I try and describe the vibe frequency/strength/how deep it travels, that sort of thing. That way people can decide if it’s their kind of ‘thrum’. 
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That could be helpful. The other star ratings in each review also come in handy (noise, orgasm rating, etc). I always forget to mention my size in lingerie reviews even though I find that information essential in others. Doh!
I have the original Tango and I didn’t understand all the hype either. Good but not amazing for me. Having a large collection to compare to can also affect how you score future toys. I didn’t enjoy it as much as another bullet, so gave it a lower score. However, you’re right. Something I’m not into may make someone else’s day.
Oh, thank goodness 
i thought it was just me
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Mrs Chimp didn’t like the Tango either for the longest time. She didn’t get on with the hardness of the plastic and the power. It was just too much. She much preferred the softer silicone skins of her other bullets.
Saying that, she loves it now. We revisited it a couple of times during our Vibrator Maintenance Day refresh and worked out that it was better holding it with much less pressure (I think Mrs Chimp can be quite heavy-handed with her toys). So now it lives in the bedside drawer, and has knocked the Desire off the top bullet spot.
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Something about the vibrations means it doesnt feel that strong for me but I’ve discovered its brilliant for edging (stupid number of settings is awesome). Im silicone over abs on vibes too.
Nothing has kicked my VeDo LUV off the top spot yet. Nice silicone, strong, rumbly and I like all the patterns (for once).
That reminds me, when I looked on the page for it all the reviews are gone now? Does that mean there’s no point in reviewing discontinued items anymore? 
The swopover was very rough on old product pages, pictures and reviews. It looks like they lost a lot of it. If you can find a backdoor to the page (from an old link on the forum, through your order history, or a review email acknowledgment) then you could add a new review. But without being able to link to specific reviews, and no review profiles, it does look like no-one will ever see it.
Then let’s make a wiki.
Review Checklist: Toys
Appearance, price
Size, shape, fit, feel (materials),
Strength, frequency, noise
Features/functions/special moves
Clean and store
Battery life and Charging
Review Checklist: Lingerie
Reviewer measurements & size bought
AND where it fitted well, where it didn’t and why
Comfort
Appearance/Sex Appeal
Cleaning
Review Checklist: Bondage
Practicality
Quality of material
Review Checklist: ??
This post is a wiki, and open to edit.
Add in anything you think would be useful.
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When I read a review I tend to look for specific features.
If I’m considering a wand or Vibrator then I’m looking to see if it’s powerful and rumbly.
For a plug I would be looking at Girth.
Once I’ve narrowed down my short list I’ll look at other features too.
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I’m guilty of reviewing the delivery! 
But for me, that was really important because I live with my inlaws right now. I made one order from a company that claimed to have very discreet delivery, but when the package arrived, it had “cloth menstrual pads” written across the front, and who received the package? My father in law… 
So I was even more nervous about ordering sex toys, but then I was very pleased when my first order came as discreet as claimed. I mentioned it in my first couple reviews, then realized that I don’t really need to keep mentioning it…
Honestly, I read a TON of reviews before making a purchase 
because I want to see what everyone thought about it. I like to read the mid-range reviews (like the 3 star reviews), because they usually have good points and bad points, not just “I was cumming and cumming and squirting and squirting” or the opposite “I hated it, this toy was a waste of money” because those just don’t really give me any details about the toy or help me decide if I want it…
For me, so far, I’ve been writing long reviews… I usually just start typing everything I think about it, and then I’ll read back through it and try to delete unnecessary info. I’ve been making sure to use each toy several times before I do a review, and I try it in combination with other toys to see how the sensations change. When I absolutely LOVE a toy, I want to say everything I love about it, but I’ll try to include something that I didn’t like about it or that someone might potentially not like about it that I noticed, or if it’s a review about something didn’t really like, I’ll still try to include any pros about it…
I’m still pretty new to sex toys and reviewing them, so hopefully, as I go, my reviews will improve 
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I like to read many reviews prior to purchasing to preempt what I should expect. I like reading all ratings to see the pros the cons and the extras
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I if this is the wrong place my apologies 
Thank you so much @Green_Eyed_Girl @Peitho and @Blonde_Bunny for your reviews, yous have all gone above and beyond the call of duty to inform the customer’s of the products 
I’m thinking about them all for purchasing, I love the calendar it’s a belter with some lovely products as apposed to only having beginner friendly toys like I’ve seen previously but it’s beginner suited too so whoever put that together has done a cracking job 
As for the attention to detail you’ve smashed it @Green_Eyed_Girl the reviews excellent whether you are wanting spoilers or not, I’m super impressed by such a full review of all those items, cheers bab, you’ve sold one to me 
%
My oh my I’m so intrigued by the aqua pleasure clit stimulator, you’ve really sold it n I’ve nothing like it in my collection so thank you very much for the super review bab. I’d never of clicked onto it as asthetics didn’t draw me in, your review however is a different story
Oh my days now I understand why your 
was so pounded the other day, that is a monster if ever I’ve seen one 
I’m pretty jealous that I don’t own it n the fun I’m missing out on! If hubs gets anxious about the mammoth girth of that demonic dildo I’ll show him your review and have this expression 
you’ve gone to great lengths for the cause and it’s appreciated bab
I’d managed to get to grips with my spending on lovehoney and other places but yous lot and your reviews are a bad influence on innocent lil me 
I don’t know why review competition stopped as the prize would be a lovely achievement for the reviewers n it’s not much for lovehoney to dish out when you consider what their profits must look like! Maybe its cos they couldn’t choose each month cos by heck I’d be in a pickle after reading those three n ano @Peitho is from last year but still it’s new for me, all those reviews are top notch n tell me for one exactly what I want to know about the products
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Yeah I can’t lie, I have a real kink for big challenging toys… you could say I was born with a girth defect
I too am a massive fan of @Peitho’s and @Green_Eyed_Girl’s reviews and I love reading what they write. I actually look forward to them posting new reviews.
I also love love love reviews from @Calie, @Mint-Monster, @Goth_Girl, @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, @VR, @Melody1, @rockstar, @Knottydevil, @Ace12345, @PleasureDrone @Silkyhat, @SexInTheCity and so many more that I just can’t think of off the top of my head. (Sorry for not mentioning others, there really is so many more I love) They all write sensational reviews - as do so many others - and you really should check out some of their work 
I hope you enjoy writing some new reviews yourself - and using the toys of course - and I know we’d all love to read them. I’m sure whatever you write will be absolutely brilliant 
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It stopped when the ability to link to reviews stopped. Rather hard for Brenna to announce winners and runners up when she can’t then link to them on the main site. If you read the past blogs at all you can see how it used to work… though actually since the links in past ones now won’t work they might have removed them all, I’ve not checked . It’s yet another reason why the ability to link reviews NEEDS to return!
You are very sweet @Alyssa646 , I think a lot of people here write really great reviews that do answer all my questions (and sometimes ones I hadn’t thought of!) As always though, a plea, anyone writing lingerie reviews please include all relevant details of your shape and sizing, what size you bought and how it fitted. This, for me, is the most important information and so few people do it!
ETA past ones are not online anymore… @Ian_Chimp did a Reviews of the Month thread where the links were all listed which was really helpful but the links no longer work… all past winning reviews are displayed in his Review Hall of Fame though if anyone fancies a read.
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@Alyssa646 @Blonde_Bunny thank you both so much, i always worry mine will be dull to read as they tend to be pretty analytical and i struggle to make them less cut and dried sounding.
So many people on here write brilliant reviews, whether theyr testers or not. Like @Blonde_Bunny said, far to many to list but i always enjoy reading reviews. People put so much thought into them, whether its one paragraph or twelve. They make a great read. Serious props for the massive group effort guys 
you always make this my first stop for opinions on toys
@Alyssa646 im so glad the advent review went down well 
i was rather worried it would be way too long, but also not have the right info 
it is admittedly a wall of text but i figured if your buying it as a gift or have a picky clit and want to know what the vibes are like (everyone hates a disappointing vibe) the spoilers where kind of nessisary. Good to hear it was a good idea (i swear, 50% of the time i was writing it i was thinking “maybe i should just write a vague one like other people did” )
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Thanks, @Blonde_Bunny 
That mention’s given me a lift this morning!
I used to be absolutely 
terrible with this stuff- with an outdated British reserve, a gentleman never tells, toxic masculinity and all that, and was weirdly apologetic about having even normal sexual desires, nevermind kinks!
It‘s so good to have opportunities to move (a fair bit at least) past all that!
Despite struggling at times with stringing sentences together, I too get quite a bit of satisfaction from the process of writing reviews, and absolutely love the way reading and writing them’s had a positive impact on my ability to talk more openly and honestly with those I love about desires, sex and sex toys.
This forum‘s an absolutely golden opportunity for this too, and has a special place in my heart now.
I’ve got big love and respect for all you Lovehoney forum contributors and y’all reviewers 
It’s good to learn and grow, right?
So it’s genuinely lovely to hear that at least some other people might get joy or something useful out of it too.
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Very kind of you to mention my reviews. I try to be accurate and positive but honest when I write a review. There’s absolutely no point in misleading people. I read reviews before I buy toys and I expect them to be truthful so I make sure my reviews are truthful too.
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I feel that way too, this place has definitely helped me become alot less shy and less self conscious and much more comfortable and aware of myself and what i want. Definitely helped me come out of my shell a lot.
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Aww Noooooo your reviews ain’t dull at all @Green_Eyed_Girl n I struggle to not get bored in many situations, my concentration goes n that’s me lost! they’re immense n I agree about the quality of reviewers here is of such a high standard n yeah way too many people writing them name. It’s puts me off doing reviews here as I don’t think I can offer anything that’s not been covered with quality, give me quality over quantity any day of the week! Although if there’s only a handful of them I could see myself starting there
I’ve gone off track my point here’s to tell you that I for one love your reviews they ain’t boring at all because you’re giving us all the relevant information about the products. Honestly that advent calendar would of been tricky with or without spoilers because how much can you give without spoilers? I’d be stuck after attempting to paragraph the presentation and separate paragraph explaining there’s something for everyone but the write up you gave without spoilers was perfect n then the spoilers made it for me because wherever it is be it Sex toys or cosmetics I scroll through all the reviews looking for the word “spoiler”! Although their built for the purpose of a surprise many people want to know what’s in. Don’t doubt yourself is the moral of that story bab
Couldn’t agree more that the ability of linking reviews needs to return, I’m devastated at losing my reviews elsewhere so understand how frustrating, annoying and upsetting it is. This is different cos the customer service here has always been good when needed, but these two companies have made me feel undervalued as after writing over 100 descriptive reviews for one of them which taken a lot of time n efforts n being offered a password resets soul destroying 
Aww thanks that’s made me smile but genera I’m a straight shooter but became aware that online it’s not as easy because the last thing anybody wants to do is upset others, so tend to not comment if there’s no way to dance around the subject wherever it may be If I say something it’s cos it’s meant though I’m not afraid of getting hate cos my opinions although here is far nicer n friendlier than other place’s, no keyboard kings thanks to the clientele, rules n I believe @Lovehoney_Brenna does all the moderation n it’s a perfect combination
Such ashame about the review reward 
I’ll put a comment on the new website page regarding some of these new features or lack of them. Has the discount also gone for writing them?
Couldn’t agree more about the quality of people’s reviews here, I’ll not drone on about it again though
Thanks for digging that page out that @Ian_Chimp created that’s nice, I’ve been reading some today
Oh my days “girth defect”, your so witty I’m borderline jealous @Blonde_Bunny I know exactly what you mean, I love everyone for taking their time to review stuff here it’s natural to gravitate towards peoples reviews who have simulator tastes or because I simply enjoying their writing 
Im definitely thinking about putting some out there, I’ve got a few notes as it happens for one of my fav dildos 
You’ve inspired me although I’m pretty intimidated by the quality here. Got to say this though yesterday I got 3 published yesterday and my phone keeps sending likes n comments 
n I have to thank you for your top tips n tips in general as I’d gotten slack but I’m back now for sure n soooo happy so thanks for the help n advice bab
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Oh no, dont feel like you cant contribute, more reviews is always better in my opinion. Everyones experience is always different with a toy and one i hate you may love. I attempt to give balanced reviews so people can make their own minds up, but unless someone written a very detailed review i often find myself picking through several pages of reviews to find all the info i want (sizing accuracy for lingerie, especially cup size is a big culprit for this).
Besides that, I’m rather fond of the ones that are like tiny stories, seeing someones experience like that is just delightfully fun to read. They always make me smile.
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