After reading through them I was torn between a few. I'm a firm believer of the concept of "give and take". I'd hate to be sexually spoiled by my partner one-sidedly although he does like to do this. I love how we both wish to spoil eachother. I ended up choosing "Dr Sonia Borg - 'sexual response cycle'" because I felt that it was very important to know what exactly turns us on and to go with that instead of relying on these so-called set tips like they have in Cosmo mags etc.
I also like the options of using a blindfold (for another dimension) and the use of vibrating cockrings. The eye- contact came second choice for me too but I was put off at the the thought of us staring throughout the act. It just depends, really- I find eye contact very important and intimate for foreplay but whilst during, it doesn't matter so much.
What are your thoughts on these sex experts' tips and what would your tip be?
I'd probably say use the element of surprise but fundamentally communication is key. How else would you know that the other person is enjoying what you're doing? And going by Dr Borg's advice- "Studying your partner's breathing patterns, what their body does and when, where they like to be touched, how they like to be touched, timing, temperature, pressure, and the thoughts and sensations that carry them from arousal to orgasm is what will take your sex to the next level." I agree too; It's also about exploration and experimentation, together. =]
I think a lot of people just get on with the sex act and don't say what they want, or what they would like to do. The worse that could happen is their partner saying no.
So, communication would be the best tip, or...
I've found that if I kiss my wife's neck she'll do almost anything :)
best sex tip...it is the most fun you can have without laughing,,,,,,,just have a laugh doesnt matter who comes when but it does matter who laughs last coz they laugh longest
I think a lot of people just get on with the sex act and don't say what they want, or what they would like to do. The worse that could happen is their partner saying no.
So, communication would be the best tip, or...
I've found that if I kiss my wife's neck she'll do almost anything :)
While that may be true - it *can* massively effect a person's confidence. From experience; I currently cannot partake in penetrative sex, this has been the case for more than a year. It's happened before and the first time I was devastated and felt completely unfeminine. Had my partner laughed it off, I'd have felt worse, I'd have felt like my insecurities were being dismissed. With support, it's become something that's no longer an issue but I needed that initial sensitivity and support before it could become something I could laugh about.
All I'm saying is that a sense of humour *is* crucial for a good relationship - but it's also important to remain sensitive and appreciate how important things can be to some people.
It's difficult to apply one rule to all relationships, all time points and all situations. It's important to read the situation and respond accordingly :)
I am with Alicia. Sex and communication about sex is often very important in a relationship. I also had some discussion about sex with my partner, for several reasons. Although at times we have other problems in the relationship as a regular couple, the issues in sex were completely unrelated to that. But by discussion we managed to sort the differences and it really paid off in the end. It maked me really more relax and start to enjoy sex knowing my partner knows my fears etc.
Nevertheless I have to say that unsatisfaction in sex life can really lead to a breaking up of the pair. I had a friend who is into bsdm and also would like a bit of casual relationship when she would be able to to take other men in her bed. And her partner was the oposite - romantic, who would not even tie her hands. That could not work for long. and it did not. You cannot go on completely frustrated for years.
Well, some can, I know someone who did not have sex for 20 years, because his wife gave up that long ago and he just does not feel like breaking free. And does not give him hug either, nothing. I am between admiring he is still faithful to her and bit feeling sorry for him.
I know that in those cases even discussion would not likely solve it, if they are too different, but in some others it really can.
So my best sex advice would be really be attentive and listen to your partner concerns if they bring some up.
Sex and communication about sex is often very important in a relationship.
So my best sex advice would be really be attentive and listen to your partner concerns if they bring some up.
Laveilia I have selectively quoted your post I hope you dont mind.
For me the question is not about communication but how you communicate, we dont talk much but we dont need to I can tel from body language what she likes and what she doesnt when she is or is not comfortable.
Sex always was a major part of our lives, we slept together on our first date but our second date was exploring the beauty of the lake district, it is part of a whole not the be all and end all. In our darkest days when we were discussing splitting up, no sexual performance on her part would have changed my mind, however her love support and sympathy saw us through it...nothing at all to do with sex just a womans love.
Sex and communication about sex is often very important in a relationship.
So my best sex advice would be really be attentive and listen to your partner concerns if they bring some up.
Laveilia I have selectively quoted your post I hope you dont mind.
For me the question is not about communication but how you communicate, we dont talk much but we dont need to I can tel from body language what she likes and what she doesnt when she is or is not comfortable.
Sex always was a major part of our lives, we slept together on our first date but our second date was exploring the beauty of the lake district, it is part of a whole not the be all and end all. In our darkest days when we were discussing splitting up, no sexual performance on her part would have changed my mind, however her love support and sympathy saw us through it...nothing at all to do with sex just a womans love.
Your situation is nice, but often those may not be about what you like, but also about problems, such as vaginal dryness, woman not reaching orgasm, sensitivity to different materials, previous bad experience, concerns, etc. Sex is fun, but often people have their issues and talk can really help. I came to my partner almost a virgin, with a pretty bad experience, and if he did not know my fear, I would just panic, instead he was very gentle and we took our time. And we still talk about anything if there are any concerns. Does not mean we talk constantly,but sometimes comes up.
As for the second part, that is your experience, but some others will just see it different. Some may stand to the vows even when they have non sex, while others, when there are no responsibilities, like childern, morgate etc, will walk away, because the frustration is too much and they cannot imagine to spend their lives with partners who cannot satisfy them in sex.
Nice to see some opinions and feedback. I especially enjoyed AA's post. I can relate well to the points mentioned. I think I might have overlooked the "attention" tip.
gunther wrote:
it isnt a serious subject to me.....relationships are very serious but sex is just a small part of that, if a relationship is sound then normally everything is ok.
The point is- as Ad/laveila said was that it's not the same for everyone... And there is no right or wrong way to perceive it. For others, it's not as simple as that.
As for myself, personally- We do enjoy sex and have a laugh over it but we also realise that it's the time where we can really connect on a physical and intimate level. It is pretty important to us. And I'm saying this with a long distance relationship where we don't have the opportunity to do the act as casually as others. Like Laveila, I too was a virgin before meeting my partner so that communication really was essential and key.
I'm not saying that sex is "everything" either but it is a fundamental component to my relationship and I'm sure to others (and I can accept it's not for everyone). =]
Your situation is nice, but often those may not be about what you like, but also about problems, such as vaginal dryness, woman not reaching orgasm, sensitivity to different materials, previous bad experience, concerns, etc.
As for the second part, that is your experience,
as a married couple we have had to address all these issues and a lot more...we are growing older dryness and erectile dysfunction may become part of our lives but its part of living together........immediate solutions are lubs and laughs
Of course it is my expierience what else can I quote from there are MUCH more serious issues can fall upon a married couple than slight differences in taste in the bedroom. This forum is fairly open minded but I could not even start to discuss what happened without most people getting completely the wrong end of the stick, on a forum it is difficult but we, together, had to cope and move on in real life.
as a married couple we have had to address all these issues and a lot more...we are growing older dryness and erectile dysfunction may become part of our lives but its part of living together........immediate solutions are lubs and laughs
Of course it is my expierience what else can I quote from there are MUCH more serious issues can fall upon a married couple than slight differences in taste in the bedroom. This forum is fairly open minded but I could not even start to discuss what happened without most people getting completely the wrong end of the stick, on a forum it is difficult but we, together, had to cope and move on in real life.
Yes, but the point is that while slight difference in taste in the bedroom may not be a breaking point for you, it can very easily be for someone else. Sometimes it could be sorted with compromises,sometimes the difference is just too big and cannot be sorted. Thats why I am trying to say comunication related to sex is the often a crutial part of the relationship. And the problems in bedroom my not always relate to problems outside the bedroom. Different sex drives, tastes, sometimes just worries etc...
lavelia when faced with getting your house repossessed or serious criminal charges with no basis, how to massage the g spot and where my semen goes, becomes a very very minor issue.
lavelia when faced with getting your house repossessed or serious criminal charges with no basis, how to massage the g spot and where my semen goes, becomes a very very minor issue
I am sorry for these problems you had, but how many people face that? I have faced a lot, not that serious, I went though hell for months. I psychically broke down not so long ago, because of stress and my health took a huge hit too. and I know that lot of people here have serious problems, but I do release that everyones life is very different and their choices too. So I stand behind what I said. For some people sex differences and lack of talk about that can be breaking point.
. So I stand behind what I said. For some people sex differences and lack of talk about that can be breaking point.
I respect your point of view, for me however if Mrs G was to say we never have sex again it would not neccessarily be the end, there is a huge volume of water that has passed under our bridge
ladies I think you are agreeing with my point of view while thinking you are differing with it. People routinely confuse "sex" and "relationship" my relationship is of paramount importace and sex has a part in that relationship.
But so does love trust loyalty and commitment. Being uncertain how you can pay the bills is a wrecker for any couple. There are some things i would love to try as far as being dominant and submissive but Mrs G doesnt want to. She is neither dominant or submissive outside the bedroom and cant just turn it on inside the bedroom. I take the whole person I cannot ask her to change at my bidding.
Of course if there is a huge disconnect in sex drive then that would be a problem but surely that should be sorted before you become committed. When sex was not possible Mrs G still did her best to keep me satisfied, we believe it is part and parcel of the marriage contract.
ladies I think you are agreeing with my point of view while thinking you are differing with it. People routinely confuse "sex" and "relationship" my relationship is of paramount importace and sex has a part in that relationship.
Yes and no. I'm not confusing the two - sex is crucially important to me and the fella and that we are on the same page is important.
That said, often a good combination in terms in personality can salve any sex problems. That both myself and WandA know sex is important makes our sex life run smoother - we don't underestimate how confidence denting a dry spell can be and communicate well with one another.
Sex isn't important unless there's something wrong. Once your not having it, or there's a complete disconnect between too people it can be symptomatic of other problems, or in itself it can cause problems.
Things are never simple and of course all relationships are a combination of things but I think it's naive to think sex isn't an important aspect of any relationship. I think actually the reason it can often lead to big problems is that people are under some impression that they're not allowed to be upset if they are sexually unsatisfied....it doesn't seem to be a "justified" reason to feel there is something wrong with a relationship and that is what can lead some parties of relationships to cheating (in some occasions, certainly not all.
My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s
My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s
But a little bit patronising is ok :P
Hehe I'm kidding, I knew what you meant....I love word play so it makes me chuckle to reinterpret what a sentence can infere.
Good post some men can be just as susceptible to aesthetic insecurities though, maybe it's a smaller proportion of men (or maybe it's just talked about less) but it's something we could all do with remembering!
My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s
But a little bit patronising is ok :P
Hehe I'm kidding, I knew what you meant....I love word play so it makes me chuckle to reinterpret what a sentence can infere.
Good post some men can be just as susceptible to aesthetic insecurities though, maybe it's a smaller proportion of men (or maybe it's just talked about less) but it's something we could all do with remembering!
Adx
Haha, thanks for making me feel bad :)
I think that you're probably right, the fact is I won't know how men are insecure as I don't have any experiences with men :/
But as you said it's not well documented like it is for females and the media doesn't portray a perfect body for a man as much as it does for a women.
some men can be just as susceptible to aesthetic insecurities though, maybe it's a smaller proportion of men (or maybe it's just talked about less) but it's something we could all do with remembering!