Throughout school and my adult life I've always been called fat, ugly and other mean things, I have lost all my body confidence, I have tried dieting going to the gym and all other ways of trying to make myself feel better.
My partner says I'm beautiful and sexy but I just don't see it or feel it and I'm starting to think if I keep moaning about the way I look/feel it will end up driving a wedge between us.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this issue and they managed to get their confidence back up.
I had body confidence issues as I am not skinny like all of my friends, I'm the fat one in the friendship group, the one with the thick thighs, wobbly tummy, bingo-wings and double-chin. Hate having photos taken.
I found empowerment by following body-confident women on Instagram, who are bigger girls but preach inclusivity and positivity- Nola Trees (Dana Falsetti), London Andrews, Iskra Lawrence to name a few.
They are fantastic role models for plus-sized women, and really show big can be beautiful.
For myself I found getting nipple piercings skyrocketed my body confidence, I love them and think they make my boobs look sexy. I dress to my size, wear flattering clothes and pretty lingerie underneath. The little touches, even hidden, make all the difference. It also helped having a boyfriend who constantly told me I have a great butt, still don't quite believe it but I am getting there inch by inch.
*raises hand* long term issues with confidence here. I was no more confident at my lowest weight (which had me wearing size 4-6 clothing) than what I am now so for me, taking the focus away from losing weight being the only thing that could help meant I could look for other things to help. If I couldn't change my body into something I liked I could change my attitude. Things like giving myself permission to buy clothes in a larger size rather than wear things that no longer flattered my curves, experimenting with different styles and such. Self care like bubble baths and scented lotions, treating the body I have with kindness rather than scorn. Practising positive self talk rather than being harsh and putting myself down. Exercising for fitness not to lose weight or to punish myself, eating things to fuel my body not starve it, taking more care over other aspects of my appearence such as hair/make up/whatever makes you feel beautiful. And yes, accepting my partners compliments with good grace even if I didn't believe them, my partner explained how hurtful it was to have his compliments thrown back in his face and I accepted that even though I wasn't meaning to, I was hurting him. The list goes on and I bet you've read it all before but for me changing my attitude about weight being directly proportionate to how attractive or loveable my body is was a big (and tough) step. Losing weight never taught me to love my body, so I've worked on it as a seperate issue.
On a less rambling note lingerie really helped me too, both in and out of the bedroom. Wrapping myself up in beautiful things makes me far more confident than if I had to bear all in front of my partner. I don't do intimacy without lingerie tbh!
I hope you can feel more positive about your own body, whatever it takes <3
Limited Edition Lady sharing your deepest insecurities with your partner is incredibly strong of you. I have never been able to show such vulnerability, no matter how close I felt/feel to my partner and I admire you for doing it!
That being said, I understand that he might get tired of listening to the same things over and over again, trying to help, but to no avail. He might feel like you are dismissing him by not believing what he says. Furthermore, (healthy) confidence is attractive.
Have you considered seeing a therapist both for your self- and body-immage issues and to talk about the fears you have for your relationship?
I have to agree with VinillaWithSprinkles following plus size women on instagram has made me feel amazing and see my self differently. Their confidence is amazing and they have every right because they are beautiful. This made me realise that hey they are about my size (18) and they look that good ! So can I !
I think no matter what side or shape you are we are all body conscious. Because of the mags and media. Everyone in mags and media are air brushed to look their best. You know what if we we were the same same and build how boaring would life be. Beauty is skin deep. If your a beautiful person inside it will shine through. I've always been a big girl from a young age and you know what being a good size 18 and 3 kids later if u don't like what you see then turn the other way.
We are to caught up on what we look like we forget it's not the skin we are in it's what's beneath. Some people can't help their weight. There is no right nor Wrong you need to be happy with yourself. Cause weather we r a size 0 or a 28 we are all beautiful and takes a world of different pair to make 1 world a happy place xx
Add me to the list. I was a size 18 when I was 18, and have been up as far as a 28. I had all the names, was ignored at parties, all that.
Several things have helped me to deal with this (and it took a long time).
Firstly, I found my f*ck off fairy. That meant I started to not care about what people thought of me, stopped being bothered by how people treated me. That wasn't just about my weight, but about my life in general. Not caring what people think is very liberating!
Secondly, I allowed myself to be convinced by my husband to buy a figure hugging dress (I was a 22). In the words of my husband, I was wearing shapeless tents, and he wanted me to wear something that showed my curves off. Well, this dress made me feel a million dollars, and I had so many compliments about how I looked in it. It totally changed how I dress. I was big, but I could still look sexy and stunning. It's all in the cut of the clothes - somthing designed for a size 8 and enlarged on a photocopier really isn't going to work.
Thirdly, I had terrible problems with feeling ill and my blood sugar. What has helped is to reduce the carbs in my diet to about 100g a day. That's nowhere near Atkins level, but is a lot lower than I was having. There is lots of scientific evidence that low fat diets just don't work for lots of people, and I'm one of those, despite trying for a decade or more. Simply reducing carbs (and as a result cooking more myself) and doing 2 20 minute exercise sessions a week is seeing me lose two kilos every three weeks on average, long term. I'm down to a 14/16 now, and I need to lose just a little more to no longer be "overweight". Slimming World and WeightWatchers and several others didn't work for me at all.
In your photo Limited Edition Lady, you look gorgeous. I hope you can come to feel sexy and to not care what others think. I think thigh gaps are gross, but I don't try to shame anyone for it.
One final thing, when I first got with my husband, when I used to tell him he was gorgeous, he used to say he wasn't, and I felt that it was a little bit disrespectful of him to tell me I was wrong about what I felt. He wasn't trying to be disrespectful, but it was really. I think he's gorgeous, and a number of my friends do too. We talked about it one day, and he was a little horrified and stopped nullifying my feelings. That sounds similar to how you feel. If he says you are beautiful and sexy, then try to be positive about how he feels. I know you don't feel like it, and I'm not saying to ignore that, but try to accept that he feels what he says. It is a first step.
Obviously, you need to be able to talk about your issues, but moaning about them probably isn't the best approach. Over time, I listened to him a little more about how I dressed and what I wore. He'd like me to be spilling out of every dress, but in all seriousness, he does have an eye for finding clothing that shows my body in a great way. (He has no idea about colours though!)
These things were all little steps, and they may not work for you, but they are ideas. There is no need for your body confidence to drive a wedge between you, and I'm really pleased you have identified the issue now before it gets really bad. Good luck, and remember we are here for you!
I'll probably be going against the consensus of opinion a little here.
Apart from myself I know at least 2 others both ladies that have lost weight . One like myself a lot of weight, 4 stones and the other around 6 pounds. Both say that their confidence has increased and feel much happier within themselves. So weightloss to some people does increase confidence though obviously not with everyone.
On the flip side of the coin . I have been in the company of curvier ladies who are comfortable with their body shape and come accross to me as being very confident .One hadnt realised I was married and actually asked me out . Even though I declined in a gentle way she was happy and content to continue talking with me and my Mrs when she later appeared.
I started to get some confidence last year losing weight. I decided rather than weight loss I'd try eating just a little bit healthier. In all honesty I've always had a skewed view of my self and size, ten years ago I was a size 6-8 and hated the way I looked, convinced I was fat(!) I would kill for that body back, but after two kids it ain't gonna happen! I feel a bit sorry for my husband sometimes, I was so thin and toned and quite pretty when we met! I try and aim for pockets of confidence, I might be having a fat day but that night I will put on some lingerie (or more likely a body stocking) and some heels (my go to when I want some confidence) in the evening and feel sexy. Or if I'm meeting a friend even for an hour I might put a little more effort in, even pretty sunglasses can give a little boost to an outfit. Slowly I'm beginning to accept in my own head, oh you actually don't look bad today foxii, there are still some days when I can't even bare to be seen, by anyone, but those are getting fewer. Maybe aim for little victories to begin with, like your hair? Get a little treatment or take time to really style it and swish it about (I'd be jealous, I have very very short hair-like shiny swishing)
I started to get some confidence last year losing weight. I decided rather than weight loss I'd try eating just a little bit healthier. In all honesty I've always had a skewed view of my self and size, ten years ago I was a size 6-8 and hated the way I looked, convinced I was fat(!) I would kill for that body back, but after two kids it ain't gonna happen! I feel a bit sorry for my husband sometimes, I was so thin and toned and quite pretty when we met!
I try and aim for pockets of confidence, I might be having a fat day but that night I will put on some lingerie (or more likely a body stocking) and some heels (my go to when I want some confidence) in the evening and feel sexy. Or if I'm meeting a friend even for an hour I might put a little more effort in, even pretty sunglasses can give a little boost to an outfit. Slowly I'm beginning to accept in my own head, oh you actually don't look bad today foxii, there are still some days when I can't even bare to be seen, by anyone, but those are getting fewer. Maybe aim for little victories to begin with, like your hair? Get a little treatment or take time to really style it and swish it about (I'd be jealous, I have very very short hair-like shiny swishing)
I am quite sure that you are still pretty . I have found that women tend to be their own harshest critics .
Having kids does take its toll on a ladies body and your right in that you never get the exact shape back . Its really not much difrerent for guys either . I used to have a 28inch waist and always dreamed of getting to that size again . Realistically I think the best will be 30 inch . I am 31 inch at the moment but have remained that way for quite some time now .
If you have been very much overweight and even obese in my case then there is all that loose skin . Whilst most have mine has dissappeared with losing weight slowly I still have a little . Even Davina MCCall has some loose skin and she has a body that most women would die for.
So a factor of confidence IMO is about making best of what you have and not being concerned about what others have or not have as the case may be.
Being a size 18 and having 2 children both c section it’s taken time but I’m now starting to feel confident. I have found that eating healthy so i feel better rather than the junk foods do help my mindset. Also treat yourself buy some sexy lingerie so you feel good love honey is now my replacement to comfort eating I now can’t wait for the postman to arrive with my parcels (think he’s getting curious about these little brown boxes). It takes time and work but you will get there 😘
Hi Limited Edition Lady, I had body confidence issues, these were mainly around my body hair (I have a hormonal disorder meaning I have excessive body hair that grows back very quickly). My body confidence was at it's upmost lowest when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, he made me feel ugly and pushed at the insecurities I already had. Luckily, I managed to end the relationship after three years, and slowly got my confidence back. Making the decision to embrace my body, and to stop trying to remove my body hair completely (which felt like I was at war against my own body and was constantly losing battles that were both painful and expensive), has made me miles happier and more comfortable in my own skin. I have an I don't give a fuck attitude.
I did however have a recent set back. A doctor told me I was clinically obese and I needed to lose weight before I would even be considered for fertility treatment. What has been odd for me is that I had worked so hard to love my body, and I genuinely did love my large thighs and big breasts. Being forced to lose weight (I have lost 3 stone so far and am no longer obese) has put me in a negative mindset that I really resent. I was happier heavier and without the pressure and the focus on being thinner. I also witness women in my life who are on constant diets and never satisfied with how they look, I think once you get into the mindset that your body needs changing its much harder to happy and confident in your body. It never seems to be enough for some people.
I guess my advice for body confidence is to embrace body positivity. It worked for me. Rather than trying to change yourself, decide to love every part of yourself. Practice thinking about how great your body is, and don't compare it to anyone else's. Your body is truly fantastic, and it's ultimate worth is in what it does for you, not in what anyone else thinks of it.
Hope this is somewhat helpful. I know practising body positivity can be really hard,and those negative thoughts are so persuasive, but try to shut them down and think instead about how awesome your body is. It allows you to orgasm, and that's pretty damn special.
Hey limited edition, I think we all suffer from some form of body confidence for some reason or another and it’s awful because it’s mental barrier which can cause so much upset. I’m sorry to hear your suffering and I myself and my partner are the same, we both absolutely adore eachother but due to past relationships we lack confidence and really hold back on certain parts of our relationship.
I think the main thing to do that’s helped us is start a fresh, the past really is in the past and whatever was said is just mean words from people who really don’t deserve your energy or time. Your partner loves you, finds you sexy and you should listen to this. If he finds you irresistible in a certain pair of undies or costume then tease him to hell and back and watch him drool, use this to tell yourself that any mean comment was bullsh*t and you have moved on to bigger and better! Just don’t let anyone ruin your future or hold you back from the things that you enjoy, in the end they are taking time away from you and causing you upset when they are probably jealous and got themselves nowhere in life, so don’t let them take anymore. Your young and beautiful and your boyfriend adores you so ride with it! And have fun!
Hey my lovely. I think it's rare that someone is completely at peace with their body. Whether it's bingo wings, a flat chest, too much facial hair, lack of facial hair... There's always something.
I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I love my plus size other days not so much. One thing I've found is the models on Asos are fantastic as are the ones here! Seeing them looking so lovely really helps.
Lingerie. Some really well fitted lingerie really goes a long way to boost a mood. You are a beautiful lady inside and out no mater your shape or size! 😘
I got it because I have been going to gyms on and off for years but can't commit, ALL my friends and sport mates all go to the gym 3/4 days a week but I cannot...so I'm still skinny with pokey ribs. I broke my left hand side ribs playing rugby years ago and they have healed all mental. I have a bow on my left shin aswell and a gap between my legs because of it.
As I said, I go to the gym for weeks/months then my shifts change and I can't make it and loose motivation so I always just stay the same instead of bulking or building and real muscle. When I am getting changed for rugby with 17 other guys built like units and then there is me, It definetly gets to you. The Mrs doesn't seem to notice these imperfections I point out bit I know they are there.
I've just learned over the years to deal with them, and accept them. I'll never get muscles they way I want nor will I fix my ribs and shin so I just needed to learn they will always be there and have a story behind them..wrll my shin doesn't just just mental lol.
I have a crooked ring finger on my left hand because I broke it, I can't wear rings, bend it or straighten it due to a break, again playing rugby, and I just laugh and joke about It, calling it the claw...also have to give sexual partners a warning about it...it sometimes might rub a bum hole while I'm entertaining the other but I don't mean it to be lol...honest
Thanj you for all being able to share your stories of body confidence issues, I am glad to say me and my partner have sat down and talked about it he was trying to be reassuring that I am nothing like what I think I am but unfortunately it is mainly the mental issues with me and I did tell him that I thought it may be driving us apart but he told.me that nothing will come between us and he will be there to me when I am having extremely bad days.. Thank you all for being there and making me feel like I'm not alone... however I don't exactly know how to show my appreciation to everyone *Big Hugs*xx
Limited Edition Lady, your name says it all, you are a one-off, you ARE special.Your partner loves you the way you are, why not believe him instead of the negative thoughts planted in your head by bullies, who were probably just attacking you because of their own issues? I know it`s easier said than done, but you need to change your way of thinking.It may not drive you and your partner apart, but a little self confidence WILL improve your relationship.
This post really feels like what we are going through as a couple right now.My wife c has confidence issue with her body which i reasure her every day but there will be these odd times i feel like i say the wrong things without meaning to.
She goes to the gym and think she feels better for it but i think there will be times she may not wear certain things and certainly wont dress up sometimes in the bedroom because of this.
I think social media has alot to do with it and we are told we should be a certaim shape etc which is all bull as like i tell my children if everyone was the same world would be a boring place.
I think most men have the same i know certainly mime took a big hit when i went to wear a suit which i purchased only a year ago to find it too tight.Sadly it was purchased at a time i was quite depressed and lost alot of weight.Not fun to be reminded how depressed i was but then left thinking why am not that slim now.
Again magazine and media lead us to belive we need to have huge willys and 6 packs but the truth is none of that matters at all and if you love your partner and them you thats all that counts.