Oooh how awesome winning the review cash for one of your first ever Lovehoney reviews
it’s definitely well deserved I’ve gotta say 
That’s not bad at all considering how much attention to details in them. That’s something I need to do, take more breaks as it can become less enjoyable n stressful when you get stuck on something so I’m noting that on my reviews file. Thanks @Blonde_Bunny
Hey 
good to be here again xx
What I do is I open a new ‘Note’ on my iPhone before the item has arrived. I won’t give it a title yet - title always comes last for me - but I’ll put a list of what I want to cover, boxing, first impression, smell, taste perhaps (I pretty much put everything I own in my mouth at some point), what did it feel like when I smothered it and around my face… and so on.
Then when the toy arrives, I’ll just write out really quickly off the top of my head a few bits like ‘the dick looked sexy as fuck’, and ‘definitely a delight putting this dildo down my throat’ or ‘unfortunately it smelled like one of those cheap inflatable plastic crocodiles you’d buy from Woolacombe Bay.
Pull out your trusty tape measure, be firm but be fair, actually see if you’ve been sold a lie like most of the dick-pics you’ve ever received…
For once in life, size does matter.
Then the fun starts. Play time. Again and again and again and…. Yeah you get the picture. Be versatile with the item, be a boarderline weirdo sometimes, stick that dick to the patio door and see if you can pull it off, see how it makes you feel using it right there even, see how the neighbours feel that they’ve caught you using it and now not only can you not look them in the eye, you can’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore - but damn that dick was worth it 
Use the toy again.
Just add bits to the review, change bits, read it and read it again and by doing it in this way I think you can pretty much cover absolutely every single detail, as accurately as possible and I don’t think anyone can ever write a bad review if they just write how they feel - that’s all we care about right.
Honestly it takes no time at all to write a review this way, a few seconds here and there. Sometimes I’ll be at work colouring somebody’s hair, I’ll be just day dreaming about that dick from last night and be like ‘oooo gosh, that was one fine filling phallus, I’ll pop that in my review.” I’ll quickly tell my client I need to nip to my store room and I’ll add that thought to my review notes and edit it later. Easy.
But just remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a short and simple review. I know I talk for England and my reviews end up more of a blog style, 6 volume novel collection, but a short and simple, straight to the point, factual and informative review can be a lot more effective I’m sure and I would think most people prefer reading those types.
Just be you, write how the item physically feels but also write how it makes you feel.
Just be yourself, never copy a review or try to imitate it - this isn’t the coursework you didn’t complete in time at school so you need to borrow your best friend’s and change 3 words. I read hundreds of reviews each week and there is often a few ‘similarities’ popping up now and then. You’d actually be surprised how many times I’ve seen the odd phrase or complete section from one of my own reviews reappear on a slightly different toy - sometimes the same toy 
Hope this helps you - or anyone else - but I am in no way some review god, my style is likely way too long for most people and there are hundreds better than me. Thousands.
Shit a brick @Blonde_Bunny you got me pissin myself the tears are streaming I think I need to give some sex toys reviews, lots more fun than my cosmetic collections that’s taken over the house, it’s got to the stage I’m going to do giveaways as even after donating shit loads to family n friends I could easily start a business, bet you’re the same with dicks
So many swear words I’ve erased but seriously your advise is wicked, witty, hilarious n damn good 
I’ll be trawling the salons next time I’m in t that area looking for a long blonde hair hairdresser just so I can giggle when they have to pop to the store room for dildo note purposes obviously I’m joking incase I’m taken seriously by anyone
I bet your business is booming, obviously I’ve no idea how talented you are although I think you’re a perfectionist but I’d not give a shit if I left butchered as I’m more than sure you’re a right laugh 
You’re right a short review can be great providing I get all the important information, not - "it was awesome, my wife got dressed u in the lingerie I provided I rammed it home n she kept on cumming "! Some are like that, it’s giving zero information. Another point you touched on, tell us the truth if it’s shit we wanna know n why cos Xs shit is somebody’s glory.
Ashamed but I’ve gotten slack, I used the always have bullet points but I’ve not for a couple of years maybe 
definitely going to go onto my iPhone as soon as I’ve finished this open a new note n list points as it’s easy to forget important points without checking off the list.
Yeah I’ve seen this too and you know they’re copying as the way the reviews wrote, shouldn’t be allowed because how can we rely on a copies ratings?
Definitely reckon I should practice my skills on my sex toys though, obviously for educational purposes only 
Thanks for taking the time to say all the tips n that, they’re very useful
Yeah… with the amount of silicone snakes underneath my bed, my drawers, in my wardrobe and pretty much all around me, my bedroom could be mistaken for a reptile sanctuary at times. I actually once tripped and fell over a dick in the dark. Don’t worry, I didn’t land on it, such a shame.
I really should consider donating some of my collection to my local charity shop or perhaps take my team to the local car boot sale I’m joking, I love every one of them. A dildos not for Christmas, it’s for life.
I honestly read a review once and all it said was ‘It was amazing and I came.’ To be honest though I won’t judge, this is usually the only thought buzzing around my brain like a trapped fly the second after I’ve cum It covered the two basic - but vital - bits of information I needed to know. I then bought the item.
Anyway, I hope you and everyone else has fun writing out some reviews and hope I’ve helped just a teeny tiny bit. I know Lovehoney and @Lovehoney_Brenna will be grateful for any and every honest review you write - that anyone writes.
What a terrible task it would be to dig out some of your toys for some extensive testing for product feedback purposes… how boring. 
Only just 
Just a thought folks….
Considering how epically brilliant @Blonde_Bunny is at writing sex toy reviews….
(And it’s not even the “….real love of [her] life, [her] world…”
Just how incredible must she be at hairdressing….,?
?
We love you @Blonde_Bunny!
I won’t lie, I’m a bit alright at it 
There is truly nothing wrong in taking pride in knowing when you’re good at what you do.
I am the Colour Queen 
Thanks @Silkyhat 
I always love to go different with my hair colours and it’s really difficult to find someone who is truly great at them so hats off to you on that 
I’ve grown my hair and currently rocking a “mun” or “topknott” and after my last trim by my barber I’m thinking I need a hairdresser to actually cut a style i can work with instead of just being a scruffy duffy
@Melody1 How is your Squat September going?
I’m doing it with you, ya know 
155 squats in. Yesterday was a ‘rest day’ then they start ramping up. I’ll post a ‘before’ pic in lingerie and we can check for any difference at the end of the month
(I started 3 days late so technically early next month)
Yes @Melody1! Go you! Feels good right, that burning pain in your thighs and glutes the following day that’s so bad you need assistance in getting back up off the loo and you’ve now made an appointment for a consultation visit from the Stenna Stairlift company.
I love it
I’ve just arrived home from my bum and tum session at the gym, the struggle is real and I probably shouldn’t have driven
I am so impressed with your gym routine, do you go daily? Are you doing it to keep fit, remain toned, gain muscle or lose weight. (Cannot be lose weight as you are very slender) Always interests what motivates people. When I was able to I only wanted to train /gym for a competition or challenge. @Blonde_Bunny Where does you energy come from?
Thanks so much @steve19. I go to the gym every single day of the week with only the occasional exception. I do this for quite a few reasons and I’ll try to keep this brief - Sorry, Blonde Bunny doesn’t do ‘brief’ very well.
Firstly and most importantly, my motivation is it makes me feel good, it makes me feel proud and it makes me feel happy. It gives me more self worth than I can even try to express. The main reason I go, and why I go every day, is because it helps and improves me emotionally and helps balance my sanity and it makes me smile. It’s my secret place, my hideaway, my alone time and my retreat. Me, myself and I. Somedays I get up early, look into my steaming black coffee that I’m drinking in my kitchen in my gym clothes, keys in my hand ready to leave and I’ll think ‘bollocks to this, I’m going back to bed’. I ignore those thoughts and jump in my car and go. I get to the gym with those negative thoughts still creeping around me like shadows but still I get in there and train. The drive home is pure bliss. Elation, satisfaction and pride like no other. This is why I go daily.
The second reason is I’m a bit of a health freak. I like the thought of trying to maintain my body and preserve it for as long as I physically can. I don’t want to die. I love my life - I love life! My body is my vessel to what I hope to be a full and lengthy life and I want to do everything I possibly can to help to try and increase the chances of me staying alive on this planet for as long as I possibly can. I eat a pretty strict diet, I don’t smoke, I count my carbs and calories like a right nut case and my macro nutritional intake is on point, I hardly ever eat rubbish and again I do this because I enjoy it. My mum very sadly died at quite a young age many years ago and I’ll be honest, the thought of dying and leaving this world scares the shit out of me. I’d love to have children and be there while they grow, for both their sake and for my own happiness. I for one know what it’s like to not have a mum while growing up.
Lastly, I do this because I can have the appearance I choose.
So many people, so so many people, almost one person a day, will say to me ‘ohhhh it’s so easy for you, you’re so skinny just look at you, it’s easy for you…” No. It’s not easy. It’s bloody hard, breaking point hard. I get up at 4:30 / 5am everyday and drag my tired ass mess out of my big cosy warm bed to leave the man that I love with all my heart and sole sleeping next to me, so that I can work my butt off - literally - to try and mould, shape, build and maintain a figure I desire. An appearance I want and choose. Many will say ‘oh, but it doesn’t matter what you look like’ and ‘what makes you even think that’s the appearance people should have’. That’s extremely true, but I choose to want to look like I do for my own reasons, I have that choice 
I know I’m lucky in that I have nearly no physical limitations or disabilities, I know unfortunately so many have, and for that I am extremely grateful and I can think of no greater way of showing that gratitude than taking full advantage of these personal physical privileges and using my body to it’s fullest and using it how I want to. I don’t have my physique, body and appearance from some luck, good fortune and fate, I have it because I’ve built it and am always building it. I know genetics etc will have some relevance perhaps but what I’m trying to say is I look like I do because I chosen to and I’ve been lucky enough that I’m able to make these changes. I know many can’t and that’s absolutely fine 
I think nearly anyone can change how they look if that’s what they want to do, whether it’s through fitness and health or even medical and cosmetic changes. If you want to change, change. If you’re able to, get up and get out and go and get it. If you can’t then that’s also just fine and completely respectable. I wanted a firm round bum and a skin tight flat tum so I work hard for it every single day of the week. It’s a challenge of both physical and mental work. I didn’t like my boobs so I worked hard and bought new ones. Nearly all of us have choices and nearly all of us can change if we so wish. Staying the same is also just fine too
Anyway, that’s my motivation in a very brief summary 
@wildflower you are a sweetheart
So sorry that you lost your mum so early in your life. You are still young in my eyes. Your motivation is brillant should be commended. I can fully understand you wanting a long life, i’m sure that is what everyone really wants but you are doing everything possible to make it happen. As and when you decide about children i’m sure you will make a great mum. We decided when I was diagnosed with MS not to have children. Wife very sad about that but has accepted it and we are having a lovely life. You also appear to have a great life with hubby and the business. Keep on going, well done to you. @Blonde_Bunny
Aww thanks @steve19.
I’m so saddened to hear about your illness, but filled with joy at your positive outlook on life. You seem to share many of the same views on the world and life as I do.
It’s all good. It was a very long time ago. Like I mentioned, I pretty much grew up without a mum (I don’t think I can mention how old I actually was due to forum rules, but we’ll just say I was about in the middle of my educational years. An age when I kind of really needed my mum.
I was old enough to understand that she’d gone forever, but still to this day I won’t understand why it had to happen to her, to me, to us. I think every girl needs a mumma to help her grow and guide her, to shape her and build her. And perhaps that’s why I’m a little ‘unorthodox’ and boarderline broken, but my poor Dad still did an amazing job of raising me all on his own, pulling me back onto the rails every time I’d fallen off them and he still does that job. You can only imagine what a hard time he must have had with a girl like me.
Anyway, let’s have a complete subject change, enough about me, I don’t want to clog The Lounge with anymore Blonde Bunny, people have seen well enough of my input lately
Just remember, live each day to it’s fullest folks
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum @Blonde_Bunny, you’re a truly beautiful Lady
That is so true!
Even I hear that, like when I refuse cake. “why aren’t you eating cake?, you don’t need to watch your weight”. A slim girl at a place I worked used to get it all the time: “look at her on the slim fast shakes, why do you need slim fast?, you’re so skinny anyway”. Some people just don’t get it.
I don’t count carbs or calories but it’s not rocket science. I actually eat loads and drink a fair bit too but I cook all my own food and rarely eat crap and do a lot of less formal exercise. I sometimes think I am lucky with my health but then again my lifestyle choices have contributed positively. 20 - 30 years on from where you are now, I’m probably as fit and healthy as I’ve ever been so I whole heartedly agree with all your motivations against how easy it would be to go back to bed or sit on the couch all evening. Go Girl!
Luckily I’m blessed with my man stuff, not quite so easy for us to go out and buy a new one
