Advice to a virgin?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

I have a question and i know there are threads out there abit like this but anyway.

My friend is 19 and a virgin, she knows that i have a LH account and she's asked me about getting a dildo for herself, her questions were.

Will i still be a virgin?

Will it hurt?

Will it make sex less painful when i do lose it?

Will I damage myself?

Will i bleed?

If i cant get it in does it mean that i wont be able to have sex?

She's looking at buying this dildo http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30879

I told her she would still be a virgin no matter what toy she used. And even though in SOME cultures being a virgin is about having an intact hymen i explained that most girls break these anyway...i believe anyway that to lose your virginity you have to have a real man penetrate you.

I told her it might hurt....and that as long as she is careful she will not do damage... but what do i say to the rest of the questions? Any advice would be great and then i will just forward this thread to her.

Thanks in advance! (I did ask her permission before posting here and was told its ok as long as i dont use names, she thinks being a virgin at 19 is a bad thing... I'm trying to help her understand that its not a rush. I wish i'd waited myself and she should cherish the fact she's not given it away to some random guy)

2

I feel like all of those questions vary per person, as well as your view and opinion of things like virginity etc.

If she is concered I think the best thing to do is to ask her to talk to a doctor :-)

3

Tell your friends there are much older virgins out there - like myself (and I am nearly 28).

Will I still be a virgin? Well, without a hymen, she would be unlikely to pass a purity test in any country where these are considered a proof of chastity. Would this matter to her? I think it is up to her to answer this question. I guess most people in Europe would hardly care - if her first proper boyfriend does not believe she has never actually been with anyone, he would be bound to be overly suspicios in any other matter and such a relationship would be (most likely) doomed anyway. A boyfriend who would trust her and respect her would not mind.

Would it hurt? That is impossible to answer, every girl is different. I think I had my hymen torn when I was little (I vaguely remember being sore down there - and pretty much everywhere else, lol - after a skateboarding accident when I was about seven) and I have been using tampons for years. My first time with an internal vibe did not hurt.

Will it make sex less painful when i do lose it? I have never had "real" sex so I cannot be sure - seeing I am fine with reasonably fine dildos and vibrators, I guess I would not really expect any intercourse-related pain.

Will I damage myself? In what way? If she goes for a toy with sharp bits or if she thrusts it inside herself too roughly, she may bruise or scratch herself. Responsible use of a body-safe toy should not damage anyone.

Will i bleed? Impossible to answer, she may - and she may not.

If i cant get it in does it mean that i wont be able to have sex? I don't think so - she may simply be too scared and tense (at least initially). She should definitely go slowly, leave worries behind her and use loads of good-quality lube.

I may be paranoid (I am a bit of a hygienic sex-toy freak) but I would not not get an internal PVC dildo; if she gets this one, she should better use it with a condom. And for a first toy, it is relatively girthy as well. Considering both these issues, I would go for something like this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28715 instead. And for some water-based lube suitable for sensitive skin (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25239), for a proper sex-toy cleaner (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25004) and a nice bag to keep her toy in (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30876)-

4

I agree with Paige
using a sex toy wont stop you being a virgin

will it hurt? that depends on dildo girth and state or arousal but for a first time user it may well feel sore the first few times because it's something you're not used to

there is possibility to cause damage but if you are well prepared it shouldn't happen if it does in most cases it will heal

bleeding is a possibility and nothing to be too worried about and in no way stops you being a virgin

if it wont go in chances are it's down to a lack of arousal & lube and shouldn't stop the ability to have sex a less likely culprit is vaginismus where the vagina involuntarily 'closes up' and doesn't allow penetration it can 'cured' with therapy or vaginal dialators

i would say the dildo your friend has picked out is a little girthy for total beginner like her but can be worked up to something like http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28715 with a slimmer girth may be more appropriate

5

"i believe anyway that to lose your virginity you have to have a real man penetrate you." - haha MBE, I know what you mean but I just had a wee giggle and thought what is a real man?-for me, it's gotta be Jason Statham. But sorry, yes, I know that you meant your friend will still be a virgin after using toys, until she has sexual interiors, and for heterosexuals that's a man penetrating a woman. To be completely honest, I don't actually know what constitutes sexual interiors/losing your virginity in a homosexual relationship.

Also, I think it's fab that she's still a virgin at 19. I wish I'd waited longer and for the right person (at the time, I thought he was, how wrong was I). I wasn't mentally ready, though again thought I was, and it had a big impact on me for long enough. But oh well, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

6

Thank you everyone! The toy ideas are great! I was a little worried about that but as i don't have any dildos with a girth smaller that '5' i didnt have a clue what to advise. Plus i had sex before using a toy

haha innocent for me...hmmm ryan gosling ;)

I'm hoping this will help her see that she does not need to be in a rush to lose her virginity. I lost mine when i was young...i spend alot of time regretting it and wishing that i had waited till at least my first serious boyfriend if not till i got married. In fact i respect the fact she's still a virgin...but she don't see it that way.

7

she shouldn't be worrying about it it doesn't matter.

Also she's not the only one I'm in first year of uni and I'd guess that from the people that I've spoken too about 2/3 of people at 19 or 20 are virgins.

8

Apparently the average age to lose your virginity is (18 - 1). Factor in all the people that lied to sound younger, because like your friend they think, for some strange reason, that its bad to be "older" and shes probably below the average age anyway.
Then factor in all the people who regret losing it young or had a horrible first time anyway who wish they hadnt lost it young and she seriously has nothing to worry about.
And put it this way, it will intimidate potential partners less if she has had zero than thirty (not to say if you have had lots that is bad either of course).

9

I put (18 - 1) cos I know LH are a bit weird about putting ages pre-18 haha

10

My daughter was the only one in her flat in her first year at uni who wasn't a virgin (she had 6 flatmates) - to be honest I think it made Her feel a bit uncomfortable not them !

Virginity is a gift (so call me old fashioned) and should not be given away lightly, she should be very proud of herself - certainly not embarrassed.

If she wants to start experimenting with toys maybe suggest a silicone dildo to start off with ? They're softer and I find them easier to insert. She may feel a little sore to begin with - perhaps she could use it, then wait a couple of days before trying again. This way if she does bruise herself a little it will have settled down a little and she wont be put off by it being still sore from the previous time. It also would be worth suggesting that she gets herself really worked up, maybe a clit orgasm or 2, before trying to insert a dildo, that way she'll be nice and wet and soft and she's much less likely to feel any discomfort. She very uinlikely to cause any real damage, her natural instincts will kick in and tell her to stop if somethings getting too painful.

Hope she has fun xx

PS - perhaps she could get a LH account and join in on here ? She'd be able to ask loads of questions anonymously xx

11

MissBrownEyes92 wrote:

I have a question and i know there are threads out there abit like this but anyway.

My friend is 19 and a virgin, she knows that i have a LH account and she's asked me about getting a dildo for herself, her questions were.

Will i still be a virgin?

Will it hurt?

Will it make sex less painful when i do lose it?

Will I damage myself?

Will i bleed?

If i cant get it in does it mean that i wont be able to have sex?

She's looking at buying this dildo http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30879

I told her she would still be a virgin no matter what toy she used. And even though in SOME cultures being a virgin is about having an intact hymen i explained that most girls break these anyway...i believe anyway that to lose your virginity you have to have a real man penetrate you.

I told her it might hurt....and that as long as she is careful she will not do damage... but what do i say to the rest of the questions? Any advice would be great and then i will just forward this thread to her.

Thanks in advance! (I did ask her permission before posting here and was told its ok as long as i dont use names, she thinks being a virgin at 19 is a bad thing... I'm trying to help her understand that its not a rush. I wish i'd waited myself and she should cherish the fact she's not given it away to some random guy)

Will i still be a virgin? - That's more of a personal question, for instance, some people see as having no hymen not being a virgin, I myself feel that unless you consentually have sex with someone then you're still a virgin. That's just my take on it.

Will it hurt? It shouldn't hurt, she needs to relax, take her time and get used to her own body. If it hurts it's a sign that something is wrong and she needs to go slower. Use lubricant, don't just ram it in. You can use foreplay in solo maturbation too, so have foreplay with yourself.

Will it make sex less painful when i do lose it? IMO sex, even first time sex shouldn't be painful, if done correctly, the body is ready to be pentrated, the person is relaxed and ready not just physically but mentally too, then it shouldn't hurt. It didn't hurt me at all when I lost my virginity.

Will I damage myself? - Only if you just start ramming a toy in without preparing yourself.

Will i bleed? - This again is a personal question, it all depends on if her hymen is in tact - if she does horse riding, plays certain sports and wears tampons she probably won't bleed, even if she does bleed it won't be a lot, it's only a small amount of blood (Nothing like a period or anything) My hymen was in tact when I lost my virginity, I did bleed; it was only a small amount, it didn't hurt at all. It was just a case of afterwards there was a small amount of blood. Nothing to worry about.

If i cant get it in does it mean that i wont be able to have sex? - No, it means that your body wasn't ready. Take your time, don't stress. Use lubricant - If you can't get it in, go slower. Use your fingers and build yourself up. Just take your time, relax and have fun.

12

MissBrownEyes92 wrote:

Thank you everyone! The toy ideas are great! I was a little worried about that but as i don't have any dildos with a girth smaller that '5' i didnt have a clue what to advise. Plus i had sex before using a toy

haha innocent for me...hmmm ryan gosling ;)

I'm hoping this will help her see that she does not need to be in a rush to lose her virginity. I lost mine when i was young...i spend alot of time regretting it and wishing that i had waited till at least my first serious boyfriend if not till i got married. In fact i respect the fact she's still a virgin...but she don't see it that way.

I know, I don't understand why virgins see it as a negative. I have a huge amount of respect for people that still have their virginity.
13

innocent-fun wrote:

MissBrownEyes92 wrote:

Thank you everyone! The toy ideas are great! I was a little worried about that but as i don't have any dildos with a girth smaller that '5' i didnt have a clue what to advise. Plus i had sex before using a toy

haha innocent for me...hmmm ryan gosling ;)

I'm hoping this will help her see that she does not need to be in a rush to lose her virginity. I lost mine when i was young...i spend alot of time regretting it and wishing that i had waited till at least my first serious boyfriend if not till i got married. In fact i respect the fact she's still a virgin...but she don't see it that way.

I know, I don't understand why virgins see it as a negative. I have a huge amount of respect for people that still have their virginity.

I have a friend who is 32 and will not lose her virginity till her wedding night. She was bullied so much in school which is crazy as you leave school when your 16 and that started in year 9. What were kids even doing having sex at that age?

It actually angers me. Not to be sexist but i find men get more stick for it than women do, it's much more easier for people to accept that a woman is a virgin than what the do a guy. Thats not me getting at anyone (before certain people start) but just something that i've noticed alot.

14

My belief is that being a virgin is about not having had sex, penetrative sex with a man. (In terms of being a straight female, this could be different is your fiend is gay)

most women break their hyman using a tampon and never even notice it. (I didn't)

Buy some lube, lake your time, it's not about getting the toy inside you it's about having a fun and enjoyable experience. If you take your time it will not hurt. It looks like your friend has chosen a softer toy that is not too big for a beginner. Good choice.

if your friend is unsure why not suggest a bullet, these are small and she might enjoy the sensation of the vibrations. She could also use it on her clit as well as penetratively. As the toy she is looking at is in an offer it is worth looking to see if she could maybe get a bullet and some lube as well as the dildo, a small starter pack.

Sex will happen when you ready and hopefully when you meet the right person, until then enjoy finding out what you like and enjoy with a toy or two.

15

I'm 22 and a virgin, and have tried various dildos. my experience is as follows:

Will i still be a virgin? Yes, to me, it requires penetration by a real live penis on someones person to take virginity.

Will it hurt? I have only experienced pain with my newest dildo. It is not the largest, it is glass though, and i didn't angle correctly on removal.

Will it make sex less painful when i do lose it? I am hoping this is the case, more because i'll be able to relax more with some idea at least what it's going to feel like, or because i know what sizes/positions make penetration easier.

Will I damage myself? As long as you listen to your body, take it slow nd gently, use lube if needed and stop as soon as there is discomfort, no damage will be done, regular sexual activity is actually good for the pelvic floor :)

Will i bleed? I have never bled from masturbation, not even the first time penetrating, nor do i recall any painful or traumatic injury or activity that caused bleeding or would indicate a ryptured hymen when i was younger. I eithr never had one, or it was flexible and moved out the way when penetrating rather than tore etc.

If i cant get it in does it mean that i wont be able to have sex? Not necessarily. I can't get myself "in the mood" no matter what to play, not like having a real living breathing hhuman being touching you. Arousal and relaxation will help massively, i just can't simulate that alone. I struggle to take a 4 inch girth silicone, but can take over 5 inch easily in glass, and imagine a penis will be somewhere in the middle, not as slick as glass nor as grippy as silicone. Lube will always help, as will foreplay to help you "dilate" as such and make penetration easier.