I'm in a newish relationship (4 months) with a 41 year old man I'm 36. The first time we had sex after Oral and foreplay he went soft half way through, he made himself hard again and we carried on. Afterwards he said that had never happened before and that he thinks more foreplay would help. We have since mainly had oral sex and not penetrive but when we do again he looses his erection. He then told me he thinks it is because I'm not like any of his past partners . I am quite shy but at this stage we are still getting to know each other and I didn't think being a bit more reserved would turn off a man. We have so far only had sex once where he's not lost his erection during. He loves Oral sex and I've mastered how he likes it and I really do like to please him....however roll on to last weekend where after our first successful sex session in the afternoon he wanted oral sex but I couldn't get him to go hard at all...he seemed quite mad and told me it's not working and that he doesn't fancy me.
The rest of our relationship has been great he was very loving, kind and we had so much in common.He now had shut me off and won't speak to me.Do you think he genuinely is getting turned off by me/doesn't fancy me or do you think he's got a problem? I really want to sort it out. He's given me no reason to think he doesn't fancy me as I don't understand why he would have continued seeing me and why he would even get into bed with me, it's not helping my confidence not knowing if it's me or not
Sorry for the very long post 😣
I've lead a very sheltered sex life after 2 long term relationships with partners that weren't in to sex. So I do know I've been holding back due to lack of confidence and just being totally out of the swing of things! I came on here to order some sexy outfits but sadly he's finished with me before I've got to wear them for him. I can't help but feel it's more of a mental block he's putting up rather than it actually being me as I'm open to trying anything and I was looking forward to my sex life with him..I haven't said anything to make him feel bad about the erection issue either I said I'm happy to work on it and do whatever it takes, however his answer is just that he must not be attracted to me if his rocket won't stay hard.
He won't talk to me at all but I am hoping to see him Saturday for something we had already booked that we both agreed we would still go to so I'm hoping I can talk to him then fingers crossed (plus I'm going to look as attractive as I possibly can!)
Can I respond from a man's perspective.
I have recently started a new relationship after a long gap, and currently 6 weeks in.
I am older than Snugglebum82's partner but have experienced the same issues. Absolutely raring for it until the point of penetration and then it went down like a popped balloon. Nerves had a lot to do with my problem and this impacts subsequent occassions. I have experienced it before and know that if I can get past the initial penetration then things will firm up.
I was embarressed that I was unable to continue the moment for my OH, I was annoyed with myself for the same reason. We had a quiet time together, discussed it, blamed the little chap, laughed about it and devised solutions..
In no way was I annoyed with my OH and it is unacceptable to me for Snugglebum82's partner to get annoyed with them.
I think this may not be the first for him and has decided it is not his problem directly and is somehow your fault and he is upset that it has re-occurred. We men will not always discuss at the time whilst we internalise and self-examine the issue but will usually discuss at a later time.
As he appears to have called time on the relationship and announced he doesn't fancy you, whether in reality or self-defence, it is apparent that he isn't willing or able to discuss it.
If he can't have a discussion about your closest times and offloads the cause, perhaps it is better that it is put down to experience.
Thank you Alicia & Woodie I really appreciate your replies it's made me feel a bit better about what's probably happening. I will persevere and if I can manage to get him to talk to me I shall let you know what happens. Fingers crossed x