I've been with my girlfriend for a year, and she's the first person I've slept with but we're into some kinky stuff, and I'm pretty sure I'm bi curious: we've talked about me wanting to sleep with a guy, and although I'm not certain, I think I'd like to do it one on one as oppose to involving her as part of a threesome. My question is though, as an ostensibly straight and committed individual, what is the best way for me to go about actually finding someone to sleep with? Some of my friends know but I don't want to bump into people I know; at the same time I'm wary of hooking up with guys online. At this point it is just about sex, and since I'm in a relationship I wouldn't want a partner. Thankksss
What about a club?
potyentially, there are a few gay clubs near me, and my girl friends would come with me, but I feel again like I wouldn't want to recognize anyone I haven't told yet, and I feel I definately would. I wouldn't mind if I met someone in a normal club and discreetly organized something. I don't know, I feel the level of discretion I want is making it hard for me to find anything. I looked on tinder and I can hide my public profile, but then again I also couldnt find anyone, so again its just a bit difficult.
I understand being worried about the safety of online dating, but your predicament is what grinder was made for: men wanting to have sex with other men discretely.
You seem very nervous about other people seeing you or finding out you have a sexual interest / curiosity in men. Perhaps it's that you're not quite ready to jump in?
I think many straight / bi curious people have a fantasy of finding that one body who they can explore with in safety and free from self conscious embarrassment. I've been that body for a few women. But the problem is there is a person attached to that body with thoughts and feelings and desires of there own. If you want the experience of sexually connecting to a man you have to be willing to put some work in getting to know them. This is important for feeling safe and confident to explore as well. I'm not saying you have to start a relationship, just go out for a drink and have a chat before the casual sex.
If its just a male body you are after, I would either buy some sex toys (for example this flashlight modeled after a male porn star http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22148 )
and have a good time fantasizing, or look for a male sex worker if you can afford it. Swinging clubs might also be an option, especially if your partner is willing to explore with you.
I hope this is helpful, sorry if I went off topic a bit. Good luck x
I think you're right, I'm not 100% ready. The trouble is, I'd like to have gay sex, but I'm not attracted to men, if that makes sense. My girlfriend and I do pegging a bit, but I was just after the real thing. I might give grinder a go, and we have actually talked about swingers parties, I'd never thought of using them to explore this.
Tholuc wrote:
potyentially, there are a few gay clubs near me, and my girl friends would come with me, but I feel again like I wouldn't want to recognize anyone I haven't told yet, and I feel I definately would. I wouldn't mind if I met someone in a normal club and discreetly organized something. I don't know, I feel the level of discretion I want is making it hard for me to find anything. I looked on tinder and I can hide my public profile, but then again I also couldnt find anyone, so again its just a bit difficult.
I meant a sex club - that way, in the event that you do find someone that you know there they're hardly going to be judging you ;)
Tholuc wrote:
I think you're right, I'm not 100% ready. The trouble is, I'd like to have gay sex, but I'm not attracted to men, if that makes sense. My girlfriend and I do pegging a bit, but I was just after the real thing. I might give grinder a go, and we have actually talked about swingers parties, I'd never thought of using them to explore this.
To me, a swingers party sounds like a good idea. Especially because it will let your partner be involved the whole way =)
If you choose to use Grindr: please be honest about what you're looking for. You say so yourself: you're not attracted to men. Speaking as a lesbian who know the problem of "straight girls wanting to experiment" in the lesbian scene, I just want to remind you that for gay men, being gay is not all about sex. It's also about emotions, love, attraction, identity and bravery.
By all means, use Grindr, there are thousands and thousands and thousands of men there wanting casual and non-committal sex, but be very honest and up-front about who you are and what you're after right from the start. Everyone will be happier for it (and in my experience, it will not hurt your chances! Quite the opposite) =)
You could try bi night at a swingers club, glory holes or a dark room will provide anonymous liaisons.
Tholuc wrote:
I think you're right, I'm not 100% ready. The trouble is, I'd like to have gay sex, but I'm not attracted to men, if that makes sense. My girlfriend and I do pegging a bit, but I was just after the real thing. I might give grinder a go, and we have actually talked about swingers parties, I'd never thought of using them to explore this.
I think this answers your question. It's clearly a fantasy for you that if you try to realise it you will be dissapointed probably. When I was younger I realised fairly quickly I liked men and women and I didn't think about wether I was bi or not I just knew.
Having said all that, pegging is great fun, but when a real cock is inside you, the sensation of it growing harder then hard like you won't believe as he comes you will never get that with a dildo.
Sorry if I've made things worse for you!
Easiest and safest bet is to goto a gay sauna, I discovered lots of about what made my body tick in those. Just keep it safe and dont worry about it.
yeah, but I'd rather be disappointed and know, rather than let it get away from me. And i've only ever heard of saunas from South Park lol, but they actually look really promising. who knows, I'll give it a lil think
Its better to know regardless, it only matters to you if you enjoy it. These thoughts wont go away, i had them myself!
Just keep things safe which is the main thing.
If I were you, I would definitely use a gay hooking up app. Everybody on there is in the same boat, so nobody would be judging you for it. I urge you to be honest about your situation and what you're looking for before meeting up with anybody. Meet in a public place, see how the two of you click, and then move on to other things in private if the mood is right and you feel secure in your choice to do so. If you want this, then nobody is going to stop you. Just go for it, but be sure to keep safety in mind.
Problem with gay hookup apps are that they are full of people who are not really there to meet and just acting out a fantasy in your head. Then there is the problem of the pics people send and the accuracy of those. Loads of curious guys on hook up apps do not want to send out pics and you really DONT want to go on a 'blind' meet.
I'm going to shamelessly trump (not that one) my idea of a sauna - you will see many guys in the flesh, its a safe neutral space and you can take your own time and pace to see what you like. Its possible (if like my first experience) you will be very nervous and leave all guilty and feel bad about yourself for going. This I imagine is normal given the circumstances, you will be nervous and the circumstances will be strange to you. In reality there is nothing to feel guilty over so you just have to make peace with yourself on that front.
If you go (or however you meet a guy) take a bit of time to chill out and take stock of how you felt about it all. Its no big deal whatever the result is, liking sex with the same gender is no better or worse than not. It just is what it is. You only live once, enjoy yourself and be happy whatever you do.
KJN