Sex is hurting

Sex Tips & Talk
23

Funnily enough mine is exactly the same since having cells removed from my cervix a few years ago, can’t go too deep at all xx

Terms of pain like you say the anxiety might not be helping, especially if you are now expecting it to be painful xx I know especially when stretching that if it starts hurting I tense and tighten up even more so I have to consciously take a couple of deep breaths and focus on relaxing which does help and then take control on the movements for a few minutes till I am good to move on xxx

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24

Thanks @Bex84 , I will try. I don’t think the pre sex anxiety plays too much of a part as I do tend to just get into things not thinking about it but certainly as soon as I do get an, “Ouch!” I tense up then and that probably does make it a whole lot worse. I will try the deep breaths and relax method and if that doesn’t work there are other positions, not so deep, that are fine x

Apologies for side tracking @MsR ; I really hope you get good results from the suggestions above!

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25

Hi MsR (and Mr Chimp - thanks for mentioning me).

That Kegel ball is a great choice but you may have a bit of difficulty inserting it so slather it with lube and try ‘pushing out’ a bit as you’re inserting. Sounds a bit bad but it relaxes the muscles a bit.

The glass dildo is also a great choice. Try warming it first, though. You need to be physically relaxed as much as possible.

Check your lube. I had a problem with Yes as it tends to go out of date really quickly and irritates me if getting close to end date. If I’m feeling at all sore I switch back to Liquid Silk as I find it helps soothe somehow. I’d read that coconut oil has anti-microbial properties so that might help, too.

I’m latex sensitive, too, so Skyn Extra Lube condoms are my choice. I’m also - wait for it - semen sensitive! So they get used unless we have ‘pull out’ sex. Have you considered ‘pull out’ sex and finishing by hand/bj sometimes?

Have you considered asking the doctor for oestrogen pessaries to see if a short course will get you, well, back on course?

And last but not least, a low-level background kind of thrush can cause soreness. This would happen to me a lot with my ex-husband. I was really allergic to his semen (and him in the end!). The GP never believed I was allergic to semen, didn’t think it was possible (I’ve since been tested and it does) but he did swab me and although symptomless I had a yeast infection. Shocked the hell out of me as all my previous thrush infections had been very obvious.

It’s going to be trial and error with this, unfortunately. I think it might have been triggered by the ‘use it or lose it’ thing so a ball will help until you can get back to normal and the glass dildo might actually be soothing. Try it warm first then cool it. Using your bullet to have an orgasm to relax you before using insertables might help quite a bit, too.

I feel your pain literally. It’s horrible wanting sex and the closeness it gives you but finding it painful. No matter how understanding a partner is it still makes you feel guilty and frustrated. But don’t give up! We’re all here supporting you.

Can I just add my apologies for the late reply? And the being a bit of a fart to Mr Chimp regarding linking and board stuff. I’ve not been myself this last week, physically or mentally. Hopefully back firing on all cylinders again in the next few days, though I still doubt my abilities getting to grips with the bits and pieces of the new boards!

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26

That sounds a bit toss. I hope you do start to feel better. :crossed_fingers::+1:

No worries about any links or anything. :slightly_smiling_face: There is a lot of new stuff to play with, but you honestly don’t need most of it. As long as you can type and press reply you’re pretty much sorted (and they’ve invented paragraphs now too :slightly_smiling_face::+1:).

If you do see something on your travels that you like the look of and fancy having a go at then you can ask questions and have a play around in the Sandbox (and I jotted some stuff down in a Forum Quick Start Guide too, if that’s any help?).

And the (eg) @Ian_Chimp Mention trick is good for getting people’s attention. :+1:

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27

Thanks Mr Chimp.

I think I might be having a relapse after the hot weather. It seems to happen every year with a heatwave but it’s been a bit more aggressive this year. It’s not unexpected as my condition, Transverse Myelitis, is known for it. I try to avoid hospitals at the best of times so it’s just a case of giving it time I hope.

I used to think that the very worst symptom of all was brain fog (hence the reading of the Sandbox thread but no info being retained!), but this time it’s personal as it’s affecting my sex drive!

Still, I’m a fighter so I’m determined to get to grips with it soon.

I hope MsR is getting somewhere with her problem, too.

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28

God no. Don’t read it all. :slightly_smiling_face: If you ever do want a play with anything (and, honestly, it’s not necessary at all), just jump to the end of the topic and do your own thing. :+1:

I’m not sure MsR has come out the bathroom yet? It’s sure been a long 15 minutes… :slightly_smiling_face:

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29

15 minutes is a quickie for me :grin:

Seriously, thanks for all your help. And, of course, the humour with which it’s delivered. That ALWAYS helps.

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30

@VR @Ian_Chimp: hello!
And thank you both. I promise I haven’t been in the bathroom all day - just a sunny bank holiday here with a few family bits and pieces going on.

@VR excellent advice as always, although I’m sorry to hear of your trials and I hope things start to pick up soon - I’ll be thinking of you.

Your advice is great, and humour and personal anecdotes make it much easier to ask for advice. I do hope you start to feel better soon.

I’ve bought a box of canesten (tablet and cream) - I hadn’t though of that but it is worth dosing just in case. I’m already using oestrogen pessaries, but could be more organised and use them regularly, rather than just when I remember.

Also - wise words re lube. We tend to have several bottles on the go at the same time, and some have certainly passed the 1 year symbol on the back (sounds a long time - maybe that is more confirmation that we should be using more of it…) so we have had a clear out and I have an empty shopping bag waiting to be refilled.

I’ve ordered the kegel ball - I’ll try that one first.

And the glass dildo - I think I need to wedge the bedroom door closed (not with the glass dildo) and reclaim some time, rather than sorting out everyone else. Teens need to get what they want from laundry piles at a different time, not first thing or last thing.

I hadn’t realised how quickly my sexual health would suffer after a few slower months. We have still been active, but it has coincided with an arthritis flare, which doesn’t help. I’m starting my injections again so I hope they kick in soon.

You are right - it is frustrating even though OH is understanding. He’s not actually that focused on a climatic result - quite happy to enjoy the ride during these times. I think I still have the idea that as long as I’m also happy then male orgasm is the end result - but OH doesn’t press this at all, but yes, we do finish in other ways if I’m finding things too tender. He works in mental health and, as part of his training, had a placement as a sex therapist - so I’m counting my lucky stars!

Thanks again, and take care x

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31

Well, my slimline glass dildo and kegel ball arrived today, so I’m all set to crack this!

I’ve also discovered that antihistamines can cause vaginal dryness - who knew?

Interesting, because a few months ago my GP prescribed one to take daily as my sinuses, eyes and skin were going haywire. I’ve been taking them ever since. I suppose it’s obvious that they are designed to dry up mucus membranes! That might be helpful info for others, too.

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32

Seems likely, but isn’t it a bitch that medication to cure one ill, creates another! My OH takes various meds, and some are to counteract the ill effects of other meds.

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33

@WillC, yes, I can imagine how your OH feels. Frustrating. I don’t like pill popping but autoimmune conditions often come in clusters, unfortunately.

Still, got some oil based lube on the way - not tried that kind before. And a new glass dildo (to add to my other 8!), so at least solving this problem will be fun :grinning:

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34

@MsR yes autoimmune crap. First it was ITP which is the immune system destroying platelets, so the lightest touch can cause bruising, to severe bleeding, then the immune system stopped attacking the platelets and started on the joints, so now it’s R.A.

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@WillC bless her. I had ITP as a child and am being referred for checking out if I have psoriatic arthritis to go with my psoriasis… aren’t health issues rubbish? :frowning:

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36

They definitely are, she is a tough cookie, and just gets on with life, the ITP was not good for me, as things like carrying boxes when we moved house left her forearms all bruised, then i get evil looks when we we’re standing at the supermarket checkout. This last 6 months has been bad because some of her treatments have been suspended due to Covid. So the R.A. has been flaring up a lot.

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37

@WillC - sympathies. There should be another emoji to express that, rather than ‘liking’.

With me it was inflammatory arthritis and APLS, which led to osteoarthritis and anaemia.

@Ian_Chimp - would that be possible on the forum? A ‘like’ is nice but what about something that says ‘take care’, or ‘thinking of you’? Is that too Facebooky?

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38

I quite like the Facebook “care” emoji.

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39

Yes, I think that is a covid thing?

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40

Not sure, but i hope it stays!

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41

Maybe, but I don’t think they’ll want to make it any more complicated than it already is. :slightly_smiling_face:

I think we just have to judge from context what ‘liking’ a post means (sometimes a ‘like’, sometimes a ‘thank you’, sometimes a ‘I feel for you, buddy’, etc)

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42

Maybe an apt emoji in the reply bar, as “likes” are limited?

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