climax with it.

The bumps on the sheath add a little extra stimulation. While the silicone itself is quite soft, the hard metal underneath is still noticeable making it feel like a mini mace. It’s not as torturous as it sounds, though. The bumps offer a more tickly sensation if you hold them lightly over the skin. But then that cold, rigidness can show next to no mercy to your clit. The contrast of the soft vibes and hard body can be tricky to balance out just how you like it during use at times. It didn’t make a huge difference to the vibrations with or without the sheath because of how firm it is overall. The rounded tip reduces pinching slightly, but it still made me extra cautious when using firmer dildos. I also used it a little for internal play which can be a pleasant switch-up in comparison to other smooth bullets.

Unfortunately, I didn’t find much joy in the cross-guard attachment. The idea is to slip it on and insert the bullet head so the textures can stimulate the external area. It doesn’t reach anywhere near my clit when it’s up to the mid-ledge where it’s meant to sit. I did manage to climax with it in this fashion, but I felt it was my wrist doing most of the work around my clit and not the silicone attachment on my opening. Meh. Works better as a stand for me. You could always just take it off and rub the textures on yourself, too.

You can tell when it gets low on power by the dying rumble. Once it’s dead, it’s totally dead and won’t turn on again until it’s recharged. The magnetic charger is quite unique and easy to use. It flashes and then stays lit when it’s complete. Also has the brand name on it so I can tell it apart from my jungle of charge wires. The battery life was generous enough and I got a fair amount of uses out of it.

It seems to get absolutely rotten after a session, but luckily it’s waterproof and simple to clean. The only slight concern is the metal body being smooth and heavy enough to be slippery when wet. This is more apparent when the sheath is off, though. The brand stamp is very narrow, so it can be tricky to get in between for a thorough clean. If you choose to use it, the silicone attachment requires a brush due to the textures.

Overall, this is a well-made and quiet bullet. Despite it being bigger and heavier than average, there’s a certain gentleness to it. The vibes are not overly strong which may not be great for power queens, but could benefit those that have more sensitive clits (or just prefer lower-mid feeling ones). I enjoyed them, anyway. Would also be ideal for travel or for secretive peeps that are concerned over being heard when tickling the clitling. Not a bad bullet at all - I just like a bit more oomph and less cold, hard steel.

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Quality. Choice of heads. Light but deep rumbly vibes. Quiet. Great ride-outs. Bag. Cleaning.

Cons: Cold, rigid metal. Attachment doesn’t add a great deal. Patterns not for me.

Bottom Line: Hard as nails, but actually quite gentle when it comes to the vibes.

[Green_Eyed_Girl]

by @Green_Eyed_Girl , 30/9/21
lovehoney plus size desert princess costume

An Exotic Adventure

Escaped (or not) harem slave, genie, exotic princess (or queen), belly dancer, priestess, theres lots of fun options for this outfit. Its even great if you want to play matahari and extract information from your unwitting mark.

The fabric on the skirt is soft and swishes beautifully with every movement. The deep purple colour is really fabulous in person and very eye catching. The sheer quality of it is also very pretty, especially across the back and leg. As an 18/20 on the bottom i felt the sizing was reasonable. The straps on the skirt are elasticated and very adjustable.

The fabric on the skirt is very wide and covers the front and back well, though the sheerness of the fabric makes it more revealing than it feels. the front panel is also very deep, and depending how low on the waste you want it to sit, can cover anything your a bit shy about on the front.

The thong is sadly sewn into the outfit, so you cant wear it without, but its very comfortable and thin enough it could be moved out of the way without removing the skirt part.

The bra is gorgeous when on. The purple fabric is soft with minimal stretch and though beautiful, as a 16 on top with a B cup did take a couple of attempts to get it to sit flat. The straps of the halterneck are slightly stretchy, but as a plus size could admittedly be longer round the back. Its roughly 55inches/140cm from end to end of the strap running under the bust, so If you have a very large bust size you may struggle to get them to reach around the back.

The cuffs are a soft loop with no fastenings. They’re one size with minimal stretch and on my admittedly childsized wrists where loose enough to sag significantly. I did manage to get them over my large hands though, and as someone who routinely fails to find solid bangles i can put on i feel they’d be a decent size for most. They are very pretty though and for some fun roleplay very comfortable to wear. So if you can get your hand through the 9inch/23cm (when stretched) loop, i think theyr good fun.

The best bit though is that the chains are metal, feel robust and are removable at both the hip and wrist via a pair of lobster clasps. This makes the outfit not only more flexible but also allows you to switch out the gold fabric for any bondage cuffs you happen to have if you wanted something a little more heavy duty. I really love this inclusion, its incredibly simple yet adds so many options to the outfit.

The collar has a velcro fastening, and fitted my 14.5inch/37cm neck comfortably with some space. The fabric is only slightly stretchy though and the velcro doesn’t have a massive amount of adjustment. it looked nice on, was comfortable and very light.

Despite its flaws i loved this outfit. Its incredibly light and floaty, to the point where you barely feel your wearing it at times. The collars and cuffs feel slightly like an afterthought, but As its a costume i feel i can forgive that. They are going to either fit or not though so be prepared for them to be either loose or snug as you cant really adjust them. The overall look is gorgeous though, but What i loved most was the versatility of this piece. its really one for so many scenarios, All you need to add is a little imagination

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Beautiful, Versatile, comfortable and very sexy. Need i say more

Cons: Cuffs and collar not adjustable. Bra ties could be longer. One size may not fit all sadly

Bottom Line: Despite its flaws i loved this piece. Its Incredibly sexy, versatile and comfortable.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 26/4/2021
Lovehoney Mindful ECONYL® Fishnet Long Sleeve Top

Caught Up

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this to review.

Gotta love the eco-friendly packaging from the get-go. There’s very little imagery or description on the box, so you could get it as a surprise gift for someone. Having the knowledge that it’s made from recycled materials adds to the feel good factor. Turning fish nets into swish nets. At close inspection, it looks more tatty or woolly than other net-gear I own. This doesn’t mean it’s not nice to wear, though. It’s soft and has lots of stretch which didn’t feel like it was going to tear if I pulled it. Comfortably wore it all day.

Like most netting, you just have to take care not to get your digits caught up in it when putting it on. Its stretchiness makes it slightly awkward when removing it and it tends to get turned inside out. I’ve put it back on sometimes this way by mistake (you can tell by the stitching on the rims). Generally, not too fiddly getting it on or off, though.

The top has a different cut on each side so you can pick one that suits you. One is more scooped and the other is higher. I’m not a fan of low cut tops in general, so I much preferred the latter. When I did try wearing the scooped side at the front, I didn’t like how the band felt on my chest and shoulders either like it wasn’t balanced between them or something. Might be just me?

The ends of the sleeves hang very loosely off my arms which isn’t very flattering. Like they have nothing to grip to? Not quite like the photo for me. However, there’s an easy fix of just looping my thumb through the netting to make them look like flirty fingerless gloves. Very punk/goth! They still felt a tad loose, but looked way better. This style also looked great under a t-shirt. The part around my midriff is nicely shaped and fitted well along with the rest of the top. I loved how it made my small boobs look and when my nipples popped out the netting. My partner was also a fan of the look and said it complimented my frame and style. The net obscures little imperfections like zits for example, so don’t worry too much about insecurities. I like the scale-ish appearance it gives on the arms, too.

With my trusty mesh bag I use for all my lingerie, it survived a spin in the washing machine without many lint clingers. It dried pretty quickly and didn’t seem to feel distorted or stretched out after multiple uses.

Overall, this is a nice bit of netting. Doesn’t fit in some areas like my arms, but this can be worked around and the rest is damn fine. Also great for sexy fashion outside the bedroom. Oh, and it’s mindful of the environment which is always plus.

(My photos here)

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: How it made my small boobs and nipples look. 2 cuts to choose from. Stretchy. Recycled.

Cons: Arms hang loose. Not a fan of the scooped side.

Bottom Line: Great to wear even out the bedroom. Some fitting issues, but can still be worked around to rock out.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 5/4/2021
Dorcel Deep Expand Inflatable G-Spot Vibrator

Poppin’

Is it just me or does this look like a tadpole gun? Stick 'em up and reach for the skies, you’re in for a surprise! As someone who loves knots, I just had to get myself a vibrating one. Quality is very good and the silicone is smooth despite not being seamless. The toy is rigid apart from the end half of the shaft which has some squish to it. There’s also a nice bit of weight to this risqué revolver and it comes with its own holster… err, I mean satin storage bag.

The shaft itself and how it inflates is so futuristic. It doesn’t give you the impression that it even has this trump card as it’s super sleek. It can just seamlessly form a head right out of that. Very impressive! Don’t worry about it exploding as it will automatically stop inflating when it’s full. The curved shape ensures G-spot pressure is easily achieved in either form. I also loved the big head around my opening - popping the knot in and out. Not as big as my other inflatable knotter, but big enough to notice and this also has an edge of being a vibrator. The air in there gives it some softness so it’s comfortable to use, too. Good for new and experienced users as you can pick a girth that works for you.

The vibes are satisfyingly rumbly and deep. Great externally or internally. The impact on the G-spot can be pretty intense as they travel well where it matters. I would say a little vibe power is lost when fully inflated, but the added girth balances it out. The sound isn’t too bad and it muffles when inserted. However, it tends to make a loud reverberating growl when it’s fully blown up which can be a bit jarring when removed. The 3 constant speeds are great, but I’m not a fan of the long pause or 2-in-1 patterns it has. There’s a few good jittery ones near the back of the selection, though.

The loop handle design is interesting. Texture on the front part makes it act like a rabbit (even almost hands-free). The vibes can run through the loop somewhat for extra clit stimulation. However, you can also feel the tingle in your fingers as you hold it. If your clit needs a lot of power then this may not be enough alone. Luckily, low-mid vibes are my jam and those grooves really help. I’ve been able to get some great orgasms in its rabbit form by rocking it or quickly thrusting it to get them to hit right. I enjoyed it both laying on my front and back. You can also pair it with a different clit vibe of your choice if you just shift the loop over. Loved it with my wand and bullets.

Unfortunately, the handle can send me loopy at times. This is more to do with the button positions and their sensitivity. They are in the danger zone of being accidentally pressed and it happened quite often. This seemed to be the top and bottom buttons more than anything which deflate or change the vibe setting for the toy. The deflator only requires the slightest touch to whoosh all that air out which is a pain because it takes about 10 seconds to blow up again while sounding like an electric pump - and that’s after you wait for the deflator light to go off, too. Ugh. Talk about knocking your game off. Sometimes pressing the vibe button will make it jump two levels instead of one. I wish the set up could be rearranged or the buttons less skittish. Like putting the deflator in the middle, for example? You just have to be careful with how you hold it (which can be pretty hard when you’re all excited and wild). Even with my small digits, I could only fit one finger or thumb in the hole at a time. The little lip at the back prevents it from slipping your grasp at least.

Charging is simple with the prong-to-port method. I also liked that the charge wire has a Dorcel tag already on it so I can tell it apart from the rest. It seems to last about 45-60 minutes on a single charge depending on your power setting. When mine ran out of juice, I was pleased that it still remained inflated so I could at least finish off with that fun feature. It’s pretty easy to clean, but be careful not to get it too waterlogged as it’s only splash proof. Some brushing on the plastic-to-silicone and button parts is all the extra attention that’s needed.

Overall, this is an impressive and enjoyable vibe. The orgasms I got out of it could hit really hard in any way I chose to use it. Sensation from the inflation was great and the rumbly vibes gelled well with me. The only things mainly letting it down are the buttons and noise (Ba dum tss. Get it? Ugh). Fun, fab and futuristic despite a few flaws.

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Deep rumbly vibes. Inflation power. Quality. Storage bag. G-spot attention. Cleaning. Big orgasms.

Cons: Button sensitivity and placement. Loud when inflated. Awkward to hold at times. Only splash proof.

Bottom Line: The future is here. Built for intense orgasms despite having a few gripes.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 11/3/2021
Vive Shiatsu Rechargeable Textured Massage Wand Vibrator

The Poison Mushroom Wand

Look at it! Just look at it! What a funky looking fungi. The overall presentation and box is nice and gives a sense of quality. You can store it in there like an antique or in a long LH satin bag. However, it feels a bit less luxurious than expected when you handle it. For a start it’s really lightweight for its size. Thought those shiny bits were metal? Nope, it’s just cheap ol’ ABS plastic which is a bit disappointing. Despite this, it’s still firm and sturdy enough to survive play.

The vibes for the wand head are pretty decent. A bit loud, but have a fun rumble at least. The wideness of it delivers that blissful broad stimulation to my bits and the vibes aren’t too strong for me as I go for mid strength ones. Just right. Those bumps add some extra spice, too. Makes turning and nudging it more satisfying - with or without lube. As well as providing extra grip, they also give a tickly sensation if you hold it lightly over your body. It feels like it’s padded with a sponge under the silicone. There’s some bend in the neck, but not too much.

The overall size can make it a bit cumbersome to use. The dildo tail feels too long and it’s hard to manoeuvre when under a duvet (like I’m trying to spin a baton). I don’t hold it at the handle, but at its main body and shoulders for both ways which is pretty nice to grip. Great for getting some firm pressure on my bits.

Even though this is half vibrating dildo, it’s easy to forget about it. In fact, it’s probably better that you do. While the firm angle can reach your G-spot with ease, the vibrations are absolutely abysmal. I can barely feel them. It’s like they’re so deep within that nothing can surface or something. It makes a high pitched buzzy noise with nothing to show for it. Dimensions are also on the small/slim side. The instructions didn’t mention how to fully use the controls and I had to look online like even the maker wanted us to forget about the dildo. Just to be in the know, you hold the middle and bottom button to get it on and the opposite for the wand. You can also have both on at the same time (for some reason). The wand will come on automatically if you just press the middle button, too.

Speaking of controls and settings, they often make no sense. There’s 3 constant speeds at the start and then a 4th as you scroll through half the rest? Holding the plus button unlocks the “insta-orgasm” mode that’s just a quick pulse pattern with added strobe light. To be fair, it did make me climax but so did most of the other settings. Not sure what all the song and flash dance is for. Probably better to cover the light with your hand as it’s quite bright and distracting. The way you hold it can make accidental presses easier, but at least you can quickly return using the plus/minus buttons to scroll back.

Thankfully, it’s waterproof to make cleaning it easier as the design aspects can be a pain. Dirt can get trapped around each individual head bump (Yes!) and plastic-to-silicone parts. You basically have to take a brush to the whole thing which can make cleaning time longer. The battery life lasts ages and it’s easy to charge, too.

I know I sound like a negative Nancy throughout this review, but I do genuinely enjoy the wand head - it’s the best part of the mushroom, after all. However, the rest of it seems all over the place like it’s still in the middle of being designed. Some individual aspects are good, but when combined it becomes a bit clustered. Why are the dildo vibes so weak and the wand’s good? Why does it need all those button codes? Not a bad toy, but definitely room for improvement. A little tweaking here and there from the wand head down. It also makes it a bit overpriced if half the toy is lacking instead of packing. I have better wands than it that cost nowhere near as much. It has the glamour spell cast, but I’m not quite enchanted by the whole thing.

Overall Rating: 3/5

Pros: Interesting looks. Fun bumps. Battery life. Rumbly wand vibes. Box. Sturdy for firm pressure.

Cons: Feels a bit cheap. Weak dildo vibes. Cleaning. Button controls and brightness. Noise.

Bottom Line: I would probably give the wand head a 4 and the dildo a 2. Making the overall score a rough 3.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 17/3/2021
Lovehoney Colour Your Pleasure Colouring Book

Relax and Focus

Many thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this to review.

In these unsettling times, I find myself being drawn more towards doodling and colouring books just to wind down in the evening. I also like to do them during work as it can help me concentrate. Well, definitely working from home that is. I don’t think it’s the most office friendly, is it? There’s nothing that rude or smutty in it - mainly sex toys that you can find on this website. Even the front page looks pretty cute and flirty. Quite tame overall, but maybe that’s because I’m used to all this.

There are 30 projects in total which range from simple to god-level complexity! As with any decent colouring book, the page under the colouring one is usually left blank to prevent it bleeding through to the next project. Lovehoney have been a tad more creative by covering it with the logo pattern and having a funny quote to accompany the project on the other side. I’m not sure if this is intentional or not, but there’s no page/illustration numbers. However, there’s an LH logo under each project where I think they would probably be. Or maybe they’re tick boxes? Either way, I’ve just been writing numbers in there myself.

If you shop on the site regularly then you’re sure to recognise a few goodies in here. Toys and kinky accessories are the focus. I guess the outlines aren’t that impressive by themselves - it’s when they’re swirled and spiralled into mini works of art that’s the real eye candy, though. Almost like naughty snowflakes. These can be rewarding to complete and look fondly upon with some being more challenging than others.

One of my little gripes is that the outlines can be super skinny which makes it much easier to go outside of them by accident. Please excuse me while I grab my magnifying glass. Ahh! It’s like it can be relaxing and formidable at the same time (unless I just suck at colouring)? Maybe I’m over thinking. So long as you have fun that’s all that counts, right? I also noticed that some of the lines seemed to cross over each other or get cut off near the bottom of the page? Intentional maybe? Not a big issue, just a nit-picky observation.

Some of the same toy outlines are repeated throughout the book, so it can get a tad repetitive at times. I know LH have a wide variety of toys so I’m surprised more weren’t used. For example, there seemed to be a lack of butt-plugs despite having quite iconic shapes. However, most of the page patterns/designs change it up enough to keep things more interesting. I wish there were more toy outlines thrown in or even human ones with them - mainly so I can give them mad, alien skin tones.

The size is decent for a colouring book as it’s small enough to carry around or stash in a drawer. The paper stock isn’t bad and will generally take whatever you dish at it. I used a range of pens and pencils and they were fine. The only thing that bled through were marker-like pens and even then it didn’t affect the next project. My favourite tools were coloured biros and standard felt tips. Fine liners also came in handy for some of the more complex designs.

I’ve actually had another sex toy colouring book in the past, but this Lovehoney one is more fun in my opinion. It would make a cheeky little gift for someone who enjoys adult colouring books. Quite pricey at £10 for what it is, though. It can lack variety in places, but some of the page designs are pretty jaw-dropping even before you start colouring. I like the way there’s a range of complexity depending on your skill or mood, too. For a small book, it will definitely keep you occupied for a while and maybe even give you some ideas for future purchases.

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Creative patterns. Size. Mix of difficulties. Rewarding results. Will keep you busy.

Cons: Skinny outlines. Repetitive images. Pricey.

Bottom Line: Nice to wind down with. It’s also like an advert for Lovehoney goodies.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 4/3/2021
Lovehoney Mindful Mint Green Leopard Print Seamless Body

Hold on Tight

Muchas gracias to Lovehoney for sending me this to review.

The thick but breathable material is nice and soft - similar to that of sportswear. The pattern and colour choice is also cute - animal like yet not too wild. It may be seamless, but the markings on one side don’t quite line up right. Not a big deal, though. The mint band gives the illusion of either wearing a belt or a spotted two piece. If you wear leggings or tights underneath, then they will show up to this line. You can also throw it in with the rest of your clothes and underwear when it comes to cleaning.

This leotard has a clasp for the crotch so you don’t have to take the whole thing off when you want use the loo or something. At first, the corner parts of the fabric where the buttons are were pretty sharp. Ow! I rounded them off with a pair of scissors, so everything is safe down there now. Even though there is a cotton crotch protector, I still prefer to wear a thong under it to avoid being on the fabric (and mainly because I always do with leotards).

So what’s it like to wear? Snug and tight come to mind. While the overall material has a bit of give, the black edges aren’t as kind. This can create more of a muffin top effect in some areas like my back, butt and thighs - more double-butt than bubble-butt. The material also seems to like gravitating to my ass crack. Less obvious with jeans over it, not so much with leggings. It’s started to go slightly bobbly on the area where my lower back is (probably from sitting or rubbing on jeans), but nothing a debobbler or razor couldn’t sort if it got worse.

There is some support for my breasts thanks to the material and I felt comfortable enough to go out with a shirt over it. Because of their small size, they don’t require much to begin with. They even held up somewhat during my regular exercises with a bit of jiggle. I’m not sure how well this would go with larger breasts, though. It basically flattens mine like a swimming costume. The speckles can break up the appearance of erect nipples, too. Even though I’ve adjusted the straps to their loosest position, it still feels tight on my back and shoulders (which also can leave marks). It reminds me of those posture correcting harnesses. The ring clasp also makes creaking sounds now and again as you move around. Seems like it climbs up and clings like a baby monkey, too. It was a relief to get it off after a while to give my back and shoulders a rest.

I’m a UK size 8 and the garment is noted as S/M which I usually take as size 8-10? Unless it means Asian size or something which would be much smaller. The general rule for this is to order at least one size up to cover the size difference. I think I would recommend the same for this leotard. Then again, it could be down to my proportions as I have quite broad shoulders and a big ass. I would have still thought the max M size would be more forgiving. On a plus note, it keeps me warm and cinches in at the middle just right. Some of my body suits can miss this sweet spot so I’m happy about that.

It may look cute, but it isn’t the most comfortable garment once you get it on. Some areas are more flattering and comfy than others, however, it’s hard to ignore the parts that aren’t.

(My photos here)

Overall Rating: 3/5

Pros: Pattern and colours. Quality. Cinches in the waist nicely. Keeps me warm.

Cons: Feels tight on the back. Black edges can create a muffin top effect in places. Creaky straps.

Bottom Line: Looks cute, but has some bite to it (and not the kind I like). Wearable and at times unbearable.

[Mint-Monster]

by @Mint-Monster , 3/3/2021
Lovehoney Mindful Mint Green Leopard Print Seamless Bra Set

Speckly Beast

Many thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this set to review.

Generally, everything feels well made. The recycled material is like that thick but breathable kind used for sportswear (similar to leggings). Soft when you run your hands on it. I love all things animal print and this reminds me of an adorable snow leopard. The mint green also matches my username on here.

The simple top is like a sports bra and vest crossbreed. There’s no padding - just the snug material for support by basically flattening things. I don’t have much in the way of boobs to begin with, so that means less support is needed. I’m not sure how it would fare with a bigger chest, though? I felt comfortable enough to wear it under a shirt, go out shopping and do my regular exercise routine. The straps are adjustable and having them at the loosest position felt best for me as I have quite broad shoulders. I don’t own any proper bras, so this fits right in with the rest of my underwear drawer. Even though I usually don’t go for V-neck cuts, it’s still nice to wear. Sometimes the V will drop slightly with enough activity and press against me. Pulling it back up sorts it, though. Erect nipples will show through the material somewhat, but they can be camouflaged slightly by the spots.

I wore the bra for several days without issues…Well, except that one annoying issue with the noise of it. I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t wore real bras in years and I’m not used to the sound, but the strap adjusters creak more than a haunted house. It makes me wonder if it’s because of the cross ring connector at the back or something? Couldn’t really say as none of my other bras have anything similar to compare. Each movement gets a little “eee” from them. Maybe it needs some oil? Love the bra, otherwise.

The thong is more on the tight side. The spotted and light green parts of the set have a bit of stretch which adds more comfort while you wear it. However, the black trim sections are less forgiving and gave me a little of that muffin top effect around the hips which I’m not keen on. A pair of jeans could cover this, leggings not so much. They aren’t tight enough to be uncomfortable or unwearable and is more of a visual thing for me. On a positive note, it seems to make my butt cheeks jut out like a pair of bubbles at certain angles. Really makes it pop when you slowly take your pants off. Gives off the casual but sexy gym vibe. Oh! And the inner cotton protector lines up perfectly with my bits which is rare for me.

Both can be thrown in with the rest of the washing. One of the nice things about the bra is there are no pads to worry about - I hate fiddling to get them back in place with my other ones. Funnily enough, the bra straps didn’t creak as much after a wash. Like I cleaned the noise away?

These arrived as size S/M, but even as a UK size 8 some of the gear was a tad tight. I thought that M would let it have more give than it does. However, I think this is more due to the snug material and trimmings (could just be my big ass and hips, though). The bra fits well at least and will be in my regular rotation for wear - I just wish it would stop nagging at me…

(My photos here)

Overall Rating: 4/5

Pros: Cool pattern and colours. Quality. The bra overall and no padding to deal with. Ass popping thong.

Cons: Creaky strap adjusters. Black trimming muffin tops my hips a bit.

Bottom Line: I’ll definitely be using the bra, but wish the thong trimming was more forgiving as an S/M size.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 12 Aug 2021
Happy Rabbit Clitoral Pleasure Kit (4 Piece)

This is a really cute…

This is a really cute self-contained little clit kit. The silicone pouch is a nice size, and easily fits the blindfold, balm, and toy inside, with plenty of space to chuck a couple of extra little treats in too.

The pouch is good quality, with a lockable zip too (lock not included), and ‘WOW’ embossed three times on the side (Mrs Chimp was rather tickled that it reads as ‘MOM’ when upside-down). FYI, the silicone rabbit ears are absolutely fine being stored in the silicone pouch without having to have a seperate bag for them.

The eye mask has an elastic band to secure it to ones head, and is quite deeply cushioned. It fit Mrs Chimp quite nicely, though does let in a teeny bit of light at the bottom. She isn’t a fan of the slogan ‘happy rabbit, happy place!’ on the front, as the kids are bound to ask what it means, and she doesn’t really want to tell them it’s her wanking mask.

The balm is menthol, but smells like bubblegum. Witchcraft. It was effective for Mrs Chimp though. It does take a moment or 30 to kick in, so don’t go too liberal too quick.

The toy itself is really cute. Mrs Chimp loves the pink colour, and how soft to the touch it is. The ears are soft and flexible, but are very precise when in use. It looks like there are two buttons, but the small one doesn’t seem to connect to anything under the silicone, so I’m going to say that it’s not a button at all. If you aim for the stick of the ‘exclamation point’ rather than the dot you should be fine. The travel lock is pretty easy on this one; all it takes is a quick double-tap of the button to activate/deactivate.

It’s got a decent amount of patterns, and is pretty quiet and discreet in use. It’s not kickass powerful, but is a solid medium vibe in both power and frequency. Unfortunately, it does transfer a lot of vibration to your hand. Mrs Chimp had to swop hands half-way through, and her fingers took a couple of minutes to recover (she may be more sensitive than some due to carpal tunnel). It does works really well though, and Mrs Chimp had no problems climaxing with this toy.

We have a few niggles, but overall the set is a good little bundle. The toy is fun, the eye mask is comfy, the balm was effective, and Mrs Chimp also loves that it comes with a little carry case, which she reckons would be perfect for weekends away, or just to be able to easily find it in your bedside drawer.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: That it all slips into the case.

Cons: Could have done without the slogans, and the weird non-button button.

Bottom Line: Handy little clit kit. Would make a nice gift, or a good travel pack.

(I thought I’d given this a title. Can’t remember what it was though. I’ll have a think. )