Hi @Ace12345 I’m so sorry to hear about the tough time you’re going through at the moment. It can be infuriating when your parents have differing opinions about your decisions. They might be doing all of this thinking they’re in the right, and trying to help, but actually making things worse. Could you potentially look into Family Therapy? It sounds like your mum in particular could benefit from being better educated about what you’re experiencing in order to be able to support you better. Unfortunately, it’s often the case that unless you’ve experienced a mental health problem yourself you can lack empathy for those going through it because it’s difficult to put yourself into the shoes of someone whose brain sees the entire world as a threat.
It sounds like you’ve got a pretty good grasp of what works for you and what you can handle- this is a great start! Things might be a lot at the moment but this is not going to last forever. I’d truly recommend (1) reaching out to your GP about different kinds of therapy- in particular Family Therapy. I don’t know how much you’re eating, it sounds like you’re doing your best but also your GP will be able to give you a better picture on whether that is enough or not. (2) I also think it might be worth contacting your personal tutor at University or the University counselling service as well to see what support they can offer with your studying, perhaps even offering an extension on that massive lab report if that could help ease the pressure off yourself. I know it can be hard to seek help as well, so perhaps get one of your friends that you trust to come with you to appointments?
@D_and_E thanks and yeah if nothing else ranting has probably helped a little.
@WillC i was thinking something similar with part time jobs. I don’t think i quite qualify as having an eating disorder anymore though i probably did have 1 not that long ago, I have definitely got better with food (I’m consistently eating and my weight has stabilised) but that’s taken me a lot of building up and mum seems to expect me to be able to instantly add nearly too full meals to what I’m already eating. I may have to try the letter thing since I’m having more trouble than ever speaking to her. And yeah Rheumatoid Arthritis is unfortunately a possibility, I’ve had a basic blood test but the physio wants to see how my body responds to basic exercises, he’s calling back in a couple of weeks to look into more tests.
@Ian_Chimp i know it’s not healthy, i just couldn’t take the yelling anymore. I have been under the GP for my weight before and as I’ve mentioned above it has now stabilised but mum seems to expect instant massive increases which i just can’t do. I’ll look into the fokd ideas you’ve mentioned, easy to prepare food should be easier to make myself eat at least. Also how’d you guess my family are borderline anaemic i do take vitamin supplements, as you’re right some of my issues were definitely made worse by deficiencies (my joints were much worse than this last month due to a vitamin D deficiency which i think I’ve corrected now). I am trying to increase my diet but i have to do it slowly for the most part which doesn’t seem to be acceptable to mum.
@Knight1119 yeah it’s not a great time right now, I’m current getting a call back from my doctors soon at least.
@VanillaWithSprinkles Unfortunately you’re right with that, they very much believe they’re helping with this. I can look into family therapy though the sad thing to admit is that this is actually better than mum used to be with mental health conditions (my friend never forgave mum for yelling that i didn’t have depression, that she’d seen depression and i was fine and had nothing to be depressed about after I’d spent months working myself up to actually go to the doctors). There’s a lot of stuff she used to think i was doing on purpose to cause problems, some of which she probably still believes. I’m glad you think I’m doing the right thing to start. As i said i will look into family therapy, i have has CBT and art therapy before but mostly stopped once i was an adult due to the changes in getting it under the new system and getting there causing me a lot more stress than the sessions seemed to help with. The university is aware of quite a few of the issues, so i can ask for extensions and stuff easily enough though it’s not due for a while yet (thankfully), i just naturally stress about everything a lot anyway and since that’s such a big thing my brain has locked onto it. I’ll have to speak to my friend about it a bit, i know she’s offered to get me in contact with her therapist before and is usually more invested in my health than i am (though to be fair i probably care about her health more than she does too) and she’d definitely be willing to come with me to stuff if she’s physically able. Hopefully you’re right and I’ve got this , it’s just frustrating since mum seems to expect instant fixes
That’s great. CBT and personalised therapies are brilliant at getting you to better understand yourself and your limitations, work on triggers etc. but aren’t the full picture because they often neglect the impact of interactions you have with others. I have panic disorder and found CBT super helpful when I first got diagnosed but have no need for it now.
Sometimes parents don’t want to listen to their children because they’ve spent the last X number of years “knowing what’s best” and making all the decisions. Having someone with perceived expertise in the area mediating is probably the way around this, so interpersonal therapies or counselling is a good next step for you.
I can’t really give proper health advice as I lack the necessary skills , but I fall off the ‘decent diet’ wagon fairly regularly and have to build it back in brick by brick.
I find eating can be a bit chore-like at times, but sticking to a schedule helps me get back into the swing of it. I also sometimes turn it into a numbers game, as I can find that more appealing (x grams of y + z millilitres of I’ve run out of letters, and then I’m done). I also start referring to things I don’t want to eat, but which I know are good for me, as ‘medicine food’. Basically, anything with a high nutritional value of something I thought I lacked. Things like oranges and bran flakes were easier. Mackerel was tricky.
Other times I love food, so it’s swings and roundabouts for me. I think I just get distracted and forget about meals, then my appetite diminishes, and I get into a bit of a downward spiral.
I don’t know if you can use any of that for yourself, but I thought I’d throw it out there.
God @Ace12345 you are going through a lot you poor thing, well done for talking about it all. Sending you a big hug!
There’s definitely a lot of great advice above that I agree with, and I really hope things get better.
On the plus side it sounds as though you know what you need - you know what’s making you unhappy. It may sound mad but that’s not the worst position to be in as you know what needs to change.
There are things you know will make your life better (not working full time, getting space from your mum, working on your food intake in your own way) - can you create a plan to get there?
There’s no such thing as normal, you keep sticking to your guns on your own needs. Not working full time? Great idea. Sorting your mental health before jumping into a career? Very smart move, nothing to stop you specialising/progressing later on when you can handle it. Taking things slowly with food? Absolutely super smart for long term success.
Keep talking about things with supportive people and keep fighting for your health, you’re doing great managing everything you are already
@Ace12345 sometimes what our parents think is for our best, isn’t what is best for us. They obviously mean well, but are going about it all wrong. I have a young workmate similar age to you, her sister has a good career, is married and has a baby. My friend has a steady boyfriend, but is only working part time until she gets a Uni course sorted. I know she feels obliged to equal her sister, but is frustrated at things not going her way. I told her to do what makes HER happy, as being in competition all her life, will never make her happy ever. Sometimes you just have to offend/upset people by saying no, or doing what’s right for your own mental wellbeing.
This irritates me in how pointless it is, you buy a product or get a quote either online or by phone, then you get a text or email with a stupid questionaire that will “only take 5 minutes” but 15 minutes later the stupid questions keep coming, so you just give up!
I actually have had a text a couple of days after an A&E visit along the lines of “How was your visit to New Cross A&E Department? Would you recommend us to a friend?”
Me being me replied " I wouldn`t recommend it for an afternoon out, but if you’re leg is hanging off, i would"
I get frustrated that every time I order from
Amazon, I receive an email asking me to review each purchase, I appreciate that the businesses need feedback, but it takes me forever to do it
This is a recent annoyance! During the recent pandemic people on tv being interviewed via the internet in their homes…they almost all pose in front of a bookcase stuffed with books curated to make them look sophisticated and intelligent. Who are they kidding? Most people’s bookcases are stuffed with DVD’s, Harry Potter novels and Argos catalogues!
It doesn’t help, i remember seeing 1 bookcase on tv that was organised into sections based on the cover colour. There were books of different sizes everywhere and there were series separated in completely different sections and it bugged me so much
Blimey @Ace12345 it’s as well the bookcase in my house doesn’t make it on to tv or even in the background of my photos ! It’s not neatly arranged in any way!
It’s ok that’s it not neat, it was all the books being separated that bugged me the most (for example, each Harry Potter book was there in completely different sections with no semblance of order)
Wine buffs…WTF are they on? They sniff it, they gargle it, then gob it out. Then they claim they detected a bouquet of elderberry, freshly mown grass, old jockstraps and strawberries. Then they describe the taste as being nutty with a hint of camembert! All the time with an air of snobby superiority!
In reality it all tastes like fermented grapes and is not very nice, but if you can persuade some idiotic snob to pay mega-bucks for a bottle then more fool them! I can think of easier and more pleasant ways to get pissed, after all that’s the ultimate goal!
i do take vitamin supplements, as you’re right some of my issues were definitely made worse by deficiencies (my joints were much worse than this last month due to a vitamin D deficiency which i think I’ve corrected now). I am trying to increase my diet but i have to do it slowly for the most part which doesn’t seem to be acceptable to mum.
, it’s just frustrating since mum seems to expect instant fixes
, but I fall off the ‘decent diet’ wagon fairly regularly and have to build it back in brick by brick. 
