Have just posted to introduce myself. I'm looking for help.
My marriage has just ended. I'm left to do things on my own now. I have never had an orgasm and have been on the brink but can't seem to go any further. It was the same with my husband - always on the brink of it but can't go any further.
I have tried a bullet from somewhere other then Lovehoney and although its powerful and I'm happy with it, I get to the same point and then nothing.
I just want tips on how to manage further - is there a better vibrator I could buy - I've only used bullets in the past. I'm just fed up of getting no joy from anything and this has always been the case.
Or is it just me and there is something wrong with me?
Nothing wrong with you at all sweet, i recently have gotten into buying toys because i was the same as you i do not orgasm with a partner they never managed to tip me over the edge,so having got to a point where i was becoming frustrated within my sexual relationship, i bought a bullet from love honey ,but for me it didnt do the trick so i then invested in a rabbit and well bam i did manage to orgasm the reason i found i managed to reach orgasm because you are having vaginal stimulation and clitrol stiumlation at the same time its very intense :) i hope that you do find something that helps you
Hi :) i can think of a few things that could possibly help, sorry I don't know what you've tried so you'll have to forgive me if what I suggest,you have done.
What could help is really not stressing about climaxing. When you masturbate really enjoy the sensation of touch, explore and try touching yourself all over, keeping relaxed and not focusing on the orgasm.
Make an evening of it, with a bubble bath, music, whatever makes you feel good. Maybe try a toy that isn't so powerful, as sometimes these (for me) actually numb my clitoris making it really difficult to finish! Using a less powerful toy/setting on a toy to warm up can be a lot nicer, then step it up to a higher setting or toy when you feel you are getting close! Alternatively use your fingers, really varying the speed and motion.
Also I do agree with heavens p above, in that you might try a rabbit which will give you internal and external stimulation :)
I know a few ladies who find it really difficult to climax so don't stress too much :) try not to stress about it because it may make it harder xx
Thanks. I think I'll invest in one of those over the next couple of days! I just gotta go read up about them as I'm not used to vaginal ones so gotta find one I'd be comfortable with.
I had previously been told that the bullet was the best thing to get and that didnt work so fingers crossed that this will :)
I don't know if this is any use but my OH had problems climaxing. She found nipple play helped her get over the edge, maybe nipple clamps or squeezing your nipples will help.
Also love honey do offer no quibble free returns for a year even if you have used the item so if you do get a rabbit and feel it isnt for you then you can always send it back no questions asked
Have just posted to introduce myself. I'm looking for help.
My marriage has just ended. I'm left to do things on my own now. I have never had an orgasm and have been on the brink but can't seem to go any further. It was the same with my husband - always on the brink of it but can't go any further.
I have tried a bullet from somewhere other then Lovehoney and although its powerful and I'm happy with it, I get to the same point and then nothing.
I just want tips on how to manage further - is there a better vibrator I could buy - I've only used bullets in the past. I'm just fed up of getting no joy from anything and this has always been the case.
Or is it just me and there is something wrong with me?
Hi Leesey,
I agree with MissChar about trying to be as relaxed as possible. I find the most important part to your orgasm is what is in your head. Having a great fantasy is really going to help you to clear your mind and focus on what turns you on.
A good idea is to read a sexy book - have a look on LH - they have a great selection. Just think about what really turns you on - your deepest fantasy - and see if there is a book with sexy stories that relate to this. Whilst reading you can have a glass of wine to relax you and then play with yourself whilst you read.
I agree with Wrek it Ralph - nipple clamps can really intensify your arousal and may give you the extra push you need. I like these ones as you have more control:
My favourite toy is the LH Deluxe Magic Wand - a bit expensive - but worth every penny. The great thing with this toy is that you can start on a low setting and build up the intensity. Check out the reviews on the link below.
I agree with the others, the worst thing you can do is stress! It's suprisingly common to have trouble finding the big O, and I sympathise as a fellow O chaser! I find it very difficult to climax, and for a while did nothing but stress over it, which meant I was no longer enjoying it and just waiting for it instead! Read around a bit to ease your mind, there are a lot of articles and a lot of research has been done on it :)
Personally, the closest thing I've found so far has been a vibrating egg joined with clit stimulation, but my advice would be take advantage of the returns policy and experiment!
I agree with others who have said it could well be psychological rather than physical and trust me, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I have had bouts of anorgasmia throughout my life and the truth is, when it hits one time, it is on your mind the next time, this then doubles the worry and so on until the only thing you are focusing on is orgasm and why arn't you coming yet....
And you are not coming because of that mental block, the tension in your body, the pressure you are putting on yourself, being expected to "perform" and a whole host of emotional reasons.
It is not easy to fall out of this mode (Seriously I once went about 5 months trying almost nightly and would get so frustrated with myself and so upset. I thought I was broken!) The trick is to not think about it, to relax, to push out the worrying thoughts as soon as they pop into your mind and focus on your fantasy or whatever turns you on. Relax your body too and try not to work for it bu tensing tensing tensing. I believe men need to tense up when they approach orgasm but females its the opposite really, tensing up too much just kills it. (This doesnt apply to every man or woman, just a general thing)
Vibrators will help. Bullets...or at least, battery operated bullets are okay for the most part (well some are okay) but I cannot tell you how much I recommend saving up and buying a we-vibe tango bullet vibrator. If you seriously want to see the difference between battery operated bullets and the likes of the we-vibe tango, you can check out this video which I made recently for my review blog: http://grittywoman.co.uk/video-reviews/
Now THAT is the difference between a bullet....and a bloody good bullet vibrator!
You want to find vibrators on this site that have reviews stating that the vibrations are deep and rumbly. From personal experience, and knowing a lot of other toy enthusiasts, deep and rumbling might be the thing you need to push you over the edge. I know I do.
Good luck hunni and no, you are not abnormal xx Google anorgasmia if you want to find out more about this xxx
Thanks everyone - its taken a lot of stress from me knowing I'm not faulty. My ex had advised I see a doctor about it so it made things worse.
I'll take a look at all the suggestions - I would rather spend more on one item knowing that it would do what i bought it for.
As for googling anorgasmia, I'm definately planning to look it up in the morning as anything I read now I won't remember as I'm too worn out :)
Yeah I find I tense a lot at that point and then get uncomfortable or just somehow lose it and it just makes things worse
Nope, things like that WILL make it worse. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you. My partner would be pretty upset (and show it) if he "failed" to make me orgasm during the times I had this problem and it made me feel so upset and added more pressure onto the already frustrating situation. I can't blame my guy, all he wanted to do was see me pleased and felt like it was his fault (It wasn't, it was my fault, but not something I could control either so therefore, not really my fault lol) I reeeeally hope you find a toy that works for you but even I cannot orgasm with some of the most powerful toys when I am going through a phase of anorgasmia (I am lucky, they usually last only days or a week or so) The tango is probably the best toy I own (Out of hundreds) because it is so deep, rumbling and pin point. However, even that has failed me a few times when I am trying too hard. That is the key hunni, don't try too hard. Try to play with yourself without the goal being an orgasm. The goal being to just enjoy different sensations. If orgasm comes, great! If not, stop before you get sore, or ig negative thoughts are creeping in, and try again another time.
A powerful rabbit vibrator taught me about orgasms. Before that although I came it was less orgasm more a feeling of finishing 'something.' It is well worth putting money into a rabbit that impresses you. My first one didnt so much as tip me over the edge as throw me. Good luck and good fun!
It took me years to achieve an orgasm and I used to stress about it loads. I finany managed it with a guy I was seeing and realised I wasn't ' broken ' like I had thought. After him it took another two years to achieve one which was with my current partner. Since meeting him I have them every time. With him, alone or with toys. Once I learnt to relax and thourghly let myself go I was able to do it. Good luck x x
I used to find it hard to orgasm it would only happen once in a blue moon with my husband but I'd always get to the point of thinking I needed to pee and get uncomfortable. I eventually learnt that that feeling was a sign of being on the brink of orgasm and as long as I'd been to the loo before hand I just had to relax and let go. Armed with a towel underneath me I can now orgasm and squirt to my hearts content.
I do reccomend using a rabbit toy they are brilliant for a combo of internal and clitoral stimulation. Mine always makes me cum but mine is quite loud so I'd reccomend getting a quiet one.
Thanks for the tips and advice everyone - I have invested in a Lovehoney Mains Powered Deluxe Magic Wand Vibrator White which came with a free attachment. Will arrive tomorrow so fingers crossed :)
Good luck Leesey, hope the wand works for you :D It can be extremely frustrating when you cant get there... but relax, spend a bit of time just focusing on the tounch and feel and im sure it will get you there ;)
Since last commenting on this thread, I've been able to find my O! For me, it was a lot of build up, taking note of not just my ladyparts but nipples, neck, etc. The, what really did it for me were these two