Rant Thread - Get it all out here

Off-Topic Chat
3233

@anon8189768 - Agreed. It seems like a snap decision on the family’s part before they have heard the whole story. Like they burnt a bridge with their own ignorance and probably assuming all kinds of things. As you said, they may have reacted with initial shock and little understanding? Hopefully some conversation can help.

I think it’s one of those “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situations with telling someone. If my friend seen my partner was doing something and didn’t tell me about it, and then I found out later they knew all that time, do you think I’d be mad? Of course I would. But if they told me right off the bat, then at least they didn’t hide it. However, they have then got involved in an issue that wasn’t technically their business - potentially dropping a bomb on the relationship even though it’s come from a place of trying to be a good friend. It’s a tough one. :confused:

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3234

@MsR I’m so sorry this took so long to reply. Firstly, thank you for the advice and information (same to @WillC). Second, here is the answer to some of the questions:

We have two pure bred German Sheperds. One boy and one girl. From different family lineages as we plan to breed them around 2yrs old. Cost a few thousand each and the male’s dad was a prize winning show-dog. Absolutely do not want to do any shows lol

As far as chewing, they aren’t bad. They do get into all kinds of stuff but nothing that actually matters. Only one spot on the house that they ever went after and we’ve been watching and they haven’t touched again. Otherwise we pay enough attention that if they get a dirty sock or anything else they aren’t suppose to have we’re able to quickly get it away.

@MsR and @WillC: I don’t actually hate the dogs. I know the post says I do, and at the time I wrote it, that was a very sincere and honest emotion. Last night was a never ending barkfest that not only pushed me over the edge emotionally, but kept pushing me farther down even after I had already hit the ground.

I don’t see the dogs walking by and think “I hate those dogs!” But it was unbearable when they’d bark and I had no recourse. I say “was unbearable” because I had the talk this morning with OH. She showed me a technique that is “OH approved” to stop him from barking.

She actually had a pro trainer stop by a few days ago and they took the dogs for a walk. The male that used to strain the leash, and bark at literally everything all around the block, now pretty much heels and doesn’t bark at all and that was only after 2 lessons. Guess that explains why we paid that trainer $300 for just a couple hours of work lol

I thought he was just coming over to train the dogs to heel and some basic stuff. Apparently he showed OH how to get him to stop barking. Yeah :neutral_face: So apparently OH knew how to make him stop for a couple days already :roll_eyes: lol

After seeing the dogs this morning on their walk with OH, they are literally like brand new dogs. Super smart. Glad I decided not to ‘Dexter’ them. Would have been a more awkward conversation with OH :stuck_out_tongue:

So in general I actually enjoy their company. I also enjoy playing with them. They are even sweet enough that between them and OH, they got me to overturn my “they’ll never be on the bed” rule. Though they still do not sleep with us at night. They’re not that cute :wink:

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts and advice. Also for letting me vent. Much appreciated :slight_smile:

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3235

I’m glad that @Justthe2ofus2007 and OH did stuff together on her site (least I feel like I read that) so I feel more at liberty to say this here on this thread:

I’m personally of the opinion that if my OH was hiding doing a webcam show, and anybody at all told me about it, then the person who told me did not at all drop the bomb, OH did when she decided to do that behind my back.

But I also understand that stuff is kinda sensitive and tricky and that everybody probably has their own preference on what they’d prefer to happen.

About 19 years ago I had a good friend that confided in (or confessed) to me that he had a one-time affair with a woman from work. I didn’t tell his wife but I strongly encouraged him to do so. He did from what I hear. Unfortunately I also heard that they separated.

I had the chance about 11 years later to give him a call. I wanted to call just to catch up and see how he’s doing. Unfortunately I ended up chickening out. I was afraid he’d be bitter against me for encouraging him to confess. Though I don’t know how someone could hold on to that amount of guilt and be ok. That would probably crush me and eat at me to the point of physical death if I ever cheated and tried to hide it.

So back to the topic, I guess different circumstances would in fact affect how I handle it. Would depend on a large number of factors and each situation would be different.

One day I’ll figure out how to not write walls of text in each reply :laughing:

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3236

Absolutely small minded and extremely rude them to behaviour like that. You are not hurting anyone, even if you were selling sex, as long as no one is getting hurt then there’s nothing wrong with that. Once they realised your husband knows about and is okay with it they should have dropped the subject, especially at what must already be a very difficult time for you all.

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3237

I disagree, he’s nothing to do with the family and was using the site himself. I had a colleague of my wife, who’d only met me once, tell her she’d seen me out with another woman at a pub when i was working a 2pm to 10pm shift. Fortunately at the time, my father in law was my supervisor and could vouch that i was actually at work. It turned out it was my then single brother out with his girlfriend. Can you imagine the grief it would have caused me if i couldn’t prove i was actually at work? So sometimes it’s better to say nothing, especially in the case of @Justthe2ofus2007 as the guy is a hypocrite if he’s using the site.

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3238

LOL that’s also true.

And that did clear up some of the context about who knows who and how. Or didn’t know actually. Thank you :slight_smile:

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3240

I think if he’s copied it from the internet then he can? It’s public information. He may be infringing copyright if he reposts it elsewhere, but for private use I think it’s covered?

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3242

It may be against the site rules?

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3243

To be honest I’m no expert on this so definitely do your own research, but I did find this from www.rightsofwomen.org.uk:

What is not revenge porn?

…

The law also states that it is not an offence for someone to share a photograph or video of you if they believed that it had already been shared or published, with your consent and that you had been paid. For example, if there is a photograph of you on a pornographic website, someone might see it and assume you have consented to it being posted and been paid for the photo. They might then share it with someone else. That is not an offence. However if the person who originally posted the image did so without your consent, they may be guilty of an offence.

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3244

I just found that site too and was going to post but you’ve beaten me too it @Ian_Chimp

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3245

He’s remarkably good at that lol

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3247

:rage: :rage: :rage: Any chance you were able to head it off and tell your mom first? (if that’s at all something you would have preferred)

Or are you providing the update because your mom told you that’s what happened? :grimacing:

Not even my life and I’m so irked for what they’re trying to do. And from what you mentioned earlier about the ‘restrictions’ on your cam sessions.

I sincerely reach out a hug to you (um, a caring, non-creepy hug, and with permission :grimacing:. Actually I’ll just have @Kitty-Cat01 give you one for me lol)

Edit: I find it sincerely sad and irritating (probably more irritating) when people forget that they themselves are not perfect and are quick to throw out other people’s business. Like, you can’t feel good about your life unless you’re trashing someone else?

Though it may very well mean they themselves are in a miserable spot and just happened to latch onto the easiest scapegoat they can find. Just monologuing.

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3248

As an outsider - I’d happily friend request him for the sole purpose of telling him not to act like a small-minded pathetic arsehole… what a nasty and vindictive thing to do!

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3249

Wow, that is incredibly fucked up. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

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3250

The mind boggles at the lengths some people will go to! What a totally horrible thing to do to someone.

You shouldn’t have to justify your life to all and sundry because of other people’s interference.

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3252

What, in, the, actual, F**K?!?!?! :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: :angry: :rage:Blackmail = police call imo. Illegal, immoral, and just all kinds of WTF. Sorry @Justthe2ofus2007 :cry:

I just don’t even know what to say anymore. Just awful in every sense of the word.

Edit: At the very least I got your back as a listening ear. Maybe by God’s Grace I’ll even have a good idea or two. Again, sorry

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3253

@Justthe2ofus2007
I feel for you girl - nobody would ever want to be in the position you are in :pensive:
What will he even gain from telling your mum?
It’s so pathetic!
I don’t have any wise words but if I was to put myself in your shoes, I would own it.

You are old enough to make your own decisions in life, this enables you to provide for her grandchildren, you can still be a good mother and daughter, you aren’t doing anything illegal, or behind your husbands back.
There is no harm in what you are doing so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise!

I think it will be wise to contact the police and find out where you stand with the situation, this could also scare him off.

If he goes ahead and tells your mum that will be devastating. Before getting into a full blown argument with her it might be a good idea to try and keep it minimal and just give her some time and space to process it before talking to her properly about it - I really hope it doesn’t come to this.

If your family are willing to lose you over this then it says a lot about them. But they will be the ones making that decision.

Please continue to share your feelings with us in the hope that we can be a listening ear and provide any comfort and positivity to you.

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3254

Call the police if you feel up to it and drop contact after. Your children will be okay, explain to then that their cousins parents did something very horrible to you, so although its sad, you wont be able to see them anymore. As for your mum, you can’t control how she takes it, but remember you are doing nothing wrong and if she takes it badly you don’t have to talk to her.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. Although I’m not involved in sex work, as a gay person with homophobic family, I can very much sympathise with the pain it causes and you absolutely do not deserve any of this.

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3255

How is he blackmailing you and what the hell does he hope to gain from any of it? You’re not doing anything illegal and it’s seems he’s already outed you to your immediate family .

I’ll be honest , he sounds like a sad waste of space and it beggars belief that your family have turned their backs on you over this .

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3257

@Justthe2ofus2007

This situation that you find yourself in - what’s the worst that can happen?
What are you most afraid of?

Nobody is physically hurt, your children are healthy and safe, you have your husband by your side.

Don’t let them break you, they are not worth your tears x

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