First time poster here, thanks for having me! My wife and i have been married for just over 10 years now and have 2 wonderful daughters under the age of 5. Life is brilliant I have to say. Just a little background on us, we were both virgins until we married as that is the way we both wanted it. Obviously we have can't compare the sex we have to anything else. We have always had fantastic communication and find it easy to talk about things, so there is no issue there, but I have to say over the last couple of years for obvious reasons the amount of sex we have has slowed down. We are both so tired as well, when we do actually have sex it just seems to be a little bit of a fumble and a quickie! Don't get me wrong, it is still great, but we both want more. I was just wondering if anybody could help with any hints or tips or just anything to be honest! Thanks in advance.
Well firstly hello and welcome. We're a friendly crowd here and you're bound to get lots of tips and advice too.
Things will settle down because the spark fades after a time, the passion grows into too much to do around the home, kids etc, we live so fast these days...and finding time for just each other can prove difficult.
Do you still have date nights?Just you and the oh. A night in a hotel after a nice meal somewhere. Have you ever thought of introducing sex toys to spice things up, nothing drasic just perhaps a vibe something? But above all, just making time for each other and arranging little special treats for each other, it's a two way street. Both parties should be doing this, making each other feel wanted, desired and special. x
Well firstly hello and welcome. We're a friendly crowd here and you're bound to get lots of tips and advice too.
Things will settle down because the spark fades after a time, the passion grows into too much to do around the home, kids etc, we live so fast these days...and finding time for just each other can prove difficult.
Do you still have date nights?Just you and the oh. A night in a hotel after a nice meal somewhere. Have you ever thought of introducing sex toys to spice things up, nothing drasic just perhaps a vibe something? But above all, just making time for each other and arranging little special treats for each other, it's a two way street. Both parties should be doing this, making each other feel wanted, desired and special. x
Welcome to the forums.
Ozz has given good advice here and that is how we sorted ourselves out about 3 years ago.We also introduced more cuddling during the evenings and just kept sex to the weekend when weren't as tired. When you go on your date nights particularly at weekends dress to impress .That way you will find it difficult to keep your hands off each other.
What you aregoing through now is quite common and easily rectified if both of you are prepared to talk about it and sort it between you.
Well, Corinne, spot on advice there! That is truly the most important part in it all! (Background info: we are on the 10 year marriage mark this year ourselves.)
I would just like to add that you could look around the LH website together for inspiration and talk about items you both could be interested in trying to spice things up. Games are a particularly fun way to take the pressure of of trying new things as the suggestions are all "within the rules" and you can discard anything that is too out there for you or revisit them later. Acting out fantasies could help too.
But in it all, you need to find time for yourselves. :)
The people on here are so lovely and really helped me through some tough times, so just ask away anytime, I'm sure they'll be more than happy to advise.
After the birth of our first child, sex was a bit same old same old. Hubby just liked getting the deed over and done with which was causing problems but I won't go into the details now. The great news is it seems both of you are on the same page re communication so you could both browse the shop together. As another poster has suggested, try some sex toys if you like. before visiting LH, my immediate thought about sex toys were wobbly veiny silicone penises and that my husband would really be against it, but there's a lot more to it than that. We've both started with a Basic vibrating bullet where I achieved my first orgasm with (yes after 6 years of being sexually active!). It really has brought a little excitement which has room to develop. Got a love egg on the way (tomorrow fingers crossed!) so think I may become an addict. Our next stage is soft bondage. All the best x
Thanks for the welcome guys! Thanks for the advice too. We have got lots of massage oils and flavoured lubes and have used those when we can have a long session, but my wife does not want to move onto toys! I have mentioned it a couple of times, but she doesn't really seem interested at the moment. She says she doesn't need anything to do what my hands, tongue and penis can do, so how can I argue with that! We are open to other things though and I think the toys may be a good idea later on!
Perhaps try a bit of tieing up .But talk about it first. I think with yourselves ,I think is just a case of adding a little spice and boom the spark will be back .
I would be tempted to do a sexy survey on each other as that would define your boundaries and new things to try. We tend to complete one every 6 months .
We use one that was printed in the Appendix section of an Oral sex book. If you google sex survey it will probably take you to a Web one.
They are quite easy to make your own if you have access to a Pc with a printer. All you need to do is list every sex activity you can think of egs can include tieing up, use of handcuffs,dry humping,kissing ,cuddling ,wax play.ice play,spanking with bear hand,spanking with implements, role playing ,massage etc etc
Against each activity place a yes,no or maybe.
Print them off then complete one yourself and ask your partner to complate one. We usually complete ours in a corner of a pub over a pub lunch. Then compare your answers with your partner.
The yes matches become your new boundaries .No's are exactly that but maybes are up for discussion .
It's a good way of getting around those awkward type questions.
It's something I have been thinking about of putting in a thread on this forum when I get around to it.
Sensory play doesn't have to end in sex, but a little tease might get her in the mood, or work well for forplay.
I would recomend a small bullet personally I love the Tracey Cox Rechargable one, but there are lots to choose from. I know she says she doesn't want a toy, but she might really enjoy how it feels. Another possible for the future is a glass toy. It will last a lifetime, and glas it amazing for temperature play. If you want to know if she will like cold temperature play, maybe try a wet ice cube on her down below, if she enjoys it, go for a glass dildo.
Im very pleased to hear that you are good at communicating. I would make a wishlist, put a couple of things on it and ask her what she thinks of the items. If she can look at them alone maybe while you are at work, she might open her mind up to toys.
I look forward to things improving! We both want more sex, but like I and others have said hundreds of times before, we are just so tired and have so many other things going on that we just don't seem to have any time to do it. It is great having a quickie every now and then, but I really enjoy what I call a good session - lots of riding by the wife before she takes me in her mouth, before I give her a long massage both on her back and front, before a very long oral session for her and her cumming several times before I am ready to go again and cum inside her. It takes such a long time, and you feel so close afterwards and it is exactly what we need, but it happens so rarely, so we are just looking at ways to improve our sex life again!
And if you have a date night, make sure you're not tired/drink or eat too much. Many years ago we booked a stunning hotel after several busy and stressful months. Totally wasted as we both had too much to drink and just fell asleep!
Try to just book a room, too. That way you can make the most of a lie-in and morning glory sex without bothering to rush to catch breakfast.
Compile a 'bucket list' or a 'wishlist' and let her know. I've just done the same to my husband. I found it easier writing it all down before giving it to him. We have been together for 12 years, married for 10. We have a very good sex life but recently things have slowed down. Whilst we talk about our sex life regularly, we both felt a bit shy asking for what we wanted, so I gave him my 'wishlist'. I'm waiting to be given one back.............
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like I'd been holding a huge box of sexual tension on my shoulders for a long time. The relief of letting him know exactly what I wanted made me feel a lot more confident and more likely to ask for more.