mariac wrote:
FlexyBexyXXX wrote:
I don't like to complain, but frankly I've had a fucking rubbish time lately. In fact I can't really believe that I'm going to let it out but here goes. Just before Christmas I lost my Mom, I'd seen her battle cancer for just over a year. I'm in my second year at university and right now I could do with her on the end of the phone telling me what to do. Just two weeks after losing her, I badly broke my leg and ankle, shredded my ligaments and had my first ever operation under general anaesthetic which properly scared me as I have a claustrophobic fear of anywhere even vaguely clinical - BUT the great thing is I think I might be on my way to beating it, after being forced to spend lots of time in appointments and checks and hospital. Once I got back to university in January, my Nan passed away too - and I'm really kicking myself for not seeing more of her. I suppose I just wanted to spend all my time with my Mom. Now I'm waiting for a second operation on my ankle to mobilise it. Got my end of year deadlines coming up in just under two weeks and frankly I'm terrified.
Sorry, but that was incredibly hard to type - I honestly don't like to talk about myself but I guess it built up and I had to shout it out somewhere..
The one obvious change I've seen in myself is that I can't stop buying things - like the other day I splurged on 12 candles. Retail therapy used to make me happy but it doesn't now and I have no fucking idea what to do. Even though I don't talk about it to my friends, they know what I've been through, and everybody always says I should go to counselling. If I'm going to be honest, I've tried the counselling thing many times but being someone who doesn't like to open up, it's like pulling teeth. I don't know what to do!
awww hunny I really feel for you <3 i hope you can overcome this hard time <3
Oh sweetheart i know how you feel, i have a fear of hospitals too i have before left my self to a point where i was pretty much out of it before i went anyway, although i didnt have a choice. My knee disloacted alot when i was a teenager and i was always putting it back myself just to avoid going to hospital but then doing that trapped a nerve in my knee and ended up in hospital for longer.
I've been in and out of therphy all my life and it does nothing because i wont open up and if i do i lose my temper and walk out because im mad at myself for opening up. I'm in rape therapy right now and i hate it. Also with the spending. I spend all my money on here even more so gifting others. I can't stop but at the same time i feel better about it because technically i'm not spending money on myself or things i dont need AND im making others happy in the process.
Friends are good. Even if its not close friends. Its sometimes easier to talk to someone you hardly know. Or somewhere like here where it can be private but at the same time your close to who you chat to. I think thats why i like to vent alot.
If your having a really bad time please know you can post on here and there are many people that will help you and love you :)
You are cared about and very much wanted xxxx
MissBrownEyes92 wrote:
mariac wrote:
FlexyBexyXXX wrote:
I don't like to complain, but frankly I've had a fucking rubbish time lately. In fact I can't really believe that I'm going to let it out but here goes. Just before Christmas I lost my Mom, I'd seen her battle cancer for just over a year. I'm in my second year at university and right now I could do with her on the end of the phone telling me what to do. Just two weeks after losing her, I badly broke my leg and ankle, shredded my ligaments and had my first ever operation under general anaesthetic which properly scared me as I have a claustrophobic fear of anywhere even vaguely clinical - BUT the great thing is I think I might be on my way to beating it, after being forced to spend lots of time in appointments and checks and hospital. Once I got back to university in January, my Nan passed away too - and I'm really kicking myself for not seeing more of her. I suppose I just wanted to spend all my time with my Mom. Now I'm waiting for a second operation on my ankle to mobilise it. Got my end of year deadlines coming up in just under two weeks and frankly I'm terrified.
Sorry, but that was incredibly hard to type - I honestly don't like to talk about myself but I guess it built up and I had to shout it out somewhere..
The one obvious change I've seen in myself is that I can't stop buying things - like the other day I splurged on 12 candles. Retail therapy used to make me happy but it doesn't now and I have no fucking idea what to do. Even though I don't talk about it to my friends, they know what I've been through, and everybody always says I should go to counselling. If I'm going to be honest, I've tried the counselling thing many times but being someone who doesn't like to open up, it's like pulling teeth. I don't know what to do!
awww hunny I really feel for you <3 i hope you can overcome this hard time <3
Oh sweetheart i know how you feel, i have a fear of hospitals too i have before left my self to a point where i was pretty much out of it before i went anyway, although i didnt have a choice. My knee disloacted alot when i was a teenager and i was always putting it back myself just to avoid going to hospital but then doing that trapped a nerve in my knee and ended up in hospital for longer.
I've been in and out of therphy all my life and it does nothing because i wont open up and if i do i lose my temper and walk out because im mad at myself for opening up. I'm in rape therapy right now and i hate it. Also with the spending. I spend all my money on here even more so gifting others. I can't stop but at the same time i feel better about it because technically i'm not spending money on myself or things i dont need AND im making others happy in the process.
Friends are good. Even if its not close friends. Its sometimes easier to talk to someone you hardly know. Or somewhere like here where it can be private but at the same time your close to who you chat to. I think thats why i like to vent alot.
If your having a really bad time please know you can post on here and there are many people that will help you and love you :)
You are cared about and very much wanted xxxx
Oh you guys!! :')
You do realise how lovely it is to hear something like that from a total stranger? Yeah I used to get angry at consellors and therapists, it's almost like they want to make you flip out sometimes. And yeah, this was so much easier to talk about because I don't know any of you outside of these forums. None of my friends have gone through any of what I've had to deal with, and they genuinely don't know what to say. This is so weird for me, I'm an only child so I suppose I've never really had anyone to talk to about feelings and stuff. I've always been the "bottle it up" type.
Thanks xx
It feels great to now I'm not alone with this and that there is a way to get back to normality
When I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 21 one of the first things the Dr said to me was that I'd notice a dip in my libido, I laughed at him and told him that since I had begin to feel down my libido had gone up. I later came to realise that it hadn't gone up at all I was just using sex as an escape, as a why of feeling something other than my darkness. As the years went on and I began to understand my depression more I realised that it wasn't healthy to use sex as an escape and that it was actually damaging our sex life because the sex had become quite boring and we followed a routine. Now that my depression is under control I know when the dark days are coming and I know that it isn't wise to even attempt contact with my partner because it essentially just makes me feel worse
Beximo that happened to me too, I tried to use sex as a way to stay close with my OH - he's always had a high drive and I suppose I wasn't thinking straight.. I didn't realise how damaging it was until it was almost too late. But now we have got past it, and we're back to our healthy relationship :)
giving my old post a bump, seen some recent threads that htis could relate too x