Body Positivity v Confidence

Lingerie
21

lovingnewtoys wrote:

mysteron wrote:

VioletWolf wrote:

I'm feeling this too! Some days I think I am god's gift to humanity, others I feel like I should crawl back under my bridge and lurk in the shadows out of the way. In fact, I seem to sway between the two throughout the day. I work in retail and I often serve women who I think are bigger than me, but are buying clothes my size or smaller, and that really messes with my head.
So, I take photos. I might do my hair and makeup, put on something nice, or just pose naked and snap away. And while I never take a 'true' photo (a photo of what I really look like, without angles and filters), it does remind me that the potential is there. And the feeling I get when I take a good pic, and I look at myself and think wow, I try to remember that feeling.

I think some of you ladies should go on the cat walk wearing dresses with us gents as the audience and we'll have our boards ready with 10s on.

There is nothing wrong with your bodies its all in your mind .

You really are a sweetheart and a true gent - your lady is also very lucky.

Unfortunately the mind is very strong and when you are 'a certain age' and hormones join in the game it has a will of its own.

My husband is always telling me how sexy I am, he loves my legs and my bum especially, but he can tell me that some days till he is blue in the face and its not going to help. Other days I can look at my pictures and think, hey, not at all bad for a 47 year old lady whose body seems to be giving up bit by bit. Then I look at other peoples pics and think, who am I trying to kid? One vicsious circle.

Like I said, I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next.

Xxxx

Just beleive your hubby. Because what he sees and says is right ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

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I can't say whether it's the same for you but for me, I judge myself more harshly in every respect, not just weight. Also, how harshly I judge myself has a lot to do with my mental state. If I'm feeling down I will feel fat and ugly and think I am a terrible person but on a good day I will see the fat and not care and I'll think I'm actually good at some things. I'm not body confident most of the time. In fact, I'd say I'm body-ambivalent. My body is a thing I have and as long as it works enough to let me do the things I enjoy, I pretty much ignore it.

I guess what I'm suggesting is that body-positivity is an ideology whereas confidence is much more of a feeling so more likely to be shaped by things that are going on in your life and your general mental state. If that rings true, it might be helpful to work on general confidence, mood, recognising your achievements and positive attributes etc. That will hopefully then feed into body confidence.

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Hey again - thank you everyone. This has helped.

Will reply properly later
xXx

24

I am like some of you, have days when I think I look amazing and feel great about myself and days when I just feel fat, ugly and like the biggest failiure of a person in all regards and would do anything to just loose some weight.

If I do my makeup it usually helps to make me feel better about my body too. I think my bad perception of myself stems from the eating disorders I had for years before I managed to get better. I'm not sure if it's possible to recover completely from those thoughts, not in my case atleast.

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I would like all you women to pause for a moment and think what it is like for us poor men.

You are constantly bombarding us with all your negativity regarding size/weight/shape. Please just for a moment listen to us and realise that we might be right for a change, I know it's a hard concept for some of you to accept but we can see the truth.

If your man is not showering you with compliments it could be he feels you obviously don't need it or conversely he may need it himself as we suffer from self doubt too.

Oh and no your bum does not look big so stop asking lol.

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Modo wrote:

Oh and no your bum does not look big so stop asking lol.

And if it is thats because we like to spank it !

27

Modo - I wish my bum was bigger! lol You are right, of course. We all need compliments from our partners. I have always made sure to tell them how gorgeous they are. I would love for someone to do the same for me. It never occured to me that they might think I don't need to hear it. :(

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Caliente wrote:

Modo - I wish my bum was bigger! lol You are right, of course. We all need compliments from our partners. I have always made sure to tell them how gorgeous they are. I would love for someone to do the same for me. It never occured to me that they might think I don't need to hear it. :(

Thats a shame. For me/us its just part and parcel of our pet talk at home . I am always giving compliments to my OH and she recipricates . I thought this was normal behaviour but sadly like in your case its rather one sided. Its amazing how compliments does boost the confidence., more so compliments from others .

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mysteron - exactly. I usually get lots of compliments when I first meet someone, but by the time we get to having sex, they don't say much at all. And that's exactly when I need it most. :( Maybe I'm just disappointing with my clothes off! lol

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I doubt that very much Caliente ! Think it's more of a case that a number of men seem to think you only need to hear it once or twice no matter how many compliments you give to them .

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Thank you, wildflower. I'm sure that's it.

I honestly feel like I'm constantly walking a tightrope. Lacking confidence, which is unattractive. Being modest, usualy accused of false modesty, which is also considered unattractive. And confidence, which means they think I don't need any compliments! *sigh*

32

I don't think there's a woman alive that thinks she is perfect and flawless in what I call the real world. Flaws are good, curves, wrinkles, cellulite, birth marks are what make us real. Loving our bodies I think is impossible but feeling that we're okay with what we see in a mirror and feeling confident and sexy is all important.

We'll always find something we don't like staring back at us but it's life and life isn't perfect either! There's days we'll look and smile and think wow, I look fab today, yet another we'll find something to make us look twice ![](upload://f8zGclFeQx35HwZLqJ7J1rFzQ0n.gif) But it's all good, as one said..a confident woman is a real sexy one!![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

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Her wrote:

I don't think there's a woman alive that thinks she is perfect and flawless in what I call the real world. Flaws are good, curves, wrinkles, cellulite, birth marks are what make us real. Loving our bodies I think is impossible but feeling that we're okay with what we see in a mirror and feeling confident and sexy is all important.

We'll always find something we don't like staring back at us but it's life and life isn't perfect either! There's days we'll look and smile and think wow, I look fab today, yet another we'll find something to make us look twice But it's all good, as one said..a confident woman is a real sexy one!

I think its a case of making best of what you have .If there is a bump that you dont like then just cover it. Even in the bedroom its very rare my OH is totally naked .Babydolls are a sexy god send and confidence booster .

34

I think you should always look at the positives, both in life, people and yourself. Negativity in all forms will only bring you down. In my own little world my glass in half full, never half empty, and if you have a positive outlook in life things always seem just a bit better than they really are.

On other threads on this forum I have spoken about the small things in life, like saying good morning to people.

When I was at work I always said good morning to everyone in my office, I’m sure, well I know that I had started my day of positively, as opposed to our boss, who walked in head down, didn’t say a word to anybody and closed his door to the world, everything he done had a negative about it, who had the better day at work, me or my boss?

I can guarantee you 100% that my day was better than his

Some of the issues on this thread is about how we look! Well first thing this morning I didn’t look my best after a heavy night out last night, followed by some fun with wifey once we got back home, so a late night was entailed.

I woke up this morning walked in to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, why do we always do that? And my first thought was about the good night last night, I didn’t think, what a slob you look this morning. A quick shower and a shave and I now look reasonably presentable and positive that I am going to have a good day.

Yes I have issues going on in my life, I acknowledge nowhere near as serious as a lot of people on this forum, but I deal with them with a positive attitude.

Sorry if I sound as if I am preaching, all I am trying to say is, be positive. And life will be so much more rewarding.

Have a good folks!![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

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KanuSuckmeov - that doesn't sound preachy at all, it's a great attitude to life that you've got .
I really must try to adopt your positive approach and stop worrying so much about things that I can't change 😃