Hello I’m back! I hope you are all well, I see there are still some familiar faces around.
I had to take a break from the forum, my OH’s libido dropped, and it’s been a whole time. I was finding that I was comparing myself to others and it was not doing my mental health any good.
But we are booked in for couples therapy with a sexologist in the middle of November, and I’m starting to feel like there’s hope for us. I’m nervous, mostly nervous that it won’t work.
I’ve regularly denied myself and kept my distance to respect what he’s going through right now. We’ve kept communicating, and I remind him how grateful I am that he’s so on board with fixing it, and even accepting that it’s something we need to work on in the first place. But, it’s been frustrating, (I’ve gone through a whole process of thinking it’s me that’s not enough for him…sigh)
It’s been quite up and down, and confusing because when we do have sex, it’s so fulfilling, he seems to be able to get hard and stay hard spontaneously and responsively but… the frequency of us actually just doing it just isn’t where I visioned it would be at our age and level of love for each other.
Then I ruin it for myself because while we are having sex, I think “this is it for x number of days/weeks now” and even though he makes sure I am satisfied, sex just makes me more horny.
A while back my libido was low and I actively sought out to fix it, so I know it can be done, but for me it was a birth control complication as well as other medication, so once it was out of my system I returned to normal. He’s not on any medication and hasn’t been for years.
The rest of the marriage is fantastic, best friends, talk about everything, spend more time together now since I’m a stay at home dog mum/admin.
We are just lacking in the sex department. He’s great, he wants to fix it, he’s just started supplements in case it’s a deficiency somewhere, he’s super fit and healthy otherwise, we’ve reduced stress. Next step is a blood test, and therapy. But I heard that the hormone scales they measure T are a bit off, and doctors can be reluctant to give out T if your levels are low normal.
We are only 30. I am terrified if left untreated this will just fester towards a DB.
My question is, has anyone found therapy to work for them? Any success “got my libido back” stories? Supplements you swear by? Anything?
It recently came out that he thinks he’s been low libido for years, since he took a medication to try and stop him from losing his hair when he was a late teenager, which is a common side effect, but shouldn’t have lasted this long. He was also on Ritalin from age 5 to about 18. He also recently said his orgasms aren’t as good as they used to be when he was a lot younger. He’s blaming the hair loss medication fully to be honest.
Then I get up in my head about it, am I asking too much.
I know it’s not a DB - since we have had very fulfilling sex in the 4 years we’ve been together - as some of you will remember from my posts, just maybe not exceptional with regards to frequency. I’ve tracked it, so far 36 times this year, and I know that’s no where near a DB and probably some on here would wish they had that, but we are young and still madly in love with each other… surely this isn’t it for us.
Anyway, sorry for the brain vomit.
Husbands sex drive is low, want to know success stories with therapy/supplements/ anything else to keep my hopes up for the both of us