Nearly dumped for initating sex!?!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Me and my boyfriend where in bed the other day and he looked really down, so I asked him what was up and he wouldnt answer until I stopped annoying him and he said.......

'I dont like the fact that, it is always you that intatiates sex' and when I pressed him for more he said that 'its demasculates him' and makes him 'feel like less of a man'.

I never planned for him too feel this way but if I didnt he never would. Its true I always make the first move and it is so annoying. I mean recently Im lucky if I get him into bed once a week (we see each other about 4 times a week)

I love him but I dont know if I can carry on like this, if its not the frequency, its the actual experience as he was addicted to viarga and now cant get fully hard, which means the only position that works for us is missionary and its always in bed when Im wrecked, as we cant be spontanous.

Nothing I suggest to do or say helps either, as the only thing he fantasies about is 3somes and nothing else, so when I suggest doing it in the living room or bondage, Im always met with a no.

I mean he doesnt have a low sex drive as he always wanks, once maybe twice a day but he never wants sex and once I even dressed up for him, pulled his pants down and begged him for it and he wouldnt. I felt so crap but to make matters worse he then turned reound and asked if I could guve him a hand job!! After just turning me down, when he knew how much I wanted it!! I cried myself to sleep that night.

Sorry I have just realised this is a big rant, no-one has to read it, I just had to get it out.

xx

2

DONT READ!! ME BEING INSECURE!!! LOL

3

Wow. I have kind of the same problem as you, but kind of the opposite aswell. I always initiate sex and oral. I wish my girlfriend would do it more often. I only see her once every 7 weeks or so, and when we know we are seeing eachother we both always say how we cant wait to have sex, so I know she wants sex, but I just want her to initiate it more. It turns me on actually. I would love for her to beg me for sex. So you are doing nothing wrong mate. Its not that I feel badly towards my girlfriend or anything, I would just like her to initiate it more. She has only done it like 2 times since we have been together for almost 2 years lol. Its weird, because i've only ever been to her house twice. And it was those 2 times that she was begging me for it haha.

Anyway, sorry about your problem. Like I said... You are doing nothing wrong. And if he made you feel bad in that way, then thats wrong. But then again, I dont know the guy so I cant judge him, maybe he has stress at work or other worries? Try not to be too harsh on him, talk about it and if he has worries then sympathise. But if he is doing that just to be an idiot, then he isnt worth making the effort for.

4

Hes bi-polar (manic depressive) so I know its not his fault and just his emotions. Its still so fustrating though.

I hope your girlfriend suprises you with some sexy underware some day ;)

5

Oh, well thats it then. Yeah I can see how frustrating it is.

Lol yeah, the thing is she wants it all, but just depends on me to start everything. Which in a way is a good thing I guess, because she depends on me alot.

She always says how when we are married she is going to get Santa dresses for Xmas, and surprise me with outfits when I come home from work, so its all good. It doesnt really bother me how she is, I love her always!

6

I used to be with someone who would use sex to control me - basically he presented himself as a very sexual person, but we only did it about once a month (and we lived together) and he would take special delight in rejecting me, until I was too fragile to even think about initiating sex.

He may be bipolar, but he is still hurting you. You don't have to sit there and accept that just because he's got a doctor's note. What he did was very hurtful.

7

Hornyteen, sorry to hear about your problem.

It seems as though there are reasons for why he's acting like this, but nevertheless, as a couple you have to be compatible in all ways, whether that's mentally or sexually or even in your interests and stuff.

If this has been going on for a long time, then maybe you need to decide whether you can overcome it as a couple or is it a big enough problem to consider that maybe you're not right for each other?

I hope you can work around it and good luck! x

8

hornyteen wrote:

[...] he said.......

'I dont like the fact that, it is always you that intatiates sex' and when I pressed him for more he said that 'its demasculates him' and makes him 'feel like less of a man'.

[...] I mean recently Im lucky if I get him into bed once a week [...] he was addicted to viarga and now cant get fully hard, which means the only position that works for us is missionary and its always in bed when Im wrecked, as we cant be spontanous.

Nothing I suggest to do or say helps either, as the only thing he fantasies about is 3somes and nothing else, so when I suggest doing it in the living room or bondage, Im always met with a no.

I mean he doesnt have a low sex drive as he always wanks, once maybe twice a day but he never wants sex and once I even dressed up for him, pulled his pants down and begged him for it and he wouldnt. I felt so crap but to make matters worse he then turned reound and asked if I could guve him a hand job!! After just turning me down, when he knew how much I wanted it!! I cried myself to sleep that night.

hornyteen, this sounds really, really, really crap! He embarked on a sexual relationship with you, and now he's essentially saying that he's only prepared to do what he wants and to hell with what you want. If you treated him the way he's treating you, I'm sure he'd have a whole lot to say about that!

"the only position that works for us" sounds more like the only position that works for him. In my experience, in order for a lover to be good, a lover must be generous. Is he being generous? What about what works for you? I don't think the term "generous" applies to his behaviour. He won't accommodate your needs, he blames you for having needs at all, and then he demands that you accommodate his. That sucks. In my opinion, he's using his bi-polar as a "get out of jail free card" for his disrespectful behaviour. I agree with Darth, no doctor's note can excuse this.

I also disagree that this is you being insecure. I think you're absolutely entitled to be dissatisfied with behaviour which doesn't satisfy you. In my opinion, "insecure" is feeling unwanted in the face of evidence of being wanted. In this situation, it sounds like you are being treated as if you are unwanted and disregarded, and I think it's only natural that you feel that way. I cannot see any reason why you should feel happy about his behaviour.

From what I've heard about bipolar disorder, it is really impossible to maintain long term relationships with people who have it. Have a look at this blog post I wrote, and especially the comments, there's some stuff about people with bipolar there which may possibly reassure you.

http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/nightmare-journey-from-hell/

Your situation sounds really vile. I hope you feel better soon. :/

9

hornyteen, I think I love you.

I always enjoy sex more when the missus pounces on me, makes me feel sexy & wanted. Means she still fancies me or she's been watching that dude off CSI again!

If you always have to make the move for lurve then you need to ask him where he's mojo has gone & why doesn't he have the gumption to 'woo you'! A wank is the easy way out, he may have performance worries or the like, talk to him. It could be he just needs a helping hand (pardon the pun) to build his confiedence!

Good luck!

10

In my personal opinion, I think that asking for a hand job in the face of consistently rejecting her overtures sounds pretty confident to me.

11

Lubyanka wrote:

In my personal opinion, I think that asking for a hand job in the face of consistently rejecting her overtures sounds pretty confident to me.

To be honest, to me that sounds like a calculated slap in the face to me. Even my ex (see my first post in this topic) never was that brazen.

12

Any campers out there ever had a friend who suffered/suffers from depression??

TB

13

Hornyteen, i'd seriously consider why i was in a relationship with a guy that was carrying on like this.

Obviously I don't know both sides of the story but it sounds very hurtful how he's treating you.

Think the two of you really need to have a conversation and get him to open up about why he's acting this way.

x

14

tallboy247 wrote:

Any campers out there ever had a friend who suffered/suffers from depression??

Me - thankfully medicated for it at the moment.

The way I see it, no matter how intensely horrible it makes me feel at times, my behaviour is still something I'm responsible for. If I'm unkind to people (and I have been sometimes) I don't get to absolve myself by waving my depression around. Just because it affects my behaviour doesn't mean it excuses my behaviour.

15

I don't get to absolve myself by waving my depression around. Just because it affects my behaviour doesn't mean it excuses my behaviour.

This is how I feel about periods!

16

Hi Nexas, l have known people who have been stress related depressed, not too sure re bi polar but have had todeal with paranoid depressive schizophrenics, and base this on that knowledge.

I found it was very difficult to do anything outside of my normal routine. Never mind work up the enthusiasm just do the thing at all - end of story. I just found it all too difficult.

Yes l know sex is as old as the hills, and you would think you could do it without really thinking about it at one level, but maybe not eh!! If he has enjoyed his own company for a long time then that will have becme a routine, and it may take some work to break out of what he perceives as his comfort zone.

Rows can emanate from any real or perceived attack upon the perimeters of this comfort zone sometimes.

I am not a doctor however, and am an eternal optimist most of the time.

Cheers

17

Hi Nexas, l have known people who have been stress related depressed, not too sure re bi polar but have had todeal with paranoid depressive schizophrenics, and base this on that knowledge.

I found it was very difficult to do anything outside of my normal routine. Never mind work up the enthusiasm just do the thing at all - end of story. I just found it all too difficult.

Yes l know sex is as old as the hills, and you would think you could do it without really thinking about it at one level, but maybe not eh!! If he has enjoyed his own company for a long time then that will have becme a routine, and it may take some work to break out of what he perceives as his comfort zone.

Rows can emanate from any real or perceived attack upon the perimeters of this comfort zone sometimes.

I am not a doctor however, and am an eternal optimist most of the time.

Cheers nd

18

Cheers and wishing you every success.

Tallboy....sorry about that techno glitch!!

19

Sorry Nexas you responded to the question l had asked in response to Hornyteen's situation. Meant it in that sense hope my answer didn't prove too befuddlng.

4 HOURS shopping has tired me out a tad!! sorry.

Tallboy

20

I disagree that rejecting all of her sexual overtures, and then only proposing sexual activities which exclude her satisfaction in favour of his own has anything whatsoever to do with "comfort zone". This, in my opinion, is the kind of behaviour one might expect a man to adopt with a sex worker, and he's not even paying her!

hornyteen wasn't talking at all about rows, and she wasn't even complaining, as such. She was describing behaviour which upsets and dissatisfies her, and so it should, in my opinion.