ronnie-baby wrote:
Yeah I suppose but then pumping your body of antidepressant tablets should they prescribe them isn't good. they just mask your true feelings and add to the confusion. I don't agree with them. I feel thought that they would benefit from seeing a relationship therapist.
x x
Depends on the type of AD medication. I agree doctor/counselling if it is not a relationship which is satisfying both parties.
I don't know what it is but something is really wrong. The other day I actually cried during sex. Yep, I cried. Never, ever happened to me before but it was just so unbearable.
dotdashdot wrote:
Hi, sorry I had to go off the computer for a while. I'm not depressed. I have suffered from depression in the past and I know that I'm not now. In fact, I'm fairly happy with life at the moment... just not sex obviously!
I had the implant put in 6 months ago so this could be down to hormonal changes, but I just don't think that's it. I think it's all psychological. I have a feeling that I know what it's about. I'm going to uni in 5 weeks and there's going to be a big distance between us. I'm not going to have the time or money to come home very often and see him and I think this is how I'm reacting to the fear of me going away.
I don't know if this is the problem... everything is a bit confused and muddled up in my head. I don't know if my lack of sex drive is self sabotage, trying to get me to detatch as much as possible so it's easier when I leave.
Or it might just be because I don't feel for him as I used to. I really don't know.
We do talk about things a lot, we aren't one of those couples that keep everything locked away and don't discuss our feelings. He still wants me and loves me but I'm just not sure if I feel the same way. I do love him but since I've become repulsed by sex I haven't been very "interested" in our relationship either. I just feel very... numb.
Ahhh that'll be it then!
Me and W did long distance for 3 years and "distancing" ourselves was a coping mechanism! We didn't rfeel strongly enough to feel "repulsed" by sex, but we did lose interest in sex and each other.
Maybe learning more about LDRs would be good to take away some of that fear?
How far will you be apart?
Adx
We are one hour apart at the moment so we know about ldr's but we see each other every weekend. The distance is going up to 5 hours and we will probably see each other once a month,
It might not be the implant but if I were you I would consider getting it removed to see if it makes a difference. I was on the Depo injection for 3 years and experienced zero sex drive the entire time.
dotdashdot wrote:
We are one hour apart at the moment so we know about ldr's but we see each other every weekend. The distance is going up to 5 hours and we will probably see each other once a month,
Me and W did once a month!
It's tough, but there are ways to make it easier....if you are willing to work for your relationship...I guess that's the decision you have to make.
Adx
dotdashdot wrote:
Hi, sorry I had to go off the computer for a while. I'm not depressed. I have suffered from depression in the past and I know that I'm not now. In fact, I'm fairly happy with life at the moment... just not sex obviously!
I had the implant put in 6 months ago so this could be down to hormonal changes, but I just don't think that's it. I think it's all psychological. I have a feeling that I know what it's about. I'm going to uni in 5 weeks and there's going to be a big distance between us. I'm not going to have the time or money to come home very often and see him and I think this is how I'm reacting to the fear of me going away.
I don't know if this is the problem... everything is a bit confused and muddled up in my head. I don't know if my lack of sex drive is self sabotage, trying to get me to detatch as much as possible so it's easier when I leave.
Or it might just be because I don't feel for him as I used to. I really don't know.
We do talk about things a lot, we aren't one of those couples that keep everything locked away and don't discuss our feelings. He still wants me and loves me but I'm just not sure if I feel the same way. I do love him but since I've become repulsed by sex I haven't been very "interested" in our relationship either. I just feel very... numb.
Sorry you are going through this. It sounds incredibly stressful.
As you know yourself better than anyone else and our 'heads' are a big factor in sex theres a strong chance you are right. If so, then perhaps the sensible thing to do is try to accept things as they are until you go to uni and then see if anything changes?
Going to uni is a big deal - assuming you are leaving home for the first time and will be living at uni? Thats without taking into consideration being away from a partner you've been with for four years.
Once you are there, perhaps you will find it easier to put things into perspective?
telemachus wrote:
It might not be the implant but if I were you I would consider getting it removed to see if it makes a difference. I was on the Depo injection for 3 years and experienced zero sex drive the entire time.
Oh yes - and I'd be inclined to reiterate people's comments on the impact of hormonal contraceptives.
I've taken two different contraceptive pills and both had an extreme effect on my sex drive. One killed it dead and the other made me rampant. Its definitely a factor to take into consideration.
I'm not coming off the implant. I suffered from terrible headaches for months whilst I was on the pill and now i've found a contraception that works for me I don't want to just have it taken out :(
I'm going to be studying midwifery at university, so I'm not just worried about starting uni, it's the fact that I'll be training and working pretty much full time as well, working nights and weekends.. not to mention all the blood and screaming I'll be dealing with. It's very scary!
So, I guess that me worrying about this so much is making me think less about my relationship. Which could also be why I'm not wanting sex... another reason to add to the lengthening list!
dotdashdot wrote:
I'm not coming off the implant. I suffered from terrible headaches for months whilst I was on the pill and now i've found a contraception that works for me I don't want to just have it taken out :(
There are loads of different pills with loads of different side effects and other contraceptives too including the coil, the injection etc. etc. but it's your choice :)
dotdashdot wrote:
I'm going to be studying midwifery at university, so I'm not just worried about starting uni, it's the fact that I'll be training and working pretty much full time as well, working nights and weekends.. not to mention all the blood and screaming I'll be dealing with. It's very scary!
So, I guess that me worrying about this so much is making me think less about my relationship. Which could also be why I'm not wanting sex... another reason to add to the lengthening list!
My fella taught me a technique of breaking everything down into small manageable chunks instead of worrying about things that haven't happened yet!
It's easy to let things build up and get a little overwhelming and you'd be suprised what scary things you are strong enough to deal with :) Uni should be about enjoying yourself as much as working hard!
Adx
dotdashdot wrote:
I'm not coming off the implant. I suffered from terrible headaches for months whilst I was on the pill and now i've found a contraception that works for me I don't want to just have it taken out :(
Thats totally understandable and as there are so many other factors it doesn't make sense to change it now.
However, if you still have issues with your sex drive when you've got into your course and things have settled down it might be worth considering. After all, it wouldn''t really work for you if it suppressed your sex drive would it? Although I suppose that would make it a very effective contraception!
dotdashdot wrote:
I'm not coming off the implant. I suffered from terrible headaches for months whilst I was on the pill and now i've found a contraception that works for me I don't want to just have it taken out :(
To be honest I think it's the non sex working at the moment not the implant... If you're not having any and it is causing a problem it might be worth talking to someone about it.
Hey Dot!
Sorry for the late reply to this thread, but I just needed to tell you that you're not alone in your 'problem'! I've been with my boyfriend almost 4 years, and sometimes I have the same problem as you seem to be having. For me, my sex drive comes and goes as it pleases: some days I can be really up for it, and really dirty, and then the odd day, I just don't want anything at all. Recently (and I don't know why) I haven't been interested in anything sexual, and this was emphasised by the fact that we went on a 2 week holiday together and had sex just 3 times. It doesn't mean I don't love him any less- it means I'm stressed/tired/happy with cuddles!
Personally I think your problem is psychological- the whole defence mechanism idea. Your body could be closing down/refusing to let you feel sexual because you are worried about leaving for University and leaving your OH behind? You might not be consciously worrying about going to Uni, experiencing new things, meeting new people, and learning new lessons, but you might subconsciously be worrying about all these small things, and the small things add up and up, and if you're like me, you take them out, without realising, on the person you love. I'm a terrible worrier- before i went to Uni I worried about the smallest things, and my sex life suffered as a result of this- I didn't even think of sex, let alone do anything intimate with my OH. I was too worried about making new friends, and wondering how I could surivive off beans on toast for 3 years. But anyway... Perhaps when your life is more settled once you are at Uni, you will start to feel a little more sexual? Stress effects people in many ways- this could just be your personal way of dealing with it? Once the stress of your new adventure wears off, everything may be ok again?
However, it's good that you're opening up about your problems to the OA... There are always A LOT of people out there who are willing to listen and put their perspective down onto things, and reading them might shed an insight onto the cause of your problem. A problem shared is a problem solved, afterall. Like the others have said, perhaps you could visit a doctor, if not only to talk about your problems. They would also suggest other methods of contraception for you other than the pill and the implant, just in case they feel your new choice doesn't agree with your body?
Good luck with everything, and best of luck with starting University- they are the best days of your life! xx
hey dot i'm sure if you still love each other a sexless relationship whilst things aren't too settled is ok just let each other know that's maybe what the problem is and hope for the best you rekindle your flame again best of luck to you both
Sounds like a loss in libido mate go to the doctors would be my advice
Thanks so much everybody. i think it is that I'm stressed about moving away and am trying to push myself away from him to make things easier. I'm not sure what this spells for our relationship but I feel that it's coming to a natural end. I still love him to bits and he's become, if anything, more loving over the past three months but it's getting to the stage now where I don't even really miss him when we're apart. I enjoy the time that I spend on my own more than I enjoy time with him.
I think the loss of sex drive is probably to do with a number of things... stress, uni, defense mechanism, implant, starving myself of orgasms to the point where I don't even want them anymore. But I think it might also just be my way of telling myself that this relationship just isn't working for me anymore.
I've decided to go ahead and purchase myself a Jessica Rabbit vibrator to try and get my sex drive up. I know that keeping your sex levels up is really important and it might make me think about sex more and desire my boyfriend more... who knows?! It's worth a shot.
Thanks to everyone who replied, gave me advice and gave me more of an insight into what my problem may be caused by. I'll update soon to let you know if things have improved :) x
hi gal,
u are not alone in this situation there are millions of people in the same situation but it's quiet a sensitive topic.i and my hubby have been together for 5yrs and married for 2yr,we use to have sex everyday untill we got married.i think we stopped having sex almost a year after we moved in together and our sex life have never been the same.i love my hubby to bits and he dos love me tooo.we decided to see a sex therapist but gal it was of no use.we did all the assignment and everything the therapist ask us to do but as soon as we were done everything just went back to how it use to be.we go for almost 2 to 3months sometimes without sex,i started going on the internet to find out what was wrong.did i get any answer? no! that is how i came accross love honey.i decided to spend a little time here and read, at the end i decided to purchase myself some vibrators and see what i can do for 'my self' and trust me nobody knows what i have been doing behind close doors.may be that is what you need,get to know your body better and trust me you will be ok and trust me you will never regret it.i was a first time masturbator when i got here but now i am sneaking in and out of sight to enjoy my usual 'me time'.i just dnt care any more if we will have sex or not because i know what i will be up to when am alone. as am writing i just finished a steamy session and gal i have been exploring for the past three days.i am so guilty that i just ordered one fleshlight virgina masturbators for my hubby.he has'nt used a sex toy before so i just want him to try and see if he will be as happy as i am.another thing is,he dos not know i have been orgasming myself when am alone because i think he will feel jealous,we communicate very well so i dnt know how to get more toys without me explaining myself otherwise i would have bought all of LOVEHONEY lol.but no worries i will find a way to buy them bit by bit and by the time he realise i would have opened a sex toy corner in our bedroom.
anyway,enuf with me honey,am in with u but am still having a happy life dont let that bring u down,as i've said have some alone time here and there and lets see how it goes ok.lots of love.
i think if you are sufferring from a lack of sex drive you should consider going to the doctors, they won't think anything of you because they understand that sexuality is important to people.
if it is a problem with just your partner i would say to start to communicate and talk about your feelings with your partner.
i know you say you have had depression before but maybe you are suffering with anxiety, my mum went through a stage of huge change etc and it started off really minor but got so bad that if she even thought about the house or anything else causing problems she couldn't breathe so maybe you could speak to someone about managing the things that are worrying you, uni, midwifery, sex, your partner, moving, long distance etc. as ad said you should learn techniques to deal with things
Hope you get sorted
VW x