Review Hall of Fame

[Ian_Chimp]

Review of the Month
Hall of Fame!

Welcome to the Review Hall of Fame! I have taken a deep dive through the archive to bring you every single winner and runner up of the coveted Lovehoney Review of the Month competition¹, dating back all the way to January 2010.

There are, er, quite a few, so you may want to use the Reviews of the Month topic as a helpful guide, or navigate using the Search (remember to tick ‘search this topic’ to get the results just from here ).

So, if you’re looking for review pointers, or just like reading reviews for fun, this could be the topic for you.

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1: (That I could find )

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lars, 19 Jan 2010
Tracey Cox Supersex Beginner’s Bondage Tape Double Pack

Utter witchcraft

This tape sticks to itself but nothing else, goes the claim. Thinking that it sounded a bit like witchcraft, I thought I’d get a couple of rolls to try out with my cauldron-stirring girlfriend. (I mean this in a good way; she’s awesome!) We tried it in a number of ways with generally very good results.

Using it to bind wrists together works nicely. You need at least three wraps around to be properly secure, so if you are in the business of restraining violent psychopaths, I imagine this might not be the ideal product for you to use, though I do hear that the colour pink can have a soothing effect upon the agitated. Also, it’s worth taking a bit of time and care over the wrapping, otherwise it can bunch up a little. If nicely wrapped, it works very well and is pretty comfy.

As a blindfold, it is a hell of a lot better than gaffer tape, especially once you come to remove it, as it leaves your eyebrows where they are. It is fairly thin, so the pink especially lets through a fair amount of light. I did get into some trouble when I forgot to turn the camera flash off. It was a win-win situation for us, because my girlfriend got to be blindfolded (which she likes), and I got to pull faces at her and steal a fistful of the chocolates she doesn’t know I know she’s hidden in her sock drawer.

Using it as a gag was slightly less successful; my girlfriend didn’t like the woolly texture, nor the slight taste of feta, which is a strange taste for plastic to have. Although, with the benefit of hindsight, this might be because I first stuffed one of my socks into her mouth.

We had about 50% success using the tape as a garment. My girlfriend wrapped her top half up in the black tape and looked incredible. We proceeded to have lots of fun. Later, I decided to use the pink roll to fashion myself some pants. My girlfriend proceeded to laugh until she was sick and then went off to watch Countryfile.

Finally, I tried to use it to reattach one of the horns that had fallen off my Viking helmet. This is where the non-stickiness became a problem. I had to revert to old-school gaffer tape for that.

After using it, you can roll it back onto the rolls if you take some time over it. Or be cunning – I wrapped it round the bed posts, so that we can just unwrap it later. Plus, if you do it tightly, it makes your bed into a musical instrument. I used it to serenade my girlfriend as she went to sleep. She must have loved it, as she stayed awake for hours, sighing wistfully.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Very versatile, easy to use, doesn’t stick to hair, wallpaper or toast crumbs.

Cons: Rubbish for household repairs and restraining psychopaths.

Bottom Line: Order this now. You won’t regret it!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Chastity_4_Me, 02 Jan 2010
PA-5000 Prince Albert Piercing Male Chastity Kit

Excellent

This device from Lovehoney arrived the day after the order! Fantastic service, with free recorded delivery thrown in. But I digress.

The size I ordered was the 1.125 inch model (the middle one), and I use the largest retaining ‘pin’. All three sizes of pin are around 4.5mm in diameter, but they are differently-sized, to allow for differently-placed Prince Albert channels. The product itself has a length of 36mm, and is 55mm to where the pin exits the enclosed lock.

Unlike other devices where the lock is removable, this one is fixed in place. The circular lock is reasonably secure (five pins) and less ‘pickable’ than the so-often used 20mm padlock on such devices (I can easily beat the latter). The turning of the key through 90 degrees rotates a metal plate within the body of the device, securing a lip on the end of the pin. There is no way the knob can be manoeuvred over the pin once locked on. As with all devices, a little talc on the shaft together with Vaseline into the Prince Albert helps keep things in place whilst allowing some small readjustment. I personally find the ‘stocking’ method a doddle to use, even if some partial erection is present.

Some background: My Prince Albert was actually very painful, but the healing and stretching process took around four months to totally settle down. I had mine done back in the late 1990s, and can easily go for a week or two without any retainer/ring in it, without it closing back up, even a little.

The PA-5000 is truly a superb competitor to the weighty, cumbersome Lori tube (the one with the massive lead-time of around six months).

Prior to its purchase, some discussion on chastity forums suggested that the PA-5000’s length may prove troublesome when the male member is fully flaccid, and hence pull on the piercing, causing some migration of the urethral exit. It was suggested that this may be especially prevalent in those men whose unexcited size is less than the device’s length.

For me, this hasn’t happened, even though the device has been worn for 72 hours straight. I think this is partly attributable to the fact that this device is incredibly lightweight. So much so that it’s really easy to forget it’s on (until an erection starts, that is, at which point it somewhat strangulates the top of the shaft, looking most peculiar!).

Additionally, all previous devices that I’ve worn/owned have been hooded, to preclude any attempt to self-pleasure the penis head, or indeed, to reduce the latter’s future sensitivity when its full ‘use’ is required. The PA-5000 is unhooded, allowing the knob to swell fully whilst constraining the shaft considerably.

My wife and key-holder encouraged me to oil up and masturbate – which I did – as she had concerns about its failings. However, whilst initial excitement/erection is uncomfortable partly because the pin is in the way and half one’s shaft has the tube round it, anything closer to potential orgasm is downright painful (due to the swelling). In my case, this was definitely sufficient to leave me very frustrated (and greasy) without any release at all. For me, it is not worth the discomfort, whether I try a hands-on approach or with the use of a vibrator on the tip, etc.

Even with an erection, for some reason urinating is still possible and not messy, because the urine only exits from the urethra and not the Prince Albert, which is held up against the side of the tube. Also, there are no nooks and crannies in which stale urine can reside, creating the ‘whiff’ so synonymous with the use of long-term chastity devices.

I confess - I didn’t follow the advice completely for the sizing of the PA-5000. If I had, my device would have been the larger size (1.25 inches). This is based on the diameter of my shaft at rest. True, this would have left more tolerance between the skin on the shaft and the plastic, and theoretically more water/soap could have more of a positive effect during the cleaning process, but we were concerned that too loose a fit would result in little more than a ‘squeezy toy’.

All-in-all, a very practical solution to male masturbation, whilst being supremely kinky.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Very lightweight, discreet under clothes, hygienic, secure, practical for long-term wear.

Cons: A metal pin would be better for longevity. Larger gauge pins would offer more scope.

Bottom Line: An excellent addition to the male chastity range for those requiring a PA-secured device.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BumLovingCriminal, 28 Jan 2010
Ben Wa Balls

Not bad if you’re on a budget

This was my first ever purchase from Lovehoney! I read previous reviews and thought I’d give them a go, lured by tales of public orgasm, and thinking anything that made the housework more interesting was a sound investment.

I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get the plastic box, as advertised, but never mind. I though to myself, “It’s not the important bit.” The balls themselves looked very cheap, but they are cheap. You won’t get anything better for less than a fiver, and looks aren’t everything!

I popped the balls in, which I must admit felt really good. I didn’t feel much sensation when they were in, though, apart from a slight sensation if I bent over to pick something up. All I can assume is that the little jangly weights inside were stuck, due to the little indentations on the surface of the balls.

The balls do have their moments, however. Although I wasn’t particularly aroused whilst wearing them, due the lack of sensation, I was incredibly wet after removing them. They also feel amazing to remove, and much fun was had by my other half when he tried to re-insert them using only his tongue! The fact that they were so much fun to use as a couple more than made up for the fact that they were a bit useless for solo fun!

Overall Rating: 6 out of 10 stars

Pros: Insertion and removal feels really good. Fun for couples.

Cons: Tacky packaging. They didn’t really do what they said they would!

Bottom Line: For the price, it’s well worth giving them a go!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lubester, 12 Jan 2010
Doc Johnson Rear Ender Butt Plug

Not a proper plug!

It looks great and has a really thick lower bulb, which gets you hard just to look at it! (it’s thicker than it looks in the picture). It’s made of a lovely, shiny material. There’s a sort of pliable, squidgy core inside a tough, 3mm TPR-PVC shell.

It seems to have been made by pouring the inner into the outer casing. Inconsequentially, there’s a noticeable gap between the two layers when you pinch it between the fingers.

Once lubed up, it’s in and out very smoothly and I soon slid it all the way in.

Presumably the curve is meant to point the tip forwards into the prostate, but sadly it wouldn’t go all the way in. I had to spin it around to point backwards, in order to slip it inside, although this was still a good sensation. However, the ‘pop’ was spoiled considerably by the lack of a decent ‘neck’ to grip.

Once in, it simply does not work as a plug! Firstly, because of the curve, it’s pushing in the wrong places. I tried rotating 180 degrees once it was in, but it was too short to piggyback on the prostate and instead prodded awkwardly, pushing the bottom back out again. Secondly, it just keeps slipping out, even when I’m actively trying to keep it in.

Still, it’s a lovely full sensation.

To improve this plug for me, it would need to be made straighter, with a longer neck before the base.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

Pros: Shiny coating, really slippery, nice texture, firm coating, gentle.

Cons: Too curved, doesn’t stay put! Didn’t fit in as intended.

Bottom Line: I won’t go for a curved product again!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Charms, 19 Jan 2010
Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit 2.0 Rabbit Vibrator

My new friend

I have never owned a decent sex toy in all my 21 years on Earth, so with much trepidation I ordered the Jessica Rabbit 2.0 one cold, lonely night away from my boyfriend. The rabbit arrived two days later, i.e. today (impressive delivery speed!).

The first thing to mention is that the item is packed in a plain brown box, which spared my blushes. It feels soft, squidgy and smooth. The overall appearance is most pleasing: a girly pink with pearls embedded in the shaft. The size and girth are very impressive; I couldn’t wait to test it out.

There are two settings on the base: one for vibration, one for rotation. You simply click on the up or down arrow to increase or decrease the action until you find one that works for you. There are three different speeds for both settings. There’s even another button that reverses the motion of the shaft!

The ears cause a mind-blowing orgasm as they stimulate the clitoris, and the shaft massages the G-spot very effectively. I climaxed within a few minutes and that was with me holding back! The higher speed settings do produce some noise, but what do you expect from such a powerful vibrator? The solution is to throw the duvet cover over it and it becomes nicely muffled. I felt very very satisfied with the Jessica Rabbit 2.0 and consider it a worthy investment, based on the intensity of my orgasm! I am looking forward to testing it out in the bath later on (it’s waterproof – another great feature).

Buy one now; I guarantee you will not be disappointed. Not by the Rabbit anyway; you may be disappointed by normal sex afterward, because the Rabbit is that good!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The vibrating ears, the rotating shaft, the size of the beast!

Cons: None.

Bottom Line: A fantastic, orgasmic sex toy. A smug smile will follow you all day afterward.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Blacksummer_88, 09 Feb 2010
Bondage Boutique Leather Restraints with Metal Buckles

Do exactly what you’d expect

My partner and I are quite heavily into BDSM and bought these to add to a harness we have. (The harness has two steel arms, which come out over each side of the bed and have various attachments. The cuffs were bought to be attached to this, to allow more upright positions.)

We chose this pair of cuffs purely for the amount of D-rings they have, as you can really restrict movement if you tie them by more than one of the rings.

We found the cuffs a bit fiddly at first. I for one have particularly thin wrists, as I’m not only female, but also small and slim. The cuffs’ tightest setting is just tight enough to hold me, but can be quite difficult to get to, especially if you’re in a rush. We’re fast getting used to them, though, so that’s not too much of a problem.

I’ve found that if I’m hung from them for extended periods, the leather can bite into your skin a bit. It’s split a little on the inside and thus has a pinching effect when your skin starts to sweat under the leather. This can be nice to an extent, but after a while even I get sick of being pinched. They can also twist out of shape after a while, especially as it’s the black part, and not the red, which has the buckle.

They do, however, look very nice, and as I said, the D-rings make them very versatile, We’re currently waiting for the matching collar to come back into stock so we can combine the two.

Overall I’d say these aren’t bad, considering the price. They do the job and other than some minor cracking on the insides of the cuffs they look practically new. The rings are especially good, and they have a nice size range you don’t get with all products.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

Pros: Good size. Nice look and finish. Lots of D-rings. Very versatile.

Cons: The leather cracks. They twist while in use sometimes.

Bottom Line: Good value for money, and very attractive.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Serafina, 16 Feb 2010
Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit 2.0 G-Spot Vibrator

I’m so glad my old one broke!

At first I was rather upset to find that my old toy (a basic sparkly jelly vibe that I’d had for years) was broken when I felt I really needed it. I’d heard good things about Lovehoney products from a friend and when I saw this one on the website I was intrigued. All the reviews were very favourable, with the only real minus pint being the noise. But, to be honest, that never really seemed to present a problem to past purchasers. So, along with a few other items, I placed my order and waited excitedly for the postie to arrive.

All I can really say is, “Oh. My. God!”

I’m now as pleased as Punch that my old toy stopped working. (I hasten to add that it wasn’t from overuse!)

I have to say that when I first took this out of the packet I did chuckle a bit, not having had a rabbit before, but when I’d put in the batteries and given it a clean I couldn’t wait to get going.

The number of speeds, pulses, etc. is a bit mind-boggling for someone not used to them, but I daresay that it’ll not take me long to cross this barrier. I found the control fairly easy to use but didn’t realise about the changing pulses until afterwards. (I’d thought it was just to make the rotations faster, not something to do with the ears.)

This vibrator is so, so much better than my old one. I don’t know if it was because I’d been waiting for it to arrive or what, but I must have reached orgasm in under a minute – and that wasn’t even on a full-speed setting! With my old, earless one it could sometimes take quite a while. I didn’t even have to get myself into a particular fantasy mindset.

I can honestly say that after just the one use I’m already attached to it and there’s a very strong chance that it will get more use than my old one. I might also order another before this one has a chance to get overworked. The narrow shaft is really nice, as is the G-spot kink. The ball bearings didn’t really seem to do that much for me, and it sounded a bit like a hair-drier on full speed. I was a little bit disappointed that there were no real instructions with it, which would be a definite bonus for people more used to old-style vibrators. However, this will in no way put me off recommending it to friends and possibly even buying it for them if they express a wish to own one.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Almost everything.

Cons: It’s a bit noisy. The lack of instructions or guidance.

Bottom Line: Oh, oh, oh! It’s excellent! You must buy it if you’re reading this!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Tigerlilies, 17 Feb 2010
Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator

High expectations are the key

Reputation can be a tricky one. I was understandably suspicious when I ordered the Russell Brand of bullet vibes. So many had succumbed, but is it worth the ride?

Heck, yes. It was.

As I’ve come to expect from Lovehoney, the packaging unfolds like a greeting card and there are instructions from Tracey inside, plus a battery.

Design thrill number one belonged to its squidgy, bump-proof button, which I found, with light pressing, can create pulsing sensations.

Design thrill number two was the flawless plastic. There are no little bumps or sharp joins here, features I’m wary of.

Down to business. I put on my safety goggles and clicked it to life. Bingo. This little number was the first bullet to live up to my power needs. It’s comparable to a decent Lovehoney pocket vibe, but therein lies your one reason for deviation: surface area. Given that the Tracey is a skinny-mini it’s an unusual choice for this bump-and-grind gal and once or twice I reached for the wider stuff. A consideration for some, but far from a flaw because it’s exactly the long, lean shape of the Supersex that inspired all kinds of fun and complimented my body’s form.

Use with caution, pressure fans. Hard plastic can be a cruel mistress, but this is where the strength saves the bullet. It’s still got pizzazz, even with a gentle touch. If you’re still craving firm pressure, I found that rubber sleeves and lingerie can’t muffle this vibe but will provide that ‘give’ it so lacks. Most girls needn’t sweat this issue.

The sustainable pleasure surprised me and I was wrong to expect nothing more than a 3-2-1-orgasm! affair. Not that this talent will be neglected, as the Tracey is now my most reliable bullet for guaranteed lift-off, in and out the shower.

Worthy of notoriety? I should say so. And unlike your favourite ladies’ man, it’s quiet, too.

Overall Rating: 10 out 10 stars

Pros: The power, the length, the button, the everything.

Cons: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Bottom Line: A gorgeous must-have that floored me with oomph and style. Fabulous.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lunar_Lunacy, 16 Feb 2010
Tantus Silk Silicone Dildo Small

Cute and harmless

This dildo is well-made and good quality. There are no seams and there is a Tantus Inc. stamp on the base. The dildo looks cute and adorable and not intimidating at all. It can be used for anal or vaginal play, but never go from ass to the vagina without sterilising it, because cross-contamination could occur. Vagina-to-ass is fine, just not back again!

Vaginally, this dildo is lacking. It is very small and it does feel pleasant, but there are better dildos out there for this purpose. It just doesn’t feel substantial enough, and I am not a size queen by far. Anally, the Tantus Silk Silicone Dildo Small shines. It is great for anal thrusting and sometimes just leaving in. It will not stay in unless you hold it or sit on it, however. Because it has a flanged base there is no danger of the dildo getting stuck up your ass for the doctors to fish out later.

The silicone has a lot of give but is quite flexible. The dildo is not hard in any way and is only ever uncomfortable if I haven’t used enough lubrication for anal insertion. It can also be used for fellatio practise. It is not girthy at all but it is a tiny bit lengthy. It is not fantastic at this, but sometimes having a dildo in my mouth is fun enough to warrant this use for me.

Size queens (anal or vaginal) won’t find this toy filling enough as it is very small and very thin. The dildo is nearly the same length as my hand and just barely thicker than a finger. This dildo would be ideal for anal virgins and is made from silicone, so it can be shared between partners, if sterilised between uses. Couples new to anal play would find this a great starter toy. It may also be great as a first-ever dildo as it is not intimidating and safe for both vaginal and anal use.

To sterilise, boil it for three to five minutes, wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution or put in the dishwasher (top rack, without soap). Soap and water or toy cleaner also work well, if you don’t need to sterilise it.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

Pros: Great for anal play. Can be sterilised. Good quality.

Cons: Not great for vaginal stimulation. Not girthy at all.

Bottom Line: A wonderful beginner’s toy, but not for the experienced.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Nichd, Feb 2010
Lovehoney VibraExciter Mobile Phone Vibrator

Wow!

I bought this as my partner works all day and texts me constantly. It hasn’t disappointed in terms of results! I put it to the test this morning while doing the housework and I must say, it turned a chore into a knee-shaking experience. (It also lets you know if your phone goes off while you’re hoovering!)

The VibraExciter really doesn’t look like much. It’s quite cheap-looking, actually. I bought the silver one, and I was afraid that since it only takes two AAA batteries (not included, so stock up) it wouldn’t be powerful enough for me. No worries there. With the twn settings I’m sure there is one to suit everyone, from delicate to “Oh my God”.

It works by picking up the signal from your mobile when it rings or you send/receive a text. The only problem I’ve found is that it doesn’t always go off when I receive a text, even if my phone is in my pocket next to it. So if you’re getting into a steamy text session you could end up being a little disappointed.

The vibrations last between 20 and 30 seconds for texts, which may not sound like a long time, but when you’re holding a conversation it feels like forever! So if you’re a quick texter you could end up getting nearly a minute of fun at a time! I do however tend to forget that it also goes off when you send a text, so it can make me jump. That’s all part of the fun, though.

If you switch it on outside the body it can sound quite loud, depending on the setting. But even on the strongest one, the vibrations aren’t loud when the bullet is in position. I would happily wear it to a friend’s house and not be concerned. The only thing I wouldn’t recommend is sitting on a wooden chair!

I wear good, close-fitting underwear to hold the bullet in place. Otherwise, it may move out of place, which could be embarrassing. The attached controller is not that big, but could still be noticeable. I’ve cut a little hole in the corner pockets of my jeans and skirt so that I can slip the controller into my pocket and feed the wire through to it. That way it’s completely invisible (it would just look like your mobile) but still accessible.

Anyway, I hope this helps. I’m off to make a phone call!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: The strength of the vibration, the size of the controller. Not noisy.

Cons: The controller could be noticeable. It doesn’t always activate.

Bottom Line: A good little investment. Ideal for a bit of fun.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Deadbeatdave, 21 Apr 2010
Heavy Metal Beaded Anal Wand

Pleasure plus!

My girlfriend offered me the opportunity of finding a heavy dildo which we could both use – she in both her holes, me in my one tight hole. This metal beaded wand proved to be a fabulous pleasure tool for both of us. She would use it in her vagina, and when it was really wet and slippery she would sit between my legs and push it, without any extra lube, into my ass. Absolute magic!

The first beads slide in easily. The last one requires a bit more effort and focus. But, wow! It is so tightly embedded that she has to work hard to pull it out against the force of my muscles, which love to hold it inside me. She has only once used it to drive in and out of me. I begin to understand how gay men must love anal sex!

I use it a couple of times a week by myself. The next step is to see whether I am brave enough to push it in and go out to the shops with it deep inside me. There’s no way it will come out; the question is whether I will come first!

P.S. I’m 65. My girlfriend is 61. Don’t let age stop you enjoying this fabulous tool

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Holds itself inside me.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Fabulous.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Postillionager, 07 May 2010
Supersex Stroker

Not really my thing

I decided to give this a try after reading the reviews. I have never had a toy for my cock before, but I like to keep an open mind on these things.

I’m convinced this thing was developed in the BBC Radiophonic Workshop. It makes all sorts of alien squelching sounds. It feels all weird and floppy, and it’s a very girly shade of pink. I didn’t buy it for its looks or sounds though! I tried the ridged side first; it felt cold and clammy with the lube, but the ridged texture is quite nice. It also gives you a nice tight feeling of penetration.

However, the problem I have with this thing is that I found it difficult to get it really clean the morning after. I spent ages wrestling with it under a tap; it was like trying to give an octopus an enema. I don’t mind fresh semen at all, but I really don’t like it when it’s fermenting, and this thing seems to concentrate the effect. I’ll probably try it again at some point, but at the moment, personally, I find it a bit of a turn-off.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

Pros: Nice sensations.

Cons: A yucky mess.

Bottom Line: Obviously it works great for a lot of blokes, but it’s not my thing.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Tigerlilies, 30 Jul 2010
Zini Love G-Spot Vibrator

21st Century Toy

If one is living in the lap of luxury then one needs some luxury living in their lap. Otherwise, for those hesitant to splurge on a pleasure object, the Love is an investment piece. Sex toys, like jeans, inspire a quest for ‘the one’ and it’s tempting to go for cheaper options that don’t last and (unlike jeans) end up melting in the back of a drawer. Once you’ve plumped for quality, you save money in the long term and you can congratulate yourself for not adding to the great mountain of discarded sex toys. As exciting as Mt. Sex Toy sounds, a premium vibe is much kinder to Mother Earth. I’m not just having incredible orgasms, I’m saving the planet. Honest.

(1) Ordering: As I’ve come to expect from Lovehoney, my Zini arrived discreetly within one day of being dispatched.

(2) Packaging: It doesn’t get me off but it’s all part of the foreplay. With its potential as a luxury gift, I was impressed that the Zini didn’t arrive in tacky plastic. Instead, a cover slides over to reveal a stiff cardboard shoebox with a magnetic lid. Inside are full instructions, a quality bag for travel and the toy itself. On reflection, I think the white and cream looks more chic than my purple and black model. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: purple toys look like Barney the Dinosaur’s manhood

(3) Build Quality: Handles are genius! I find that classic vibes can be too slippery when they’re covered in lube but the Love’s handle gives me total control. I can use the handle to pull it against myself for clitoral stimulation and when it’s inside me, my partner can control the angle of insertion.

(4) Insertion: Speaking of angles, Zini claim that the shaft is at a ‘magic angle’ that makes for a smoother ride. I raise an eyebrow to such claims but they must have got something right. Whilst I’m not convinced that its body friendly shape is down to a curve of 23.5 degrees, it’s details like this that make an advanced sex toy more ‘noob’ friendly. Those who struggle with an average sized toy may wish for a more tapered end but a drop of water based lubricant goes a long way. Avoid using silicone lube, unless you want it to gobble up your Zini’s platinum silicone. This material is super smooth, save for a noticeable line along the middle of the Love. It’s not something I can feel inside me but I don’t expect these kind of flaws from a luxury toy.

(5) Fit: This is an anatomically dependent toy that won’t fit everyone. I have to work myself up properly before the clit stim hits the right place but it’s worth the effort. Once inserted, the motor in the bulb of the shaft sits deep inside and another motor sits at the entrance of the vagina. I’m not sure if it stimulates my G-Spot as such but it gives me a very deep, internal orgasm. I’ve had similar shaped toys, that only have one motor, and they never quite manage to hit every spot in the way that the Love does.

(6) Rechargeable: We’ve all been there. You’re close, very close and then your Judder Cock 3000 makes a sad little noise and ‘phhht!’ you’re frantically searching for batteries with your knickers around your ankles. Modern life is rubbish etc but despair no longer and raise a glass to rechargeable toys. This is my first and I can safely say I’m converted. Four hours of charging gives you two hours of play but it takes a lot less plug in time to fuel a long session. Finally, I have a toy that doesn’t give up the ghost when I’m just getting started. Stamina aside, I’m no longer keeping Duracell in business with my weekly expenditure on batteries which are then thrown away to leak into a landfill. Yes, there are such things as rechargeable batteries but they lack juice and get stuck in sex toys. Lovehoney send you an American plug adapter but the charger also connects to a bathroom’s shaving point. Batteries? Please, so 20th century.

(7) Volume: The instructions say that its loudest setting reaches 49 decibels. This means little to me but according to my research (Google) it equates to a normal conversation. In other words, it’s nothing that a sexy playlist won’t cover up and it’s even quieter when it’s used inside. However, it is, annoyingly, one of those toys that gets louder when you press harder against it.

(8) Buttons: Zini keeps it simple with three buttons. Those of you who have sex with the lights off will be pleased to hear that they light up and they’re distinctively shaped, making them easy to find in the dark.

Plus Button: Increases speed in the Vibrating mode. Selects the next setting in the Pulsation mode.

Middle Button: Switches the toy from Vibrating Mode to Pulsation Mode.

Minus Button: Decreases speed in the Vibrating mode. Selects the previous setting in the Pulsation mode.

In my opinion, there are few things in life that can’t be improved with a ‘Turbo Button’ and the Love has just that. When I hold down on the plus button, the toy skips ahead to the strongest setting. You can also use the buttons to lock the toy.

(9) Functions: The Love has a straight forward Vibrating mode and a Pulsations mode. In the Vibrating mode there are five levels of power and the three motors work in unison. In some cheaper toys, it’s easy to detect the motor’s location because the vibrations don’t travel but with the build quality of my Zini, every inch of the silicone vibrates.

Then there’s the Pulsation mode. This is where I hesitate to call the Love a vibrator. Sure, it vibrates but it also pulsates, judders and shivers in a way that makes it feel like it’s throbbing inside you. The ten functions found places on me that I couldn’t dream of finding with a standard toy. Sometimes the G-spot motor will be pulsing away whilst it’s partner in crime rises and falls. Other times, the motors harmonise for a synchronised orgasm.

On the Zini website, they give their pulsation modes exciting names like ‘Quadrila’ and ‘Sawtooth’ but they all translate to ‘oh-em-gee.’ I’ve done my best to outline the settings:

1. Continuous vibrations. This is louder and stronger than the standard mode of vibration.

2. Vibrations build up in the lower motor and then reach up the Love’s tip.

3. Everything is going on here. Vibrations dance about and I can only make vowel sounds.

4. One motor surges before the next follows suit.

5. I call this one ‘Wimbledon’ because it’s a continuous rally between the two motors.

6. Both motors throb together like a heartbeat.

7. Same as before, but out of synch.

8. Vibrations feel like they’re going in circles around the shaft.

9. Very lively and it sounds like the Love is having a giggle fit of escalating patterns that dance around the shaft.

10. A random mode. Variety is the spice of life.

Again, there are five power levels. If you want to change gears, you just switch modes and adjust the speed. This all sounds very fiddly but it’s no more complicated than an electric toothbrush.

All five power settings feel hearty and rumbling. My power needs change with my mood, so I’m delighted to have a toy that can be as gentle as it is mighty.

(10) Cleaning: I’m often confused by what ‘splashproof’ really means but in the case of the Zini, you can clean it with a wet cloth and run it under the tap. I would avoid venturing into the shower or keeping it in the fish tank.

Verdict: The way I orgasm has been evolving with each use and it’s the perfect toy for anyone who wants to really explore what a vibrator can do. With so much control, I’m able to get designer orgasms and complete satisfaction. It won’t be for everyone, but with the Lovehoney returns policy, I urge you to try it.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Three (!) motors. Rechargeable. Pulsations are unlike anything else I’ve experienced. Gorgeous. Simple. Powerful.

Cons: A little long for me. Visible seam on the shaft.

Bottom Line: Something for everyone. Pricey, yes, but it’s like getting ten sex toys in one. Heavenly.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Dirk_Diggler, 27 Aug 2010
Dirty Fukker Jockstrap Underwear

Treat your cock to a kick-ass jock!

As gentlemen of aesthetic discernment and those who love them will already be aware, shopping for men’s underwear can be a dispiriting experience. Go to any high street department store, and it’s the same old story. Women’s lingerie takes up the best part of a floor, while men’s pants lurk disconsolately at the back of the shop like a hidden shame, with the choice on offer limited to chavvy boxer shorts and saggy-assed, passion-killing Y-fronts that your granddad would blush to be seen in. But things don’t have to be this way, and kudos is due to LoveHoney for making an effort to offer a selection of men’s underwear with some originality and flair.

A case in point: this jockstrap from sassy young London-based label Dirty Fukker. Supportive, stylish and oh so salaciously sexy, the DF jock, despite its in-yer-face branding, is a class act all the way. I own several jocks of different makes, and this is the best I’ve seen yet in terms of materials and construction. The pouch is made from a soft, brushed cotton-lycra mix, and the waistband and side straps are soft yet sturdy, with all the stitching looking neat and secure. Elastic can cut in uncomfortably, but not this stuff. The jockstrap only arrived yesterday, so I don’t know yet how well it’ll stand up to laundering, but it gives every indication of being well-made and durable. The waistband is 1 ½ inches wide, rather than the 3-inch width more commonly used on classic jocks like Bike or Safe-T-Gard – it’d be good if Dirty Fukker offered a wide-waistband model as well. I’d also like to see Dirty Fukker tanga briefs, which is the style of pants I wear most of the time, and I’ve written to them to suggest this.

I had some worries about the sizing. My waist measurement fluctuates between 34 and 36 inches, but I’ve lost weight recently (moving house will do that!), and so I went for the medium size, which LoveHoney advise is for 32 to 34 inches. When the jockstrap arrived (very prompt delivery from LoveHoney as usual), the label on it said 31 to 33 inches, and I feared that I’d have to exchange it for the next size up, but after trying it on (over some other pants, as per LoveHoney’s instructions), it turned out to fit fine. The waistband sits well below your actual waist anyway – your hip measurements are probably more relevant.

The DF jock’s unique selling point is of course that naughty logo round the waistband. I’m not normally a big fan of the visible-underwear look, but I can see how this would be fun to flaunt at a club, as well as in more intimate surroundings. Just don’t wear it to your next parents’ evening! One small criticism that I’d make is that it’d look better if the logo was centred on the front of the pouch. Given the attention to detail that the rest of the construction displays, it’s a shame that DF haven’t gone that extra mile to make this garment totally impeccable. But still, I’m basically very happy with this purchase, and I’ll probably be buying another of these jockstraps soon.

I shopped around online before buying this, and it’s worth pointing out that LoveHoney’s price is very keen – you’ll pay half as much again for this item at a certain well-known online auction site, and LoveHoney are even better value than buying direct from the makers.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Sexy, masculine, well-made, comfortable, looks great.

Cons: Logo not centralised at the front.

Bottom Line: Supercool underwear for men who know what they are and aren’t afraid to admit it!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BashfulBabe, Aug 2010
Tantus Alumina Motion Dildo

Aluminaaaah!

With eyes bigger than my wallet, I had been lusting after some of the more interesting metal dildos for quite some time, so when the Tantus Alumina range went into the Summer Sale for a piddling £25, I could not believe my luck. The rather pointed-looking Motion did look intimidating to someone so limited in metal dildo experience - try putting that on your CV! - especially since it wasn’t shown as clearly on the video as the others in the range, but I’m glad I took the risk.

When it arrived (next day again, still cannot get over the amazing delivery service) I was surprised at how neat it was. The box was very classy, black with silver details, and minimalistic, with just enough space inside for the dildo to snuggle up in the foam bedding. It’s small enough that it’ll fit anywhere, sturdy enough to last as long as you aren’t planning on stomping on it on a regular basis, and provides a very elegant home to keep the dildo clean and safe.

I knew it would be lighter than steel (but heavier than the usual silicone-rubber-plastic), but I was pleasantly surprised at the weight in this: it’s quite heavy, and while it is a good deal more lightweight than a solid steel dildo, I wouldn’t like to be bopped on the head with it. Even holding it in my hands, I could feel a significant heftiness, and the same went for holding it elsewhere. It’s a good weight if you want a step up from glass, or, like me, are awaiting the Money Fairy before getting some substantial steel in your box of tricks.

Being an awkward sod, I have a dislike of too much pink, so I tend to end up with black, or some crazy luminous colour. Seriously, looking in my toy box is a stroke risk, it’s like a clown exploded. So, while I do love the look of the classic silver steel, this shade of opulent purple was something I could get along well with, and not feel embarrassed by my tacky taste. In the flesh - so to speak - it’s very sleek, shiny, and rich in colour, with an almost satin-style finish. When wet, the colour comes alive, looking even richer and deeper than when dry. I couldn’t find a flaw in the perfectly smooth finish, and even tried scratching at it (I have a horror of a toy’s coating flaking off, not that I’m paranoid or anything) and couldn’t make even the slightest mark: it’s flawless, and tough as, well, anodised aluminium.

I will admit, I wasn’t too keen on the divider ring, as it does stick out quite prominently. I’d have preferred if it could have been slimmer so as not to interrupt the flow of the toy. However, it’s not exactly massive, or abrasive, so it didn’t really spoil the overall experience. Mostly it’s a visual issue, and I guess isn’t as important when it provides the option of interchanging with others in the range.

For temperature play, it’s deliciously cool even left lying in its box, and if that’s not your thing, it absorbed warmth so quickly that I could pick and choose without much preparation time: a quick dunk in the bath, and it was good to go (bit like m’self!).

As to using it, I mentioned that the pointiness had worried me slightly, and that increased when I had it in front of me. The tip is very pointed - I actually sat on it unintentionally once and got a nasty jab - but it isn’t sharp, so there’s nothing to really worry about as long as you remember where you’ve put it down. Even jabbing myself with it, it wasn’t really painful, just rather… insistent and surprising. The waves are also quite pronounced. However, my apprehension quickly turned to ecstasy as I realised the pointed ends made insertion quick and easy, and the ripples were reminiscent of the stretch-pop-stretch-pop of a perfectly shaped plug or balls, but with the ease of use of a dildo. Not only was it not as scary as I’d imagined, it was comfortable and thrilling, combining the best of some of my favourite toys. If I want a straight-forward G-spot stimulation, I can rub the larger head on my sweet spot while the bulbous shaft keeps me feeling filled and stimulated; if I want anal play, I can use the smaller end like a rippled probe; if I want some external stimulation, I can use those no-longer-terrifying pointy ends to provide precision pleasure. Honestly, it’s completely versatile, suitable for anything your randy little heart desires, and it delivers in full.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Unusual and attractive colour, decent weight, holds temperature well, very thrilling shape.

Cons: Central ring is a little larger than ideal, although it doesn’t cause a problem.

Bottom Line: A perfect all-purpose metal dildo, and at a fraction of the steel price!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @HotWings, 18 Aug 2010
Toy Joy Strapless Strap On Double Ended Dildo

Now you do me

In the hope of bringing a bit more openness about anal play into our relationship, I decided to surprise my other half with this Strapless Strapon. I placed the order over the weekend, and true to Lovehoney form, the postman was knocking at the door first thing Tuesday morning. Alas though, it would have to stay unopened until the evening - I was already late for work. All day I couldn’t stop thinking about the fun planned for later!

As soon as I was home, I excitedly fetched the parcel and let her tear it open. The look on her face later when she pulled out the box was perfect! Just the sort of surprise mixed with the naughty glint in the eyes that I was hoping for.

The dildo doesn’t look too daunting in the tastefully simple packaging. It’s packed snugly in the sturdy plastic inner, and after prising it out I was surprised with the weightiness of it. The toy appears to be very well made with a nice smooth finish. There are no seams to speak of and the toy is a perfect balance of flexibility and suppleness.

I’m no expert on judging this, but I’d say that the length of the dildo is a bit longer than an average penis, but a bit slimmer too. The swirly ‘girly’ end was easy to slip in, and comfortable I’m told. It held the glistening shaft erect, the bright purple colour making it quite a sight to behold. The lack of straps means the dildo is so much less hassle to use than I’d imagine a strap on to be. Just pop it in, job done! No need to fiddle with clips, velcro, buckles or anything.

When the dildo is inserted this way, the usable penis end protrudes around 7 or 8 inches maybe. This might sound a lot to a beginner, but to be honest I can’t imagine this being a problem for even the most petite of people – in use the dildo moves back and forth a bit and it didn’t feel like it was in that far unless we both really pushed together.

The toy seems to work best when in the doggy position; certainly that was the most penetrative for us. However in the heat of things it did slip out of her a couple of times. We tried it with her lying down on her back, and me riding on top. This means the thighs can more easily clench the toy in securely, and I could happily bounce away. The usable length is lessened this way, so I didn’t feel quite as fulfilled as when getting done from behind, but the nubs did rub more on her clit area in this position.

Although the role reversal wasn’t the main reason I bought this toy, it did bring out our more adventurous sides. It was certainly very exciting for us both to be able to share something so intimately naughty and new. I can’t imagine getting bored of it any time soon, and I recon this toy will be a firm bedside cupboard favourite for some time to come, or at least until I find something the same but a bit bigger.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

Pros: Easy to use, no strap hassle, well made quality, good size for new explorers.

Cons: Girlie end can slip out a little easily.

Bottom Line: Fantastic toy for couples wanting to try out an extra cock without the attached hassles!

[Ian_Chimp]

by headsouth, 18 Aug 2010
Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Male Harness Kit

Two cocks are better than one!

I’ve had lots of dreams about sex, plenty of which ended up in having to change the sheets. I’ve had a hell of a lot about having a removable penis, but perhaps oddly I’ve never had one about having two of the things. What self respecting deviant man wouldn’t dream about that? What’s wrong with me?

So to that end, receiving this harness for my birthday was not a dream come true. It was however a very very welcome present, and pretty much exactly what I wanted. We’d been talking about using a strap on of some variety for a while, with the main talk being about my wife using it on me, but, as you’d expect, we talked about any other use we could think of for it too, the most obvious alternative being to use it on my partner anally which also penetrating her in the more conventional way.

All this was without a specific product in mind though, but always seemed that it was likely to be something in the Vac-U-Lock range because it’s clever and we’re geeks. The one I was lucky enough to open that morning was this harness kit, and I wasn’t the only one getting a surprise that morning, as she managed to not notice the integrated butt plug until I opened it and gulped!

Looking at it for the first time it was clearly very well made and used real high quality materials, or at least high quality for the sex toy market. The buckles are tough, as are the leather straps. There’s a spare strap included which I take it can be used to make the belt larger if need be. In terms of the packaging there is something of an oddity in that there are a two different harnesses on the box, only one of which is the right one, and the instructions included, which was mostly a small catalogue than a user guide was not for the right harness… what’s that all about? No idea, but either way the photos online here certainly is exactly what’s in the box, so we’re all happy little bunnies really aren’t we? And if you need instructions, maybe you should just put it down, walk quietly out of the room and never return.

First up I tried it on without the butt plug. [Ahh c’mon it was 8am! I was still in my dressing gown! Stop calling me a coward!] it fitted nicely after fiddling with the buckles a little, and I was really pleased with what I saw. One design feature is that the penis “hole” is actually fairly small, with a popper to connect the two sides of it together - so it’s not actually a hole until it’s done up. To me this was great. I’m becoming something of a cock ring addict, and this was one built in! Epic win! The diameter of the hole once done up was about 1.75" I’d say, which is lovely and tight, and really made me stand to attention! By this time I had, of course, attached the dong to it too, after having already snapped in the Vac-U-Lock red attachment on the inside, which connected wonderfully and was very comfortable. The dong itself went on well after applying some of the super secret recipe magic blend Doc Johnson dong powder (talc) and squeezing it slightly to remove some of the air.

So there I was, with two big erections and nothing to do with either! Oh noes! Well that had to wait until later anyway, so it was packed away until later. Actually it wasn’t at all - so much stuff came out of the tiny box I couldn’t get it back in for anything! So it was stuffed in the naughty drawer and I went off for my birthday cooked breakfast.

Much later and with a fair bit of alcohol inside me, it was time to give it a go, and my partner put it on me, butt plug and all [see… sooo not a coward!] while I was blindfolded, which in itself was a really great experience. And after a light flogging I was ordered to use it immediately! We tried it both ways round, i.e. both anally and vaginally with both attachments - mine and the Doc’s.

It was good.

I loved it.

She loved it.

I really found it very hard to find anything negative about the experience of using it. The butt plug was great, but I did remove it after a fair while as it was a little distracting, but that’s not a negative of the product at all [nor me, thankyou]. One thing worth mentioning is that the butt plug is supposedly on a Vac-U-Lock connector too, so should be removable and could be replaced with something else, however I was not able to remove it myself. It attaches like a buckle to the strap though, so is very easy to position correctly, or to remove completely. After having used it, I could say that the straps are a little narrow, and after a longer session they could possibly dig in, but not so far.

I should confess, I have been fibbing a little in that my wife did take advice in other reviews here and bought a dong without balls, so as to ensure they didn’t get in the way and interfere with my own manhood, and also gave extra deep penetration for me and my rubbery friend. As for the unused cock and balls, well I expect that’ll get used on me in the near future… his and hers dildos. Nice.

This is a “Male” harness as opposed a unisex one, and that’s clearly the case from the additional workmanship in the penis hole as opposed to a larger opening, and similarly, the single 1cm strap which runs from under ones balls up to the belt at the back. So there’s no easy way to penetrate someone whilst using it… sure the strap could always be moved to one side, but it’s just clearly designed for male use. Having said that though if you’re a highly respectable lady and therefore have no desire for vaginal penetration whilst wearing the harness yourself then it will work perfectly well as a strap on for you too! You lucky thing! I’m so happy for you! I’m getting jealous! Oh, hang on, no I’m not. I’ve already got one!

In summary, it’s just great, so so pleased with it, and so far undeniably worth every penny! Go get one, you won’t regret it!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10

Pros: Very kinky, and comfy, well-sized attachments.

Cons: Erm… doo bi doo… nope, I’ve got nothing worth mentioning.

Bottom Line: Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @tronic, 19 Aug 2010
Jenna Haze Fleshlight Girls Mouth

A newfound respect for these beauties!

The item came discreetly packed as usual, in record time, so full marks to Lovehoney’s operations for the impeccable service.

The packaging for these is relatively nice. It’s clearly something saucy with all the naked ladies on the tubular metal tin, but compared to many other male toys the tin is not only useful but not utterly disgusting to look at. Most male toy packaging must go straight in the bin as it is usually low budget and tacky schmalz. It’s not the product design apex of an iPhone box, but it’s a step in a better direction!

All the bits and bobs were present and correct, complete with a wee sachet of lube in case you’re ready to go and unprepared in that area. First impressions, the colour is the nicest colour I’ve seen on a fleshlight, a subtle pinky flesh colour, not garish, not weird. The case is a delightful pearlescent pink, ok not so macho as the beer can designs on other models, but it’s never been my plan to make a fashion statement with a sex toy so it’s not such a big deal. Maybe the lady-friendly colours will make it less intimidating than the techno-styled TENGA in the bedroom? Personally I have found that introducing the TENGA in the bedroom to play with together can raise quizzical expressions the likes of which have not been seen since the slow demise of programming the video to record Casualty of a Saturday night. A more chick-chic look might convince my good lady that it’s just a lovely toy and we can both have fun (well mainly me) by playing with it.

Onto the meat and veg of the description. The mouth opening is luscious. I’m pretty sure it is a good likeness, but for me that is not really important. Definitely not a robot/doll looking mouth though, quite lifelike. The canal of the insert is awesomely exciting - just beyond the mouthy aperture by about an inch are little teeth nubs, followed by a ribbly-dibbly ridged area which I suppose is a bit like the roof of the mouth or the bumps on the tongue. Beyond that is a narrower canal, presumably to approach deep throat type sensations somehow.

Of course I was keen to get in there, having diligently saved up (or more honestly, not had a good opportunity) for a while, all bets were off, it had to be done this morning. I shan’t beat around the bush - the sensations are frankly amazing. I have had one of the original Fleshlight models for a long while and it’s seen scant use, being rather bland and uninteresting. This newer type really redefines for me what Fleshlight means. Obviously not really like oral sex, as it is a static object which you have to manipulate, but the sensations are definitely similar. Warming it to the desired temperature helps also. Things were over with relatively quickly and the different areas of the insert give quite varied feelings; in addition, the twisty bit which controls the ‘suction’ actually makes for some nice variety too!

Cleanup was a tiny bit fiddly but not a problem really as everything is just washed and air dried. Finding a good space to secrete it to air dry will be a fun challenge!

Much much better than I expected, and I have now gone and bought some more of the new inserts to see what other delights there are in the Fleshlight Girls range!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Sensations, build quality, appearance.

Cons: Price.

Bottom Line: Great fun sexy toy!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @SlipperyWhenWet, 27 Sep 2010
Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Female Harness Kit

Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Female Harness Kit

For a long time it’s been my wish (ok, my fantasy) to have my lovely other half give me a good pounding with a strap-on - and guess what? Lovehoney and this harness granted me my wish!

Right - onto the review proper: This is our second harness - the first was a fairly standard ‘starter harness’, with a regular ‘O ring’ fitting. It only got one attempted use - the OH found it just wasn’t a secure enough fit to allow any proper thrusting - basically it just didn’t work for us. We also have a ‘Feeldoe’ style ‘strapless strapon’, and that never quite did it for us either. Some time passed and I decided it was time to do what I should’ve done in the first place and get something a bit more ‘professional’. Having done some research Vac-u-Lock seemed the obvious choice.

It was very important to me to get something that stimulated the girl as well as the guy - I know Ms SWW would happily do it just because I like it, but having her really getting off on it makes it so much hotter. So, I decided to go with the Doc Johnson Female Harness and its two plugs for the wearer. Now, something that I just couldn’t find a firm answer to anywhere in my research, so I’m happy to be able to mention here, is that the 2 wearer plugs ARE on their own little Vac-u-Lock plugs. This is brilliant, as it means you have such flexibility - theoretically if the wearer likes it big she could have a 7 inch dong in her pussy and a 5 inch probe up her ass - or any other combo of Vac-u-Lock attachments. Or the wearer plugs can be removed completely if you want to go without.

Now to the problem we had with our older harness - the secure-ness of the fit – the Doc J Female Harness (aka the Ultra 2000) excels here, with sturdy (but pleasantly soft – they don’t cut in at all) leather straps and buckles & plenty of room for adjustment to fit all sizes. Ms SWW is a bigger girl (size 18), and was a little nervous that it wasn’t going to fit her, but fit it did. Of course you have the added advantage that the plug (or plugs) inside her are an anchor to hold the harness firmly in place. The plugs themselves are a fairly firm, black, shiny rubber, and a little bigger than I expected, which is no bad thing!

The dildo that comes with this set is just right for me. Size wise I guess it falls into the medium-big category - size is subjective so best just to look at the dimensions but it’s just the sort of size I’m happy with. Of course since this is a Vac-u-Lock harness you have a whole range of compatible dildos to choose from if you prefer bigger or smaller. I guess some guys (or gals) might prefer a less realistic option - to be honest before we got it I felt the same way, but now it doesn’t bother me - it’s just Miss SWW’s ‘cock’, and that’s that. It’s reasonably soft to touch, a little softer than an actual erect cock (well mine anyway, I haven’t done any other comparisons!). The ‘ultra real’ skin doesn’t really feel that much like skin, but it is a pleasant texture, and works well with lube (we use Maximus). Out of the box it had a faintly fruity smell, certainly not unpleasant. The Vac-u-lock mechanism to attach dildo to harness is excellent - totally solid connection once it’s on - beats an ‘o-ring’ by far in my opinion.

Overall the construction of the harness, plugs and attachments is very high-end - it may be a little more pricey than some other options, but this is a strap on that’s going to last. I’ve tried to think of negatives just to be thorough – all I can think of are a) it’s a thong style harness, for obvious reasons – if your wearer would prefer something that doesn’t ‘ride up’ one of the other vac-u-lock harnesses may be better. Ms SWW just cut a hole in a pair of knickers (for the pussy plug – she hasn’t quite graduated to having the butt plug too) to wear under the harness & stop it riding up too much – of course for some the riding up might be part of the fun! …b) Again, it’s self apparent really, but worth mentioning – if the wearer wants to switch to receiving, the harness needs to be removed completely to gain access to the wearer’s… bits – it’s a trade off – wearer plugs or easy access – you can’t have both! …and c) As I said the dildo is towards the soft size (which I like) but sometimes this results in it popping out when changing angles or positions. Not the end of the world though, you can always get a different Vac-u-lock dong. The only other thing is that the Vac-u-lock range is perhaps a little limited. They’re mainly ‘realistic dildos’ – it would be nice if there were a few novelty not-so-realistic ones, but I guess you can’t have everything!

Most importantly; use. What can I say - I love it. First time out, it wasn’t long before she was pounding me every which way - bent over a chair, legs in the air, riding her ‘cowgirl’- it was all amazing, all the more so as it was clear as day she was loving it too - to quote Miss SWW: “every time I pushed into you I could feel it pushing deeper into me!”. The dildo stayed firmly on it’s Vac-u-lock plug and the harness stayed firmly on (and in) Ms SWW. By the end we were both panting and sweating and my occasional anal cravings were satisfied like never before. Since then we’ve gone at it again with more positions and spectacular success (one of my most intense orgasms of recent memory) and we’re eagerly looking forward to more of the same in the future.

If you’re thinking of investing in a strap on, and you think you’re gonna be a serious user, look no further than this. It may be 3 times the price of some other options, but it’s 300 times better!

What more can I say, except thank you Lovehoney & Doc Johnson!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: High quality, wearer plugs for her, nice cock for me, Vac-u-Lock system rock solid!

Cons: Ummm… Vac-u-Lock dildo range somewhat limited.

Bottom Line: The King of strap ons. Worth every penny.