Hi everyone :)
OK, this is a bit awkward for me to explain/ask so bear with me.
I bought a rabbit. This rabbit https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22191
I've never bought toys before so one reason I chose the slimline one was because on the whole it's less intimidating for a newbie. However the other reason for choosing the slimline one is because (and I hope this isn't TMI) I've always found vaginal penetration very painful. I've still no idea how I ever managed to have sex with me ex but it always hurt, so I thought buying this rabbit would allow me to retrain my vagina to associate having something inside it with pleasure rather than pain.
Problem is this lovely little slimline rabbit is too big. I've tried using lots of lube (lovehoney's own water-based) but I just can't get it to go in. I can't believe just how uncooperative my body's being; my ex was bigger than this rabbit, although I haven't had anything inside me in a loooooong time.
Can any of you lovely people offer me any advice? especially any ladies who either have had pain issues themselves, or have gone up in size with vaginal toys. I really don't want this purchase to be 37 quid down the drain.
Hi :)
I have painful sex sometimes too - they believe mine is due to previous trauma and a tilted cervix. It took me a long time to get comfortable with penetration and I’m getting there finally.
A thicker lube might be beneficial. I often use anal lube for everything as it’s got a thicker consistency and adds more comfort.
My other suggestion would be to take the focus of insertion and try to avoid thinking about how it may be painful. It’s easier said than done I know, but thinking about it will make you tense up subconsciously and that could be causing the problem. I have found that having a clitoral orgasm before using a penetrative toy is really useful for me. It relaxes me enough to make penetration comfortable and enjoyable.
If you’re still experiencing pain, and always have done, I do think it might be worth chatting to a nurse or doctor about it. They may do a physical exam to see if there is anything causing the pain and if there is, come up with a treatment plan. If there’s nothing physically causing the pain then the block is mental and that takes more time and patience to overcome.
Hi,
It sounds like you could be suffering from a condition called vaginismus, it's more common than you think for women to experience pain during sex and even those that have had sex for many years can suddenly find penetration uncomfortable. I'd highly suggest visiting your GP to have a talk.
The good news is that it can be overcome if it is vaginismus, there are sets that you can use to effectively train your vagina to accept larger penetritive objects. Lovehoney sell this one https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782 and if you have a read through the reviews you'll find some really great feedback. It might seem a bit pricey at first but if your GP agrees this is the cause of your pain then it is highly worth in investing in. But I would definitely see your GP first as it could be a number of things that could be causing you to experience pain.
Hope that helps x
Thank you so much for the replies! :)
I had wondered about vaginismus myself. Maybe I should have mentioned there is an incident of past sexual trauma, although that wasn't specifically vagina-related, so I don't know whether that would be having a psychological impact or not, though it is the reason I've put off seeing a doctor; while I don't mind the doctor knowing, I DO mind it being noted in my medical records for all time.
That set of dilators looks really good! I had seen another set of 6 available, but they ship from the U.S. My birthday's only weeks away so I think I'll take advantage of the discount.
I agree with Alicia. I don’t think it has to be specifically vagina-related for the brain to make the connection. It could be all sex acts or just certain acts - it’s different for everyone. Any kind of sexual trauma can cause issues with a healthy sex life later on so it’s worth considering that it could be a part of the cause.
Maybe go to the doctor and if they rule out physical problems causing pain, someone you trust like a counsellor or therapist could try to help overcome any mental blocks. There is some great support out there and not all of it has to be via referral from the GP. You can request that certain things aren’t noted on file. I personally have it listed on my notes but only certain medical professionals have access to the information and can’t share it with others without my consent.
Regarding the dilators - I think they’d be a great choice as you can work up at your own pace.
I appreciate what you have both said about it being vagina-related, thank you. I never actually thought of that, and I do need to have my asthma reviewed so I'll try and sum up the courage to mention it then.
Those dilators are the best I've seen; I'm definately getting them.
Hi TLBM, thinking about this psychologically, maybe if you link insertion of a toy of a graded size like the set above with pleasurable clitoral stimulation you can knock the psychological ‘edge’ on the head. It’s called linked desensitisation. I agree with Nat&Tom & Alicia this could well be a psysiological issue but there is no harm tackling it holistically if you want too.
The mind is a powerful thing. I have worked with people who cannot use limbs because of psychological traumas even though functionally the limbs were fine. I find that positive reinforcement works really well. Maybe look at the Womanizers or Lol Sonas?
Hope you find resolution either way. Just remember that you are too beautiful a person not to be able to enjoy your body X
Thanks Mr Pheebs. I'm going to try the dilators and if I don't have any luck then I think would be the time to talk to my GP.
Ok hon, I wish you all the best X