batch wrote:
Sweet-kitten wrote:
My immediate thought was to ask how many people are in this. Are there kids? Close families?
its just my wife and i, and the new girl has 3 older kids in fact she is a gran at 46 and has a fairly close family who all dis like her husband , she claims , and from the times i have met him a twat, and has hit her
I'm going to apologise in advance if I'm a little meqn here, because I'm in a bad mood, and might be a little blunter than my normal self. But I do have to say a couple of things.
First of all, despite you saying you've ended things with her, you're still calling her "the new girl", as if you still believe there's a future there. You need to be honest with yourself, and with all the others involved. If you are even remotely considering following this through - something I'd advise against, given relationships that begin with cheating and lies are on pretty shakey foundations - then you need to snap out of the fairytale you're living in and call things what they are. She is not a "new girl" she is the "other woman". You are not some knight in shining armour charging in to rescue her from a brutish captor, you are a cheat who is sleeping with another man's wife behind your wife's back. It's not romantic and sweet, it's painful and disrespectful and selfish. Own up to that and make decisions based on reality, not your fantasy.
Secondly, you're trying to excuse sleeping with another man's wife by saying that he "seems like a twat" and that his cheating wife has told you stories about him. It doesn't matter how terrible a person he is, or how dead their marriage is: if it's that bad, she should leave him. That is nothing to do with you. If he's so terrible she feels the need to punish and disrespect him by screwing around behind his back, then how come he's tolerable enough to live with? Again, there's an element of fantasy here. you're believeing the word of a woman who is willing to lie to and cheat on her husband. Much as you may like her, she is not a reliable source, and even if she is being 100% honest about him, why does it matter? You're not married to him, his actions do not affect your choice whatsoever.
Thirdly, your wife. Does she also abuse you and make your life miserable? From what little you say of her, it seems as if she works herself ragged trying to provide a beautiful home for the two of you, but because her libido crashed, that makes it alright to use her and laugh at her behind her back? Frankly, that's disguisting behaviour. You owe her more than that, and I think you know that yourself. If you don't love her, or just don't want to be with her any more, then man up and stop using her. And, if you do actually want to be with her, then realise that there are two of you in the marriage, and you need to put some effort in: if you're "bored", then talk to her about it, do something, maybe ask her to cut back on her hours (even if it means your lifestyle won't be quite so cushy), go to councilling together, and find a way back to what you lost. But above all else remember that she is a human being who has apparently done you no harm except to not have sex with you as much as you'd like, and deserves much more respect and honesty than you've been showing.
Again, sorry for being blunt, but having seen what a cheater can do, how that pain cut my father through, I cannot abide the idea of anyone romanticising an affair.