First may I say, if other people pass negative comment on how you look, ignor it, it's either cruelty or jealousy and dosn't warrent any attention. Speaking as a naturist and often naked around others, male and female, I have learnt to be at peace with my body, I am not fit, a bit overweight, I have Psoriasis and I have long suffered with a back problem that has left me with a stoop, not a handsome picture ! .... But I don't mind how I look or what other people may think, this is the body I have, it still works ( more or less ) and I look upon the human body, no matter what shape it is as very special. Also as an ex-pro photographer, who has worked with many models, who are not all perfect by any imagination, despite any imperfections, they have all been proud enough of their bodies to stand in front of the camera ! Be proud of what you are, you're unique and special !
I can relate to this. Have terrible trouble believing G when he compliments me. Getting there with his help. He recently took a tasteful black and white photo of me lying on the bed to show me what he sees!
Hi Limited Edition Lasy
I'm in there with you, but for slightly different reasons.
I'm 67, and have put on quite a bit of weight over the last few years, having been too ill to exercise. I'm getting better now, but exercise is still too much for me.
Yesterday I bought a basque, and lacy topped stockings. Let me tell you! I squeezed myself into it, rolled on the stockings and wow! Instant transformation! I still look pudgy, but it smooths out the bumpy bits and loooks great. Best of all, it made me FEEL really sexy, instead of embarrassed and awkward.
Can't recommend it highly enough!
Sorry!! Lady!
And to 8.5inchguy - one of the very best lovers I ever had had a 2.5 inch dick. Really. So tiny! But it didn't matter a jot. He was so so sexy with the rest of his body, and without reservation the best kisser I've ever known.
Don't worry about your dick!!
It's true - it's not the size of the sword that matters, it's the skill of the swordsman.
Another one here with massive body confidence issues. It’s csuse massive
issues throughout my life. I blame everything that goes wrong on my
weight. Everything that happens on my weight. When I was younger I was
abused and I was told I deserved it because I was losing weight so I was
encouraging it. So then I comfort eat. It’s had a knock on effect ever
since in the fact I start to lose weight which is hard as it is on my
meds, then someone comments I’ve lost weight and it throws me into a
panic. So much so I seem to lose my first stone easily and then no
matter what I do my body either plateaus or I start to yo-yo. All of
this has added massive problems for my self esteem. I’m currently at the
lowest self esteem, self confidence etc I’ve ever been. Some of the LH
lingerie gives me some confidence when I wear it for the H and o see his
reaction at my confidence / sexy appeal as he says. But once it’s off I
just retreat into my shell. I’m currently having counselling to try to
deal with it. My personal sessions aren’t going brilliant but we’re also
having Marriage counselling for something else and my body image has
come up and she is saying we need to address it as it’s causing issues
between us. So much good advice on here hopefully your reading it and
taking it in to make it easier for you.
Hi fun& funky sorry to hear about your issues, you sound very brave.
I also have that confidence problems so kind of understand and wishing
you all the best.. @justthe2ofus have noticed you have put a couple of
photos on. Looking good bet your hubby feels very lucky waling out in
public with you.
Hay babes. I'm in the same boat. Since having children it's got worse.
I love my baby's more than life and wouldn't change it but hate the way
it's changed my body. I know some say be proud ect but I just can't. I
totally get where you are coming from..I also tried slimming world and
things like that but it didn't really make me feel any better althought
there was physical improvements. I felt so crap that I gave up and put
it all back on. Its heartbreaking looking back. My partner was
supportive but kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me &
loved the way i looked which deep down doesn't help . Always here if
you want to talk or listen. Xx
Hey Justthe2ofus, I'm sad to hear you don't feel like sleeping with your
hubby - remember he thinks you're beautiful just the way you are. And
see if you can find that inner beauty again. You're such a lovely
person, I'm waving the magic Fairy Gran wand to perk you up again xxxx
And fun&funky, some magic for you too. It's beastly having issues
like you describe. Have you tried EMDR for getting past the idea that
you were asking for abuse? That's horrendous! Every woman should be safe
to be beautiful. Sending you deep love and hoping you can let it
percolate through you. Love from Gran
Thanks gran, I’ll confess I had to look up edmr. I’m Wondering if this is what one of my friends was telling me she has recently qualified. She initially started training in hypnobirthing (was a midwife - always did reflexology etc) but got hooked and now is a hypnotherapist and doing more and more holistic practices. She has offered to do some with me when I’m ready. I may have to take her up on that x JT2OU - this is long but please read it all as there is some useful things that I think may help you & hubby. H & I are in MC at the moment and our counselor said when he said he wishes (as he’s said to me for years) that I could see me through his eyes so I would see how beautiful I really am. The C said that as much as that would be perfect. I will never see myself how he sees me and it’s not helpful to keep ‘pressuring’ me to see like that. (As much as it would help with self esteems issues) there was also his IC said what right does he have to say how I can feel? (Not said in a nasty way but in a challenging way) as in he has t got a right to try and change they way I feel about my self it has to come from me. However together you guys (obviously initially it was us) could work together so that he can still support you in feeling good (you have to kind of give him what would help - so for us somethings he would try to do something in the house that he thought would make me feel better when actually all I actually needed was a hug) - he also said to H that he loves me so he has to love both the light and the dark side and find what he loves about me in the darkside and focus on that. Hope that makes sense? We also both read a really good book call 5 languages of love which was really interesting. I could see instantly reading why he feel for all the crap his A.P said during the initial stages of the E.A and carried on throughout and intensified it every time he started draw back from communication.
I really do hun because that is exactly how I feel or have felt for a long time at the moment I’m still angry and upset and what he resorted to, but blame myself for not giving him any attention and us both getting so lost. From me being physically ill. The advice what I wrote was more to help him to help you when you feel so low about how you look. I have no doubt in my mind he loves you, you can tell by the way you talk about him he does. The 5 languages book was really interesting from point of view that it talks about how we all react to different ways so for example mine is touch and time and h is words of affirmations and touch. I wasn’t for reading it but both out IC’s reccomended it to us separately.
Me! I’ve had 2 babies and my stomach is just a flabby old mess compared to what it was before kids, I’ve tried dieting - got the weight off but still left with the mum tum. Exercised too and that didn’t really do much. Now I do still get body conscious and sometimes it’s a right put off but I just think you know what I know my OH thinks I’m sexy all the same and understands it’s only since having kids he knows I’ve tried to change it he knows I used to look sexy as hell before the kids and I just tell myself to stop being so stupid! Some days I get really low about it though even still with that and it does drive a wedge between us but not as much now because I have just tried to accept my new body and be proud of it.
My wife has this a lot, partly through her own opinions but also partly because of shitty things said to her by previous partners during sex. She fluctuates between a size 14 and 18, but I think the world of her and she's got an awesome body. Fantastic huggable shape, great boobs and still every bit as beautiful as when we got married. Meanwhile I think I look pretty ropey and she still loves how I look. It's weird how the mind works.
I'm saying this so you know that other people probably don't see you like you do. I get that us saying "I'm sure you're hot" won't make you suddenly go all Lady Godiva on us, but if you've got a partner who can't wait to see you naked, who can't wait to stroke you and cuddle you and enjoy everything you've got then that gives its own answers.
Good luck with it, it's a tough thing to cope with but the fixes are there to be had without getting Gok Wan involved. :)
Morning lovely people I'm thinking maybe some creative visualisation could be useful. You know you *can* feel sexy and great about yourself, so maybe sit still, close your eyes, and start with what the feeling you're having now looks like inside. Does it have a shape, or a colour? Is it OK for that feeling to be there? Is there anything it needs from you just now? You could ask it (the feeling) if it remembers feeling good and feeling sexy. Is there something you could do or give to help it feel that way again? It might take a while and you might need to do it a few times. Eventually you may find there's a sliding switch you can use to go from shitty to sexy - but you'll need to build up to that. Hope that might help. X Gran
Body confidence is quite an emotive issue for many on here .
So just a few observations and suggestions.
If someone is giving your negative vibes about anything then move away from that source. For some reason we tend to listen to these rather than positive compliments. My OH received some negative comments from other women in the past which kind of hurt her. All that was behind these was jealousy as they were jealous of what she has ie me. She has learned to rise above these and sometimes give me a snog to help rub it in. Since she has began to look more confident other people have come up to us complimenting on how well we look together and can clearly see the chemistry flowing between us .
So next time your OH says "You ar beautiful" then listen and take that on board .
If there are areas of your body that you feel need improving then try and target that specific area with appropriate excercise. Whilst I havn't had a "mummy tummy" , I have had the male equivalent ie the pot belly/beer belly . Targeting that specific area with excercise has eliminated my overhanging tummy but it isnt a quick fix. It took me over 2 years to achieve it and you need faith in the knowledge that it is going to get better in time
You ladies are quite lucky . For the bedroom you can get access to lots of lingerie which can help hide those wobbly bits and help to trannsfom you from a timid mouse into a powerful cat that will get her prey . Many guys like myself prefer ladies to wear lingerie as it makes them look sexier rather than being fully naked .As previously mentioned it makes many ladies feel more confident as well , So there isnt anything here that isnt much to like .
Mysteron makes a good point there that I forgot in my earlier post.
Realising that some people are toxic and removing them from your life was an important part of my deailing with the issue. I mean, why would a real friend be nasty about how you look?
In my case, that toxicity included parts of my family (and they were the worst of the toxicity)