Review Hall of Fame

[Ian_Chimp]

by @RosyCheek, 09 Aug 2020
Lovehoney 7 Nights of Seduction Plus Size Lingerie Calendar

Ooh La La!

I never thought anything would be sexier than my 2020 Jason Momoa calendar. I was wrong. Goodbye Mr Momoa and hello to Lovehoney Plus Size Lingerie Calendar!

This calendar screams luxury from the second it’s out from its discreet delivery box. The cardboard is such a high quality, it can easily be used as storage once the 7 days are over. Opening it will not destroy it unlike other advent calendars with their perforated windows this has drawers for your drawers.

I do not want to go into too much detail on the contents as I am sure you will enjoy the surprise! What I will say is everything is beautiful and coordinates. We received this on the week of our wedding anniversary which was perfect timing. We stick to standard advent rules, one drawer a day. Although it was hard (along with my husband - pause for laughter) we did it. Each day was as incredible as the last, no day was a disappointment.

There are of course little extras along with the standard lingerie items. There are little cards inside each drawer just in case you don’t quite know what you have. It really is an excellent range of products. Myself and my husband were so pleased everyday. Day 7, of course, is the ultimate showpiece and definitely worth the wait.

Every piece of lingerie fit my 18-20 figure beautifully, enhancing the good parts and hiding the wobbly bits. I felt like an utter goddess.

The drawers may look small but they hold big surprises. I don’t think a calendar can get better than this, unless if course Jadon Momoa was there to help me try it on.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The beauty of the box, range of contents, matching items.

Cons: Nothing at all.

Bottom Line: A small box, with smaller boxes full of big surprises!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BeeMine, 04 Aug 2020
ROMP Hype Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator

Doesn’t live up to its own ‘Hype’

I was delighted to receive the ROMP Hype as a review product as I love G-spot toys but I’ve found allocating a star rating very difficult on this occasion. This vibrator has so many positive attributes that deserve top marks but is a total fail in one vitally important respect; more about that later.

Delivery of the product was perfectly timed to our week of holiday-at-home and my husband asking “What are we testing this afternoon?” was music to my ears. The packaging design and the overall look of the vibrator itself heightened the anticipation. The attributes listed on the box have clever little comments underneath. The end of the charging cable matches the colour of the vibe base and is a surprisingly useful feature amongst my sea of black toy cables. ROMP clearly want you to have fun with their products. As well as the vibrant colour scheme the silicone is silky soft and the toy got a genuine “Wow” from me when it was switched on for the first time. Although no vibrator is going to be silent, the Hype is fairly quiet in comparison with many of my vibrating toys. The box included a strip of sexually themed stickers which you will either find funny or tacky.

The large instruction sheet has numerous languages in very tiny font. It covers many useful topics but doesn’t tell you about the charging light. FYI the light flashes when charging and goes out when fully charged. It remains steady when switched on and slowly fades over several minutes before the battery goes flat.

Our first test was my husband using the vibrator on me during warm-up play. The vibrations are strong with the highest (6th) intensity being similar to my Mantric G-spot highest (3rd) setting, it just takes smaller steps to get there. That could be a positive or negative depending on personal preference; I didn’t find small steps to be an advantage. He felt that the vibes were good and commented that I was making sounds of pleasure that he had never heard from me before. The buttons are slightly raised so it was easy to find and change settings without looking. The length was a double-edged sword. He had to be careful to not push it too far in so as not to hurt me and to try to find the sweet spot. The extra handle length was useful for his large hands but he thought it could do with some texture on the back to keep his grip when it inevitably became slippery.

Using the Hype solo was a disappointment. It is comfortably girthy and textured, the strong vibes pleasuring the clitoris nicely but internally it didn’t hit the G-spot without a lot of frustratingly awkward manoeuvring, the length making it more difficult to handle. I’ve persevered but have found that it is too straight and is more of a slightly curved vibrating dildo, the length and soft tip being good for deeper penetration. I did wonder initially if LH has accidentally mistakenly labelled it a G-spot vibrator so investigated further. The ROMP packaging only mentions the G-spot in a small-print contents list but their website very clearly markets the Hype as a specifically designed G-spot vibrator. Generally these vibrators have a more bulbous end with the curve closer to it to ‘hug’ you internally. The vibrations are strong in the handle which is a disadvantage during longer playtimes. The battery life on the highest setting is happily much longer than the suggested sixty minutes, more like eighty.

It is a good choice if you are looking for a reasonably priced, vibrating dildo that isn’t too girthy and can be used equally well without the vibes.

The naming of this toy is unfortunate. ‘Hype’ was meant to convey ‘excitement’ but more appropriately it has ‘overstated its benefits’. If it’s a vibrating G-spot toy you are specifically looking for in this £35-£40 price range, try the Mantric.

Overall Rating: 6 out of 10 stars

Pros: Colour, colour-matched cable, silicone, rechargeable, quiet, strong vibrations, long battery life and well-priced.

Cons: Not a G-spot toy.

Bottom Line: A good quality, powerful, dildo vibrator inaccurately marketed by ROMP for the G-spot.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Petrichor, 14 Sep 2020
Lovehoney Glow-in-the-Dark Dildo 7.5 Inch

Amazing for lights off oral

I received this dildo as a secret tester, and like with all secret tester items I didn’t know very much about it for what to expect! The first surprise was that it was mostly clear and that only the glow in the dark core was actually blue. I’m not a huge fan of clear dildos aesthetically, and I’m also not a huge fan of balls on realistic ones, so this was a first for me! I wasn’t particularly hyped about its appearance, but put it on a sunny windowsill and forgot about it until bedtime.

When I pulled it out in the dark as a surprise (because how often do you get to surprise and confuse someone with a glowing dildo?) we were amazed how bright it was! I was expecting “what on earth is that?”, but… There’s not much mistaking it, you can see everything, right down to the veins. How it looks in daylight doesn’t do it justice, it really comes into its own in the dark, and because of the way the clear silicone refracts the light, the whole dildo takes on this pretty luminous glow, not just the blue central rod. It looks really otherworldly, and I’m pretty sure a bit of imagination could work it into a huge variety of fantasies no matter what you’re into.

It’s not only so bright that you can see it, it’s bright enough that I could see what I was doing by it! This means that it’s really helpful for navigation in the dark to see what you’re doing without lights on, or even just under the covers, which is amazing for if you get chilly while your partner’s going down on you. This isn’t exclusively a good thing though - I kept forgetting to use this dildo because I couldn’t leave it out. It’s bright enough that the light was disturbing me trying to sleep, and I had to put it on the bottom shelf beside my bed. This shelf gets basically no light but has the LEDs from my USB charger and other toys, and that was enough to keep the glow going even without giving it any bright light to charge up from, so don’t worry if you’re thinking you’d never dare leave it out anywhere to get its glow on.

I normally like to use toys as foreplay because we have a bit of a sizing mismatch - I’m quite small and he’s quite big! This is slim enough it doesn’t require any warm up at all and we can get straight into it, and even though the outer layer is soft, it doesn’t get through lube the way some of my similar toys like the Heart Pounder dildo do (Incidentally, I’ve decided they’re a couple, and it’s adorable. If you put them together, the glow comes through the clear silicone of the other toy as well!) Despite its slim girth, the dual density means that you can really feel it and it has a decent firmness that I was surprised by, considering how flexible and squeezable it is.

While I wasn’t able to orgasm from this toy with my partner, having him use it on me whilst giving me oral was amazing. Because it’s slim and easy to hold it didn’t distract his attention from focusing on what else he was doing. The balls make a nice grip, and they were good for checking which way up the dildo is. Because it’s a fairly straight toy without much curve it doesn’t make too much difference even if it does spin, which is what usually kills the mood with my more curved dildos. In this case I realised afterward that the culprit was a couple of long hairs that had got wrapped around it in the dark - soft silicone is a nightmare for picking these up, and as we both have long hair its a good part of why I prefer to have lights on to avoid it.

I can honestly say I wasn’t at all disappointed that I didn’t finish with this toy - I’d been so close for such a long time (and I love edging) that I was more than ready for the extra girth of my partner. With my womaniser starlet, it didn’t take long for us to finish together, which is something we could never match up the timings of to enjoy without toys!

While it may not be the main event, I have plenty of future plans for this toy. While I had lots of bright ideas (it would be so much fun to take to a rave and just use as a glow stick, it has this whole cyberpunk appeal) the main thing I could see myself using this for is camping or festivals - bright enough that you can see by, but less obvious than having a torch on in your tent and inadvertently putting on a shadow puppet display for other campers. I was worried that the balls meant I wouldn’t be able to use it with a harness that has a fixed size o-ring, as I can’t slide it over the top, but the silicone suction cup is soft enough that I was able to fold it and get it through the ring of my Leg Strap-On Harness, which it fits perfectly. The grip of the silicone means it stays in place well, but the flexibility means that you can pull it straight out when you’re done without needing to slide a used toy back through the harness, which is perfect, so that’s definitely next on my to do list!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Slim. Dual density. Flexible. Glows.

Cons: Glows! (Yes, it’s a pro and a con!)

Bottom Line: New favourite to use with my partner.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 11 Sep 2020
JoJoe Blue Recycled Microfibre Front-Fastening Triangle Bra

What are you doing about tomorrow?

I like to think I’m fairly environmentally aware and conscious of the decisions I make. However, I haven’t introduced those values into my underwear drawer or, to be honest, even considered it, so I was super excited to receive this bra and see just what I was missing out on.

First thing to catch my eye was the packaging. It’s merely a zip-lock bag, but it’s recycled, is recyclable and is totally reusable. As it states on the packaging itself, it can be repurposed to carry just about anything small enough to fit in there. I’m going on holiday soon, so will put all my little bits like hairbands, clips and jewellery in there. Once I’m home, I’ll find another use for it! Cute, will last, and generally a great idea.

Now the bra itself! For reference, I’m 5ft6, 36C, usually a size 10/12 on top. This bra came in a size 12, and is in the beautiful pastel-y blue colour. Unlike deep colours, it doesn’t sit too harshly against my pale skin.

I put the bra on, closed it up at the front (I LOVE front closing bras and find them not only super useful and less hassle, but they have an element of sex appeal). I found the band to be a little tight, although not uncomfortably, and the straps which are adjustable sat with ease over my shoulders. I particularly like the double strap look even though it’s a really simple feature. The cups fit my boobs perfectly, and even though it doesn’t look to be the most secure of bras, I didn’t feel like it was going to slip at all. Because it’s not lined or padded, there’s definitely a bit of nipple-age going on, but that’s not something that bothers me.

The material of the bra is incredibly lightweight and soft. In terms of underwear, it’s relatively delicate and requires a hand wash, but it has fantastic build quality and a good amount of stretch.

This is a definite day-to-day bra for me, purely for its comfort factor. Nothing digs in and there’s no snaggy or itchy materials or labels.

JoJoe has certainly opened my eyes to just how great recycled underwear can be, and I now hope to implement a more environmentally friendly approach to my clothing and underwear.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Colour, simplicity, comfort, values.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Cute and perfect for everyday wear.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Gosig, 18 Sep 2020
Lifelike Lover Classic Extra Girthy Dildo 7 Inch

You will forget your own name

Wowzers with a capital Wow. And this is from someone who is usually a bit ‘meh’ about standalone dildos. But what it lacks in bells and whistles it makes up for with some quite astounding girth.

Precisely three things are needed in great abundance for an eye-rolling experience with this dildo: time, relaxation and lube (as much as you can of all three ideally). No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. This was a toy I had to devote some time to get the best out of it, and I was richly rewarded for my efforts. Some extra form of stimulation is an excellent way of cheating if short on time, be that some visual stimulation, or, in my case, edging myself with a wand. Anything really to help the muscles relax because it would be nigh-on impossible for me to ride this dildo from a standing start.

Another note of caution: I thought I was ready for this girth because I have used the Belladonna hand toy previously, and really enjoyed it. The key difference here is that accommodating a hand with straight(ish) fingers allows you to gently increase the girth up to the final challenge of the knuckles. I was in for quite a shock with this dildo as it only (naturally) only possesses a very small tapering in size prior to the challenge of the base of the head (equivalent of the knuckles on the hand). This is why appropriate warm-up, time, lube are all so necessary.

Once you have managed it, though, it is so worth it. I’ve never really seen the attraction in having balls on a dildo, but here they were very useful as I had something to hold on to whilst rocking back and forth. The suction cup was as it should be: strong to the point that it is actually quite a task to get it unstuck again once you have finished. Easy to clean, easy to store, from a practical perspective it has no faults.

Ah, the orgasm. The appeal of such a large toy is that something quite exceptional seems to happen when I climax whilst stretched. When I orgasm with what I would describe as average-sized dual-motor rechargeable vibrators, my vaginal muscles tighten so much that I always manage to stop the toys from moving completely. That my muscles can’t tighten with this toy inside seems to completely jam my gears in the most pleasurable of ways: my head falls back, my eyes roll back, my legs shake and basically time stops completely and it is impossible to think about anything. It is quite the all-encompassing experience, and that is purely down to the girth of this toy. Normally I would always choose a vibe over a dildo, especially a straight up-and-down one, but for this one, I would make an exception.

I did wonder why the length wasn’t made to match the girth, but for me personally any extra length would have been a waste as seven inches proved to be plenty. Overall, if you are ready to devote a bit of time and patience to this girthy monster you will be richly rewarded.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Slimness (I jest). The balls were useful for once.

Cons: Nada.

Bottom Line: Worth the effort.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @forget-me-not, 11 Sep 2020
Pillow Talk Cheeky Rechargeable Wand Vibrator

Pink Power

I’d been looking to purchase a wand vibrator for a while but was a little unsure of what would work best for me. I eventually stumbled upon this particular wand on Lovehoney and immediately fell in love. The gorgeous design is what initially persuaded me to purchase this vibrator, but it only got better upon arrival.

This vibrator’s power is unreal. It has so many settings that get more powerful as you go through them. The first time I used this wand I only lasted a few minutes on the third-highest setting. When I ramped it up to the sixth-highest setting I think I saw God - and there’s still another six settings after that! It’s a seriously powerful vibe without being at all too loud, and you don’t even have to sacrifice power for quiet! The first few settings are virtually silent to someone who’s not in the room with you, but they’re still deep and rumbly enough to deliver an orgasm. I was able to use this in a house I share with others without even hiding it under my bed covers.

Though not the most important feature, the packaging is quite beautiful and the box includes a satin bag to keep the vibrator safe (and discreet). It also includes a small brush to clean the silver ridges on the head of the wand. I’ve yet to use the brush but I thought it was a nice inclusion. The material is super soft and the wand is very comfortable to hold. I also found it extremely easy to clean; just a few sprays of toy cleaner and a light rinse does the trick.

This vibrator is now the first item in my collection that I reach for and I will definitely have to buy another if anything ever happens to the one I have now. If you’re looking for an easy to use wand vibrator that packs a powerful punch then I couldn’t recommend this enough!

[Ian_Chimp]

by Lounge Lizard, 21 Oct 2020
Blowmotion Warming and Pulsating Masturbator

This thing will Blowmotion your mind

I’m writing this after my first use of the toy… That’s how impressed I am!

Lube it up, insert your cock, find the right vibration and or pulse setting for you and just sit back and relax… Maybe put on some favourite porn for a visual aid.

You don’t need any thrusting (jerk-off) motion to make this work, but you might want to squeeze the underside of the device tighter for more intense vibration to suit your liking.

When the pulse mode is on it also warms up quite nicely to a noticeable but comfortable level. Warming does not occur if only vibration mode is on.

When I’m flying solo it really depends on my mood and my visual aid quality as to how quickly I get off and as to how intense the orgasm is. I’ve tried non-vibrating male masturbators and while they definitely feel better than your hand and give better orgasms, they are nothing compare to what this machine gives you!

From start to finish it took about 10 minutes for this device to complete it’s task. The vibrations and pulses felt VERY good, but I was sceptical as to whether that alone could get me off without any actual thrusting motion. I tried to thrust a little bit with it but the device suctions you into it and makes that difficult, but trust me… you won’t need any thrusting!

After a few minutes in I could feel how well the vibrations were working and how much my cock was throbbing inside! At that point I more or less knew this device was going to be something special! As I got close to cumming it somehow managed to put me right on the edge of the orgasm where you start to feel that wave hitting you but it just held me there for what felt like minutes, which is something I have NEVER experienced with my hand or any other toy. It felt like pure bliss being held in that “limbo” before I broke free and the biggest orgasm I have ever had came crashing over me to the point I was out of breath!

I actually just sat for about five minutes afterwards just taking it all in and processing how mind-blowing it was! Absolutely incredible device and I am glad I took the leap and purchased it. Wow!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The warming function.

Cons: The warming function only works with the pulses. Also pulse mode is a bit loud.

Bottom Line: Incredible!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Calie, 08 Oct 2020
DOXY Die Cast 3R Rechargeable Massage Wand Vibrator

As good as the mains-powered Doxy 3? Oh hell yeah

I love the original Doxy 3; it is by far my favourite wand and is probably the toy I reach for the most (seriously, it stays plugged in by my bed at all times). So when Doxy announced that they were doing a rechargeable version, I was definitely tempted. When I saw that it was in my favourite colour (blue) and it was sparkly too, I knew one would end up in my toy box sooner rather than later.

The only thing holding me back was whether or not it could really match the mains-powered version in terms of power. Although I rarely need to use the highest settings on my Doxy 3 and Doxy claim it is the same power, I still had a niggle in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t be as good.

However, if there is a power difference, I really cannot tell. The Doxy 3R is just as powerful as it claims to be and I am definitely not disappointed. Which one I reach for in the bedroom will purely depend on which is closest to hand. (Providing I’ve remembered to charge the 3R!)

If you are trying to choose between the mains-powered 3 and this one, the decision should be purely between what is more practical for you: plugging the toy in and dealing with the cord or remembering to recharge it but being cord free. Power-wise, you won’t regret your decision which ever you pick.

Now to review it on its own merits:

The 3R comes with its own storage tube in the form of a ling metal cylinder. The charging cable is stored in the base of the cylinder. The tube is definitely different and with only a “D” stamped on the top, it doesn’t give away what is stored inside, although it is likely to look a little out of place in most bedrooms!

The blue sparkle is absolutely stunning and does help make the wand look slightly less industrial than some of the other Doxys. The silicone head is nice and smooth and the large buttons are easy to see (including lighting up in use and when charging), feel and use. The charging port is at the bottom of the toy and very obvious.

The smaller size makes this wand very easy to hold and use. It does have a little weight to it, but it isn’t too heavy. The vibration does travel down the body a bit, but generally I don’t notice this too much when I’m using the toy.

One thing that is important is that this wand is not waterproof. To clean it, you can unscrew the head (which is then waterproof) and wash that separately; just make sure you leave it to thoroughly air dry before reattaching, and you can wipe the body down with a damp cloth or toy wipe.

The power from the wand is absolutely incredible. I am a power queen and it is more than enough for me. I do think it is at a little bit of a high frequency than the Original and Die Cast Doxys (and many other wands), but it certainly isn’t enough to call the toy “buzzy”. The slightly higher frequency and the smaller head combined with the power really works for me. Most good quality wands will get me there, but this gets me there harder and faster. If you like high powered toys but find most wands don’t quite deliver for you in the way they seem to for most people. This wand is definitely worth considering.

As well as the solid vibration, there is a pattern setting which you turn on by pressing and holding the power button. The pattern is best described as a two beat pulse which you can alter the speed of. I am not normally a fan of any patterns, but actually the pulse setting at (or near) top speed is actually quite enjoyable. Slowing it right down is damn right evil though!

It is worth noting that if you were hoping that this wand would be quieter than its mains powered counterparts, you will be disappointed. This wand is definitely on par with mains-powered wands for noise.

One thing I do feel the need to mention is that Doxy have clearly thought about the implications of making their wand rechargeable. The 3R has a travel lock (something mains-powered wands clearly don’t need), and the power button lights up red when it is charging and green once is has finished. Although these are only small things, it does really show they have put a lot of thought and care into the toy, which is always nice. Admittedly, it does lack some of the bells and whistles that other toys at this kind of price point often offer, but it really doesn’t need them in my opinion. It is all about pure power in a manageable and usable toy.

In conclusion, I adore this wand. It has a huge amount of power, delivered in a much smaller package than most wands and it is rechargeable. I can take this toy with me without having to worry about whether there will be a plug socket in a convenient place and without having to compromise on power.

It is definitely my favourite rechargeable wand that I have ever used and shares the top spot of favourite wand with the mains powered Doxy 3, as I really cannot choose between them.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The power and how it is delivered.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: A definite favourite.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @RedScorpio, 16 Oct 2020
Mantric Rechargeable Wand Vibrator

Great wand

I usually don’t like broad vibrations, but somehow this is one of my go-to toys. The head is small enough that it’s still somewhat direct while not being completely pinpoint. The vibrations are also pretty rumbly, rather than buzzy.

One of the issues I’ve had with wands in the past is that many of them have super bendy necks, which don’t allow for hard pressure (this can be kind of annoying if you’re a power queen like me, lol). The neck on this wand is a little bendy but it isn’t excessive, which is nice. The vibration also stays in the head and doesn’t move into the handle when pressing down, which has happened with some other wands I’ve tried previously.

Another plus is that it’s made of silicone, which is body-safe and compatible with water-based, aloe-based, and oil-based lubes. It’s also rechargeable and relatively quiet, so more convenient than plug-in wands.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Body-safe material, rechargeable, rumbly vibrations.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Great wand.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @DreamsOfChi, 01 Oct 2020
Happy Rabbit Small Rechargeable Vibrating Bunny Tail Butt Plug 4

Little Bunny Foo Foo

I’ve always been intrigued by butt plugs with tails - I suspect it’s the delightful juxtaposition between something very naughty and something very cute that grabs my interest - so when I saw this toy, I absolutely couldn’t resist giving it a try.

The pompom bunny tail itself is gorgeous, about the size of a tennis ball, dark lilac in colour and so SO soft. I can’t stop stroking it. Happily, the ‘fur’ is faux so no bunnies (raccoons, cats or ‘other’) were harmed in the making of this tail. My husband absolutely loved the way it looked and felt, nestled between my cheeks. It made me feel super cute and playful, though I really need some purple bunny ears now, to complete the look (carrot optional!).

Before I actually got my hands on this piece I was mildly concerned as to the prospect of handling something fluffy with lubey hands but the absolute genius of the magnetic attachment means that it’s never an issue. You just insert the plug, clean off any moisture and then add your tail, or the additional sparkly stopper (the extra 2-in-1 aspect is a great touch too). Both pieces feel well made and attach with a sturdy snap upon the magnets making contact. I had no issues with them shaking loose or falling off despite how much excitable hopping about the bedroom I did.

This plug is the smaller of the Happy Rabbit vibrating bunny tail butt plugs and, while it didn’t prove problematic to use, it’s at least double the length of your standard ‘beginner’ plug, which I found gave a more prolonged sensation upon insertion. It is comparably slim and the gently tapered end means it is super easy to accommodate. Once in place the flared base means there’s no worries about it exploring further than you want it to. Similarly the thinner neck ensures a tight fit that won’t give you any concerns about it shooting back out at the wrong moment. It felt secure at all times and the softness of the tail combined with the probing insistence of the plug itself made for an entirely pleasurable experience.

I’m in love with the vibrations on this toy. Not only are they super strong but they translate aaaaaaaaall the way to the very tip, meaning that, what this toy may lack in width, it absolutely makes up for in stimulation. There are three basic levels with increasing intensity then a number of patterns, any or all of which are likely to push some very happy buttons indeed. In terms of noise, there’s a bit of a buzz going on but nothing alarming and certainly nothing that isn’t all but concealed when the plug is in place.

My only slight issue with the vibrating feature is that you need to find and select the one you want to use before adding the tail/stopper as this covers up the power button which you need to press to scroll through the options. No real biggie, it just means you might have to practise a couple of times to find the setting that does it for you before you debut your bunny tail for an audience in a real playtime setting. Oh, no, another excuse for more solo play, what a shame!

I found the toy easy to recharge, operate and clean. The material of the plug is soft and pliable - the base will bend if manipulated and the very tip will depress slightly so it’s not entirely solid. It feels velvety and a little lube goes a long way on this type of material though, as ever with anal play, you can never really have enough of the wet stuff.

Overall I got a huge kick out of this toy, as did my husband. Great for solo experimentation, amazing when teamed with a dildo/vibrator and guaranteed to please and tease anyone who is lucky enough to see it in situ.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The soft cute tail, the strong vibrations, the ease of use.

Cons: Can’t change the vibration pattern while in use unless you remove the tail.

Bottom Line: Cute, kinky, soft and stimulating.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BluePup, 05 Nov 2020
Lifelike Lover Luxe Vibrating Warming Realistic Dildo

Fiery fun fulfilment

I was ever so kindly sent this Lifelike Lover Warming and Vibrating dildo in exchange for an honest review by Lovehoney. Thank you so much, Lovehoney!

Oh my! Lifelike is an understatement when you set your eyes on this, without a doubt, luxury toy. From the slightly enlarged head, to the veins decorating the shaft, and the detailed balls, this is most certainly the most realistic dildo I own! The light pink skin colour matches all the realism in the toy, fitting the whole look. The only things that set it apart from the real thing is the lack of a body and the hard internal structure of the toy. Oh, and the vibrating!

When I first took it out of its lovely box, I noticed that the toy has a little bit of weight to it and is a fairly firm material. Where I expected a slightly softer shaft due to it being made of silicone, this is just a thin layer covering all the internal motors. If you’re looking for a firm toy that can deliver precise thrusts to just the right spot, this is the toy for you! While I was at first a little off put by the hardness of the toy, I ended up more than definitely being fond of it due to the lovely internal stimulation this beauty of a toy provides. However, I would absolutely love to see this toy have a slightly softer head just for extra realism! But that’s just me being fussy haha.

The suction cup on this toy is pretty strong and you can trust it to hold firm during use.

The buttons to operate the vibrating and warming features are held at the same time to turn on and off the travel lock. You can use each function separately as well as together. To do this, press either button until it flashes, and then the other! You’ll know they’re ready to use when the lights stay on- red for warm, blue for vibrate. Simply press the buttons to start their respected function!

Now to one of this dildo’s most interesting features- the warming. Stated on the box, the toy can heat up to 40 degrees C. While it takes a little while to get to this temperature, once it does you’ll be amazed by how amazing this lifelike warmth feels! You can stop it from warming up by pressing the temperature button, meaning you can set it to the exact warmth that suits you and your preferences. The warmth is mainly concentrated in the middle of the shaft but is also in the rest of the toy, which feels great when thrusted in and out! The sensations it provides are so lovely!

Oh my goodness- the vibrations! With 10 patterns to cycle through, the first 3 being the different constant speeds, I was absolutely blown away by how powerful they were. I found that by using the dildo with the balls towards my clit during penetrative play gave me some wonderful blended orgasms from both the internal and external stimulation. I found myself in love with the highest constant speed, but even the first is so lovely and powerful. With a lot of the vibrations being strong in the head of the toy, decided to try it as a clit vibrator- this made me orgasm so quickly! The vibrations are more on the buzzy side I’ve found personally, and this is my preference, and it feels so amazing! You’ll simply be begging for more with each use. I have to say though, this toy is pretty loud, but that’s what you sacrifice when wanting strong vibrations!

Overall, this Lifelike Lover Warming and Vibrating dildo is now one of the highlights in my toy collection, and I know I’ll enjoy every moment I’m using it! I completely recommend it!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Strong vibrations, warming feature, can use for both clit and internal stimulation.

Cons: Would prefer the silicone on the head to be softer, but just a preference!

Bottom Line: Absolutely amazing toy that exceeded all my expectations.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Blonde_Bunny, 09 Nov 2020
Bondage Boutique Expandable Spreader Bar with Leather Cuffs

Bound To Be Satisfied

I am far from new to the darker world of bondage and BDSM and I’m unquestionably the sub in our home. I’m always looking for new ways to satiate my desires of being held captive in complete submission. I already own two spreader bars - ones just not enough, but neither have the option for adjustable width. After discovering my kink for spreader bars, we decided I needed something a little more challenging.

Why do I love spreader bars so much?

For me, the psychological thrill of complete and utter submission, being bound in lust, shackled and forced to receive erotic pleasures - or just as often denied it - sends me silly. Having my legs compulsively spread and firmly held wide apart leaves me uncontrollably - and quite vulnerably - totally exposed, laid bare with all areas on show and completely at my lover’s mercy, which I can tell you is spine-tinglingly erotic, not to mention it shows and builds trust with a partner.

When ordering this I was very aware this item may be large and lengthy - always a worry when purchasing erotic apparatus like this, but I can assure you the item arrived in the usual inconspicuously plain packaged, exceptionally quick and problem-free manner.

Opening the box this truly left me weak at the knees, it is stunning. The bars heavy-duty construction is metal painted in satin black with steel pins to lock your desired width. The luxurious black leather and fur-lined cuffs are totally fixed to the bar - better than my slack jingling clipped versions - yet they still comfortably pivot on the main shaft. I’m not the biggest leather lover - I know, shocking for a bondage babe right? but I have to say it visually ticks every box and more. The appearance and build quality of this instrument are staggering. It’s a lot more weighty than my other bars feel. It’s substantial and strong and it screams sexual submission.

The cuffs and padlocks themselves feel relentlessly strong - I’ve really been pulling at them fiercely - and easy enough to operate. There’s also just something devilish about padlocks that gets me giddy and leaves me shaking with excitement and sexual fear. Thankfully spare keys are included, but these are not for me to know where they’re hidden.

As I mentioned before, unlike my other Spreader-Bars, the width of this is adjustable. This is the true reason I purchased this item. For me, BDSM isn’t about comfort, I like my mind and body being pushed to its limits and I can tell you that when you spread a 5’8 girls legs at 26”s apart and keep them forced open, the pleasure you’ll be receiving is satisfyingly laced with mild aching pain and discomfort. Honestly, it’s better than you’d believe.

Of course, being totally adjustable and with large banded cuffs, the versatility is endless, I can even use this bound to my knees to offer a completely alternative spread position and a whole different variation of revealing, forced exposure, access and possible torments.

The only real downside I’ve found to this item is it doesn’t have fixed points for central additional shackles. This isn’t a massive issue for me, I’ve got more cuffs and restraints than the Tower Of London Museum and so I can soon loop a pair of my handcuffs around the bar itself to fulfil that desire or I can simply clip some of my wrist shackles to the outer padlocks. Well, I can’t, but my husband can.

In summary, even if you’re a beginner to bondage, I cannot recommend this enough. For some, the idea of this may seem a little daunting, but if the thought of being restrained, bound and fully exposed in thrilling vulnerability like this has awakened the kink queen inside you, and you want to step things up from your basic handcuffs or bed restraints, then this spreader bar is undoubtedly the risqué route for you.

I assure you, the possibilities of this item are only limited by your imagination and pleasure thresholds…

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: A perfect step up in spreader bars into mid-level BDSM.

Cons: I would have loved fixed central wrist shackle points.

Bottom Line: It’s satisfyingly heavy, it’s sturdy and it’ll keep me captured for life.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Smultron, 21 Nov 2020
Desire Luxury Rechargeable Remote Control Strapless Strap-On

Good but not great

My Lovehoney order was delivered in a discreet, plain box. The packaging of the toy is beautiful and elegant. In the box there is a storage case in faux leather, a USB charging cable, an instruction manual and, of course, the double-ended strap on vibrator along with its remote controller.

The first thing I noticed was that the strap on is pretty weighty. It’s made of smooth, velvety silicone in a pretty dark purple colour. The elegant, curvy design is promising lots of pleasure for both of us. Without a doubt this is a well made, high quality toy. What’s more it’s not intimidating at all, since it has an average size and doesn’t look like a penis.

We couldn’t wait to try it out, but first we had to charge it. The light on the toy flashes during charging and stops flashing to indicate that it’s fully charged. After wiping it down with sex toy cleaner, washing it with lukewarm water and perfume-free soap (it’s waterproof!) and letting it air dry, we were finally ready to go!

I covered both shafts with water-based lube and inserted the pony in my vagina. It slid in easily, felt comfortable and quite filling. Thanks to its thin neck, I could flex my Kegel muscles and keep it in place - at first. The tapered tip of the longer shaft made it easy to smoothly slide it inside my partner.

As always when it comes to a new toy, we experimented with various positions to find out which work best. We also tried changing the angle of the posable pony to better accommodate each position. Sadly, we came across two main problems.

First off, when we’d pose the pony in a more acute angle, it did not maintain it during sex. The angle would easily get wider, resulting in less G- and P-spot stimulation for both of us.

What’s more, the strap on is too heavy and I couldn’t keep it in as I got more aroused and more wet. I’ve been doing my Kegel exercises for longer than 10 years, but it was still not enough. We discovered that the toy did stay in place if I lay on my back, pressing my legs together.

I decided to put on my Lovehoney low rise lace harness briefs, which are compatible with strapless strap on dildos. This allowed us to explore more positions and we really liked it!

The longer shaft is slightly curved and has a bulb on the end, which helps massage my partner’s P-spot. He hasn’t orgasmed from it yet, but there’s no denying he loves the stimulation!

However, we think it would be more practical if it were a bit longer. This way it would allow for deeper penetration in more positions.

One thing we absolutely love are the vibrations! There are 8 patterns of waves and pulses, plus 12 levels of intensity to choose from. They can be very subtle or rock your world! The various patterns are explained in a table in the instruction leaflet.

Thanks to the remote controller, going through the patterns and speeds couldn’t be easier. The controller is made of the same smooth silicone as the strap on, with a black-silver plastic battery lid on the back.

Another thing that should be mentioned is that this is not a silent toy. Except for when it’s on the lower vibration settings, it does make audible noise. However, that’s reasonable since it delivers extremely powerful vibrations.

When we’re all done, I clean the vibrator and store it in its case. The case has two compartments, so you can put more toys in it. It also has holes at the bottom of the sides for discreet charging. Furthermore, it’s lockable. The zipper sliders have holes where you can slide a small padlock in.

All in all, we had lots of fun with this strap on and we’ll definitely be using it again in the future!

It’s a good quality toy with some amazing features. We loved the smooth and comfortable design, the wide range of vibration speeds and patterns and the fact that it comes with a remote controller and a beautiful storage case.

That being said, there is room for improvement. We’d love a strapless strap on that is more lightweight, has a longer dildo for the receiver and a pony that stays where you pose it.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

Pros: High quality, comfortable, strong vibrations, many speeds and patterns, rechargeable, remote control, case.

Cons: Heavy, must wear harness. Pony doesn’t maintain angle. Receiver’s dildo could be longer.

Bottom Line: A brilliant idea and we love the toy, but there’s room for improvement.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BadToTheBone, 02 Nov 2020
Fleshlight Girls Jessica Drake Heavenly Texture

A tight one

If you like your Fleshlight/vagina sleeves tight, then Heavenly is a good option.

The vagina mould is pretty to look at and Fleshlights skin is very much lifelike to touch, especially when heated up.

The sleeve itself is, as described above, tight. I think it’s one of the tightest Fleshlight do, especially in their ‘Girls’ series. The first half (before the Lotus node) is what I would consider a more mild/realistic sensation compared to most other sleeves. The tightness adds to the sensation however. The lotus node is quite distinct and enjoyable in it’s on way too, followed by the ribs and mini bumps (bumps I don’t reach).

This might be better used for longer (edging?) sessions so that you are not stimulated too quickly by the textures. Much like my other sleeves, I prefer to have the end cap slightly unscrewed so that it doesn’t feel too tight.

I like having this as it adds variety to the other toys I have which are more intense and less realistic in their sensations.

Again, small amounts of lube when using, toy cleaner after use and powder when storing. Because of the tightness of the sleeve, it’s one of the slower sleeves to dry (my experience). Maybe use a quality kitchen towel to absorb, but not one that easily disintegrates.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Tightness and lotus node sensation.

Cons: N/A.

Bottom Line: Makes regular hand masturbation redundant.

[Ian_Chimp]

And that’s the end of that. Huge congratulations and kudos to everyone included.

With the new review system it seems Review of the Month is on an indefinite hiatus, but hopefully they’ll figure out a way to bring it back soon.

Until then, you can dive into this treasure trove of rave reviews - both the golden oldies and the more recent fare - and see what it takes to get a gong from the the Lovehoney review team.

It’s a fantastic slice of products and opinions from the last eleven years, and I hope you enjoy playing with it as much as I’ve enjoyed compiling it.

[AJSTAR]

Haha never knew there was a hall of fame on the reviews!!

[Purring-Pussy]

Well done @Ian_Chimp for putting these together. Thanks

[Kezza.cns]

Wow i have just wet myself so many times reading this list. Holy smokes. So many there to try.