Suffering with impotence at the moment (Medicine related) like completely. So fed up with my lifelong illness and now this. Was the one stress release i had and now cant even do this. Tried toys the works just nothing. Knew it was a possiblity with the meds but never expected this. Luckly the wife was understanding and was happy with other ways but i feel less of a man (if that makes sence)
Wife caught me crying last night as i was so down, just want to vent.
Sorry dont post often and you dont know me..
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Had to look up what white baps were . Evidently the same as what we call hamburger buns . I get thrown for a loop every once in a while , then learn .
I always wonder how they sell any white sliced bread anymore ? I switched to whole wheat in the 60s , Bleached flower is not too healthy . A sandwich made out of it is too soft and has a texture like it was not baked quite long enough . On buns it is usually not too bad .
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For my first rant, I’ll touch on the feminine men, and masculine women (or more popularly known as: femboys, and tomboys).
What really ticks me off is the overt sexualization of each; It’s pretty much the exact same thing that we trans people went through… the fetishization, the “my dirty little secret”, etcetera… etcetera… etcetera….
Like, hello? They’re living people… enough said.
And don’t even get me started on the stereotypes in movies, or a series; be it western, or eastern… both being equally sad in their own ways.
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Samantha here.
I need to vent. Christmas is coming and ben and I have srarted our usual disagreements regarding money. Its the only time we argue about money. My problem is that I know hes right but Im kind of set in my ways. So I have 2 girls 15 and 11. They are not bens and their dad is very active in their lives. My ex lives with his parents who are quite well off and completely spoil our kids. As well as their son
. When we separated, I felt that I had to compete with the whole present giving. Paticularly at Xmas. Being a single parent at the time, it was very difficult. I would start buying in February!
Since iv been with ben things are obviously more comfortable as he earns a fairly decent wage for where we live (devon). Last Christmas i spent around £400 on each of them! Leaving me with not much money left for anyone else’s Xmas gift. I was going to get ben a new bbq but couldn’t afford it.
Ben thinks im an idiot. We try to take them on holiday every other yeah which costs thousands.
All I see is them coming back from their dad’s on a monday with a new apple watch etc because grandma bought it for them. 2 years ago my ex mother in law messaged me saying she didn’t know what to get them so she has googled this year’s top gifts and bought the top 5!
My youngest is becoming so ungrateful and spoilt and I know its partly my fault. It makes me so mad that their dad is always number 1 because of what they get when they’re with him. Arrrghh
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I really feel for you Samantha @ben85
The best gifts you can give them is your time and your love. The other gifts are just things that can be bought. You can’t buy love…
Can you remember what you got and when as a child more or remember fun things you did together?
Don’t leave yourself short or feel you have to compete with a “Disney dad.” Children have to learn that it’s not easy come easy go and life doesn’t hand you everything on a plate.
It’s causing friction at Christmas you could well do without. I’ve been here and got the t-shirt with this. They are old enough to understand if you have a chat about it with them.
And believe me it’s not a tug of war who is the best parent on how many gifts they have and which parent has spent the most money on them…it really isn’t.
Hugs to you
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A great reply for Samantha @CurvyJilly You are so right, love and time with the kids is so important.
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@CurvyJilly has said more or less what I was going to say.
It’s not how many gifts you buy, or how expensive they were. Parenting, Co-parenting and Grand-parenting shouldn’t be a popularity competition.
The gifts I remember from my childhood and adulthood are all small meaningful one’s and real life experiences like a day out doing something fun.
My parents weren’t well off, and I know it was often a struggle at Christmas and birthdays to buy for 3 kids. But we were grateful for what we had, and even at a young age, we were told we couldn’t have everything we wanted in mum’s catalogue at Christmas. We could choose up to a set amount, and we understood why.
It made us better kids, and made us responsible adults that know the value of money and of working towards something and saving for it.
I know kids who have been spoilt, their every whim catered for, and never hearing the word “no”.
It did them no favours as adults, cos the world doesn’t hand everything to them on a plate, and getting into excruciating debt so their Instagram pics of flash cars, holidays designer clothes etc so they look like they live the perfect life will eventually bite them on the ass, and it’s all a facade.
You would be better off mentally and financially and so will your kids if you explain to them the situation, and that you can only afford a set amount, but you could take them out or do activities that will make lifelong memories that will outlast a smart watch, i-phone etc. A simple day out like picking conkers, feeding ducks etc costs nothing but the bonding and memories are beyond price. Kids are pretty intelligent and should understand.
Also I think a sensible conversation with the ex and ex-inlaws might be a good idea.
Hope this helps.
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Oh Samantha (@ben85 ) that’s a really hard position to be in but I’m very much in agreement with @CurvyJilly , @WillC and, I suspect, Ben.
The great things I remember from growing up are not to do with gifts, they’re to do with spending time with my parents. I have strong memories of some of my favourite toys but they were not the expensive things, they were the fun things… and I don’t actually remember who gave them to me but I remember my parents playing with me.
Have a conversation with your kids explaining that money doesn’t grow on trees. They’re not stupid and they’ll understand this. Let the grand parents buy the expensive and unnecessary gifts if they want to. When your girls get home, get them to show them to you, be enthusiastic about them, be the person they play with with the gifts. If they’re techy gifts, get them to show you how they work, spend time with them. In the long run, it will mean way more to them!
For my Dad’s last Birthday (and yes, I know, neither he or I are children, but I think the point still stands) I got him a trip of a steam train for the two of us. We took a picnic and had a lovely day out with happy memories. I don’t know what your girls like to do, but maybe just 1 proper gift, something like a driving experience (sports car, skid plane, something like that) you could all do together (something waaaaay less than £800!) and the compulsory satsuma and Terry’s choc orange (though maybe those latter two were just me growing up).
Enjoy spending time with your kids, the 15yo might not appreciate it now (if she’s a typical teenager) but she definitely will in the future!
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Definitely, time is the greatest gift. Kids will remember good times with loved one’s more than expensive objects.
I remember in the early 70’s our next door neighbour having a new electric fire, and me and her daughter having hours of fun playing with the huge cardboard box it came in, using our imaginations. But i can remember barely a handful of childhood Christmas presents.
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Anybody ever watch an 1964 animated Christmas short movie called “**Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” ? The part where they visit the island of misfit toys ? Anyway I often thought , how about a place for sexually under used people . I am no prize , but it does seem a waste that somebody is not enjoying my body . No idea how many years it might still be in working order . 20 plus years of DIY sex is getting old . A pity party for me .
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Remember it well! I’m sure your not a misfit
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I know it’s not really the point of your post, but the misfits are far more interesting than the so called normal.
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I feel you on that one.
“I’m at the most f•••able point in time, and the only thing f•••ing me is life” as I’ve seen it be put somewhere before.
To be fair, I live on my home reserve where I’m somehow related to the majority in one way or another…. Best thing would be leave, find another nichi/nish then come back and nest. Or build somewhere else.
Nichi/Nish - slang for a Native American; particularly in Canada, and the northern US.
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Thank you for your kind words. Yes i know, you are right. I was one of 4 growing up. My dad worked his butt off and my mum was a stay at home parent. We had food on the table and a roof over our head so we were all ok. I wanted to give my kids more than I had but I think we went about it the wrong way when they were young so its hard to change. Im worried they will notice iv given them less I guess.
Money with my ex was the biggest issue. He got me into £17000 of debt without me knowing. Loans and credit cards all in my name. Forging my signature online. He gambled alot and was often in between jobs whilst I had 2 part time jobs and looked after the kids. I was saving for a mortgage but we could never afford it. He moved us all away from my family. 200 miles away so I had minimal support.
I had to go bankrupt! We had no choice but to move back and move in with his parents. . He would borrow money off his parents all the time and even blackmailed his mother into buying him a car.
Anyway. Im not happier than ever with ben now and Im going to try and be more sensible and have a conversation with the girls.
And as I write this, my youngest has come in from school and is showing ben her new iPad that her dad (grandma) gave her at the weekend just because. She then asks ben if he can buy her a new bike and he says send me the link and we will see about it for Xmas. She replies “don’t bother, ill ask dad”. It does infuriate me.
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Hi all, haven’t been too active the past month or so. Not really doing so well, got discharged from the hospital a couple days ago; just trying to get back to normal life. I’m going to try and post more and contribute more, I’m hoping everything will be better soon
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Sorry to hear this. Really hope that you will make a speedy recovery!
Sorry to hear that you’ve been in hospital. I hope you’re feeling a bit better and I wish you a speedy recovery. Great to see you back, I did wonder why I hadn’t seen you posting recently but I assumed you were just busy. Feel free to rant when you’re feeling rubbish x
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I hope you start to feel better soon and things will always get better.
Our labidos have always been different speeds.
I love sex, I love being naked, a love language of touch. Kinks, absolutely. Try something new - why not.
The Mrs, not so much. Wasn’t great to begin with but early perimenopause has eroded what little there was.
Mother to my two kids, having suffered through both pregnancies, I wait in the hope something happens to revive the distance created. In every way else I love her to bits, and do anything i can to help.
I just feel lonely & rejected now. I just needed to tell someone, & have nobody to confide in.
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@Monk3y3oy You need to sit down with her and explain your pain to her. I am sure her love for you has not been lost and you should try and work something out**. Good luck**
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