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Don’t. Please, please, love. He’s dangerous. :worried:

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I’m not sure it has to if you don’t want it to? Have you considered some counselling? If these things have left a mark you may find talking them through with a professional helpful. :+1:

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You are describing me, although i have no interest in sport whatsoever! :wink:

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Our differences in likes and personality are what make us unique, we should embrace that uniqueness no matter what other people think or say. If they can’t handle that uniqueness it’s their problem not ours. Your popularity here @CurvyJilly is testament to the fact that there are many who like your uniqueness. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Well said @WillC

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@Orgasm_Chaser Ancient is the right word, as in ancient way of thinking, not ancient as in age. I, for one, am quite old in terms of birthdays, but believe strongly that everyone, irrelevant of gender choice, should be able and free to express their desires and preferences. A woman, for me, who not only knows exactly what they want/need but is also happy to express that and go after it, is a very attractive trait. I can’t fathom anyone who thinks it might be acceptable to focus only on their own satisfaction, it’s called a “partnership” for a reason, especially today, we’re supposed to be more enlightened as a species, seems some take a little more “enlightening” than others.

@CurvyJilly unfortunately, it seems that you are connecting with the wrong folks :frowning_face:, keep being you, you’ll find the right match, I’m sure.

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People are interested in sport? :astonished:

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Apparently some are! :wink:

Well said - it’s sad that in this day and age women who say and do what they want are still put down… Although I cannot believe there is a man out there that would say he is getting too much oral, that’s a first - it’s normally the exact opposite, they don’t get enough.

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Sounds perfect to me. Not weird in any way!

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Uh whats wrong with some people, I don’t get it at all. I too have been shamed for being into things even basic things like toys. My ex used to tell me all the time how sex wasn’t important and it shouldn’t matter etc. Also I hate the double standard of it’s great for guys to be super into it but if a girl is she’s “kinky” or “dirty”. Worst is the mentality of oh well why touch yourself you have me, uh cause it’s my body.

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Probably a good reason why they’re an ex if they take that view. If you enjoy it, then do it.
I’ve never understood idea of ‘why touch yourself when I’m here’ either. I like being with others but I’ve been touching myself a lot longer and I know exactly what feels good!

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In her case she barely touched me so kind of had too, and when I say barely I mean the year we got married(lasted 2 months) 9 times total. But bingo I know exactly what feels good and sure it feels great with someone else but a little self love is self care in my book.

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Even though my partner is very understanding and supportive, I still struggle to tell him what I like. He tells me all the time to not feel weird or ashamed of sexual stuff and wishes I spoke up more in bed.

I think some of it boils down to the social mentality of “Women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. If she does, she’s a slut” which can be tricky to shake off :roll_eyes:

I don’t know. I still have this feeling of embarrassment and keep things to myself. While I think he has an inkling of my kink, I’ve never just outright said it or I simply dodge the the question. Maybe a part of me guesses he will think it’s too “weird” or “out there” (or just laugh, :sweat_smile:). I’m quite open and unfazed by general sexual conversation, but get irked when it comes to discussing my own desires.

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Maybe “I had a very vivid dream last night in which… It was really weird but actually I rather liked it”. :thought_balloon:

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Look at it from this perspective, you both may have secret kinks or things you’d like to try. It would be a shame if neither of you voiced those ideas and you both never explored them.

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I’ve got to say @Mint-Monster, don’t hold anything in! Honestly! We were in a bit of a rut with our sex being plain, the same thing over and over. I wouldn’t say boring but we both knew exactly how it would start and finish! We sat down and spoke about it and Mrs Welsh opened up about wanting to explore in anal play but for both of us! So we set about it and to be honest it completely changed our sex lives! Buying each other toys to use on each other and lubes and it’s lead onto completely new things which pretty much saved our sex life!
She was worried that when she brought it up i would’ve closed up like a clam because of the typical mans “it’s a one way street” look on it! Unless you lay your cards on the table then how is he supposed to understand what you really like?! Trust me, take the plunge! :+1:

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I think we’ll be pretty much in agreement on here that nobody should be ashamed of what they find kinky and arousing. As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual we’re all going to say ‘bloody good for you’. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:

But opening up to a partner, or potential playmate, about what sort of things you’d like there to be on the sex menu can be quite a terrifying thought. The fear that you might be talking to a sexual luddite who will be confused and react poorly can be a real worry.

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate that conversation, but somehow feel less vulnerable while doing it?

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This can be a super tricky thing to do. I am by no means an expert, and I do think it largely depends on the personality of the person and what conversations would be considered the norm. I also think it can be more tricky if you’ve been sleeping with that person for a long time as it sometimes feels like there’s more to “lose”.

If I am trying to introduce a new kink/fantasy/idea with someone I’m sleeping with, then my go-to is usually saying… “I was listening to a podcast and they were discussing XXX, what are your thoughts on that?”. You can tend to gauge where someone is at by their response - as long as it is not a absolute no/disgust, then I will follow it up with questions or comments like, “I find it quite hot. I think that’s something I’d like to try - would you be up for it?”. Just as an example! I think the more casual the conversation the less awkward it’s going to be. I’d much rather have a chat about a podcast/article I’d read than a formal sit down “we need to discuss gags”.

I also find sexting quite an opener and people tend to be more open about what their fantasies/kinks may be. Understand this is much harder if you already live with them! Even if you follow it up at a later date… “You know when you mentioned XXX the other day when we were texting, is that something you’d like to explore?”

Another way I’ve heard people do before is to both write all their fantasies down or things they’d like to try. Then to compare lists, say what you’d like, what you’re unsure of but you’ll give a go, and what your limits are/hard no’s. This would obviously need a trusted space and a precursor for no judgement!

I like to think now that anyone I’m sleeping with is likely to be open to at least a conversation about things, even if they decide they don’t want to do it (which is absolutely fine). It’s overcoming the insecurities in myself, and like @Mint-Monster said, overcoming the message that “woman aren’t meant to enjoy sex” that we’ve been brought up with.

I also think it’s super important to acknowledge that not everyone will enjoy the same things and that is absolutely okay. We shouldn’t be shamed for liking something, and shouldn’t shame people for not liking things. Just like food… We all have our favourites and absolute no go’s!

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