After a little advice (and maybe some "oh poor you's lol)... I'm married (hubby is 10yrs older with low testosterone) and in the beginning sex was constant and surprising..but lately it's become stale and he only ever "makes a move" when he's had a drink which leaves me feeling a bit unsexy (if that's even a word..) I invested in some "toys" to spice things up (vibrator, anal toys, bed straps etc) but all of these have just stayed in the box (apart from when I've had some "me" time lol). My question is this...has anyone else experienced issues like this and if so how did you get through it? I'm 30yrs old and have an extremely high sex drive but hubby's problems are leaving me feeling alone and unfulfilled and I'm worried that it's going to affect our marriage more than I realise...don't want to force the issue on him but need some fool proof way to get him interested with ought adding whiskey lol
This really is probably the most common thread/problem I see on here. Have you talked to him about it? Is there an underlying issue ie stress? Work issues? There could be a whole heap of issues going on that he may not be talking to you about.
I made the mistake of spending a fortune on here that actually my OH said months later caused more pressure and had the opposite outcome as to what I thought would happen.
Communication is the key. My sex drive is insanely high whereas his isn't anymore. He would be happy to have it once per week/fortnightly whereas I want it every day. I always think the person with the higher drive is always the one compensating, unfortunatley. However, work out between you a happy medium of what BOTH of you would be happy with, and if you can live with that in that "zone", then great. Other than that I am not sure what else to suggest. I've spent many lonely nights in bed/bathroom having some solo time as I feel my OH just isn't interested in me like that anymore.Â
I know firsthand how upsetting it can be. I have fears sometimes it is going to ruin our relationship too. I guess you just have to look at the "bigger picture" sometimes and put things into perspective. Let us know how you get on, big hugs. Hang in there x
I have tried numerous times to communicate how I feel but it always ends up in a blazing row...sex is supposed to be fun not a chore and I feel that that's how he sees it...I know sex isn't everything but it forms a big part of a healthy relationship in my eyes and I'm lucky to get it once a month 😢...I do feel like it's me that's the problem..am I expecting too much? Am I putting too much pressure on him? I guess in a way sex validates my relationship and makes me feel wanted...I have some insecurities as I've put on some weight since we've been marri d so I'm no longer the size 8 that he married...maybe that's the issue? I just don't know what I can do to make it right and get it part way back to the way it was? Arghh
Well I know where you are coming from, I use to have many arguments with my ex about sex and she just saw it as a chore , was one of the reason we split in the end
Sex is so much better if you are both on same wave length. Guess people can change direction as they get older regarding sex
Don't get me wrong I am madly in love with my husband (even though I could murder him on occasion lol) but I feel like the lack of sex is creating distance between us because there is no intimacy either..it feels as though we are just 2 mates living together without the sex side of things and I'm worried that this is how it will continue to be if things don't change...I've tried involving him in my "purchases" but he just laughs it off...don't know where to go from here...feel like I've tried everything...anyone had similar problems and found a solution?
Don't get me wrong I am madly in love with my husband (even though I could murder him on occasion lol) but I feel like the lack of sex is creating distance between us because there is no intimacy either..it feels as though we are just 2 mates living together without the sex side of things and I'm worried that this is how it will continue to be if things don't change...I've tried involving him in my "purchases" but he just laughs it off...don't know where to go from here...feel like I've tried everything...anyone had similar problems and found a solution?
Only other sugestion is to have open relationships or threesomes etc but that can get messy too :)
Is it the actual sex you miss...or the intimacy etc ? My suggestion is lots of kissing, cuddling and general physical contact. Sit on his lap sometimes, hold his hand, give his bum a squeeze when passing. Maybe he feels like sex is all you want him for and hes feeling the pressure of having to perform. Show him you still love him in other ways and maybe the sex will get better. Sex drive does become less as we get older but maybe he can play with you using his fingers, tongue etc ? It doesn't have to be all about penetrative sex for us to enjoy it. Have you 'shown' him how much you enjoy your toys? Maybe put on a little strip tease followed by you playing with your toys...bet he'll want to join in xx
I wanna add that I've had the talk with my bf about that subject only yesterday. When we first got together, there was a lot of passion between us and he was always showing me how much he wanted me and how he though I was sexy, never being able to get his hands off me shen i was changing clothes, and he would never turn me down, even for things like a shower.
We've had some issues with sex for a while and it killed both our sexdrives. I was ok with him not wanting me because I didn't want anything sexual to happen between us. This situation is over now I guess and my sex drive is back to normal and even higher but his isn't.
I addresses it by asking if he thought that there was a difference in his sex drive compaired to qhen we started abd he said no. So I went on and explained him why I think there is. He finally agreed that there maybe is a difference. After that I asked him why he think there is. Je first told me that he thought it was because of a new relationship, but I wasn't satisfied with his answer so I insisted. He told me that he may have been containing himself because he was agraid of being turned down or have me depressed because of the situation, and insisted on letting me know that he didn't want me any less. I still wasn't satisfied with that so I asked him what turned him on about me, and what he'd like to do to me / me to do to him and he asked me the same and then he saw that I wasn't in the mood of turning him down anymore and he was clearly turned on and wasn't afraid to show me he was.
I am sharing because i'm thinking maybe it can help. If he never tells you the reason why it's like that, there isn't much you can do about it. You told him jow you feel which is great but it didn't change anything, so now maybe it's time to ask him how HE feels :)
We also discussed lingerie. Maybe it could be a great way to make him want you again, and that would also bring up your confidence (plus seeing that he finds you sexy again will be great for you)
Maybe plan a romantic evening where you can enjoy each other's company. Hopefully it will set the scene and lead to sex. However you can't force someone to have sex maybe there's other issues like he's tired or busy with work. If you're on here you can buy some toys to satisfy your extra needs.