Advice needed please

My gf is new to having sex and we can’t find a comfortable way for her to take my dick or fingers in her vagina. She is gradually seeming to get better at taking things but she says it still kinda hurts. She took the tip in a week or two ago but she is still not fully comfortable with the feeling of it. Any advice / suggestions would be very welcome tysm for reading :blush:

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Invest in some good lube, like pjur silicon lube. Works great for intercourse or massage.
You might need to slow up a fair bit if it is not working for her, remember everyone is a different size including vaginas.

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Does she masturbate herself involving penetration of some kind (fingers, toys etc)?

If she does, then its most likely something fixable (such as more foreplay, lube, anxiety of some kind causing tension etc), If she doesn’t, she should try (along with lube as suggested above) to see if there are any issues, if she is still in pain, she should consult a doctor, it may be a medical issue.

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Hi @humble_dick_69. I’d agree with others that a good lube would definitely be helpful if you don’t already have one. Either a silicone one that lasts a long time or I personally would go for a thick waterbased one as I find them more “cushioning”.

I have had issues with penetration in the past which I’ve only just got over. It sounds to me like she is feeling tense and isn’t relaxed and so her muscles are contracting involuntarily so not letting anything in. I would (I know it won’t be popular), take a break from trying penetration for a while, even if just for a few weeks. Concentrate on giving each other pleasure in other ways to help her to relax. It could be that she is associating penetrative sex with pain which will in turn cause tension - it’s a vicious cycle: anticipating pain makes the muscles tighter and makes the woman less turned on, penetration is then painful which reinforces the association of sex with pain and so on…

I would suggest that she tries using a dilator set, start with the smallest size one, once this is totally comfortable and easy to use, move on to the next one and so on. Once she is confident with the second / third size, it might be sensible to get you to try inserting the smallest one and so on. Does that make any sense? Lovehoney sell two sets:

and

If you get a set elsewhere I’d look for tapered tips, silicone material and something that is slightly flexible. A good quality set will be quite pricy. You can get cheaper sets but they tend to be quite rigid and therefore uncomfortable to use (you can even get a set from your GP if you ask them, but again cheap plastic and, for me, uncomfortable). I think its worth spending a bit more to get a decent set considering how much difference it could make to your sex lives.

I would use them during masturbation because she willl be more turned on so insertion will be easier but they can be used at anytime according to the instructions. The idea is to use them regularly (usually the instructions say everyday although I’m not sure it’s really neccessary to use them quite that often!) Make sure to use plently of lube too!

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Practice makes perfect :ok_hand: maybe some small toys for her to try out on might help loosen things up a little better and help her to enjoy the experience all the more

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tysm! we will certainly look into dilator sets and water based lube! this has been very helpful :smile:

she usually didn’t masturbate but when she started a while ago she would not penetrate herself
tysm for replying btw!:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

If you warm up toys or lube, say in a cup of hot water or bath, this can make for a more relaxing time.

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I’m a woman and I had this issue. No matter what I put inside me, it hurt. I invested in some good lube (my favourite one is liquid silk lube). I tried masturbating with my fingers first then invested in a dildo and fought through it. Now I don’t have much pain as long as I use lube. I can now also have sex with foreplay and sometimes using lube. This is just my experience and what worked with me.

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