Hi, I’ve come onto here after a failed attempt at masturbation to ask for help ;; I’ve previously masturbated before but I’ve never gotten to the point of cumming or even close and so I set time aside today to shave down there for a better view hoping that I’d get closer today as it was my first time attempting to finger myself. Sadly, I couldn’t get more than the tip of my finger in :(. And I was in the mood, finger lubricated and everything! I want to try sextoys because it doesn’t seem like I can go too wrong with that but I don’t know what I’d be able to handle. I’m a virgin and I don’t have any partners that can assist me. Please help!
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No need to feel shame! It’ll take a bit of time to explore yourself and find out what you like, so don’t worry. 
Personally, I don’t like to use fingers inside myself - I find they’re not long enough to reach anything useful, and it’s an uncomfortable position to be in - it does nothing for me at all and if anything puts me off totally!
I much prefer to do clit stimulation - gentle rubbing with a finger and a little lube is a good way to start and you can see from there what kind of thing you like
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thank you! noted 
Hello and welcome @gengar 
First off, there’s absolutely no shame in trying something or asking questions about it. You can rest easy on that score.
Have you considered starting with clitoral play before moving on to inserting fingers/toys? That can often increase arousal, and make it easier to slide things in.
However, if things are really tight down there, then you may be suffering from something called vaginismus - where the muscles of the vagina tighten automatically whenever you try and insert anything. If this is the case (and your GP can advise) you can use dilators (pretty much tapered dildos) to relax the muscles, and gradually work up in size:
(unfortunately these are out of stock at the minute, but you get the idea )
Silicone Vaginal Dilator and Bullet Vibrator Set
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I did briefly try to play with my clit but I might dwell on it longer next time. They don’t stock the dilator on the au site 
but I’ll keep an eye out if I see anything similar!
These are in stock:
I’m not too hot on healthcare down-under, but I think the NHS can provide free ones in the UK? I don’t know if that’s possible where you are?
I agree with everything that has been said already. I think some clit play, may be with a bullet may help. I don’t know anything about dilators and i’m sure others with far more experience will advise you on vibs etc. I wish you good luck you have certainly come to the right place for good friendly advice.
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I’ll look into it! Thanks 
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thank you!
For most clit owners, that’s where the party’s at. It’s definitely worth exploring there to find out if it’s something you also enjoy (especially if penetration is currently causing you some annoyance ). Bullets are a good starting toy for clitoral stimulation, or the Classic shape can be a good all-rounder (internal and external) if you find it’s more ‘first-time nerves’ than vaginismus. 
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thank you!!! I might hold off on penetration for a bit…. I’ll definitely look into some bullets!
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Hi @gengar
Welcome to the forum!
Like @Cassii I don’t use fingers internally for masturbation, toys are so much easier and designed shape wise for the job. As has been suggested I would stick to clitoral pleasure with your fingers.
This is a personal question and feel free not to answer but do you use tampons? If they slide in easily then it probably isn’t a case of being too tight in which case maybe a slim G-spot vibrator would be a good starting point but definitely give your clitorus the care it desires.
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I grew up in a conservator family so I’ve never used a tampon before 
I probably wouldn’t even know how to. is there anything good for someone who’s practically had nothing go in there before?
It took me several go’s to manage to climax when i started masturbating too, so dont worry. Its all about learning what works for you and that can just take some time and a bit of experimentation.
I would say, make sure your mixing foreplay in. Including other erogenous zones like your neck, inside of your thighs, stomach, small of your back, buttocks etc before you go for the breasts and between your legs helps turn you on alot.
Relaxing and thinking sexy thoughts is a big component too.
Paying attention to your breathing and how everything feels always helps me alot.
Personally, i always thing a bullet vibe is a good place to start with toys. The glow up bullets in the sale at the moment and thats a really nice one in my opinion.
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Maybe something like this:
And definitely a good lube are my top suggestions. Personally I have always preferred vibes and this one is quite slim and friendly.
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Noted! Thank you so much!
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God it looks intimidating 
I’ll keep it on my list maybe to buy once I’m more familiar with other toys
I used to have vaginismus so i know its very frustrating.
I would recommend something slim and vibrating personally. The dilator sets also look good. Pick something you feel comfortable using.
The trick is to get your body to associate penetration with being pleasurable. There is a big subconscious component to it, so try not to stess about it if you can. I found the best trick for me was lots of foreplay and then playing with my clit till i felt like i really wanted something in me. Deep breathing, relaxing and trying to concentrate on how much you want the toy in you and how good its going to feel really helped when inserting anything.
After a while your body stops tensing up when you go to insert something, but it can take a while so dont get discouraged.
Found the link to bullet i mentioned
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I’ve definitely got my eye on the dilator sets so I’ll see if they go on sale anytime soon 
thank you so much for your advice!
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Hi @gengar, welcome to the forum! 
Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. It took me a couple of years to learn how to orgasm and even then, it was by accident more than trying! I don’t like using my fingers either, I find them too “pokey” and I can’t actually insert a finger without pain. I also never used tampons and still can’t use them and I’m in my 30s. I can however, with enough lube and foreplay, use a dildo because they are softer and rounded so are much more comfortable.
Personally, I would take a step back and concentrate on external areas first. Like @Green_Eyed_Girl said, take some time to explore your body, maybe have a bath first to relax and spend a bit of time stroking different parts of your body. Most clitoris owners find that touching the clitoris or around that area is the best way to have an orgasm so I would concentrate on that with your fingers or a vibrator before moving on to penetration. If you wanted to look for a vibrator, I’d look for something soft and not too powerful as a first toy. If penetration is something that you might be interested in trying in the future, a lot of vibrators which are designed for penetration can also be used externally - that way you get 2 in 1.
Just because it hasn’t been mentioned yet, how do you get “in the mood”? Do you have any particular sexy thoughts or fantasies? For a lot of people, I think women in particular, fantasies and being in the right frame of mind is as important as physical stimulation. If you feel like trying, you could find some erotic fiction to read, or just a romance novel or a book with a steamy sex scene in it. My first orgasm was as a result of reading some free erotic fiction that I found online. I then only needed a very brief touch to my clitoris before I had an orgasm. It was rather unexpected!
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