As I have said b4 my hubby had cheated on me and we are trying to work on things I am really struggling at the mo I've suffered from depression just over a year ago and I'm finding a few things really hard to deal with I just feel like I'm starting to drown with it all I just don't want to go back in that very dark place I was in any advice would be very much appreciated x
What specifically are you having a problem with?
I can understand how you feel as i have been there myself. I have suffered with depression for manay years but have not had an episode in the last 2 years :) I think different things work with differet people. I have tried different forms of psychotherapy, even agreed to give pills a trial but nothing really worked until i found out about positive psychology. Basically i no longer go to psychologists who tend to talk about the past or about the negative feelings and problems. I have been seeing a life couch and we rarely focus on the past. She has tought me tequnicks for dealing with negative thought patterns when they arise and they no longer affect me like they did. the thing that made the biggest difference is realizing the power we have as humans and that if we have the right support and guidance and will of course, we can be masters of our emotions :) I hope you find what works for you, if you have't yet maybe it would be a good idea to look into possitive psychology, it really got me out of that dark place :) I wish you the best :)
Hey I think its understandable youve been feeling down but honestly talking is key, I know how you feel,same has happended in my past from a young age, I cant say its easy but even chatting with a family member/friends helps but most importantly talk to him..
Hi,
I can't begin to understand the struggle of depression as I understand it's something you can't fully appreciate unless you have been there yourself. You say you have so how did you cope last time?, think about what made you feel better then. I like to lay down on my bed with the windows wide open in the sun ( yes a lot like a cat ) and just think for a while whilst it's quiet and think about what I do well, what I have and have achieved. Etc. focus on positive thoughts.
Take some time for yourself, do something you enjoy both on your own and with your patner, friends and family.
Hope you feel better soon 
Theres quite a few things My mums death and not having her in my life she died 18 years ago but its hitting hard at the mo. The people I thought where my friends have turned the bks on me and my kids and struggling to talk to my husband about how I'm feeling me and the kids are only seeing him 2days out of eight coz of his work
I feel for you, kinky. My husband cheatedwouldn't n many years ago and we split up shortly after but never severed ties completely as we had children together and still had feelings for each other. We have been back properly as a couple for about 5 years now and things are better than they have ever been.
Over time i have come to realise that he wouldn't have acted as he did if our relationship had been better and I was equally responsible for that. Poor communication, pressures of work, small kids etc were all contributory factors. I was depressed, had mood swings and my sex drive was nil and he strayed.
So, you need to decide what you want out of your relationship and if you want to stay together I think you have to try to let go of the past. Keep the channels of communication open and enjoy each other's company in and out of the bedroom.
When you need to chat or want support we are here for you. X
Capricorn13 I am wanting this marriage to work I found out about his straying just over a month ago yer our sex life wasn't great at the time but everything else was really good between us in a way we'd never bin better I am definitely trying to let it go but its still quite raw i haven't got family as they all disowned me and kids when we moved half hour away from them and the friends i thought i had have all turned their backs on me
Thanks you all and I will defo look in to positive psychology x
Hey kinky, just wanted to say you will get through this. Human beings are tough mofos! I have recently come off anti-depressants and have just into a new relationship. It has been difficult and I struggle with trust even though I have never really been cheat in before. I have found that seld confidence is a huge factor. I'm trying to learn to like myself more and it is working...it shows and is helping us get closer. Even faking a little self confidence goes a long way. I would have to agree with everybody who said to talk to him and be honest. Get everything out there and just let him know you are struggling but want it to work. Have you ever tried cbt therapy? It did wonders for me. And I was at rock bottom. Holy crap sorry for the essay. Take care!
As suffered from a bout of depression myself for over 2 years I know how you feel.
There is no quick fix for depression it will take time and plenty of support from health professionals and poeple around you .That time will also vary from person to person .
You will get through it , I am sure as I did but try and think positively and move away from anyone giving off negative vibes including TV and other forms of media.
Take care
Please realise that things will take time for you to deal with this issue. Keep talking to your partner and keep the lines of communication open.
Find something just for you, a hobby, I did boxing when I was depressed and it really kept me going, but even knitting would work, something you can do without hubby and can be proud of. I feel like him cheating on you has only reinforced your own feeling of worthlessness, do something that's not dependant on him.
It's gonna take a long time to get over and you both need to be trying, not just you, don't feel as though you can't talk about your feelings in case he gets mad that you're still not over it (a month really isn't that long though) if he wants to fix this he should sit down and listen to everything you need to say, I think part of what's making it so bad is that you've got all this emotion and doubt bottled up inside you. I have on/off paranoia and it eats me from the inside, even the smallest things, but once I've said it to him, it goes away. You need to talk to him and he needs to listen. But also take time for yourself, you're not just a married woman with kids, find who you are again and let her out!
I definitely am bottling it up its a hard habit to break I no I could tell him anything but I'm a person that tends to put everyone else first and leave my issues last so then there's a build up of emotions its just a bit to much to deal at the mo feel like my heads up my arse and come bk out through my mouth that's hard to do I don't think I've ever known how I was I think i need a good shake to snap me out of this funk I'm in aaaarrrrhhhh oh and thank you for all your advice and support x
Kinky wife, it sounds as if you are under a lot of pressure with your husband away a lot and no friends or family for support. It is hardly surprising you are feeling depressed. I would let your husband know how you are feeling, how much you love him and want your marriage to work and how you need his help and support. I know I wasn't honest enough with my husband all those years ago; we might have saved a lot of heartache if I had been clearer.
The advice about making some time for yourself is sound, although probably it seems difficult if you are struggling with a job, running a home and raising kids. There always seems to be so many calls on our time. When the children were young "my time " was my pre bed bath, when I could relax, think my own thoughts and let the stresses of the day go. Looking back, I should have got my husband to wash my back sometimes, or at least sit and chat over the day. With hindsight, I know I pushed him away when I should have been trying to bring us closer.
I do hope things get better for you. Big hugs x
Ps, sorry earlier message was a bit incoherent. I blame predictive text and the fact that i should have left for work so was in too much of acrush to check it.
Hi Kinky,
Don't be too hard on yourself at this time. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, whilst your husband is away a lot you are trying to keep your family and home together. It sounds like you could do with a support network; you say your family disowned you and friends have turned their backs on you...perhaps it's time to make a new bunch of friends who are more positive for you. That of course is easier said than done with time constraints. Also when you're feeling down, the last thing you probably feel like doing is mixing with other people.
i'd say, that building your own self esteem is paramount for the immediate future. When we are happier with ourselves we attract other people into our lives. Others have mentioned the importance of self-worth already. In addition, a hobby for yourself or project that is yours to focus on will help you get your own identity, which will also help with self esteem. When you are depressed, you need to set the bar low for what 'goals' you want to achieve in a day, as motivation tends to slide. As you feel yourself lifting out of the fog, you can plan to do more.
I don't know how badly your depression is affecting your daily life, but depending on the severity things like talking therapies can help. I had a really bad depressive episode in 2008, and when I was well enough to start therapy found CBT really useful. It looks at thought patterns and self-beliefs we've held previously, to try and work out ways to move forward so we can begin to live life how we want to live now, rather than by old pre-conditioned ways of thinking.
In general, I also try to put things in perspective as much as possible. If something crap happens like the boiler breaks or car has to go to garage, then I try to offset it by thinking of the good things that have happened that day/week etc. Sounds cheesy, but it does help!
I will add that I also take anti-depressants. I have done since 2008. I tried coming off them in 2013, but life events that year led to me having another depressive spell, so I've decided to stay on a low dose of fluoxetine, which seems to work ok for me. I appreciate medication doesn't suit everyone, and they don't solve all of one's problems but they can get you to a place where you are able to start dealing with things better.
Apologies for going on a bit, but I think it's important to talk about mental health issues, rather than ignore them. As for people who say unhelpful things like 'pull yourself together', well, they should spend a day in the life of someone who is severely depressed and see how easy they find it to cope with!
Thank you all so much just letting it all out has really helped I have got my self a doctor appointment to see a therapist but I can't thank you all enough x
Good luck, hope it goes well
Good luck. Thinking of you x