Hi folks Been a while since I was on here but I've now got a 16 month old and sex has been so difficult since having him. I have always preferred foreplay but since I am so sensitive it can be painful..... I always loved foreplay but I dread it and tbh my sex drive is in tatters. Has anyone any advice t help me enjoy sex again xx
Sex is a nightmearish after kids for alot of people, 16months is still so young but try and have a night to yourselfs, we had to set what we called date night once a week in the end to make sure we got to just sit together and watch trash on telly and talk. Talking is the key, no matter how sensitive you are I think your foreplay can still be fun, We can always do what we are doing more gently but you have to let us know.
Also just a thought, maybe the delay sprays would help you? they are just a numbing cream if I'm right. any females on here had experience with delay gels?
I mean I am so sensitive all over and it's not a nice sensitive if he was to stroke my spine gently I feel like it's burning its that sensitive and doctors are just saying it will get better.... We try to have time to talk and cuddle etc but I miss our sex lives we missed it when I was pregnant due to me keeping unwell and now everything just hurts!! He is patient with me and says he doesn't mind however it kills me and due to previous relationships I can't get out of my head he will get bored and find someone else!! We used to have a love of toys etc but I just feel sick at thought of sex now as I know how uncomfortable I am going to be xx
kayliixx wrote:
I mean I am so sensitive all over and it's not a nice sensitive if he was to stroke my spine gently I feel like it's burning its that sensitive and doctors are just saying it will get better.... We try to have time to talk and cuddle etc but I miss our sex lives we missed it when I was pregnant due to me keeping unwell and now everything just hurts!! He is patient with me and says he doesn't mind however it kills me and due to previous relationships I can't get out of my head he will get bored and find someone else!! We used to have a love of toys etc but I just feel sick at thought of sex now as I know how uncomfortable I am going to be xx
This sounds really difficult for you and you have described it so well. I'm not a doctor so I'm not sure what advice to offer. I have had 3 c-sections and was in theatre for 6hrs with the last one, and had 24 metal staples externally and a lot more stitching inside - no more babies - so I know that 16 months isn't a long recovery time. Don't underestimate the recovery period needed after childbirth. It can be emotional as well as physical, and looking after a little one is all-consuming and tiring.
It could be that your body is just saying 'leave me alone to recover'! It is just taking a while. I'd respect your body and give it that time.
Not so easy when it comes to a sex life, though.
The main thing is to keep talking with your partner so that you can both let each other know how you feel - the frustrations and all the rest. Get it all out in the open so that you can support each other.
The second thing is to - slowly - find out what feels nice for you now. Try not to compare with what you used to enjoy - those feelings may come back but focussing on 'now' might be helpful. Think of low-level stimulation, so that your sensitive body doesn't over-react. How about relaxing in a warm bath while your partner washes your hair or reads an erotic story to you? Or showering together? Even just holding and kissing each others hands can keep up the intimacy without being overly sexual or stimulating.
It might be helpful to let your OH know if you are ok with him masturbating (privately or when you are around) - it could be a good release for him, and it offers one way of you joining in if you feel like it in the future. You could both use toys, separately or together. A Womanizer toy or a gentle bullet vibe might be a good way for you to explore how your own how your body is working at the moment. Your cues might have changed.
If you have lost all desire (it sounds like you are hankering after that feeling, tho), there are ways to try to trigger things. Think of anyone you've ever been attracted to but don't know personally - actors, music stars, characters in books, paintings or films etc. Go and see what they have been up to recently in terms of tv, film, videos, youtube, interviews etc. It might get a spark of interest going.
Finding a way of keeping a connection together - emotional and physical - can only help. Talk to each other and find out what feels nice now, even if it doesn't seem sexy. This time will pass.
kayliixx wrote:
He is patient with me and says he doesn't mind however it kills me and due to previous relationships I can't get out of my head he will get bored and find someone else!!
He sounds like a great guy - supportive and kind. And now you have a son together and kiddies are like glue when it comes to relationships - you have something else to hold you together and to enjoy together. A new chapter, with all the ups and downs that brings. Life. Anyone walking out on that just because sex has taken a backseat for a while is a fool. Trust your man.
I think you should see the doctor if you feel like that all over.
It could be a nerve problem caused by a vitamin B12 deficiency. It often presents as altered sensations. Easy to treat but best to be tested.
I know I got off very luckily with my sons birth, but I am all too aware of the emotional recovery as still suffering from PND. I just thought I'd be back to normal physically xx
Sorry to hear about the PND. If you are taking antidepressants that could have an effect on sexual response. I’d see your GP for a review and mention the hypersensitivity too, in case there is anything else going on. Good luck!