Advice on OH's illness

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hi everyone.

I am looking for some advice outside of family and friends, who are all involved in this issue. I scrolled through a few forums and I came back to this one, as you are all so lovely and non-judgemental and the advice is always great... so I hope you can help.

To get straight to the point, my OH is bi-polar. A lot of the time, he is fantastically awesome and we just laugh constantly. Other times, is not so peachy.

Since last Saturday, I haven't seen him. Now this may seem fine to some, but I live with him, and he has locked himself in his room (we have our own rooms). This is fairly normal for him when he hits the low parts, however it never gets any easier.

For the most part, I leave him alone, but there are times when nature calls and he does have to leave the cave. If we pass on the stairs, he looks like he is grieving for his lost self. This can last for weeks, and as he has (many years ago) self - harmed in the past, I worry that he will do something awful and I will not know.

I have to watch him drowning in his own depression and I can't save him. It is the most painful thing I have ever experienced. And yet, I feel so selfish for thinking about myself. I blame him sometimes for my own negative thoughts (never out loud), and I wish that he would think about me sometimes. All very illogical thoughts, but I can't seem to stop. I am always happy when he is around so he would never know, as I feel that this would only bring him down more.

So my question is, if any of you have experienced this, what coping mechanisms do you have? Because, on day 6, I am not coping. And this could go on for weeks.

Thank you lovely people. xxx

2

Does he have a cpn? Has he been to the doctor? If you don't want to try those then try charities like mind or rethink they're not just for the sufferers of mental health problems but also their families.

3

Reading this has just made me realise how selfish I have been this past week or so to my loved one, as I do exactly the same and lock myself away. I made the first step to get help, but then I've stalled again.

I hope you both get help, I can't suggest anything other than what Sum Sub has said, but I know full well how difficult it is to ask for or even get help.

Wishing you and your partner well xxx

4

My dad suffers with bi polar too and it is incredibly difficult to deal with. A lot of the time I tend to try to direct his thoughts elsewhere, as opposed to dwelling on a certain issue. There has been numerous times recently where he has expressed suicidal thoughts and I have, at times, been very close to having him sectioned for his own safety.
It's an awful issue for both the individual who is suffering with it, and for those close to that individual.
I have dealt with my dad's illness for many years now, but in the beginning (I was only quite young) I think some counselling or something would have been a great help to me.
If you feel that you are not coping, please do look for some help.
I hope things improve for the both of you.

5

Thank you both. Sum Sub - He has been to the doctor previously when he was a lot younger, but they just wanted to pump him full of drugs which caused him to feel nothing at all... just empty. Neither of us want that. He has tried many things. I will certainly take on board the charities that you mentioned and see if they can help us in any way.

Purring-pussy - I hope that you are okay my lovely. It is a very selfish disease for everyone involved, nobody is to blame. You do what you feel will help the most in that situation. I do hope that you don't stall for long, and make that first step. Much love.

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Mental Health treatment is a lot different to what it was even 5 years ago Jessy, it might well be worth seeking GP guidance again

7

Butterflybee - thank you so much for your input. I am sorry it has been so hard for you, and I agree that counselling for myself and also my partner may be a good route to take. I dread the day that I would consider sectioning, although I am not naive and know that this will probably come.

Much love to you and your dad. Take care.

8

JessyBunny89 wrote:

Thank you both. Sum Sub - He has been to the doctor previously when he was a lot younger, but they just wanted to pump him full of drugs which caused him to feel nothing at all... just empty. Neither of us want that. He has tried many things. I will certainly take on board the charities that you mentioned and see if they can help us in any way.

Purring-pussy - I hope that you are okay my lovely. It is a very selfish disease for everyone involved, nobody is to blame. You do what you feel will help the most in that situation. I do hope that you don't stall for long, and make that first step. Much love.

Thanks x

I managed to get out of the house today, small steps. When my better frame of mind comes back properly in a few days, I'll get back to the Drs.

Take care xx

9

Jessy, you may also be eligible for support from your local authority, both financially and physically, consult with your doctor and they will be able to suggest what options are available to you both. Remember, it's not just your partner who needs support, as the full time carer (excuse the label) you do as well.

10

Bless your heart. As someone who's ex partner was bipolar, I definitely feel you there. I know that it feels like you're utterly helpless when they hit their lows and there's always a temptation to blame yourself and need to try to make things better. As you probably know, that's not always going to be possible. Just let your boyfriend know that you're there for whenever he needs you and whatever he needs you to do, you'll try your best to help out.
You obviously care a great deal, let him know that. Be patient, all you can do is give him the space he needs and he'll be back when he can.

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JessyBunny89 wrote:

Thank you both. Sum Sub - He has been to the doctor previously when he was a lot younger, but they just wanted to pump him full of drugs which caused him to feel nothing at all... just empty.

I'd just like to add, this is why my dad point blank refuses to go back on medication. At one point he was on so much lithium that it literally turned him into a zombie; he slept all day and had no interest in anything whatsoever (even food etc.), so I can completely sympathise with him not wanting to take the route of medication. Sometimes the medication can do more harm than good unfortunately. Although if he hasn't been to his doctor for some time, there may be a new combination of medications which may help. Unfortunately trying to explain that to someone who has had a bad experience with medication previously, is easier said than done!
12

My OH used to go walking for hours on end rather than lock himself away, but it amounts to the same result, self isolation. Finally found a sympathetic g.p, who referred him to a counsellor and she was a revelation. OH did not want a medicated solution. He did not want to be a zombie. The counsellor helped OH realise that to break the vicious circle , he needed support and so did I. The organisations offering support are out there, M.I.N.D for example, on a national level, but countless local charities are available. Remember, you are not alone.

13

there are many in your situation. You can't force them to get help for themselves, all you can do is be there for them, this may not be much help to you right now, but things will pick up. It's completely understandable to feel selfish, this selfishness has caused many arguments over the past few months in my own situation, causing the person suffering the most to regress further. Definitely try and get some advice from Mind, they can advise with steps on helping yourself cope whilst your other half is shutting the world out. They can also help you manage daily tasks and advise you on ways to get your other half involved in simple things and slowly bring them back to some kind of normality (whatever that is!). Just make them aware that you are there for them, and you will help them battle this big bug for as long as it takes. Wishing you all the best and hoping things go well

14

I have 5 mental illnesses including depression, sometimes you just cant deal with what's going on around you and no matter how important someone is to you, your mental illness can drain you to the point you cant force yourself to put that smile on your face for them but don't ever doubt he doesn't care about you, you sound so lovely and supportive and he is so lucky to have someone like you in his life as many will run away from mental illness because they don't understand.

I love that you are trying to understand, it truly shows what a wonderful person you are - especially to those with mental illnesses as we don't get that often!

Don't give up, definitely keep an eye on him for the self harm and keep your head up as you have inspired me and clearly others here as you have such respect and understanding for mental illness and like I said, there aren't that many like you!

Good luck with everything gorgeous <3

15

It is especially hard from the perspective of a person without a mental illness to help, because a) you just don't get it and b) the ill person is totally aware that you don't get it.

Two the things that is often over looked in health problems mental, emotional and physical is diet and mould. Mould affects everyone differently, some can just shrug it off as a bad day and others are laid low by it. It can hide in foods that are not mouldy such as chocolate and coffee (it can develop at any point along the many many hands that these products go through on their way to being processed packaged and sold.)

Have a look through these podcasts, bulletproof exec is my goto guy for health matters. I especially recommend the last one, he interviews a professor of medicine who used her understanding of diet to overcome MS and walk again.

https://www.bulletproofexec.com/hashimotos-the-root-cause-with-dr-izabella-wentz-podcast-137/

https://www.bulletproofexec.com/the-disease-delusion-with-dr-jeffrey-bland-podcast-139/

https://www.bulletproofexec.com/120-dr-terry-wahls-on-mitochondria-health-and-vegetables-podcast/

Who knows cutting wheat out might be just the ticket, and it is easy to do a couple of weeks trial.

16

I can't type all that I want to now so I shall co.e back to this thread - but just wanted sends you all hugs!

Ill mental health is sucky.

You said you looked at other forums, I use the mental health forum alot for support, def recommend a lot :)

17

Even if your partner refuses to go to a Gp you could still go and explain how it all makes you feel. The go could refer you to a someone to talk to to help you deal with coping with his low moods. The dr will also be able to point you in the direction of local groups and charties that could help you both.
Medications have come a long way in recent years so it could be worth trying some. If he doesn't like the side effects he can stop them.

18

Thank you all for your wonderful supportive advice. I do feel that it is at times like this, when I am not coping so well, a helpful comment is enough to encourage me to keep going, and know that I can be there to support him as much as he needs me to be.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, he came to see me for a cuddle today. I know this must have been a massive step for him and I appreciate every moment.

Thank you all and I will definitely be looking for my own help and support from local charities.

Love and best wishes to all who experience this and take care xxx