by @MK7, 27 Mar 2017
THRUST Pro Elite Alana Ribbed Vagina & Ass Mega Masturbator
There’s a review title I never thought I’d use.
Let’s get right down to business. This thing is absolutely huge. It’s life-size. It weighs 7 kilos. It’s not discreet. It’s hard to hide. It is one huge chunk of ass. Now, that description might make you think 'All that for £220? Can it really be worth it?"
My immediate answer is ‘Shut up and stop worrying about whether or not it’s worth it because where else are you going to be able to let 7 kilos of silicone ass basically do all of the work for you? It’s like the real thing dammit!’ Perhaps not those exact words, but you do get the point.
This thing is utterly magnificent. For starters, it’s more inclined to do anal than my partner. Second of all, my partner is also longdistance, so when they’re not here to compromise in person I can use Alana from now on. Lovely jubbly.
The holes are both lovely. The ass is tighter, and the vagina is more textured. Much like the real thing, really. You can pick and choose, and even better, you can just alternate and swap between holes. It’s very much like the real thing. My only complaint is I’d need a hole warmer to get it as close to perfect as possible. It really is close to real life sex.
The overall most astounding quality of this toy is how weighty it is. With enough lube, you don’t even have to thrust. The weight of this toy will push itself down on to you. If you like being ridden, you can genuinely let Alana ride you instead of having to do the work. You can get in to almost any position you might do with a real partner and replicate it with Alana. On the table? Easy. Missionary? No problem. Cowboy? Alana’s gonna do (almost) all the work for you. She’s a versatile dismembered ass and vagina. Really gets the job done.
Alana is easy to clean. I found that all I had to do was take her into the shower after I was done and shove a nozzle in to her holes and just let the warm water wash everything away. Thankfully, this is another area where Alana excels over my partner. My partner would most likely die if I were to do the same.
Storing Alana is as easy as dusting some renewal powder over her keeping her in the box she was shipped in under our bed, out of the public eye, and ready to be used whenever I should feel.
It’s really hard to find any sort of detracting quality on this giant, giant piece of ass. I suppose the lips of its vagina has cheap colouring, so even with water-based lube, the colours run, and on your first two or three uses, might find your pecker a little pinker than usual. The only other complaint I can think of is that the ass doesn’t quite jiggle as much as I’d like when you give it a cheeky little smack. But that’s alright. Not everyone has the kind of jiggling butt that makes for an empowering rap video.
Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars
Pros: Has never failed to make me climax.
Cons: Doesn’t cuddle me after we’re done.
Bottom Line: Doesn’t quite replace my OH, but makes our time apart easier.