Hi. Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for some advice. I’ve been married for over 10 years and being intimate with my wife is non existent. We have had chats about it but nothing changes and explained how it makes me feel but nothing changes. What advice can you offer?
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Hi @Marriedman1985 
Welcome to the forum!
What does your wife say when you have these discussions? Do you think she feels attacked and hence closes down and doesn’t really participate in the conversation? Or, does she see your side, get your feelings, say things are going to change but then, they never do?
If it’s the latter, I suggest that together you make a plan about how things are going change, rather than just both saying, yep, we’ll make more effort but nothing changing. Can you arrange to have a weekly date night where you go out together and do something? Recapture the romance type thing? Hopefully this will lead on to bringing back the physical relationship.
I’m going to close your other topic as it’s a duplicate of this one 
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She doesn’t say a lot but definitely not attacked. She agrees we need to make more of an effort but it’s always one sided. I try and instigate but get pushed away.
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@Marriedman1985
I agree that you need to speak to her as there could be a number of issues - some mental and done physical
I went off sex myself as my husband wanted vaginal sex - but I found it painful - but we worked around and now sex is wonderful
She may have mental blocks - where she finds the thought of sex wrong / dirty or just has no interest- but again there are ways to help
I would say to find an hour where you are not interrupted and talk - you may find it easier to talk to each other via text as face to face again can be difficult
Please keep trying 
Have you asked her why she pushes away? And explained that (presumably) it makes you feel unwanted and unloved? It might very well be body insecurities or some other mental block she has unwittingly put up. Have you said how beautiful she is to you and tried to big her up in these conversations? (Also, I’m hoping these are taking place over a nice comforting mug of tea away from the bedroom?).
I’m not meaning to attack you, just trying to think of reasons the message might not be getting through. I still think making a plan together to reignite the passion is the best way to go.
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Thank you for your reply. We have talked about it face to face and also text each other about it. She says there is no reason why we aren’t however I have said about looking at underwear etc to try and help.
I feel bad for feeling like this.
You definitely shouldn’t feel bad for feeling like this! As @batjamboree says, it’s a case of finding out what the problem actually is and then being able to deal with it. Presumably you used to have a good sex life and somewhere along the way it has diminished? Can you think of any changes that might have happened? Children? Work? Death in the family? Any other stresses that might have had an unexpected impact?
Ive explained how it makes me feel as told her it affects my confidence aswell. I always tell her how beautiful she is but doesn’t seem to make any difference.
It used to be amazing not all the time but often enough and no complaints. When she was pregnant she was super horny all the time and wouldn’t leave me alone which I wasn’t complaining about. Having kids has obviously made it more difficult but we went away for our anniversary and she wanted nothing to do with me like that.
It’s hard, if your not happy is it time to move on?? Life is too short to be unhappy…
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Ah, I think it’s not at all uncommon for women to lose all sex drive after having children, it does seem to crop up on the forum quite a bit. I should emphasise I have no first hand experience and hopefully other forum members will be along soon who can offer first hand experience. From what I’ve read here though, the conbination of hormonal changes, body changes after giving birth and obviously lack of time and sleep can have major impacts and the first two can take a very long time to overcome.
Hey @Marriedman1985 . I have been in your wife’s shoes. Up until about 2 months ago I wouldn’t let my husband anywhere near me, not even for cuddles. If you ask him, he says it was for over 3 years. My problem was, I was unhappy with myself, if I felt unsexy how could he find me sexy? He told me time and time again but I didn’t believe him. It hurts me now that he suffered for so long and didn’t tell me how he felt. Given my head space I probably wouldn’t have given him sex every day but I may have been more considerate of his feelings. Since losing a ton of weight and feeling more confident in myself we are having the best time. You need her to be honest with you and try to tell you how she is really feeling. There will be feelings that she has that she needs to open up about
As everyone else has said, keep talking to her. Things will work out, just be honest and open. I really wish I had been spoken to
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Thank you @Lushlips84. Fingers crossed I keep telling her and hopefully things will change soon as want to feel close like we used to. I’m not bothered if sex wasn’t everyday but every so often would be nice. She said I should just pleasure myself but not the same thing.
As above, more context on what your partner says and her side of things? It can be a huge array of stuff from medication, stress, general changes in life … all things can affect sex drive and really when it comes to relationships you need to meet in the middle.
Me and my OH for instance can sometimes go through waves of having sex twice a day to being non existent for a week or two, but I tend to just have a wank and wait until things heat up. But we do have kids and work stress so It will naturally go through waves. Have you spoke to her about things she might enjoy? Like any locked away fantasies or even watched a slightly steamy movie? (365 days, after,fifty shades etc). Sometimes you just need to reignite a spark after a little while. Also take into consideration sex drives do vary, you may just have a higher drive.
I used to tell him the same and it hurts me now knowing I used to say it. She will come back to you in time. I know it is hard to hear but be patient. Sit down one evening, no kids, no TV and have the most honest conversation ever. There will be tears but it’s need to be done. We got to the point that we were living different lives but lived in the same house. We just slept in the same bed, that was all. I don’t want either of you to feel the same pain we both did. You obviously love her very much. We are all here for you and really hope you work through this soon x
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Thank you I’ll sit her down and have a chat. Might just have to pleasure myself until things change
Thank you @Lushlips84.I’ll sit her down and have a chat and see if things improve
Had a chat and been told I have to wait until she is ready
Hopefully she comes around in time. Leave it for a while and try again on a very gentle manner. In the meantime enjoy your own company and maybe treat yourself to a new toy 
Any recommendations? Feel bad treating myself