Don't feel bad for wanting some intimacy with your OH. All you can do is be there for him, physically and emotional. It may lead to more but equally it may take time. Sometimes a silent hug means more than any words.
There are some interesting articles on the net about grief and intimacy that I read when going through a few bereavements in a short period. sorry if I have broken rules but there is a link to one such article below
As much as your OH is in terrible pain, you will be grieving too so please talk to people about how you are feeling. To look after him, you need to look after yourself too.
You're in everyone's thoughts & were all sending you lots of strength.
Dreadfully sorry to hear how much pain you both are in :( I wish I could reach across the screen and hug you! You're being very sensitive to your OH and very strong even now, and I think that's really admirable. I wouldn't discount not ever being able to explore your fantasies with your partner again - leave the decisions for when you both are feeling better and recovering from the grief. Not sure how helpful reading messages on a screen helps, but if it's any consolation, we're all here for you xx
My heart goes out to you, such a terrible time for everyone concerned.
Just carry on being there for him in whatever capacity he needs. Grief can bring out the monster in people, he may want to completely withdraw from you and be by himself (this is what I have done) or he may crave physical contact of the non sexual kind.
You sound like a lovely person so I'm sure you will support him and in return he will let you know when he is ready to become intimate again although don't expect to start where you left off, which from your comments I know you don't. It's a cliche but he just needs time and a fantastic OH. X
I'd add one thing - don't assume he's not craving contact of the sexual kind. Don't accidentally shut the door to it through trying too hard to be sensitive.
I think witnessing illness, death, bodies not working as they should makes a lot of people crave the opposite; hot healthy bodies working as nature intended. A lot of people crave it, and a lot of them feel guilty. Seeing a loved one slip away can make you feel deeply how precious life is and how important it is to sieze every pleasurable moment.
Source 1 - I lost my sister a couple of months ago. I was surprised what a hearty appetite I had afterwards (for all the good things in life).
Source 2: a discussion on another forum where people shared tales of sex at funerals, and a funeral director said it was a very common reaction to bereavement.
I agree medical play is probably dangerous ground for a while, but not necessarily for ever. Best wishes to you both. It's tough.