Lots of deep breaths going on here at the moment and I feel I can’t explain this without going off track
I’ve been with my partner the last few days and staying at his. I haven’t been to my home except for 10 mins to pop in before work to change. Anyway, he and I have decided to stay at mine tonight as I’m out early in the morning and it’s more convenient to go from mine than his.
My housemate (a male) has never liked me having other men in the house. I’ve had male colleagues round before a night out before, or even all my colleagues (male and female) and he’s kicked off, sending me messages about how it’s his house too. We work for the same company and these colleagues are shared friends. He’s even lied about having to go to work early the next day to deter me from inviting anyone round, knowing I’ll respect that he needs to sleep early etc. Long story but he even pretended to leave and “go to work” one day when I know for certain he was at home. However if I have my girl friends round, or my mum and sister, it’s absolutely fine. It’s odd behaviour.
But back to just now! My partner and I got in after my housemate having the house to himself for quite a while. We turned the tv on (quietly!) and sat down and immediately the tv turns off. My OH turns it back on and immediately it turns off again. This happens a dozen times. We checked the settings and it’s connected to an app… an app that my OH and I don’t have but housemate does. He’s switching the tv off from upstairs.
This is petty behaviour, and only a tiny part of a long long list of examples. So fed up. I had to stop my OH from saying anything because I know the frustration of it all would be released.
@For_Your_Eyes_Only_x Oh my word, what utterly childish behaviour! I know it’s difficult finding places to live but I’d seriously be considering it if I had to put up with this kind of thing.
Does he ever have mates over to the house? Surely there has to be some kind of give and take here. If you don’t mind me saying, do you think he might be jealous ? Obviously I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship aside from the housemates thing but it does seem like a strange attitude, almost like a jealous boyfriend.
You or your partner need to have a conversation with him. Controlling the tv like that is petty and childish. I agree, if he’s ok with female friends but not your partner, he may be jealous. Either way, he needs to be told that it’s your house too and you won’t stand for such behaviour.
@wildflower@Serpentwand@WillC absolutely agree. He’s had girls over previously although I believe those relationships have now finished as no one has been around the last few months, but this has happened throughout all of those relationships. My OH says I need to be harsher, put my foot down and not allow him to control what I choose to do. I’m kind, but that’s me and always has been. I choose to stay at my OH’s so housemate has that time to himself, plus I don’t want to deal with the hassle and messages I’d get after. I’ve made it clear to him however that I believe he’s dirty and needs to do more around the house. I don’t spend any time with him whatsoever and we merely co-exist. I don’t like him but I have to tolerate him. He’d probably run from my OH if he saw him face-to-face but with me, he’s totally different.
Maybe that’s what’s needed, for your OH to politely inform him that turning the tv off is not on, and that you are entitled to have friends of any gender round. He seems like a bully, i bet he backs down when a fellow male speaks to him.
That’s incredibly petty and he’s clearly put a significant amount of effort into planning into it!
Since he doesn’t make any sort of fuss when you have girlfriends over I do agree with the others that there is probably jealously playing a part. I would definitely talk to him as that behaviour is totally unacceptable and you shouldn’t have to tolerate it.
For future could you set the tv to mute and then just remove the app? If not, very childish but if it were me, the tv would be off but any stereo or radio would then have been turned on much, much louder!
Yes! I’ve said this throughout it all. Earlier my OH wanted to knock on his bedroom door and speak to him but I didn’t want it to escalate at all because OH was frustrated and basically saying what you guys have all said! It needs to be done calmly.
@Peitho - funny you say that… we muted the tv while my OH checked the settings and my suggestion was getting my Bluetooth speaker and playing my music! Not loud or anything (although was tempting…) but enough to make a comfortable atmosphere haha
A polite conversation with your OH would probably suffice, cowards like that usually back down when politely confronted. Just say "We’d appreciate it if you left the tv alone when we’re watching it’
@For_Your_Eyes_Only_x just out of curiosity, is it a rental where you each pay half? Does he have any right/claim to privileges that you don’t? If it’s 50/50 maybe contact the letting agent/owner?
It’s split entirely 50/50. I deal with all the bills (as in they’re in my name and I pay them off after he pays me 1/2) and the entirety of the contents of the house is mine, minus what’s in his room… from decor to utensils to all the furniture. It’s such a kick in the teeth having my things used by someone who doesn’t treat them well. He’s very friendly with my landlord and they even meet up for drinks occasionally. I will have to have a word with my landlord and I’ve already asked for a 6 month contract rather than a 12 month due to current goings on.
I have to say I agree with @WillC , this guy needs to be firmly told that his behaviour is not on although I can understand why you don’t want to make the situation any worse seeing as how you still have to live there.
This is sounds almost like bullying for him to be doing this. Is it your tv by the way ? If it is he’s no right to start messing around with it.
It’s definitely worth having a chat with your landlord about this , it must be making your home life a misery . The guy has clearly got issues .
Yeah, tv is mine! OH has suggested putting it in my room but I feel it shouldn’t have to come to that? I’d really enjoy a home life where I didn’t have to upheave the house to cater for somebody with such little respect (I’ve done it enough already ).
There are so many things that I haven’t even touched on that this guy does… from peeing in bottles in his room to making fake profiles of girls he’s “seeing.” It’s unsettling.
Feeling very appreciative of those of you who have commented and eased my mind a little. It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me winding myself up with the petty behaviour.
I like everyone else feel for you and your OH if only we had a magic wand to help you, we can only support you and hope that it gets resolved how you wish and most importantly that you deserved sending my best wishes to you hun
Seriously @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x this sounds like a nightmare ! Given all the strange things he’s doing, if it me I’d want out asap.
He has no respect for you whatsoever.
Dunno what else to suggest really but I feel so sorry that you have to put up with this moron.
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