I am keen to try spanking with my wife I have never done any before and we have never discussed it,how did you venture into the world of spanking.
By slapping her bum in the heat of the moment. She liked it, so I did it more and it went from there.
I'd suggest discussing it first, if she's keen to try it get a safe word in place and start off lightly. Bondage games such as tie and tease are good for introducing it in a fun way. :)
She might be ok with you just slapping her bum during sex, but I think it's better to ask her first! I just told my boyfriend I'd like it if he tried slapping my bum during sex. Be sensitive in asking her and if she doesn't like the idea at first don't push it, it might take her time to warm to the idea. I've never tried any of the games but they seem like a good idea!
Definitely talk to her about it before you just outright do it! I got lucky that my OH enjoyed it, others might not have that luck!
Ikey wrote:
By slapping her bum in the heat of the moment. She liked it, so I did it more and it went from there.
This, really. A gentle, playful pat on the bum during sex then afterwards use it is a point of reference to start the conversation. Gauge her reaction, if she seems to enjoy it at all (or at the least isn't outraged, which is pretty much your 'no' right there!) mention that you thought she had liked it and would she like to try a little more. Or take a different angle, tell her YOU liked it and you wonder if she'd be into some gentle spanking as the thought has really turned you on after patting her on the bum.
Having the conversation out of the blue can catch people off guard and lead to a no without them really considering. I'm not saying you should full on spank her, just a wee tap on the bum. This wee tap could even happen around the house, like if she bends over to get something from the fridge or whatever, if you don't want to do it during sex.
Just be prepared to listen and compromise. There are, for example, spanking implements out there that just outright do not hurt if she is worried about pain. Like this:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30728
Which would mean you get the role play elements of actually spanking her, but she doesn't have to endure any pain whatsoever. Seriously, my partner has whacked me full force with this thing and it just won't hurt!
I agree with what others have said. I love a good spanking! Especially if im im on top or if hes behind. A gentle spank on the bum, not the legs, is a good way of introducing it i think. I also agree with the smack on the bum around the house! I thinks its a nice spontaneous way of showing your affection and that you are sexually attracted to your partner even when they are in casual clothes doing something boring like unloading the washing machine.
one thing you should never do is use the tea towel, or indeed any towel otherwise you will end up with a black eye or worse!
If you both like it then a paddle is great because its only painful if you do it too hard! Doing it gently is no different to using your hand, but gives that nice sound and adds a bit of kink.
If my boyfriend did something like this without asking, it would never happen again, even if I enjoyed it! She might not mind, but I personally don't think you should take the risk...
LibraLover wrote:
If my boyfriend did something like this without asking, it would never happen again, even if I enjoyed it! She might not mind, but I personally don't think you should take the risk...
What if he was giving you a back massage and then worked his way down to massage your bum and then gave it a light, playful spank?
i can understand if youve never expressed any interest in it then it might catch you off guard, but if it was in a gentle way would you mind? I fully understand if it was in the middle of sex and he whipped out a ruler and slapped you hard then i dont think any of us would be that thrilled!
Well, we've talked about it, so now I wouldn't mind. I guess it's hard to imagine it as we always talk about things first, but no I don't think I'd like it in that context at all!
I'd feel like my vulnerable position had been taken advantage of. I'd also wonder why he hadn't talked to me, did he want me to feel vulnerable and scared? And if it was something that I didn't like I'd feel pressured into it. It might be only me that would feel like this though!
My boyfriend knew I was a fan of 50 Shades & was keen to explore different things, spanking was something we talked about ater trying it one night spontaneously then he got comfortable doing it & gradually built up the force, now whenever I bend down to get something or am just standing my bum is not safe, I like it, it puts a smile on my face ^_^
LibraLover, it isn't just you. I too would feel taken advantage of, and disrespected if my partner took it upon himself to do something like spank me without consent. Due to life expriences i don't like feeling that I'm not in control, if he wants to spank me, then he should ask first, whether it's something we've done 0 times or 1000. Even if I'd touched a partners penis before I'd never just randomly shove my hand down his underwear and grab him, I'd ask first if he was in the mood and wanted to be touched. I appreciate that is a personal preference and for couples who enjoy dom/sub relationships or more spontaneous sex lives that asking permission would either break role, or take away some of the fun and excitement of doing it, but then we are all different. I may sometimes say he can do anything we have previously discussed as being ok and give him a free pass to be more spontaneous, just within reason. I just don't want something i'm not prepared for or weilling to have done to me happening.Outside of a sexual setting my OH could playfully spank me any time he likes, i trust him completely, i just see sex as the most vulnerable position you can be in and everything sexual should be completely consentual.
These sort of things have to be agreed on before, I personally like being spanked but I would not like it if a sexual partner just did it if we had never discussed. I think with any sort of punishment type play, must be discussed first to make sure everyone's happy with it because otherwise why would someone not discuss it? Unless they didn't care about my feelings. A frank discussion about what you want is probably the best way to go. I would recommend trying it with your hand first and maybe if she gets into it buying a paddle of some sort which I find works better but only if your wife agrees. I don't think just smacking her bum during sex will in case you get lucky and she likes it is the best way as it might put her off for good.
We didn't actually discuss it at first but we did watch some porn that featured a woman getting the occasional spank on the bum and then my husband started spanking my bum whenever I happened to bend over doing the housework or whatever and I admitted that I liked it, then it extended to getting spanked during sex as well.
We have talked about it since and he knows how much I enjoy it .
Maybe this approach isn't for everyone and if you're not sure it might be best to bring the subject up beforehand and see what she thinks .
Here it seems it's all about spanking the woman. In our relation (30 years) it's the opposite. I (the man) like to be spanked. My wife fully understands me and regularly offers me a good spanking while she looks at me masturbating, or when I'm inside her. She, on the other hand, doesn't enjoy it so much, just some soft slaps when she's close to orgasm or during a massage session.
We all have different preferences, and that we should respect.
It was simple for me, my arse was being gently spanked, during sex and then I asked for the spanking to get harder. Then eventually moved onto using floggers etc.
I found that after each spank, if the guy smoothed his hand over the spanked area or ran his fingers over it, the feeling of the pain lessened, which made it easier to carry on
john69 wrote:
Here it seems it's all about spanking the woman. In our relation (30 years) it's the opposite. I (the man) like to be spanked. My wife fully understands me and regularly offers me a good spanking while she looks at me masturbating, or when I'm inside her. She, on the other hand, doesn't enjoy it so much, just some soft slaps when she's close to orgasm or during a massage session.
We all have different preferences, and that we should respect.
Over the years we have grown a collection of paddles, straps, canes, crops, floggers and my particular favourite a leather Cat o' Nine Tails. I am always on the receiving end as OH doesn't enjoy. She always leaves my rear end red, sore and satisfied, finishing off with a hand job. To think it all started off with a hair brush when I first brought up the subject.
It helps to communicate Iwish. Go on, you know it makes sense.
I think you'd be able to judge whether or not the conversation is even worth bringing up based on what she enjoys in the bedroom. If she enjoys to 'make love' slow and sensual I wouldn't even bother asking but if she likes things a little rough from time to time I'd say definitely have a chat about it. You may even find that you don't like it. My hubby slaps me from time to time and although he finds slapping me on the bum and between the legs quite easy it took him a while to get used to slapping me around the face and on my breasts. Always be sure to set up a safe word