Basically guys my Mrs has given me permission to sleep with someone else this is because her sex drive is alot lower than mine and she thinks if I'm doing this I'm then not asking her for sex we do have sex but due to kids work etc it ain't as often as I would like it she says she ain't bothered bout it and her exact words was can't u see I'm giving u a gift so take it but Im not sure if I could do it and I'd I did I could see her not reacting the way she said would
Personally even with permission i wouldn't. Sex is good but when its with someone you love its even better. The risk that one or both of you being negatively impacted by sleeping with someone else is to high. I would invest in some new toys to play with to keep myself going whilst waiting for the wifes sex drive to return and support her through this period of low sex drive.
I agree with the above... know one can know how they will feel about such a situation until its happened and I for one wouldn't like to risk it just for the trade off of having sex.
The part that stuck out to me in that was " if I'm doing this I'm then not asking her for sex" I think just take the pressure off her a bit by not asking for it and therefore hopefully reducing the impact of her saying no is having on her.... if that makes sense.
I am in a very similar situation myself, (just the other way round) I dont want it as often as she does but her asking for it and me having to say no creates a negative vibe towards it and makes it into a issue when really it shouldn't be. If i was you id do as K&c30's said and just entertain yourself and reduce the amount you're asking her for it.
Lots of couples have differing sex drives but IMO I'm not sure this is a good way to go about things.Your Mrs may think and believe the words' it's a gift' when she says it but she might feel completely differently about things when reality kicks in and you've slept withsomeone else.
It could raise all sorts of feelings of insecurity, rejection and jealously in her. And if it then stops you asking her for sex as often then she may think it's because you prefer it with the other person. This is a pretty complicated issue and it could become more complicated if another person is brought in to it. Is it one particular person she has in mind for this or would she just leave it up to you and would there be more than one person? What if you find you enjoy sex with the other person more, how could you both handle that? There are so many pitfalls in this and a big one being the possiblity of developing feelings for the other person you're having sex with.
All these things could impact on your relationship with your wife. I may be wrong but you don't seem awfully keen about it and the fact that you've haven't just dived in points towards you having serious doubts.
Obviously I don't know how much of a in depth discussion you've had with your wife about this but it might be worth raising some of these points again in a chat in case she really hasn't thought of the possible consequences.
Hi I have been reading your responses and I have said a few to her one thing that she raised yesterday is coz I wank to much already is the reason y I want sex loads already
This raises alarm bells to me they way you have said she is almost telling you to do it. It's really hard to give advice without knowing the full picture ie
How old are the kids? Maybe she could b suffering from pnd and not feeling worthy and her self worth is totally shot. Feeling by giving u a free card may seam like the answer but will only make her feel even more less worthy.
Are you making her feel bad for not wanting sex?? Times in our lives we all go through stages where we simply don't want sex. the everyday stresses can weigh us down and added stress from oh for not wanting sex can make us feel we are not good enough or simply not enough for their needs.
How was your relationship before this dry spell? If you were at it like rabbit's before this dry spell. Then there it's obviously somthing wrong in the relationship and this needs to be addressed. Maybe it's not somthing she is doing wrong. Maybe your not paying her enough attention outside the bedroom. Maybe tell her you love her and she's beautiful ECT.
Have you ever had an open relationship? Have u ever both had open sex with others in our relationship? If not then I highly doubt she will be able to move on from you sleeping with some one else. Even if she said too. It may brake your whole marriage down and she may only be saying this cause she might think that's what you need to be happy.
If she has adressed you wanting to much. Do you do it in front of her? Or tell her I've just had a walk. Maybe you could try to be more discrete about it. This may be hurting her the thought she isn't enough for you.
Sorry if I've spoke out of turn but as I stated without all the info it's hard to advise. I would really try work out the reason she said this to you and try to fix it. Trying to push someone into sex will just make that person feel worthless.
Try talk to her and really listen. I hope you and the wife can get to the bottom off it. Life is too short to be anything but happy x
I was in the same situation a few years ago and I chose not to go astray even with permission.
The way I look at it is that I would rather go in the bathroom and knock one out myself than risk my relationship for a quick release.
It will be a hard choice for you and your partner but from what I have seen if you drop your load in another garage it can lead to much bigger relationship problems because of trust. Also think if you are getting it elsewhere how would you react if your partner did the same? This would mean you would have to deal with the “oh you have no sex drive with me but with other people its fine” scenario.
You can talk it all through and establish ground rules but just remember you are both human and human reactions are never simple.
Best of luck with whatever you choose.
Yeah, the offer doesn't sound like it's coming from a good place. I'd be more inclined to accept if it was a thing we both found exciting, rather than as a way for one of us to wash our hands of the whole thing.
I'd be interested to know what she thinks would be a perfect sexual scenario for the two of you? Once you've got a few ideas of that you could then perhaps discuss the frequency.
One of our more relaxed options is cuddling up under a blanket on the sofa watching a boxset while my wife wears some skimpy pyjamas and her desire knicker vibrator on low. This way it's more of a massage than a full-on toy session and she gets to relax, watch TV, and have a cup of tea. This can often lead to more, but not always. I think it's an enjoyable experience in its own right though.
I think waiting indefinitely for sex can make anyone a little ancy, which can then lead to over-compensating and coming off a bit desperate. Both unattractive and pretty counter-productive in the long run. I've been with my wife for nearly 15 years and have been through a similar thing a couple of times. The seemingly never-ending back and forth only made things more stressful and no-one was happy. I found that sometimes cooking a nice meal and opening a bottle of wine can be the simplest way to reset the situation.
I have said this to two of my previous partners because my drive comes and goes. In my situations I felt pestered for sex, me saying no would cause arguments and the more that it went on, the less I wanted it and decided that I didn’t want it ever so they should go else where; I can honestly say that if they had done so, even though I said it, the relationship would have been over. I would have lost all trust, I would not want to be intimate with them again (including just cuddles and stuff), it would have destroyed me... I know that I said it but it was more as that is how much pressure I felt around not “giving” sex. Safe to say that those relationships didn’t last, sex is more important to some and that is why I am single.
Bottom line, you can’t go far wrong by not taking the offer, you can by taking it (just my opinion). All the best either way.
Have you always had mismatched sex drives or has hers dropped substantially? The only reason I ask is that this could be a blip and, if so, having sex with someone else is probably not the best idea. Having said that...
You need to find the time and space to sit down and have a proper conversation with her about all of this. Not at a time when you are horny or a hurried conversation because the kids could burst in any minute.
You need to discuss her sex drive. Some people just don’t want regular sex but for others there may be a specific issue. You then need to discuss your sex drive. Is your sex drive truly that high or are you over thinking the issue because you aren’t getting any sex and so you feel like you need it much more than you do because it’s occupying your mind?
As for having sex with someone else, there are some people who genuinely don’t object to their partners having sex with others; has your wife ever indicated at any stage before this that she may feel that way?
You also need to talk very carefully about the specifics (which is likely to also make her realise whether or not she can handle you having sex with another woman). For example, is she ok with you having sex with people you know, can you have a regular sex partner or does it have to be one night stand type scenarios, can you take the woman on a “date“ to get to know them before sleeping with them, does it matter to her if the woman is in a different age bracket or a different body type, can you have sex with a woman at home, can you spend money on hotels, and also would it make a difference if you were paying the woman for her company?
I really do believe you need a frank and honest discussion with your wife in any event. I do think you answered your own question in your original post when you said you weren’t sure you could have sex with someone else. It is ultimately your decision but if you aren’t sure, is it really worth the risk?