Thankfully considering we were all 3rd year biology students and based on the workshop content we knew to take stuff like that with a large handful of salt 
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Rules are rules, they are there for you to follow and them. They can wait and maybe it’ll make them realise how much of an asset you are to them
Also your work do need you, because you (the guys on the floor/tools/etc) are their assets, without you’d have nothing
We have to remind our managers about these often aswell
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Tested positive for Covid 
I’ve been trying to fill in test and trace which has taken me an hour so far. I then popped to the loo and it timed out! I’m not doing that again, I’ll have to wait for a phone call i think. I can’t remember exactly which shops / supermarkets / cafes I when in since 8th Jan! I have the memory of a goldfish and I’m dyslexic so I kept typing in the dates wrong. Maybe it’s a good thing that it timed out. I just hope they call me soon so that I can stop worrying. Also I have quite severe anxiety issues and one of those issues is that I get very anxious and tearful if plans and routines are changed and if I don’t get out of the house even for a day. I’m not sure how I’m going to cope with 5 days, we shall see.
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I really feel for you @Kitty-Cat01 its never easy. I hope you don’t get too many symptoms and feel ok very soon.
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So sorry to hear that @Kitty-Cat01, I hope you’re ok, sending hugs 
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Thanks @steve19 and @Knight1119
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Hope you recover quickly too @Kitty-Cat01
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Thanks 
I’m not too bad to be honest, feels like a mild cold so I’m very lucky so far, as long as it stays like this and doesn’t get worse 
trying to see the positives and get some jobs done around the house while I’ve got the time.
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Hey @Knight1119
I know that too…I’m the same…I can’t say too much on here but what I do know my friend is that it can eat you away inside…
Sometimes it helps knowing you CAN talk about it and there are people out there who have gone through and are going through similar circumstances…so you don’t feel alone in your situation.
Keeping it in sometimes helps short term but there’s always someone here my friend whenever you need to vent and let off some steam.
I know it’s only virtual @Knight1119
But… Hugs and remember you must take care of you too…
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Hey @CurvyJilly, thanks, that’s very kind of you. I haven’t ever spoken about my private life to anyone outside of here, I’ve anyways been told to be a man and get on with it. The last time I publicly showed my feelings was at school many years ago, when our family pet died, I just cried on my own on a seat in the playground, I got so much abuse it taught me a valuable lesson, don’t show weakness
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It’s not weakness @Knight1119
It’s life
We all have feelings…we all get hurt. We all need to feel wanted and to feel loved. It’s a basic human need.
I’m so sorry you experienced that and you felt you had to keep your emotions hidden away from then on…
Like I say…always here to support and be a listening ear if you need it…lots of us on here have similar experiences…a problem shared and so on.
You always show kindness to everyone and like @KinkyMira said in the other thread…accept our kindness right back at you.
Take care…
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Thanks @CurvyJilly, you’re such a kind Lady
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It’s ok to show your true feelings here It’s not a weakness It’s being human. I can’t comprehend losing a child because i have none, but i have lost many beloved pets, and as heartbreaking as those losses are, life HAS to go on, and you are obviously suffering. We are here for you, you are a good, kind chap always giving nice responses to others, but YOU have to feel loved and wanted. Life is too short for regret. We are here for you, and whatever support you need, we have friends who can help.
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Thank you @WillC
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Really sorry to hear that @Kitty-Cat01, I hope you’re ok, sending lots of hugs
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Oh @Knight1119, that’s so sad, and worse, not the slightest bit uncommon. Men keeping things bottled up is one of the worst consequences of toxic masculinity, and I wish there was an easy way to undo it. But there isn’t.
You are amongst friends here, and we know it isn’t weakness, that everyone needs emotional support and are happy to give that you regularly show others. You are a good man. You deserve so much better, and you try so hard to be the man you are expected to be and seemingly get nothing back. I for one know if I could give you something back, I would. I know there isn’t a lot we can do, but we can and will do what we can.
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Thanks ever so much @KinkyMira, you’re very kind
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I can relate fully to @KinkyMira ‘s comments on toxic masculinity.
Sadly I also recognise your feelings and about not showing weakness, @Knight1119
I thought I might share a little about my experience in the hope it could be of some help to you or others:
I’ve done a fair bit of talking things out with a counsellor a little while back, after putting it off for years.
There were some topics that came up in the sessions I’d never fully talked about with another human being. One was a sexual assault I’d experienced as a young adult (while both serious and horrible, I felt I got away relatively lightly, and minimised it’s significance for many years) Another related to a physical attack by a large group who’d singled me out for verbal abuse and a kicking.
Neither of these incidents involved the police. However, they’ve both in some way affected me.
In both cases, my feelings were bottled up for years and never discussed, mostly down to my buying into a toxic ‘masculine’ culture where talking about feelings is considered a weakness.
Getting the ball rolling with counselling felt like it took forever. Making the initial request felt like it was actually the hardest part for me. Being on the waiting list and getting an appointment time that fitted around my life was a smaller challenge. But sitting down in a dedicated space with no distractions, and talking to a trained and sympathetic person, in absolute confidence for an hour each week, felt slightly uncomfortable but genuinely rewarding and I got so much from it.
Parts of the retelling of events and my feelings were difficult to navigate. But I remember a feeling of calm afterwards. Like the events and my memories of them had been aired, examined, and rationalised. I was able to find peace with these feelings and compartmentalise them to a large extent.
I felt stronger afterwards and to this day.
Before this, I’d never really thought about how much I’d never felt able to talk to my friends and family about, for the simple fact that I felt vulnerable sharing it and hadn’t wanted to appear weak. Which is a lonely place to be.
But it was in sharing the vulnerability and confronting it that I found greater strength.
Since then, I’ve felt able to share (but not over-share!) a fair few of my feelings and vulnerabilities with my wife, select work colleagues, and with my friends. And I’ve been met with nothing but support and others sharing their own stories.
It’s really felt like counselling’s given me tools to understand and work with negative emotions. This feels to me like real strength. And I wish I’d done it sooner.
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Thanks @Knottydevil, I’m really sorry to hear of your bad experiences.
I have never been encouraged always discouraged from talking about issues, even ridiculed. Some years ago I very reluctantly spoke to my current girlfriend about a very small percentage of my issues, she was in tears. I thought afterwards this isn’t fair to burden anyone else. Unfortunately nothing can change what happened, so it doesn’t seem worth talking about it. The fear and beatings I suffered throughout my school years & suicidal thoughts shaped my life, when I left school I was a nervous wreck, but then I started to feel angry and hatred for how I was treated, I still feel the anger and hatred deep down, I don’t show my feelings and keep myself to myself.
Thanks, man. There’s actually worse… They’re just a couple of good examples of crap life’s handed to me!
But truly & honestly, I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine. I’ve had good support in the last few years, and am gradually building up the skills to communicate on this stuff way better. It’s been far too easy to let my mental health slide for long stretches of time, and suffer in silence. But I’ve had a few really good therapists more recently, and learned to build resilience by talking stuff out & processing it.
I grew up in a family that didn’t ‘do’ feelings myself. I think part of this is that mum & dad were baby boomers and grew up in the long aftermath of WW2 against the backdrop of the Cold War. Their parent’s generation suffered loss, grief and trauma on an epic scale, and many lived with survivors guilt on top. The human suffering was an epidemic.
My understanding is this sort of led to trivialisation of suffering in the aftermath, and a legacy that’s described as ‘generational trauma’.
There’s also an idea one therapist told me about about, of a ‘hierarchy of suffering’ where comparisons to other people’s suffering is often made, and unless the misery is epic, it somehow doesn’t seem to count for some people.
Which I think is just actual BS, and should be challenged.
Perhaps it would be l good to look at it as a much lighter burden if it’s shared?
While my wife is my go-to best friend and my rock, I learned a while back not to rely on her to help me unburden too often and talk through all my problems. Particularly in a raw form. She’s too close to be my only support, and it can be a heavy burden. She and I think differently on things too, so I don’t see how it would work fully anyhow.
What I’ve found best is to talk some things through with my wife, some with a friend, and the really really thorny stuff is reserved for a private & confidential hour with a therapist whose only job it is for that time to listen to my darkest problems & be supportive 
This forum obviouslys helps a bit every now and then too!
I really wouldn’t worry too much about your problems being a burden. You do seem to freely offer help and suppor yourself on these pages! People are often really happy to help too. Often people who’ve been through similar things are the best ‘cos they’re also keen to share their own experiences. I’m more than happy to try & help where I can though I do tend to dip in and out of this forum so I’m not always around consistently.
I’d say it’s totally normal to have problems, issues, worries, etc, and to feel the weight of them. But it’s also really healthy to share them & process them with others so they don’t get bottled up.
Sorry for the essay. I didn’t mean to ramble, but a few things seem to leap out at me from your reply, because they’re so recognisable, and I thought I’d share my reflections in case they strike a chord.
I’ve got no specific training in medicine or counselling so feel free to take my thoughts as just that: my personal thoughts. I’m not in any way judging your situation. Just sharing my positive experiences of asking for help.
Now I must admit this bit made my eyes water briefly:
Thank you for sharing this. I’m really sorry to hear you’ve had such hard times. It’s really not ok this stuff happened to you and it’s really ok you’ve felt down about these things. So I’m glad you’ve felt able to share this.
On the positive side: from where I’m sitting, you appear to be displaying symptoms of having feelings and being a decent human being!
Looking back at conversations in my own therapy: I was pleasantly surprised to find how much of what I was feeling is a completely normal response to bad stuff happening. Like how certain lower levels of suicidal ideation are really common and quite normal intrusive thoughts, not necessarily a symptom of mental illness, and not a sign of weakness. This is the only level I personally have been to. Never to a more extreme stage of practical planning, or an actual attempt at ending my own life.
Being a nervous wreck is also very much a normal response to trauma from bullying. For some people this can be extreme, as in full-blown PTSD. Or anxiety that develops to OCD behaviours. Luckily for me, I’ve also not been quite there. Just had a bit of run of the mill, common anxiety.
For me, the magic of counselling was in large part, being given new perspectives on my feelings. Having them heard and understood. and feeling validated, and talking about them to a point where eventually I’d made my peace with my darker thoughts, and they felt like less of a problem. Like they weren’t nearly as heavy and burdensome.
Good luck @Knight1119. I wish you all the best on your journey. Big hugs, fella…
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