Hi everyone
I’m looking for someone to tell me if I’m being to sensitive.
Me and my husband of 11 years was having a bit of touchy flirt time the other morning, kids were happily playing in their bedrooms but kept coming down to get things so we knew we couldn’t really take it any further.
So I gave him the wink and told him I was going to go and get dressed, so I go upstairs gets my underwear on and lay on the bed waiting for hubby to come up.
10 minutes later he come up with a cup of tea(for himself) and laid on the bed with me. I started trying to carry on what we had started downstairs but he just turned over and laid onto his front so I then started touching and playing with myself but he didn’t even look at me. I asked him if he had already finished himself off in the bathroom but he said he hadn’t so I told him to get his fleshlight out and I would use that on him but he didn’t even answer me so I thought fine he’s lost the feeling.
I gave up, got up and got dressed and went downstairs. He stayed in the bedroom for about an hour then come downstairs all happy like non of that had even happened.
Later that night I went off to bed, my husband like always stayed downstairs and like always just falls asleep down there!
I get in bed realise he’s not coming up so I get my toy out to pleasure myself but then see he had used he’s fleshlight himself this morning.
I just can’t seem to stop thinking about it! The fact that he knew how turned on I was that morning and he obviously was as well but he didn’t want me, he just waited and wanted me to leave so he could just sort himself out!
I’ve not said anything to him about it yet, In fact I’ve not really spoken to him at all(childish I know) but it has really upset me.
Am I being too sensitive, should I just forget it and get over it?
Just have a chat to find out things, it could be the kids playing on his mind so didn’t want to go full tilt???
Once you went downstairs he knew the kids were entertained???
Its hard with kids about even worse with teenagers. Just broach the situation rather than sulking like the kids…
Get some remote toys, you can play without the kids realising…
Hi @Peggy13 and welcome to the forum 
First of all, it’s pretty difficult not to be sensitive about an event like this. You feel hurt that he showed so little interest in pleasuring you or mutual pleasure even. I’d already be annoyed that he hadn’t brought ME a cup of tea up!
It’s hard to give advice without knowing a few more facts about your relationship though. Is this the first time this kind of thing has happened? Are there any problems with him getting an erection? Is he generally shy about using his fleshlight with you or do you use it together?
And then there’s the issue of children…it can be a total passion killer ( as I’m sure you’re aware) to have kids in the house that might bang on the bedroom door to ask something or even just hearing them doing things that kids do around the house such bickering, making a noise etc. It could be that he thought the time wasn’t right and it would be easier for him to knock one out with his toy once you were downstairs but he should have just said that rather than ignore what you were doing.
When you gave him the wink that you were going up to get dressed maybe he took that literally. Sometimes hints need to be more direct in order to get the point across. That might explain why he only brought his tea up, he thought you’d be getting dressed and going downstairs again straightaway.
All these things can combine to make what started out as a fun flirty morning turn into a day of silence and bad mood. I know it’s an old adage but communication is vital , you both need to have a chat about it. You need to tell him how it made you feel and he needs to open up about why he acted the way he did.
Thank you
Yeah I was just as annoyed about the tea
He definitely has no problem getting erections.
We use toys with each other and the flashlight is quite new but we have used it together a few times.
It’s me that always had a problem at having a bit of play time with each other while kids were in the house but over the years he has made me realise that we can get 15 minutes to ourselves when kids are happily entertained.
I’ve been struggling the past few months thinking that my husband is losing interest in me. For about 5 months now he never comes to bed, he will fall asleep on the sofa by about 9 and I will always wake him up when I go to bed and he will wake up and say yeah I’m coming but never does. The only time he will come up to bed is when he wants some. I have spoken to him about that situation a few times and every time he just tells me how sorry he is and that he can’t help falling asleep! Then I feel mean as I know he works hard so must be tired, but I can’t help feeling so lonely nearly every night.
Sorry I have now gone completely off track as to what I started talking about in the first place
Firstly hello and welcome to the forum. 
I don’t think you are being too sensitive at all.
I think you have to have a chat again and understand the situation from his point of view.
Maybe he’s very tired from work? The fact that kids are around despite them being “entertained” can be very distracting and make you lose the “moment” if you know what mean? Would it not be possible for the kids to spend a few hours at grandparents etc?
Maybe book a night at a local hotel?
Above all, talk to him honestly and openly about how you feel, maybe a discussion will help you both come up with ideas?
I feel for you, it must be very difficult when you were so turned on and he has not dealt with your needs. I don’t think you are being over sensitive and think you need to talk with your hubby. I would suggest have to talk away from the bedroom and remain calm and express your concerns. @Peggy13 Good luck
Communication is definitely the most important thing in any relationship, regardless of the subject or how long you’ve been together.
Peggy, I’d suggest having a chat with your husband. It simply be a case of crossed wires but please don’t “suffer in silence” as they say as that builds resentment (as I found out to my cost 
).
PS I’m bl**dy annoyed he didn’t fetch you a cup of tea 
Maybe he’s genuinely just very tired. Does he work long hours? He could be avoiding coming up to bed at the same time as you because he thinks that you might want sex and he just doesn’t feel up to it.
I think you both might benefit from a break away from work and children, just some time together to reconnect as a couple. In the meantime, talk to him, don’t let this blow up out of proportion and drag on for years. It’s not likely that he’s gone off you if he still initiates sex now and then but you’re right to be put out that it’s only ever when he feels like it…your needs count too!
Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted to say but seem to lack the brain capacity today…
I agree to talk about it. We’ve had to do that a couple times and it turned out we were both either tired or the timing wasn’t right. Just remember the three T’s: Timing, Tone and Turf when you do talk about it. Make sure it isn’t before or after sex. Make sure you’re not criticizing or directing toward him because anyone could get caught off guard and get defensive. And it can be somewhere not in the bedroom. Maybe you could talk about it on a walk or something. (PS I took this from a very good podcast but I don’t believe I can name it on here). This podcast always says “Communication is Lubrication” as well.
@Peggy13 great advice above. But in short no, not over thinking. I’d be furious.
- Tea, how rude? Even if I was angry with Mr John I would never leave him out if I was making drinks.
- Not answering when you suggested the fleshlight. Again rude, he could have said if he was uncomfortable doing it with you when kids up and about.
- Solo fun has its place but I’d choose my Husband 100% of the time if I had the choice.
You need to discuss, this kind of stuff can fester if not cleared up.
No your not being too sensitive at all as clearly it’s left a lasting effect on you to still be thinking about it. All I can say is it sounds like a typical man lol
If you feel like you need to talk to him about it then do so as sometimes men don’t see they’ve done something to upset you unless you point it out to them.
Thank you everyone
I know communication is key and I will talk it all through with him, although I think he knows why I’m acting so annoyed as he’s not once asked me why I’m being off with him
I understand about the fact kids are up and about might put him off but it’s never stopped him before, we have our room in the loft so it’s not like we are next door to kids rooms, we can always hear them coming up the stairs and if that was the case then surely he wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing it on his own either.
He is a groundworker and works way to many hours then he needs to but he loves his job!
I also work and keep up with the house and the 4 kids. I get tired too and he knows I don’t want him to come up to bed with me every night so I can have my way with him as I’ve told him many of times before over the months I just miss the cuddles and talks we used to have before we go to sleep.
I will talk to him later after kids have gone to bed, if I can catch him while he’s still awake
Thank you all again for the advise, I was so nervous about writing on here but you are all so kind.
This is so flipping true! (speaking from experience). Some blokes are no good at picking up on hints or non verbal cues so you kinda have to be up front, but not confrontational. Just think how you’d like someone to approach it with you.
Good luck, x
@Peggy13
Is there anything else going on in his life? When a partner stops cuddling or sleeping with you, it’s for a reason and just being tired doesn’t cut it. I speak from experience, but please forgive me if I am off base.
I think a heart-to-heart talk is in order, and I agree that it is better to do it on neutral ground rather than your home.
I hope you get this resolved. I am rooting for you!