Hoping someone can give me a bit of advice! Me and my OH have had a lot of problems over the past 2 years, including some indescretions on his part, and I no longer feel like i'm the one for him. He says he loves me and doesn't want to be without me but I can't help feeling that he's not being honest, or he believes it but only because it's habbit. We've been together for 7 years and have 3 children and I feel really crappy a lot of the time. Our sex life is awesome, but I don't feel attractive at all, I spend a lot of the time hating myself and thinking it's my fault. He knows how I feel and everytime I bring it up he'll be different for a few days, attentive and reassuring, but then he just goes back to normal, either not caring about how I feel or thinking i'll get over it. I don't want to leave him, I love him very much and we have our children, but i'm really lost with what to do, I know I shouldn't have to feel like this :(
I would have a session with Relate. We had a session with them when things weren't nearly so bad (but weren't as good as they had been). The session was really good and helped us think things through and get our relationship back to where it had been.
Really sorry to hear you are feeling like this :( Has he always been like this? Or has it changed along the way? xx
I'm really not sure to be honest, I don't know if it's him that's changed or me. When we first got together I was quite quiet with him and kept what I was thinking to myself, but I was only 16. It took a while before I started being myself with him, when we had our first child, I changed and realised I had to be myself or it would never work, but that was 5 years ago. Everything seemed to be going fine, but I don't know if it's just because I didn't want to see the problems. He's never been the romantic sort, though every now and then he surprises me, but he never used to make me feel like this. I've told him everything i've said on here and he keeps saying it'll change, he doesn't want to lose me, but it never does. We split up for a short time last year because of everything, but when we were just starting to sort things out something happened with someone else. I know the advice I would give to someone else in this situation, but I can't seem to bring myself to leave him.
Thinking about the long term do you really want to "stay together for the kids"? My Dad used to say "If mum ain't happy nobody is happy" your children inately know when you're miserable and I don't think thats a legacy I'd want to leave.
Good sex is a great thing to have but it sounds like a lot of other stuff is missing. His behaviour and the indiscretions are something you can either try to forgive and forget; which seems very hard because they have made you feel like the guilty party when it was him who made the decisions to cheat, or you can take them to the usual inevitable result.
Trust is a very hard thing to rebuild once its been destroyed.
Is he and are you willing to give this one last go and go and get proper counselling?
In the end its your life and your decision. Do whats right for you and for your kids.
I know what you're saying and if the only reason I wanted to stay with him was because of the kids I'd be gone already. I know from experience how unhealthy that is for the kids, as well as it would be for me. The problem is I don't want to be without him. I'm very much in love with him and although we're not married, I made a commitment and a promise and i'm a mate for life kind of person. But then there's the not wanting to feel like this. I'm just really lost.