i have just found that my oh has been logging onto dating website talking to people and texting people and not all innocent as well, a lot of dirty talk when i found out i had it out with him and he has promised me that it is only talk and he has not cheated at all ??????? he has also admited he is not sure if he would stop doing it
this has broke my heart i am devasted - he has said he only does it as he has no one else to speak to ( he does not really have any friends) and is looking to spice up our sex life ??????? i have been trying to do that for a while and bought quite a bit from LH over the last few mths which we have never used not sure why keep asking him to use them but never does - he helped me pick everything from here apart from the underwear,
i just dont know where to go from here do i give him the benifit of the doubt and trust that he is only speaking to people and not arranging to meet anyone or do i walk away which will break my heart even more he is the only one i have ever really LOVED -
He has said that he feels suffocated sometimes as we spend nearly 24/7 together apart from when we are at work or he is at his mum's which is when he goes online - as a result of that and he maybe right there we do but i have started to try and get more things in my life going out and about going to fitness classes etc but i am always thinking is he talking to others will he arrang to meet others - he has swore blind he would never do that BUT how do i know for defo ????????? we have been together for 4yrs i dont really have that many friends either esp ones i would tell this too as they would be to judgenmental and tell me to get rid - we are both in our 30's so not young and stupid - should i take him at his word that he willnever meet anyone ?????
im lost loney and depressed with all this any advice would be great from both female and male point of view
texting and talking isnt the same as cheating in my book anyway.
Getting interests outside the home is a good idea but you really need to talk and spice up your life somehow. why dont you get the toys out and start using them
It does make me wonder why he is on dating wbsites? Maybe he just not ready to be fully 100% commited in ur relationship and so is finding ways to jepordise it. He may also be testing the water on what other "fun" no strings possibilites are out there? It also should not continue chatting to other women if he wants what you have to work.
I find the exuse "spicing up our sex life" to be rather odd - surely if he has seen this site, it would be a healthier way of spicing up the sex life - even internet searches would be far more constructive that not so clean chat with other women. This chat has also not remained online and he has quite happily exchanged numbers with some of the women. Out of curiousity does he profile on the dating website state he is single?
Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do - like walking away. Although i think ur not at that stage quite yet. I think you need to sit down and have a frank talk with him and ask him what exactly he thinks he is missing out on while being in this relationship with you. 4 yrs is a long time to just throw away and so maybe some resoultions can be made.
There is no real right or wrong answer or advice here but I'd like to point out some things that you might want to think about.
First of all, for him to say that he has no one else to speak to- why can't he go out with his work friends or join some kind of club or hobby? I think that it's unfair of him to feel so stifled and to think that his only way to "socialise" is on dating sites.. I don't understand that at all. People go to dating sites to find something more than friendship and for anything more he has you. From what you've posted- he seems to come across as very selfish. Especially when you have tried to make the effort of spicing up your sex life etc.
I think it's great that you've taken the initiative to do more- like go to fitness classes as that extra space might do you both some good as well that well needed social interaction with others etc but the worry is understandable. Instead of going on dating sites- he can easily just go to the pub with some friends.
Having a long talk about all your (well reasoned) concerns with him will probably be the best way forward. Ask him what he really wants from your relationship and remember it IS about compromise. However, don't feel bullied into doing something that you don't want- that includes him going on dating sites... You don't need that worry hanging over you.
i have tried to talk to him about it and he just puts a barrier up which he does all the time, and when i ask him if he is happy with us he said yes really happy wnat to set up home together etc then later he said i dont know so i am confused with that as well though he ws the one who said to keep working on things and taken each day as it comes,
ggtb i cant undersand if you are living together or just friends who see a lot of each other
we are living together however it is his house we live in and we were trying to set up a home together that is both of ours buying together, been living together for 3yrs now been together 4yrs
In my opinion chat rooms/forums are for chatting and dating sites are for looking to see what else is out there. I would hit the roof if it was my boyfriend, I just wouldn't be able to believe he was on there to make friends and just chat when there are other means of doing so and dating sites were designed for helping people get dates....
I had one boyfriend who forgot he had a profile on a dating site. My friend found him on there and told me, he deleted it as soon as I mentioned it but if he hadn't I couldn't have continued with the relationship.