Hi guys! I don’t know whether anyone else has these problems but it makes me feel very embarrassed, long story short.. my libido is very low and I seriously don’t enjoy sex, I have never had a orgasm and it is just sad.. my boyfriend tries to make it good but I just can’t get aroused to enjoy it... any tips on how to get horny and enjoy sex!? I am only 19 and it doesn’t seem right to be like this... Any answers are much appreciated
Hello, have you tried a body massage to try and get you in the mood or exploring your own body with a bit of solo play maybe with some toys. Im a huge fan of sexting that helps get me in the mood. Everybodys sex drive is different. My husband's is a lot higher than mine. You will get lots of advice in these forums.
I experienced something like this briefly myself a few years ago.
Are you by any chance taking medication? I took an anti-depressant and a birth control. My sex drive went from 100 to 0 in less than a week and stayed that way for months until I talked to my doctor about it. He told me it was likely one or the combination of the medications. I stopped taking the birth control and started feeling my drive coming back after a few weeks. I stopped taking my Anti-depressants a few months later ( I take them seasonally ) and my drive was back completely after that.
The other thing that came to mind was my best friend is asexual. He doesn't have a drive for sex and doesn't get much if any pleasure from it. His girlfriend is super understanding about it. They do have sex but it is mostly for her pleasure and he doesn't mind making her feel good. But he doesn't go out of his way to do it for himself.
Are you comfortable in your own body? Confidence and also your sexuality? First steps would be to feel happy with you. Experiment and try different things to enhance your own pleasures. Then look at ways to enhance in a relationship. So many factors can affect drive mood emotions stress hormones.
Hi and welcome to the forums. One thing that I would ask is if it is just sex you are not interested in or masturbation as well? The first thing you say is a low libido which makes me think both. If it is indeed both then there could be a medical/physiological problem that's having an impact. Maybe have a word a word with your GP. I know as a generalization that not everyone would be comfortable going to their GP with this sort of problem but if it having a negative impact on your well-being then it's worth checking out.
Hi Lucrezia,
Speaking from my own experience and from my memories when I was 19, I'd say that masturbation and knowing yourself and your body well, is essential for "getting" there with a partner. I didn't know that when I was 19 because my up-bringing was very religous and I despite being in a relationship with a lovely guy for 4 years, I never really seemed to get what sex was all about, I just did because it seemed the right thing to do since I liked him a lot and vice-versa. Perhaps just take the time to focus on yourself a little bit more and see how it goes. Sometimes we're not really ready to be on a full-on relationship so sex on those circumstances it not really pleasurable.
Hi Ray-Belle, I have been on the pill for nearly 2.5 years now and I think I will be getting off it to see it if helps, yeah the depression isn’t helping but I think that if I get off the pill it might help a bit. Thank you!
As for masturbation, I can’t really do it, it just doesn’t seem to work as I just get no sexual pleasure or any pleasure out of it. I can’t seem to get aroused in order to enjoy it at all, any tips??
Lucrezia wrote:
As for masturbation, I can’t really do it, it just doesn’t seem to work as I just get no sexual pleasure or any pleasure out of it. I can’t seem to get aroused in order to enjoy it at all, any tips??
Hey Lucrezia,
I was a bit like you not so long ago. Masterbation did absolutely nothing for me, even with toys I just kinda though whats the point? Both kids are now in primary school and I work from home most days and my husband said one day how much of a turn on it would be knowing I was masterbating at home so I gave it a go. Totally relaxed with no pressure and it felt okay but nothing that exciting and I was a little dissapointed. Fast forward to a month later, I have toys from LH, mainly vibes and clit slimulation ones and I watch a bit of porn (lesbian fantasty oddly enough even though I am straight) or I read a bit of erotic reading. Teaming all of that up with knowing how turned on my husband would be and imagining stuff with him it really gets me going and I have orgasmed on my own LOTS! Try explore your body, in your own time at your own pace. Hopefully you will find something that works for you..... I needed all of the above stimulation otherwise it just wouldn't do a thing for me!
Hey Lucrezia, sorry to hear about not feeling so great! I definitely agree with a lot of the forum members in saying explore your body first, but also talk to your partner and see if there's maybe something different the two of you could do? Personally I didn't have my first orgasm until I was around 19 or 20, and even then it was doing something new and completely unexpected with my partner at the time. Another piece of advice from personal experience is no to worry or be too focused on trying to cum, as this just adds stress and doesn't let you appreciate what is actually going on. Hope this helps!
I am sorry to hear that.
I do know that a lot of young men and me when I was young, well they are too keen to get to the penetration.
It's a shame because foreplay is amazing!
Maybe stop penetrative sex, have a ban for a short time and just work on foreplay and I dont mean him just putting a finger in.
Caressing, massages, teasing, really getting to know each others bodies and that way you might find that something that does get you aroused.
I hope you do find something that works and remember, don't be embarrassed if something a little different gets you going.
Take it slow. Try massage and fondling to begin. Just let things progress and one thing will lead to another. If there is anything you think you may like then tell your OH and give that a go. Small things like a simple pair of handcuffs or blindfold can really enhance your experience .
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