o'k I stand corrected !! Very good advice I think !! not my thing anyway !! I prefer to play safe Too !!
Most welcome, I have played with some extremeties in the past and know many people who play with breath, cutting, needles, etc... and it is pretty much always lack of information or misunderstanding that causes edge play (or extreme play) to end badly. Fortunately my only ill experience of asphyxiation or anything else extreme was through having my throat squeezed, it caused passing out followed by a shaking fit and nausia as well as horrid almost hallucination while I was out - really bad experience. The buddy breathing always was good for me and I could claim back air if I felt I was going too far - it was actually once I got the air back I got the most rush!
Just an extra thought for those who like the idea of it but without any risks involved there are a few S&M soft games you can play such as...
Dominant forces recipient against a wall, hand to their throat as though holding them up there - a firm grip but not tight enough to throttle at all. Look them in the eye and tell them to be quiet as your other hand roves about their person doing what it wants.
Or have the recipient lie on the bed and dominant holds a scalf down over their throat, hands holding the scalf on each side of the neck resting on the bed - again enough to apply some preasure but not enough to hurt or cut off air - the scalf only over the front of the throat not wrapped around it.
These games still trigger something in the mind and that is the biggest sex toy possible. Also remember the arteries/veins are on the side front of the neck and not the front (about half way to the ear I think), also high up on the neck so that's the area to be most careful of - though of course be careful of the entire thing as it's a pretty delicate zone!
I don't think we'll be going as far as full on can't breathe breath play. Just a little bit lol, like the wall idea. The time I burst into tears was from too much pressure, so we're working out the boundaries.
I can't see why anyone in this day and age does the whole cutting thing, in sex or in normal life. Self harmers are one of my few prejudices. No matter what people say to try to convince me otherwise, I think it's just become too faddy and most of the people who do it wouldn't even think about it had it not been publisised so much and such a big thing made out of it. Yes, some self harmers must genuinly feel thats the only solution- I know people who've been that bad- but still, I just want to give them a slap and tell them to grow the heck up.
Appollogies if I've offended anyone, but thats my view.
Sounds like you need a safe word/signal in place - a good basic is red, amber, green - a very obvious and useful code red of course meaning stop now and amber being OK, starting to push boundries no so no further. It enables you to beg and cry and plead no and stay in role but when you use the safe word it gets heard as it has to be an out of context word and then the dominant must stop at the word red regardless.
If like when you are gagged or can't talk you can use a signal, a flashin motion of hands or holding a jangly ball or heavy one that will make a noise if you drop it on the floor - especially good if you are bound AND gagged. Just make sure some kind of signal is in place and you'll feel far more confident playing safe.
As for cutting - BDSM cutting is not the same as self harm. I know much about both issues - self harm is a form of preasure release, people with mental illness use it to cope, it releases endorphines, a natural painkiller and also give them control over their own pain even in a physical sense. I know there is an emo fad about but it's best not to judge genuinely unwell people just as you shouldn't be predjudiced against those in a wheelchair or somebody with AIDS or any other taboo illness, mental illness is invisible but it doesn't make it any less of an illness or disability. Maybe one day you will understand it isn't just emo kids but business women, mothers and grandmothers as well as men of all walks of life that self harm - I have met so many lovely people who have just been treated so badly and you wouldn't suspect at a glance they self harmed. Then what about other forms of harm or pain? - starving ones self, obcessive dieting... what about waxing?... that hurts like hell so why do it - because we gain something from it and feel good about ourselves once done. So do harmers, they feel better after.
BDSM cutting is not self harm or done out of mental illness - sometimes it takes the form of art, scarification or branding - like a more painful tattoo. Sometimes it is done purely for endorphines. Sometimes it is done to induce fear - the blade is the single scariest weapon in existence - even to hardened soldiers. Also in is the dominant that cuts the submissive - so that negates the 'self' bit and is done on the wishes of the dominant which the submissive consents to, even if they are terrified they will still want to please their master or mistress and submit to the pain. They use scalpels and fully sterilize everything.
Needles are another ball game - again how many people fear needles? These give the endorphines but do less surface harm/scarring and can be aranged as temporary artwork and threaded with ribbons like a corset design for example - this should never be done by somebody unless they know exactly what they are doing!!!
I practice neither cutting nor needles but know others that do, they harm no one (without full consent and it's only temporary non dangerous acts) and are happy people who enjoy life and aren't emo's or attention seeking or stapling their hands to their forheads and writing bad poetry. The world is a lot bigger and more intricate than you realise I hope this helps your understanding better
Miss Kitty- Very insightful- thanks. But I understand perfectly. I've had the same argument again and again be it regarding self harm, performance art cutting and so forth. I know some people are genuinly depressed and I do understand the reasons behind it etc etc (you said it so nicely, I can't even try to be as emotive or susinct lol) I just do not support it. If someone feels they genuinly have to, I'm not actually going to slap them and tell them to grow up. I know people who do/ have done it, and of course I'm not naive enough to think they're all emo kids- not what I was saying, and I'm insulted if anyone would say it is all emo kids- but whatever age or circumstance I'm not going to make excuses for them. There're other ways of dealing with things, and too many people willing to let something so dangerous slide as an illness that gets ignored all too easily. Understanding is not the same as helping.
And performance cutting as an artform really does piss me off. Even with my view point, I can see that self harm is something incredibly personal and indicative of deeper issues and which still needs fully addressing. But dancing around cutting oneself for no other reason than 'it makes me feel good' is so irresponsible. Whats the name of the guy with AIDs who cuts himself and bleeds all over unguarded catwalks? It just beggers belief that in this day and age someone will still call that art. As someone within the drama community I finding insulting to the profession and downright naive that bodily harm can be treated this way.
(Although I don't see need for it personally, I have no issues with cutting etc during sex. What people want to do behind closed doors for the rush is up to them. Just because I wouldn't do it personally doesn't mean I'll not let others because, as Miss Kitty said, noone else is being hurt by them.)
(BTW- Miss Kitty. None of this is aimed personally at you! I don't want you to think that and dislike me for it. I'm just having a generally ranty moment. Although I will say I do realise that 'The world is a lot bigger and more intricate than [I] realise'. And 'Maybe one day you will understand it isn't just emo kids but business women, mothers and grandmothers as well as men of all walks of life that self harm' actually hit a nerve because that was not what I was saying at all. I may not be as well versed in life as some, but I'm not stupid enough to think it's all 15 year olds with compasses...)
I'm not offended crayola and hope you weren't, I am just glad you have had a good life and have never been in the position of being so desperate and I hope you never are.
As for danger... cutters keep sharp razors for minimal scarring, antiseptic and such - they don't actually want to kill themselves or cause lasting damage, just release endorphines and only do it as much as needed at the time. There are far more dangerous and harmful activities - look at boxing - that is harming each other in the name of sport and people die and recieve brain damage for their performence. Racing driving - again produces endorphines and people die in crashes. the list is endless but at the end of the day humans are self destructive and smoking is self harm as is binge drinking - just less blood and more socially accepted to a point.
People that take cutting uninvited into public - well that's just wrong, I didn't know about the man with AIDS but he's clearly dangers to others and hopefully was locked away - nearly every fetish club does not allow cutting or any other form of drawing blood, it is frowned upon. The exception is somewhere like Torture Garden where performance art can be extreme but I used to saftety monitor their dungeon and stopped when safety issues were not being addressed.
We seem to have gone completely away from asphixia heh :-) But it has been an interesting discussion
Miss Kitty, you're the font of all knowledge! Thanks for that, all super helpful stuff :)
Why thank you, I just try to learn I can, I find such things fascinating - and also I like to be well informed about things I practice, I find it safer and I have tried a lot of things External Media
