@Knight1119 i must say @Knottydevil has raised some good points, and hope you get some strength from them.
Hate to think you felt suicidal, and it’s quite a common reaction to bullying, because as a kid it can seem like the only way to stop the suffering.
I have experienced similar as have many, and to this day, i detest bully’s.
What i would like to say to you @Knight is that by still feeling angry all these years later, you are letting the bully’s win. I bet they never give you a second thought.
What i think you should do, is like @Knottydevil did, get some form of counselling, you always come across as a nice, caring chap, and you don’t deserve to have those bad experiences still controlling your life.
Also, it’s not burdening someone to discuss these things, wether on the forum or in your family life, expressing these feelings can only help.
Hope this makes sense?
Many thanks for your kind thoughts @Knottydevil , that means a lot to me. For so long now I’ve tried to be strong for my girlfriend, she suffers terribly. I took her to quite a few counselling sessions years ago, but she said it barely helped, I guess deep down that put me off. There is a lot of sadness and negativity in my life. I’ve never spoken to anyone about my issues before & I haven’t a clue how or where to start. Big hugs to you too mate
You were very brave to post here to us on the forum…please know that it happened alot in our childhood and it got ignored and pushed to one side…we were brought up that boys should be tough and not cry or show any emotion at all. No idea why…big mistake.
We are paying the price now…thankfully it isn’t quite as bad nowadays…although there will always be bullies. It’s cyber bullying nowadays which is yet another big concern.
You are always one of the first to wish people well here on the forum and shower everyone with kind words and concern…please please take our kind words and concern to you too.
If you feel therapy isn’t for you…you have friendly helpful members here who have also lived through awful things and have similar experiences…like @Knottydevil who has been brave to post his experiences to help.
Well, maybe ask your doctor or Citizens Advice? Or try Google?
It just seems so sad that you are still carrying around the ill effects of that bullying, you deserve better, and some form of counselling may help you. If your OH sees it helping you, it may inspire her to try it again?
As you know, there’s always us here, if you need to talk or vent, and most of us have experienced similar stuff.
I know i have, so don’t feel angry, frustrated or alone, we are here to help, just as you help others with your kind, caring responses to others.
Your GP is a good place to start. Their initial response may be to offer antidepressants such as SSRI’s to combat negative feelings and help you in the short term.
In my experience SSRI medicines have tended to treat my symptoms (depression related) rather than address the underlying causes, so the symptoms reappeared a little while after stopping, and they’ve never had a big effect on anxiety.
My best advice is to approach your doctor with a desired outcome front and centre of your query: perhaps this might be to address trauma from your schooldays, saying how it’s affecting you today. things like low self esteem, self criticism, anxiety, disrupted sleep, unhealthy behaviours or whatever you’re feeling. Requesting help with a specific desired outcome can help them to target the best resources.
In my understanding, talking therapies fall into three basic categories; Psychodynamic (eg. Freudian & Jungian psychotherapy), Behavioural (eg. Cognitive Behavavioral Therapy), and Humanistic.
I’ve only encountered the last two, and got way more out of the Humanistic approach for addressing my issues from the past.
CBT was useful for me in overcoming a psychological barrier I had due to feeling anxiety around a certain activity, and reducing the anxiety, but didn‘t address the underlying problems.
But everyone‘s different.
Thanks for the advice @Knottydevil, to be honest I haven’t heard of any of those - Psychodynamic (eg. Freudian & Jungian psychotherapy), Behavioural (eg. Cognitive Behavavioral Therapy), and Humanistic.
Quite a lot of therapists/counselors now use a combination of different types of therapy depending on the client and what they want to work through. It can sometimes take a few goes to find the right therapist for you but when you do it can really change things for you. After I had counselling I had people who I only knew in passing say I seemed like a different person.
I had CBT first and I wasn’t right for me and I did end up having to pay as the wait for any other type of therapy was a lot but it was worth every penny.
Thanks @AmyA, that’s great you had successful treatment. I get emails virtually everyday advertising counselling and wellbeing through work, but I feel very uneasy using them because I don’t want anyone knowing my problems either at work or outside work.
Any counselling offered through your workplace should be totally confidential and offered by an outside company so your workplace shouldn’t know about it. Assuming that it is an outside company then I would take the opportunity if it’s free or subsidised especially if money is a bit tight at the moment!
If you aren’t restricted by cost then you might have more choice of counsellors. Have a look at the BACP website - they are a professional body for counsellors and psychotherapists and have a “find a therapist” page which is really good. All counsellors should be registered with a professional body and i’d suggest making sure that whoever you chose is registered as it shows that they are properly trained. There are a few other options too, not just BACP.
I’d highly recommend counselling, i’ve seen a few in the past and am currently looking for a new one (my last counsellor retired!). The most important thing is finding someone you feel comfortable with and counsellors should be happy for you to have an initial conversation with a few different counsellors before making a decision. My friend who is a counsellor told me to do that, don’t settle for the first counsellor you try unless it feels right.
I hope you find someone who can help - it makes a massive difference to talk things through
Likely not the right place to post but I didn’t want to create something new and I’m ranting so here we are! I cannot, for love or lack or trying, seem to orgasm right now! We’ve had a dry spell of late due to illness, being shattered, kids being here, you name it.
Our last two fun times ( including about half an hour ago) have resulted in no happy ending for me.
I can get to the point ok, but then just as I’m about to tumble over its like a bucket of cold water and its gone. I know I’m stressed, I know I’m putting pressure on myself and I know I’m over thinking it. But I can’t help it. Its been about 3 weeks and godammit I need to cum!
It doesn’t matter if I play, we both play, I use toys or don’t. I’m so bloody frustrated I feel like a bear with a sore head.
Right I’ve got that off my chest now. Maybe it will help
Not trivial at all, cos it’s affecting your mental health. All i can say is that life is often very stressful and it can affect even your pleasure. Just know that it’s not permanent and it will pass. Don’t focus on an orgasm, just keep doing what gives you pleasure. In the end, not pressuring yourself, will eventually achieve your goal.
Thank you! I know it will happen in the end but its so frustrating. I’m starting a new job tomorrow so fingers crossed after that stress I might have a relaxing evening
